Okay, I've read all your comments and I'm laughing just as much as I am sighing heavily. Before, you all told me it wasnt right for Rachel to see Finn if she was still married to Quinn. So, I brought up the topic of divorce. Never did I say that a divorce /was/ going to happen. I just wanted to highlight that it's been a thought of Rachel's. I will only say this one more time. FABERRY IS ENDGAME. I warned you all about the angst coming into this, and it saddens me that some of you are giving up on my story. But for those willing to stick it out and wait until the well deserved, amazing reunion, thank you.
I'm not only writing this story for you guys, but I'm writing it for me. This story has been an idea of mine for a long time. I find it tragic and so romantic when someone loses all their memory. I, personally, love angst. Almost as much as I love faberry smut. And I would rather have a handful of dedicated readers, than hundreds of readers slowly slipping away when they read something they don't like.
At this point, I'm still taking in ideas. Someone recommended that Quinn finds someone new to make Rachel jealous. I will consider that, and I do think it would be fun to watch Rachel squirm. If you like that idea, let me know.
The next few chapters will be better for the married couple than some of you may think. Santana will call Quinn and give her great advice. This is the point in the story when Quinn forgets about the drama, about the fighting, and really tries to make Rachel fall in love with her all over again.
IN THE BLINK OF AN EYE
Quinn squinted her eyes as she jutted her chin forward. "Sorry, what?" She asked, in shock.
Rachel was shocked she said it. It was if her brain was no longer sending signals to her mouth. She was just talking. No filter. "I... Quinn this is hard for me."
"This is hard for you?! For you?!" She yelled, storming upstairs.
Rachel ran after her, staying closely behind.
"I have suffered for almost 4 months now, Rachel! 4 months trying to make sure this new life satisfied you. I've taken it slow, I've busted my ass, and I've tried hiding the fact that my heart has been ripped in half. And now you just bring up a divorce, and expect me to be okay with this?" Quinn yelled, shaking her head as she walked into her bedroom. "No. I'm not letting you go without a fight."
"Quinn..." Rachel started, trying to explain herself better. "Let me clarify what I mean by a divorce. Sit down."
Quinn hesitantly sat down on their bed, panting from all the yelling.
"We would be divorced. But I would still live with you, still have dinner with you, still laugh with you, and share stories with you. But, ill be living my life with an open mind. I would walk around without fear of Finn kissing me. That if he did, I'd kiss back. And if you kissed me, I'd kiss back. Because I need to allow myself to feel things that I once felt. We would be divorced, but that doesn't mean we have to hate each other."
Quinn chuckled lightly and shook her head. "Get out." She whispered, keeping her gaze down.
"What?"
"I said, get out. Get out of my room, and leave me alone. I don't deserve you. You want a divorce, fine, you got one. But don't come crawling back to me when history repeats itself." Quinn said calmly, as she walked over to the door, holding it open for Rachel to walk out.
Rachel's eyes filled with tears as she watched the hatred in Quinn's eyes. She was hurting her, and she knew that. But the truth was, neither girl would understand the other. It was in that moment that Rachel realized just how much she cared for Quinn. Seeing her in pain, it killed her. "I'm sorry." She whispered, shaking her head. "Don't hate me."
"I could never hate you. I love you. I fucking love you. And you know what I think?" Quinn asked. "I think /you're/ taking advantage of that. You know how much I would give to you. You know I'd never leave you no matter hope hard things got. So you stopped trying to remember, and you stopped trying to please me, knowing I'd stick around. Well guess what, Rachel? I'm not going to hold onto this relationship if you're not willing to fight for it." She said.
Rachel parted her lips and looked down. "I'll sleep on the couch." She said, and slowly walked out of the room.
Quinn bit back her tears as she forcefully slammed the door.
Rachel jumped at the sound, as tears poured out of her eyes. "I love you." She whispered to the door, and gasped softly at the confession her no filter mouth had said. She loved Quinn. She did. So why did she want to explore her feelings with Finn when the girl she loved was standing alone in the other room?
Rachel sighed heavily and went to go set up her bed on the couch. For the past 4 months, Quinn had the bed. But she knew this time that she deserved the couch.
Both girls cried themselves to sleep that night.
