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Meredith's POV
"Finn. It's Meredith. Again." I laugh softly. "Will you please call me when you get this message. I'm really sorry." I hang up.
It's Wednesday night. I had drifted around work yesterday and today in a dream-like state, floating around the hospital. I had spent every moment of my free time on the roof, away from the judging faces that constantly stare at me. The roof was a release.
I sniffled and wiped my eyes with my tissue that had been my companion for the last ½ hour. I hadn't seen Finn since he sound out on Monday. I can't stop feeling guilty, it pumps through me like blood, leaving me hollow. I had let a perfect man go because of my selfishness and the fact that I am easily seduced by married men. What makes me feel worse about it though is that I don't want to rip my heart out and stomp on it the way I wanted to when Derek picked Addison. The grief over Finn is more guilt than anything else – but why? Finn is the perfect guy and I really wanted to love him, I tried so hard. But is it possible that he's not my perfect man?
The phone rings and I snatch it up. "Finn?" I asked hopefully.
"Close. Derek." A husky voice answered the phone.
"Oh." I reply sounding intentionally disappointed. I don't need this now. "How's the lip?"
"Fine. Healing nicely. Your boyfriend's got quite a punch." Derek said.
"He's not my boyfriend anymore." I sigh. I don't want to talk to you, I say to him silently.
"Oh?" He says cheerily. "Would I be right in guessing that his punching me is the result of you telling him about us?"
"There is no 'us', Derek! There is no us. I ruined a great relationship over a married man. And what's more, I really don't want to talk to you right now." I cry. "Go talk to your wife."
"She's not my wife anymore. It's Wednesday. The divorce was finalised this afternoon." Derek replied.
"Oh," I pause. "Ok."
"Ok?" Derek asked, perhaps hoping for a little more, but there was nothing more to say.
"Ok." I reply. "I've got to go."
"Meredith?" Derek says.
"Yes?" I answer.
"I'm sorry about Finn." He says, sounding sincere.
"No you're not." I smile. "But thanks for lying." I hang up.
How did my life come to this? I'm confused all the time. I have a just-divorced boss who I've slept with on numerous occasions and now wants to start a relationship, a man who is the perfect man and just broke up with me for sleeping with said man and a mother who doesn't know who I am most of the time. I feel like I'm suffocating all the time, drowning, and falling. I need space. I need to get away. Far away. I remember my mom used to say 'Running away never helps anything', but wouldn't it be nice if it did help? There's nowhere to run anyway, my problems would just follow me.
I need sleep. I'll deal with life tomorrow.