Well, I told her that I'm here for her and I can give her space if that's what she needs. I've read the same file like ten times, and this is all I have on my mind. She chose me. I smile when I think about that, even if she doesn't. It's almost like it doesn't mean anything to her, like winning a stuffed dog instead of a stuffed cat at a faire – as long as she has one, it doesn't matter which. I know that it's just guilt though, she feels guilty. I wish that I could hold her and make her pain dissolve. But I know Meredith, she's a good-hearted person and she won't let it go easily. It's like she wants to punish herself, but I just wish that she would trust herself to be happy, preferably with me. She did choose me, so it would be great to think that her future happiness had something to do with that.
There was a time when she loved me as much as I love her now, and I destroyed that. I chose a marriage over love, and every single day I regret it. Now more than ever. Now, when I look at her, I don't see the longing I used to see, I see the regret of what we did to Finn. Will that ever go away?
Oh God, there she is, standing by the counter. Her long silk hair masking her beautiful face – what I would give to stroke her hair and caress her face. She said she wants space. I can do that. I don't have to go over there. Self-restraint. No problem.
Addison said that she's moving back to New York, so that's a load off my mind. Having my ex-wife here, watching me as I try to get my girlfriend back might have proven awkward. Come to think of it now, I have no idea why I chose Addison over Meredith. I suppose I thought that I could make my marriage work, make myself love her the way I once did.
Meredith, I inwardly sigh, watching her as she pick up the phone. If she needs space, how much space? For how long? When should I ask her to dinner? More importantly, when will she start looking at me the way she used to?