Quinn woke up the next morning suddenly not feeling as strong as she did the night before. Sleeping in her room again, without Rachel, it made her realize how weak she was to her. Rachel was her weakness, and the things she said last night, though true, was not how she wanted to end things. She quickly rushed out of bed and ran down the stairs as if it were Christmas morning. "Rachel?" She called out. "Baby, can we talk about last night?" She asked, finally making it all the way downstairs.
She was greeted by a made couch, and a note on the table.
Quinn, as you've probably noticed, I'm at work. I would say it when I got home, but I can't bare the thought of you hating me all day, so I wanted to say it now. I'm sorry for last night. Everything you said, you were right. I had no right springing divorce up on you, and then demanding your forgiveness. I was being selfish. I need to stop thinking about me and you, and start thinking about us. And I truly feel that a divorce would be best for /us/. It could give me the time to figure things out with Finn, and give you the time to learn how to live life without me. I'm not saying I love him, and I'm not saying I even want to date the guy, but unless I go searching for answers, I will never find anything. Please, think about it. I can't stand the thought of leading you on, and leading you to believe that at the finish line, I will remember our life together, and all will be well. Because what if I don't? What if this is it. The stories I know, and the people I met is all I wall have from my previous life. I have a handful of questions I need to start answering. And the top three things on my list are as followed : You, Finn, Us. Give me the freedom to explore, and I'll give you the freedom to let go. And I promise, if in the end I realize what a huge mistake I made, I will marry you again and spend eternity making it up to you. I would add one more thing, but I can't lead you on any more than I already have. I'll be home at 7. Rachel.
Quinn crumpled up the note, and threw it on the ground. She didn't know what to feel. A part of her knew that Rachel was right. That Rachel deserved the independence to her own life, but she wasnt being fair. And the part about 'I will marry you again'. What was that? She just assumes that Quinn's going to wait forever? She's stronger than that. Well, she will be. But for now, all Quinn needed to do was sit down and cry.
She plugged in home videos, which really wasnt a good idea, but she needed it. She put the first tape in, and watched.
Quinn's face was up close to the camera, giggling. "Okay, Santana hold this. And make sure to get in her reaction." She said, then passed it over to who Quinn assumed was Santana.
They all stood at Santana, Kurt and Blaine's loft in New York. It was just the five of them, catching up after a few months of being apart. Quinn broke the chatter with the knocking on her glass. "Santana, Kurt, Blaine, Rachel... Sorry for the interruption, but I have something to say." Quinn said confidently. Santana's giggling was heard on the other side of the camera.
They all turned to look at her, but she just stared at Rachel. "Rach baby, to this day I still don't know how I was so lucky to find someone like you. In senior year of high school, I think everyone here knows just how much I was in love with you. It destroyed me, almost as much as it made me stronger. I had to sit by patiently as you and Finn made out, got engaged, fought, then eventually broke up. I did this, all without complaining or whining. I knew you loved him, and I loved you, so I had to do what was best for you."
Rachel awed, and winked at her. "But then a miracle happened. Well, a miracle for me, a tragedy for you. Finn left. He went off to the military, leaving you in my trusting arms. And in that moment, I promised myself that I wouldn't pressure you into being with me, and I wouldn't take advantage of how weak and fragile you were. So, slowly, we started rebuilding you into the confident and sexy Rachel berry you are now. And over the course of that time, somehow, I convinced you to love me. And you've been doing it ever since."
It was Santana's turn to awe. "Rachel, I love you with everything inside me. Not only do you make me a better person, but you make me. Period. Without you, I'm nothing. You're my inspiration, my light and my absolute everything. And I don't want to spend another second without calling you my fiancé. So, Rachel Barbra Berry, will you please marry me."
The look of absolute shock on Rachel's face lit the room as she stood from the couch beside Kurt. "Are you serious?" She asked.
Quinn revealed the ring with a smirk. "Do I look like I'm kidding?"
"Oh my god." Rachel whispered, smiling wide. "Yes baby, yes, I will marry you. Oh god, I love you so much." She said, and captured Quinn's lips in hers.
Quinn shut off the home movie, throwing away the converter. Yupp, bad call. This just made her all the more depressed. She pulled out her phone and texted the one person that could make this remotely better. "Are you in town? I need my best friend."
