Chapter 3: The Date

A/N: Oops. This may or may not have developed into a slight Mao-Emilia ship. Ahahahaha nothing too obvious, just the usual sexual tension they are so good at doing. What can I say, it just happens naturally with them ;)

Get ready for some awesome Suzuno action :D

Disclaimer: I do not own The Devil is a Part-Timer!.

The next morning, Mao and Urushihara were awakened by Ashiya's bloodcurdling scream.

One might say this is a very, very bad sign and that everyone should just stay in bed and forget about arranged dates and violent women and dangerous things like that.

Lucifer would agree.

However, Mao (the one who really calls the shots), just rubbed his eyes groggily and said, "What's the matter, Alciel?"

"She, she- why is she here?" Ashiya pointed a shaking finger at the aforementioned person, who turned her eerie gaze on Mao, who shivered in spite of himself.

Hey, any person in their right mind would be a little scared if they woke up to an assassin who killed with a giant mallet staring down at you.

"Hello, Suzuno-san." Mao offered the girl a timid smile. She did not smile back.

"I wish to accompany you on your… business meeting with Emilia." All three great demons quivered internally (and externally) at her quiet, yet dangerous tone.

Mao decided he needed to learn how to project a threatening aura with such little effort. It might come in handy, like when he wanted people to shut up. Cough.

"And if we were to say no?" One would wonder at Mao's bravery.

"Then I would come anyway. I just thought it would be polite to ask." she said breezily. "And why is your hair short and black and spiky?" Lucifer scowled.

"He can't go out of the house, he's a wanted criminal. But with sunglasses, and a new hairdo, we can pull this off."

"Ah. By the way, I know that this 'business meeting' is actually a date." The three men felt their blood freeze.

"Wh-wh-wh-what, no it's a business meeting! Seriously!" Mao waved his hands desperatedly. Suzuno looked at his coolly.

"If you're going to lie, at least keep your windows shut and lower your voices. A lot. I heard every single thing you said yesterday. Everything." They gulped. "But I think it's a decent idea." They stared at her, dumbfounded. She rolled her eyes.

"Huh?"

"It makes sense; I heard Mao's explanation to Urushihara. But let me warn you, Emilia is definitely not going to agree with me. And I feel no obligation to stop her when she beats all your brains out." Ashiya could've sworn Suzuno just smirked at them, but he blinked and her face was it's usual blank slate.

"I feel like a guinea pig being led to its slaughter."

"That's the 7th time you've said that."

"Shut up, you two. Lucifer, why are you so disoriented? It's like sunlight confuses you." The guinea pig being lead to slaughter was wearing black. Pure black. Black hoodie, black t-shirt, black pants, black shoes, black sunglasses… even his hair was black.

"A lot of things confuse him, Mao-sama. And by the way, how much did this new wardrobe cost? Because I calculated our monthly budget and if you add the extra splurge on groceries yesterday then we-"

"Shut up, Ashiya. Sacrifices must be made for peace."

"And yet, you are the only one not making sacrifices, Mao-sama."

"Excuse me?! Do you not see these bruises and claw marks?!"

"You know, Lucifer, you clean up nicely." Suzuno butted in, wanting to ease her increasing headache. Who knew demons could talk so much?

"WHAT?!" Mao and Ashiya gaped at her. Urushihara looked annoyed.

"Why are you two surprised? I've always been more to the attractive side."

"I'm not calling you attractive, Urushihara. Let us not mistake my intentions." Suzuno turned her infamous gaze on Lucifer, who nodded nervously. "I'm just saying you look better than the pasty NEET with overgrown purple hair I last saw. And that's not saying much." Mao and Ashiya snickered at Lucifer's mildly insulted front.

But in reality, Suzuno probably did find Lucifer to be attractive. No one can have spiky black hair and purple eyes and not be at least a tad good-looking.

Then again, she was Suzuno.

"… why are you all here?" Mao, Ashiya, and Urushihara jumped a mile into the air at Emilia's voice from behind them, banging into the table.

"How devious…" Ashiya muttered, and Mao had to agree. All three of them had been watching the front door in a rather hawk-like manner.

Never would they have imagined there was a side door.

"Emilia." Suzuno bowed deeply.

