Rayna paces back and forth in her room nervously.
"Why did I agree to go to dinner with him?" she asks herself.
The answer is easy: she let her guard down. The only way that she is ever able to resist him is by hiding her feelings and by never letting them come to the surface. In a moment of weakness, she had let it all go. She had thrown all of her hard work out of the window. All of the years of running from him and suffering silently because of her love are now for naught. She thinks of calling him and backing out. It would be disappointing but it would spare them both a lot of pain in the long run.
"No," she thinks. "I want to be near him tonight."
She knows that the very thought of being alone with Deacon could be her undoing but in her emotional state she doesn't care. She has spent so long trying to please everyone around her. She is starting to think that it might be time to start focusing on what she wants. She knows it would be different than before but her old fears are still buried below the surface.
"What if I am the reason that he couldn't stay sober?" she asks herself. "What if he can only stay sober if I stay out of his life?"
She sobs at the thought. She knows that she is being ridiculous. She knows that he loves her and that he has learned from his mistakes but she can't stop the doubts from flowing into her mind. She walks to the mirror and checks her appearance. She is wearing a dress that she knows Deacon will love. She knows that he will be tempted by it. She wants him to be tempted by it. She wants to forget about her worries and run to his arms. She wants to feel alive again. The kiss in the elevator was the first time that she has felt truly alive in years. She yearns for his touch. She desperately wants to feel his lips on hers one more time. In some ways, he really is her addiction. She never gets enough of him and, even through the pain and the consequences, she still wants him more than anything. Her feelings for him are beautiful and terrible at the same time. She can't imagine ever feeling this strongly about another man. She already knows that she never will. After years of avoiding reality, she is finally able to admit to herself that she can't live without him.
Her thoughts are interrupted by a knock on the door.
"You ready, Ray?" Deacon calls.
"One second," she responds.
She takes a deep breath and pulls herself together. She knows that she needs to take her time and be sure that she is ready before she reveals her feelings to Deacon. The second that her feelings are out in the open, everything will change. It will be all or nothing. She needs to take it slowly. She needs to remember the problems that a new relationship might cause with her daughters. She knows it will save them all a lot of pain in the long run if she doesn't rush into this. She tries to convince herself that she cannot yet pursue the thing that she desires above everything else. She makes one last attempt at calming herself down and walks toward the door.
"Hey," she greets him when she opens the door.
He smiles brightly at her. Rayna sees the look in his eyes as he takes in her outfit. She knows that she was right. He definitely likes her choice of attire.
"You ready for a good time, pretty lady?" he teases.
"You know I could really use some nice, relaxing fun," she tells him.
"I know. That's exactly why I think we should do this," he answers.
Despite her situation and her worries, she feels genuinely happy for the first time in months. The familiarity of Deacon's presence is comforting. When they are together like this, she feels like she can let go of her doubts.
"So where are we off to?" she asks curiously.
"I figured we'd be spontaneous tonight. Walk down the street and just pick a place and then see where the night takes us," he says.
She likes the idea. She is always planning everything. A little stress free spontaneity will be therapeutic for her. It still amazes her how well he can read her. She is sick of the rigidity of her life and she knows that he can tell. In their younger days, she had been the spontaneous one, always pulling him along for the ride.
"That sounds prefect," she responds.
He smiles at her. He is glad that she seems to be at ease. He has been worried about how she has been coping with everything and it is nice to see that she is doing better.
"You seem to be feeling better than you were last night," he comments.
He wants to test the waters. He wants to see how much she is willing to share. He wants her to trust him and confide in him.
"It's just that I've been having so many conflicting feelings," she says.
"Do you want to talk about it?" he asks.
Rayna senses his concern. She can tell that he wants to be the person she turns to for support.
"Well, for instance, there's the divorce. I'm not really sad about divorcing Teddy but I'm sad about the impact it will have on the girls. I'm also guilty for not being very sad. It's all so confusing," she answers.