Within seconds, her phone buzzed. "Well how funny, I'm actually getting off a plane in about 20 minutes. I'm landing in Lima Ohio. You ruined my surprise. I'll be at your house shortly."
Quinn smiled at the text, and took a deep breath in and shut her eyes. Dreams filled with making love to, and being in love with Rachel filled her mind. But the sound of a doorbell woke her up.
Quinn stood from the couch and opened the door. She couldn't even smile at the sight of her favourite Latina. Instead, her eyes filled with tears, because the last time Santana was there, she helped to make Rachel take a body shot off of her. And now she had to break the news that her help didn't actually help at all.
"Who died?" Santana asked sarcastically as she stepped into the house, kicking off her shoes. "Where's the wife?"
"Work." Quinn replied as she sat down on the couch.
Santana furrowed her eyebrows and sat beside her. "What happened, Quinn?"
Quinn looked over at her, and barely managed to spit out. "She wants a divorce."
The Latinas eyes went wide as she shook her head. "What? No... That's impossible. You two are like Nathan and Haley from One Tree Hill, except you're both girls and hotter."
Quinn shook her head, and buried her face in Santana's neck. "I don't know why this is happening. I love her. I treat her amazing, and I've been so patient."
"Q, something must have happened." She said, rubbing her arm.
"Well she met Finn yesterday."
"I'll kill him." Santana said, and began standing up from the couch.
That caused Quinn to giggle as she pulled Santana back down. "No, don't." She said, laughing slowly dying down. "She met him, and she said it made her all the more confused than she already was. So, she wants a divorce so she can explore both relationships."
Santana sighed, and shook her head. "Don't worry babe, she'll realize within a week how much she loves you, if she hasn't already."
"I don't know San, I think she's gone for good. I yelled at her last night, and I'm going to try and get a last word in when she gets home from work. I can't let her go, I won't."
Santana nodded, and ran her fingers through Quinn's hair. "Maybe you shouldn't. I mean, from the sounds of it, you two have been fighting a lot. And I think for now, you should press pause on the yelling. No wonder she's doubting you."
Quinn furrowed her eyebrows and snapped up. "Are you kidding me?! I asked for you to come over so I could cry on your shoulder and hear you tell me that I'm right!"
"I'm not taking her side, Q. All I'm saying is if you want to win her back, stop fighting. I know you. Don't let that jealousy get to you. Don't let the frustration of her memories bring you down. Focus completely on her, and getting her to fall back in love with you. Be patient Quinn. Be romantic."
Quinn shook her head, and threw her head into her hands. "But she wants a divorce. She doesn't want me to woo her!"
"So?" Santana spat out. "That doesn't mean she won't still be living with you. She wants a divorce? Fine, give it to her. Then, flip the switch. Be your old self. The flirty, loving Quinn that died the day of her accident. I haven't seen that Quinn in a while, and I'm sure the old Rachel misses her too."
"I can't just be happy, Santana. My marriage is falling apart! I can't agree to get a divorce, then become this love guru." She fought, shaking her head.
Santana shook her head as well. "You're not understanding me, Quinn. Rachel will explore both relationships. She'll date Finn, then come home to you. We both know Finn is terrible at flirting and being romantic. So, after a date with him, she'll come home to you and see this charming, wonderful side that you've been hiding. She'll wonder why she ever doubted you in the first place. And before you know it, Rachel will come crawling back, begging for your forgiveness."
Quinn licked her lips and shook her head. "You don't think I've tried that? For 4 months, I've tried being charming. I've given her my best smile, my best compliments, my best kisses. If it hasn't worked yet, it never will."
Santana swallowed, then shot her eyebrows up. "Okay, but have you been flirty?"
"No.. Of course not. I didn't want to freak her out."
"Right, well that's the loop whole. You've been going easy on her, trying to help her adjust. Well guess what? Now she's adjusted. Give her the divorce Quinn, it might just be the best thing that ever happened to you too. She won't feel pressure, she won't feel confused, and she'll be able to loosen up, and have fun. With a mix of your charm, and flirtatiousness, the girl won't know what hit her."
