Chapter Fourteen

Spike watched in disgust as Willow buried her fangs into a rat and sucked the squealing creature dry. She hurled the emptied corpse down the tunnel and slumped against the wall. She has a soul. With a furious yell he began punching the wall, when he turned to face Willow his eyes were blazing but she didn't flinch.

"What did he say to you?" He hissed gripping her shoulders and shaking her roughly.

"Who?" Gone was the timid teenager, she had been replaced by a confident and alluring young woman. With a SOUL! A voice in his mind screamed. This wasn't how it was supposed to happen, she was supposed to be an evil blood thirsty killer! They were supposed to rampage through the streets of Sunnydale together slaughtering her friends and family.

"Do not be coy," Spike hissed pulling her hair and stretching her head back. "I will bring you back to Sunnydale and make you watch as I slaughter everyone you hold dear. What. Did. He. Say?" Willow pushed him away angrily and stepped back.

"He gave me an address and told me to get there during the day." Tears blurred her eyes and she blinked them away rapidly. "Don't worry...he said if I wasn't there that day..." What would she do now? The thought of wandering the earth for eternity frightened her, more than she cared to admit. She sat in the pile of duvets and leant her back against the curved tunnel wall. Spike watched her for a few minutes, fighting down a flurry of fury, annoyance and a tinge of sympathy. He sat beside Willow and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. He was furious with Angelus, what right did he have to curse the girl? She was innocent! She'll bloody well remain so! The thought irked him; he had hoped Willow would prove just as cruel and exciting as Drusilla, that she would be a true distraction from his heartbreak. Not bloody likely now. The two sat in silence, Willow stared stonily ahead whilst Spike gently rubbed her shoulder. What a predicament. If he abandoned her now he would just appear shallow. Besides he found he didn't really want to abandon her, he was quite fond of her. Angelus lost his soul...one moment of true happiness. He bit back a smile and stood up pulling Willow with him. "Where are we going?" She asked as he pulled her along the dark tunnel. All her senses had heightened and she flinched as a train rumbled overhead, whereas before it had been a deep rumble like thunder it now sounded as if the train was only two feet above them.

"I want to show you my old home," Willow followed him silently and took a breath of the cool night air as they stepped onto the dark streets.

"Why am I still breathing?" She asked Spike noticing for the first time that she was still doing so.

"It's a hard habit to break," he shrugged, "you do it automatically but you can stop. Its better to get out of the habit, it helps you...adjust."

"Maybe I don't want to adjust." Willow snatched her hand away and folded her arms over her chest stubbornly, Spike fought back the urge to hit her. She was upset, understandably so. He'd be pretty pissed off if he got his soul back when he was meant to be a superior being.

"Willow you knew I was going to do this," Spike wrapped an arm around her waist and held her tightly against him so she couldn't run. "The fact you are now a vampire should hardly come as a shock."

"I didn't –"

"Think it would happen? That I would change my mind? That the slayer would save you?" Spike spun her about so her back rested against the brick wall of a pub, he rested his hands either side of her and pinned her close with his body. "Then you are a fool. You think I would bring you this far to lose you?" He stroked her cheek gently, "you will grow accustomed to this life and one day I promise you, you will stop hating me." Willow stared stonily at him for a few moments before sighing and pushing him away. Her strength surprised him, she was only a newborn and she had consumed only rats, yet she was already as strong as he was.

"I don't hate you," she sighed as they slipped into Hyde Park. "I hate myself."

"I swear if you're going to be as miserable as Angelus I will stake you now. You shouldn't hate yourself or feel guilty."

"I don't feel guilty...I hate what you've made me. I've spent the past few years helping Buffy kill your kind...and now..." what would happen if she ever crossed Buffy's path? Tears sprang to her eyes but she blinked them away rapidly. Spike squeezed her hand lightly, he didn't intend on telling her that by sunset the next day she'd be cured. She'd most likely resist him that way. He could hear rustling in the bushes and he stopped in his tracks sniffing, Willow looked at him uneasily. She could hear the excited heartbeats of two humans in the bushes, she could smell them and she felt her face harden. She turned and fled from the park, she kept her head down to hide her face too ashamed that she might bump into someone.

"Willow!" Spike grabbed her arm gently and pulled her back, "it's okay love," he tried to soothe her. "You'll learn to control all this." She fell against him sobbing and Spike rubbed her back gently and kissed her head. Had he been this irritating when he had been sired? No...all I wanted to do was kill. Half his mind was on Willow but the other half couldn't help but wander to where he heard the heartbeats, he could hear them beating faster and he could smell the passion from the two. Oh bloody hell! He thought angrily, he was absolutely starving but he knew he wouldn't be able to hunt with Willow by his side. "There's a blood bank nearby –"

"No." She shook her head and pushed away, "I don't want human blood."

