The sounds of fear

I've been through a lot so there are like a lot of things I can handle. I've been ripped apart and put back together, I've been beaten down again and again, once I was almost completely erased from history. I can totally deal with and rise up again. But there's something I seriously don't know what to do about. Lithuania.

I was a total coward which is why I'm in here now washing dishes. I need something to do while I think. I totally wanted to ask about the scars and stuff but I couldn't. For once, I seriously didn't know how to talk to him. It's never been like this. From the first time we met I always felt like comfortable around him. But now I know he's been hiding stuff from me. Like really major stuff. Russia has been hurting him for years and he never once told me. Like what am I supposed to do? I can't just go up and say, "Like how long has Russia been using you as a punching bag?"

A glass slips from my fingers and crashes to the floor. From the other room Liet lets out startled shout. "I like dropped a glass. No big deal…"

I hear him say something but I like can't understand him. "Liet are you like ok?" I go out to the living room. He's huddled at the end of the couch shaking.

He whispers in a really soft frantic voice. I lean in closer trying to hear him. I finally realize he's talking in Russian. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me," He just keeps saying that like over and over.

"Liet," I put my hand on his back. He cries out in pain. Damn it, I forgot. I jerk my hand away as he starts sobbing, "Liet, it's like just me. Liet!"

I've totally never seen Liet cry like this. He curls tighter, still apologizing and begging. "Liet, like please calm down. I'm not going to hurt you. Liet, look at me." The last thing came out seriously more harsh sounding than I intended. He does look up though.

"Poland…?" He finally seems to hear me. I watch the fear leaving his eyes.

"Yeah. Like it's totally me." I sit next to him putting one arm around his shoulders, "Liet what's going on?"

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to worry you." He wipes away the tears and closes his eyes for a second. When he opens them he smiles at me. "I'm fine now."

"So what happened?" I let him go and scoot back a little to give him some space.

"The breaking glass startled me." He stands, "I'll clean it up for you."

"I'm totally not worried about the glass. You like just freaked out,"

"I'm fine," That smile is sorta off. It's like way too cheerful, "It's just an adjustment period. Sorry I made you worry."

I'm still like in shock over the switch from panic to calm as he goes to the kitchen. The clinking of glass snaps me out of it. He still has that weird little smile as he picks up the big pieces and puts them into the trash. I guess it's like not creepy like Russia's or crazy like Hungary's when she catches Prussia annoying Austria. Just, it doesn't really feel right. His hands are shaking a little as he works.

"Hey, Liet…" He looks up at me. I like have to think for a second but he waits totally patient like he always was. "Like, are you really ok?"

"I'm fine," He doesn't totally sound ok.

"Liet, you trust me right," I ask without thinking.

"Of course I do, Poland. I wouldn't have come if I didn't," He finds the dustpan and broom.

I take it from him, "Hey, you're seriously working too hard for someone who wasn't feeling well today. Like go and relax."

"I…" I'm seriously starting to dislike that smile.

"You're like totally not fine," I try to smile though by his expression it's like totally not reassuring, "You should like let me take care of this stuff. You can help out when you like get better."

He gives me a little nervous nod and leaves. I sweep up the rest of the glass. I thought that when he came back things would be easy. We could just totally go back to the way thing were before. Was like seriously wrong. I feel a twinge in my arm. Neither of us are totally the same. We both have scars inside and out. We can't go back. I can't change the past. All I can do is make sure he's safe now.