A/N: Get ready for some mild sexual tension XD (And really, you can imagine that it's there between pretty much anyone) Emilia is violent. I'm sorry. It's just that sometimes Emilia and Mao remind me of Ayano and Kazuma from Kaze no Stigma so I accidentally blended their personalities at places. OOPS.
Disclaimer: I don't own The Devil is a Part-Timer!.
Chapter 2: Emilia
Mao was a smart man.
Well, given that he had the capability to take over an entire world, he had to have been not an idiot.
But that was a whole other story. About how he had killed a lot of people causing Emi to hate him causing her to defeat him causing him to flee to another world causing her to follow him like the good Hero she was causing them to end up here.
Right back where they started.
"… your apartment is bigger than the one I live in." He resisted the urge to slap himself upside the head as Emilia stared at the suspiciously nonchalant man sipping tea on her couch.
"You came all this way just to say that."
"…yes." She was not amused.
Geez, sorry for trying to be humorous once in a while, he thought, perspiration beading on his forehead.
He'd completely disregarded the Number 1 Rule in the Handbook For Evil Leaders Trying To Take Over The World: Always plan every step through.
Sadao basically dumped Ashiya at the Devil's Castle to deal with a still-sobbing Lucifer, and rode right over on Dullahan.
How do you even know where she lives-
"Actually, I was joking. Haha." He cleared his throat loudly. Emi was still not amused. "I wanted to ask you to meet me for lunch tomorrow-"
All he knew was one second he was sitting peacefully drinking his nice herbal tea and the next second he was pinned to a wall, Emi's left hand choking his neck and eyes bulging out, right hand brandishing a kitchen knife menacingly.
"Are you asking me to rendezvous with you how dare you assume such things you dirty, disgraceful pervert of the lowest kind of scum-"
Mao frantically grasped at Emi's left hand, and she quickly let go of his neck. She stared down at the wheezing Mao murderously, not yet done with her tirade.
"Why did you go for my hand you PERVERT I swear I will castrate you-"
"To… discuss… business…about…Ente…Isla…" Sadao gasped out. Emi paused her rant and blinked.
"Oh. Then why didn't you say so?" She looked slightly embarrassed as she helped Mao to his feet.
"I was trying to…" he said weakly. "Then you jumped me."
Emi punched him.
"OWWWWWWWW- EMI WHY ARE YOU HITTING ME I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING BAD-"
"…oh." She looked almost apologetic. Mao squinted at her through the haze of pain and saw her cheeks were a tomato red. It was pretty amusing, actually. But he wasn't going to say that aloud for fear of more physical retribution.
"Just… don't ever say a girl jumped you. Or you jumped a girl. Just don't use 'jump' unless it's like 'jump rope'." Emi said quietly, cheeks still on fire. "And don't say 'rendezvous' either." She added as an afterthought.
"You were the one that said 'rendezvous'. Hypocrite." He pointed an accusing finger at the offender, who scowled at him. "And why? What's so bad about 'jump'?" Emi turned an even deeper shade of red. It was almost purple.
"Mao… when people… um, jump other people…" Emi began haltingly, and Mao made an impatient gesture for her to continue. "They don't always mean 'attack suddenly'." She paused again.
"Just spit it out." Emi glared at him, clearly not liking his tone.
"IT MEANS THEY PUSHED YOU AGAINST SOME FLAT SURFACE AND RIPPED OFF YOUR CLOTHES AND PASSIONATELY MADE OUT WITH YOU. MAYBE MORE." She slapped a hand over her mouth, cheeks now officially purple with mortification. Mao went silent for a few moments.
"…I'm sure now all your neighbors know what 'jumping' means too."
"Shut up. It's all your fault."
"You know, you did kind of jump me in that sense." Emi's eyebrow twitched dangerously, and the kitchen knife she was still holding was now too close to him for his liking. "Without the last part. Without the last part." He added hastily, inching away from the still-steaming female next to him.