"Suzuno! Why are you here as well?" Emi said with surprise, casting a suspicious side-glance at Mao, who smiled forcedly. "And who are you?" she asked Lucifer, who pulled his hood down lower and didn't answer.

"That's Urushihara." Mao answered for him, casting a glare at the aforementioned person, who sank lower in his seat.

"What? No, I'm… uh, Momo. Nice to meet you!" Urushihara said in a strangled high voice, scooting away from the confused Emilia and facepalming Mao.

"That's actually Urushihara." Suzuno snorted. "He's terrified of you."

"Enough to change hair color and identity?" Emilia looked around the table incredulously.

"He's a wanted criminal, remember? He can't actually go out of the house looking like himself. And what Suzuno said is not true at all. Hanzo here-" Mao gritted his teeth and clapped Urushihara (who was trying to disappear into his hoodie and never come out again) hard on the back, "is so happy to see you! In fact, he's been moaning on the floor and writing poetry out of the angst of missing you! He loves you, Emilia!" Cue Mao beaming amidst raining roses.

"Whaaaat?" Emilia looked extremely lost, Mao was now smiling a little fixedly, Ashiya had faceplanted on the table, Suzuno look disinterested, people around the café were staring at Mao, and Urushihara… well, Urushihara was cowering underneath the table.

Wouldn't you?

"…I-I… I think you overdid it, Mao-sama."

"Oh my goodness, you guys are all incompetent little wussies. I'll explain to Emilia." Suzuno said impatiently, tapping her foot. She ignored the frantic slashing motions Mao and Ashiya were making at her. "Mao set you and Lucifer up on a date because he thinks it will save the world. I agree with him. If you two were to decide to get married, it would symbolize a newly made union between demons and humans, thus ending a very long war. When we return to Ente Isla, Mao & Company wouldn't be killed under your protection. In return, you would have a whole new force behind you when you go against the corrupt Church."

Dead silence reigned.

"You know… that actually makes a lot of sense. But I refuse to get married to Urushihara. Even if he does clean up nicely." Emilia said thoughtfully.

"…"

"…"

"…"

"WHAT?!" Emilia and Suzuno politely put their hands over their ears at the simultaneously huge outburst from Mao and Ashiya. Urushihara was busy thanking the heavens.

"So, so, so… you're not going to beat us into a bloody pulp?"

"Why would I? I'd only get arrested for assault." Emi reasoned. "Well. If Suzuno hadn't made it seem perfectly reasonable, maybe I would've." She relented after getting a round of disbelieving looks.

"Also, this is not even a date. A date is between two people, alone. Not with a crowd of spectators." She looked amused. Mao perked up.

"So if we dumped you alone with Hanzo then-"

"Absolutely not." Urushihara roared, glaring daggers at Mao.

"That is not possible. I do not trust Lucifer alone with Emilia." Suzuno said coolly. Lucifer looked as if he didn't know if he was supposed to feel relieved or insulted.

"…so I got beat up by Emilia for nothing?!" Mao yelped, groaning. Emilia smirked behind her tea. "And why do you never see any common sense when you're interacting with me?" He accused the now-scowling girl.

"Do you want to get beat up again?"

"Do you want to get arrested? See, you lose all common sense when you're with me!"

"You know, I read in my research that when humans are in love, they forget what common sense is."

"…No way." Ashiya's jaw went slack.

"SUZUNO."

"I also read that hostility is suppressed sexual attraction."

"Suzuno, I will break your neck-"

"Emilia, please. Do you want to give off the impression that you are in love with me as well?"

"Oi, Emi. You're in love with me?" Mao raised his eyebrows. Emi slammed her head on the table.

"I told you you should've gone on this world-changing date instead of me." Lucifer said smugly. Emilia's eyes flashed murderously and she said a few no-no words.

"I. Do. Not. Love. Mao. And. Never. Will."

"I read somewhere that you should 'never say never'."

"That's just a pop song from the West, Suzuno."

And they all lived happily ever after.

Someone did end up making that 'bond' though. And their children are being chased around by the religious, like Lucifer predicted.

So which couple(s) had the mixed spawn?

That's up to you shippers to decided.

Peace out.

A/N: That was fun XD Review! Remember, do not take anything seriously. This is a kind-of parody.