The blonde slowly sat back down on the couch, furrowing her eyebrows. "But is it worth it? How can I be in love with someone who has doubts about being with me? How can I fight so hard for someone who's resisting?"
"Because she's Rachel Berry, you idiot. No matter how strong you pretend to be, she's your weakness, your true love, your high school sweetheart. So, go get her."
Quinn chuckled softly as she nodded slowly. "Thanks Santana, you always find a way to cheer me up in the worst of times." She said, hugging her softly.
"And you know what drives girls most insane?"
She shook her head.
"Playing hot and cold. Flirt with her, and the second she leans in your directions, play it cool. Trust me, it'll work. The next few weeks of your life is going to be one big game. Who are you going to let win? You, or Finn?"
Quinn clenched her jaw and shook her head. "No way I'm letting Finn lay a hand on my wife."
Santana smirked and nodded.
After a few beers, and changing subjects, Santana eventually left. She was staying in town for the week, so she drove off to her hotel. So now Quinn was alone again, waiting for Rachel to come home.
And at 7:02, Rachel opened the door. Quinn was in the kitchen, cooking. "I'm in the kitchen." She called out, not wearing her apron. She felt it wasn't appropriate if over dinner they would agree on a divorce.
Rachel kicked off her shoes and rushed into the kitchen. "Hi.." She said nervously, as if testing to see if Quinn was mad, furious, or in the middle of a rage blackout.
"How was work?" She asked casually.
Rachel furrowed her eyebrows. "Uh... Work was fine. I'm slowly but surely starting to like these kids. This one girl has an incredible voice."
"Maggie?" Quinn asked, looking back at her.
Rachel's eyebrows arched as she nodded. "I guess I've told you about her."
Quinn nodded.
Rachel did as well, and started setting the table. "So, did you get my letter?" She asked after a few beats of silence.
"Yup." Quinn said.
"And...?"
She turned off the stove, and slowly turned around to face Rachel. "I'll do it."
Rachel's eyebrows shot up as she sat up in her chair. "You'll... Do it?" She asked again.
Quinn nodded slowly. "Just know, if it were up to me, I wouldn't dare let you go. But, I trust our love, and I know that we've survived worse. We can survive this, and you'll come to realize that very shortly. So, I'll give you a divorce. But I want something in return." She said.
"Yeah, of course." Rachel said, nodding. She couldn't smile because getting a divorce wasnt necessarily a good thing. It sucked actually. She realized last night that she was in fact in love with Quinn, which made this all harder.
"Full honestly. 100%. I don't care if it'll kill me. If you go on a date with Finn, and I ask how it is, you tell me as if I'm your best friend. If you kiss him, you tell me. And if you start to realize that your feelings with him are stronger than they are with me, tell me. I'm not a dog, and I don't want to be held on by a leash."
Rachel chuckled softly, and bit her lip. "Okay Quinn, I promise. Total honesty. Thank you." She whispered, biting her lip.
Quinn took a deep breath in and nodded. "Yeah well, if it'll make you happy."
Rachel didn't clarify that it would, she just smiled sadly. "It smells great."
"That's because it is." Quinn said with a wink.
Rachel bit her lip and giggled. "Right, I should have known." She said, then sat at the table.
And within a week, both girls were sitting at the table, signing the divorce papers. Silence filled the room as Quinn signed her signature. She wrote a note saying 'I love you, and a divorce doesn't change that. No matter what I said, I will never stop fighting for you.' She slid the paper over to Rachel, eyeing the girls facial expression as she read the note.
Rachel glanced up at Quinn through her eyelashes and smiled softly. Quinn was so sweet. She signed her signature as well and exhaled in relief. "Well... There it is." She announced.
"It's been fun, Rachel." Quinn said, standing up. "I hope you enjoy falling in love with me all over again." She said with a smirk, and a wink. It was late. "Anyway, I'll sleep on the couch. Goodnight, beautiful." Quinn went off to the couch and laid down.
Rachel sat there, taking in deep breaths as she smiled softly to herself. Starting now, she lives life a single, bicurious girl. And she was going to enjoy it.
Okay, so I think this is progress.
Next chapter, Rachel goes on a date with Finn, then comes home to a flirty, eventually half naked Quinn. What happens when she gets two different reactions for each person?