"You need human blood." Spike snapped.

"No." Willow stamped her foot vehemently and Spike couldn't help but smiling. "You go...I...I'm going for a walk."

"Go back home, please?" Spike cupped her chin gently, "you shouldn't be out alone...not at first." Willow nodded and he knew he could trust her, where else would she go? As she turned to leave Spike sat on the grass and watched her fade into the darkness. When he was sure she was gone he turned to the rustling bushes and leapt to his feet, he was hardly going to drink blood from a bag. He wanted it fresh. He grabbed one of the humans by their throat and sank his fangs deep into the neck, only when he was sure the body was completely dry did he let it crumple to the floor. The corpse had once been a young man, by the looks of him in his first year of university. A girl screamed startling him from his thoughts. "You didn't run?" He asked sarcastically, "fool." Before the girl could draw breath he had her in his grip, draining her just as dry. He licked the blood from his lips and sat against the tree, looking down at the two bodies crumpled beside him. A half empty whisky bottle was sat beside the tree and he took a swig from it. "Tut, tut," he told the two corpses. "Things never turn out as we plan them do they?" He asked them, "Drusilla...I thought I'd be with her for eternity but she left me see. So I found me a new bird...not as beautiful but pretty enough, smart...maybe a bit too smart. Answers back see, I'm old fashioned, a woman should obey. But she knew all about me, about my history see...and she was there..."

Spike stumbled his way back to the abandoned station, he hadn't meant to get drunk. He doubted he'd be able to put Willow in the mood now. But when he found her sitting in the lair, cross legged in front of a fire she had started with her magic, he found her drinking heavily from a bottle of vodka. He felt a pang at the sight of her and pushed the feeling of guilt deep down. This was his nature. Their nature. He had nothing to feel guilty for, it was Angelus who should guilty! Clumsily Spike sat beside her and stared into the fire, wordlessly she passed him the bottle of vodka and he took a deep drink from it. He was full on blood, whisky and vodka. The mixture of whisky and vodka did not go well together and he pulled a face as he passed the bottle back to her. Instead he lit a cigarette and took a long drag.

"I didn't think you were meant to s – smoke on the underground," her words were slurred and clumsy as she spoke.

"Fuck it love," he told her, "we're vampires. We do as we please."

"We're vampires." She nodded solemnly and a mask of deep thought passed over her face. "We are vampires. We kill the slayer or be slayed..." She shook her head and laughed, quietly at first but steadily it grew louder and more hysterical. "Kill the slayer or be slayed. My best friend. The slayer. Do I kill her? Or will she kill me?" Oh Christ, Spike thought stubbing his cigarette out and reaching to take the bottle from her. Angrily Willow pushed him away and gulped the rest of the clear liquid down. She threw the empty bottle against the wall sending shards of glass shattering to the cold hard floor. "I should hate you," she whispered angrily. "I should hate you and want you dead." Spike held his tongue from pointing out that he was dead. "But I don't...what's wrong with me?" She turned helpless eyes onto her and Spike stroked her hair gently. It's a shame she has a soul...looking at people with those eyes, with this lost sad look in them...she'd find hunting so easy. He would fix that problem though. After tonight he was sure she would be soulless, she would be happy.

"Nothing is wrong with you love. You can't hate your sire," she didn't need to know that you could. They shared a bond, but it wouldn't stop her hating him. He leant close and pressed his lips to hers but Willow pulled her head away sharply.

"Don't," she whispered shaking her head. "I know –"

"What I'm doing?" Willow nodded and Spike gripped her chin tightly, "don't you think it'll be better this way? You won't feel this guilt anymore," he was trying to take advantage of her drunken state. If she'd been sober he wouldn't have stood a chance. If he messed up now...

Slowly he pulled her close and pressed his lips to hers, lightly at first, almost lingeringly. When she responded by slipping her hand down the waistband of his jeans he knew he'd won her over. He felt her face harden beneath his hands and he gently smoothed his hands along the creases of her forehead. For a few seconds he stared at her mesmerised, he wasn't foolish to believe Willow loved him nor that he loved her. But he was beginning to feel something for her. He moved his hands to her waist and picked her up effortlessly, her legs wrapped around her waist as she withdrew her hand from under his jeans and began working his shirt off. Spike moved to the wall so her back was supported and he could return the favour.

"We kill the slayer," he whispered as he plunged into her and felt her shudder against him in climax. "I won't let anyone kill you." He kissed her hair and sank to the floor holding her tightly.