"You shouldn't feel guilty. You aren't the one who slept with someone else," Deacon tells her.
She watches as his face flushes in anger at the thought of Teddy doing anything to hurt her.
"He thinks I did," she confesses.
She looks into Deacon's eyes and he understands what she means immediately. He knows that Teddy has been jealous of him for years. He also knows that if Teddy hadn't shown up that night after the kiss in the elevator then he would be right about his assumptions.
"I'm sorry," he answers.
"It's not your fault," she says.
"I don't want to cause you any pain," he tells her.
"Deacon, no matter what Teddy thinks about us, none of this is your fault," she says firmly.
"Okay, Ray. I just want you to know that you don't have to deal with this alone. If you need me then I'm here," Deacon replies.
"I've always needed you, Deacon," she says emotionally.
She doesn't know what made her say it but she is glad that she did. The look of happiness on Deacon's face makes it worth it. He reaches over and squeezes her hand. Rayna's heart races at the contact. She can't help but feel safe with his strong hand around hers. The feel of his hand enveloping hers is familiar and new at the same time. She notices that he hasn't let go but she doesn't pull away. She doesn't want to break the contact.
"I'm glad to hear that, Ray. So which of these places sounds good to you?" Deacon asks as they approach a strip of restaurants.
"Hmmm… How about that little Italian place right there?" she suggests as she points at the small establishment.
"Perfect," Deacon responds.
They approach the hostess and ask to be seated. The hostess recognizes them and takes them to a quieter, more private section of the restaurant to sit. The meal goes by quickly. The pair passes their time talking happily about various topics.
"I'm thinking that I'm gonna treat myself to some dessert," Rayna says after their plates are cleared.
"What are you gonna get?" he asks.
"Something chocolate," she responds.
She places an order for the chocolate lava cake and waits for it to arrive.
"Are you gonna share?" Deacon asks playfully.
"Maybe. Are you gonna eat it all like you did that time in South Carolina?" she teases.
"Maybe," he responds.
"Do you remember what happened after we ate that chocolate cake in South Carolina?" she asks.
She blushes. She can't believe that she let that slip. Deacon is noticeably flustered by the comment. She can see the desire in his eyes.
"I remember," he answers.
The cake arrives and they both take a bite. Rayna looks at Deacon as he puts the bite in his mouth. She is growing hot. The memory is burning in her mind. Rayna suddenly feels bold.
"Maybe we should take this cake to go," she says.
Deacon's eyes widen. The words are an echo of the past. He knows exactly what those words mean. He knows what will happen if he agrees. He looks into her eyes. He sees her desire. He doesn't know how much longer he will be able to control himself. His will power is slipping away. If she doesn't stop him then he will succumb to his desires for her. He knows that Rayna has never been the type to stop him. On the contrary, she loves to get him started. She loves to play with fire.
"Rayna," he growls.
The look in her eyes is enough for him. He leans across the table and presses his lips to hers. It feels amazing. It feels right. Her lips are soft beneath his. He brings his hand up to caress her head and he is completely lost. He loves the feel of her hair under his fingertips. He breathes her in. She lets out a soft whimper and brings her hand up to his cheek. He slips his tongue into her mouth and she moans. They pull back slowly, staying close to each other. Her breath is sweet on his face. They look at each other intently. He knows the look on her face. He knows exactly how she feels.
"Ray…" he breathes.
She knows that they have crossed a line but she doesn't care. There is no turning back anymore. She can't fight it anymore. She has to tell him.
"Deacon, I love you," she confesses.
He stares at her, unable to speak.
"I love you," she repeats. "That's just never not been true."
He kisses her again. This time the kiss is soft and sweet.
"I love you too, Ray. I always have," he says.
"Do you want to head back to the hotel?" she asks.
"Yeah, let's go," he answers.
As they walk back to the hotel, Rayna knows that they will be okay. She needs Deacon. She loves him. She doesn't care about the consequences right now. She just wants to be happy. She just wants to be with him. Even if it is only for the night.