"But there was a flat surface. And definitely passion. Lots and lots of passion." He nodded thoughtfully, as Emi banged her head on the wall in the background.
"Don't use 'passion' when describing a man and woman together either." Sadao rolled his eyes at her.
"Whatever."
"…Let's just pretend this entire thing didn't happen."
"Easy for you to say. You're not the one with bruise marks all over."
"Can we please never speak of this again."
"You sure were pretty red back there, Emi."
"Mao, mention one word of this to anyone, ever, and I will personally make sure you wished you were never born."
"…okay."
"Mao-sama!" Alciel gaped at his master standing in the doorway, and went rigid with horror. "Y-y-your face a-and neck and-"
"Hello, Ashiya." Mao tried to grin cheerily at his aghast friend, but it came out closer to a grimace than anything.
"Who did this to you?!" He bristled with indignation. Urushihara yawned in the background. "I shall immediately go track them down and exact revenge-"
"Don't bother. It was Emilia." Hanzo's dry remark made Ashiya snap his head to where the former was casually sipping his soda, then back to Mao, then to Hanzo, back and forth and back and forth and back and-
"Please don't hurt yourself."
"Yes yes- why is the Hero beating you up for no reason?!"
"I wouldn't say no reason. How'd you even manage to come out alive anyways, Mao?" Urushihara raised an eyebrow at Mao, who shrugged.
"I didn't even tell her. I just told her to 'meet to discuss Ente Isla business'." Hanzo visibly paled, dropping his soda.
"You… didn't even… tell her…" he said weakly, suddenly looking very sick. Mao nodded sheepishly. "Yet she already beat you to a bloody pulp." He gulped, shutting his eyes.
"What exactly did you do to piss her off so much, Mao-sama? You look worse than Lucifer when you smashed his face in." Ashiya smirked at Urushihara, who didn't notice and was currently babbling "Why me?" on the ground again.
"I didn't really do anything. But apparently there is a lot of innuendo in the human language…"
"Then what is this big thing that neither of you are telling me?" Urushihara looked up bleakly. They spoke at exactly the same time.
"I set Emilia and Urushihara up on a date in order to bring peace to beings everywhere."
"I have been forced to sacrifice my innards and sanity in order to satisfy the Satan King's whim that a date between two sworn enemies is somehow going to solve everyone's problems."
"…Ah."
"It sounds silly, but it's really a great plan, Ashiya."
"…"
"… I'm sorry Mao-sama, but I'm leaning more towards Urushihara's stance."
"Thank you! Thank you! Someone in this household finally makes sense and doesn't want to turn my life into a living hell!"
"…you're both going to go with my plan. Or suffer the consequences. Don't look at me like that Ashiya, that was an order."
("…blackmail.")
"I'm sorry, did someone say something?"
"No, Mao-sama."
"Now now, don't be so poisonous, Urushihara."
"You'd be spitting poison if you were being forced on a date with the living embodiment of female wrath."
"Sacrifices must be made for the common good."
"Stop being so preachy-preachy."
"Ashiya, back me up here."
"I'm sorry Mao-sama, but I fear that you have gone insane."
"I hate you all."
"T feeling is mutual, Mao-sama."
"Again with that poisonous tone."
"Hn. So you're basically tricking Emi into this… date?"
"…"
"… you know, we should all just go make our wills right now. And maybe buy life insurance."
"NO, DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH LIFE INSURANCE COSTS?!"
"…is that all you care about, Ashiya?"
"…"
"If I had known life would've been like this, I would've stayed with Olba."
"If you had stayed with Olba, you would be either on the run or unconscious right now."
"I'd take that any day over this."
"He's got a point, Mao-sama."
"Both of you shut up. That's an order."
"…"
"Yet you still manage to convey so much hatred with just silence, Lucifer."
A/N: Don't you just love the Mao-Ashiya-Urushihara dynamics? Review! Only one more chapter to go, this story is pretty short ^^