After her complete collapse in the closet, Meredith felt released. She felt stronger now than she had before, now that it had all come out. With her mind strongly focused on work, she realised that she needed to take things as they come, one at a time.
"Miss Leister," Meredith greeted her patient, picking up her chart. "How are you feeling?"
"Oh, you can't keep an old bird like me down for long." She smiled, but Meredith knew she was just covering up her nerves.
"Well, don't worry. You're booked in to the OR at 2pm and you're gonna be just fine." Meredith put a reassuring hand on her shoulder.
"Thank you, dear." She replied. "I only wish John were here, he could always make me feel safe."
"Is John your partner? I could call him if you like." Meredith offered.
"No, I'm afraid that's not possible dear. John was the love of my life back when I was a young girl like yourself. Oh, he was a handsome man, kind and funny, and I fell in love with him completely and utterly." She chuckled to herself. "But, this was 1942 and he was in the navy. We both knew the risks. And as much as I loved him, well…" Miss Leister sighed. "I was the independent, headstrong type. I thought that if we were together, he would be distracted in the line of duty, that he would get hurt. So I told him what I had to, that we couldn't be together, that I didn't love him anymore." Tears began rolling down her face. "Well, as you can imagine, he was angry. He couldn't accept it – he knew that as I said these words, my heart was breaking as well as his. But I told myself that I had to be strong, and I forced him away." Meredith handed her a tissue and she gently wiped away her tears. "He died in the war a few weeks later."
"I'm so sorry." Was Meredith's only reply.
"I blame myself, you know. The guilt of having left the man I love, having hurt him so badly. It's hardly worth living with." She sniffled.
"So, why do you?" Meredith asked, dazed by her story.
Miss Leister looked at her. "Because, I wake up some mornings and I swear he's beside me, forgiving me. The one biggest regret in my life was giving up John. I should have cherished every single moment, not wasting them worrying about the future. Guilt maybe powerful, but regret over losing the one man that made me happy is a far worse punishment. If nothing else, trust me on this, dear."
Meredith soaked up all of Miss Leister's words, reaching her nerves deep inside. Derek. "I'll be back a little later to check on you."
Meredith left the room, taking a moment to catch her breath. It had all become clear. She had chosen Derek because she was in love with him, so horribly in love. And Miss Leister was right. If she didn't do anything about it now, she would regret it forever. Through all of his faults – and hers as well – she had always known that Derek was the one. The only one. She would always be sorry about Finn, but she couldn't stop her life for it. He would find someone else, someone better for him, he would move on. Derek was here and now, for her, and unless she wanted to become Miss Leister in 50 years time, Meredith knew that she had to be true to herself. She was in love with Derek.