A/N: Hello again! So, here's another Lily chapter! Thank you for reading and if you review I will love you more than I love pizza and french fries- and that's real love. That's like, love on a James and Lily level. So yeah, review? Thank you and enjoy! :))

(LILY'S P.O.V.)

"The more you love someone, the more you hate them." I always admired that quote. Always thought it made sense, you know? When you love someone, you could get angry and upset with them for anything and can hate them just as easily. Well, hate, not in the strongest sense of the word, but you get the gist of it. This just always made sense to me. For instance, I loved Petunia, because she was my sister, which made me all the more upset and angry with her when she would deem me a freak or anything along the lines of it.

But right now, I think that saying is just complete and utter rubbish. Because no one informed me that it can go the other way too. No one told me I could go from despising someone to…well, whatever I'm feeling.

I mean, in all fairness, maybe I never really hated said person. Maybe during some instances, but it was never real hatred. I'm not really the hating type.

I just don't understand! I could barely stand to be around Ja- er, said person, not too much over a year, and now…I mean, it just makes no sense!

I wish I could hate him. I really, really wish I could. And I try so bloody hard, but every time he manages to get a grin or a laugh out of me, the stupid prat.

I mean, though, can you blame me? He's a great looking bloke, really. There's no denying it. And when he's not being a pompous arsehole, he is rather fun to be around. And he's extremely funny, and actually does care about me...and he's a good Head Boy, actually-

Oh, bugger. Fine. I'm talking about James.

As I was saying, James is a good Head Boy, actually. Hard to believe, I know. But he is. Really. Well, if you pull aside the fact that he and the other marauders still love to at least try to cause some chaos. I mean, he's a teenage boy! What do you want from him? He hasn't even gotten detention yet.

And we've been on pretty good terms, you know? Things were looking up for us.

At least that's what I thought less than a day ago.

And now that saying is more leaning towards the hate side than the other side, which I won't mention because that's not even a possibility.

We were supposed to have rounds together last night, and, well, not going to lie, but I was sort of excited? Not excited like, yes I'm about to go ride on a Unicorn kind of excited, but like...stupid girly butterfly kind of excited?

And the stupid toerag didn't even SHOW UP.

So, as you can imagine, the brilliant, mature, and poised girl that I am, on the way to breakfast this morning, I intend to handle it in a brilliant, mature, and poised manner.

"POTTER!" I shouted at him once I reached the spot where he and his three fellow 'marauders' were sitting.

He almost laughed. "I thought we were done with the last names, Evans-"

"Where the bloody hell were you last night?" I pretty much growled.

"What was last night?" He asked seriously.

"Oh my god James I swear I am going to murder you," I promised. Yes. PROMISED.

"Can I watch?" Sirius intervened.

"ROUNDS!" I shouted, ignoring Sirius's attempt at being funny.

"Oh, shit," he mumbled.

Man, that just set me off. "'OH SHIT' IS RIGHT. DO YOU KNOW HOW FURIOUS I AM RIGHT-"

"Lily," he tried.

"Don't Lily me! Oh my Merlin. First of all, doing rounds by yourself is not only terrifying but the most boring bloody thing in the world! Second of all, do you know what I had to do without the map? Alone! Do you-"

"Wait wait wait," said Sirius, putting no pause between each 'wait.' "You use the map?"

"I've never even used the map," added Remus. Then he looked at me. "We've never used the map."

"That's not a bad idea though, James," Peter said.

James just smirked. "Well, you know, Lily and I are quite the rebels-"

"Oh, shut it! I am so, so, so cross with you right now James Potter I swear-"

"Okay, Lily, calm down. I'm sorry. I forgot, okay? I'll make it up to you."

I ignored his stupid apology. Pft. You call that an apology? What kind of mate is he, anyway? Does he know how many people I had to break apart that were snogging by myself while if James were there we could have just used the map and taken off points from them without letting them know? Wow, kind of evil of us. But then again, we're just letting them snog, or, er, shag (it's happened), and letting them pay for it.

"And what were you even doing last night that was so bloody important you couldn't bother to remember your head duties? Please enlighten me."

"Er..."

I rolled my eyes. "Oh, let me guess. The bloody idiots that call themselves the Marauders decided to go on a little late night stroll through Hogsmeade on a Wednesday evening because obviously they have no responsibilities whatsoever even though one is a prefect and one is Head Boy but who gives a damn right? Last year at Hogwarts; who cares if we do whatever we want?"

They all looked at each other with guilt. Oh brother. "I'm right. Aren't I?"

"Er..."

"The really sad thing is I just made that up. Wow. So whose bright idea was it?"

James's face immediately turned pale. They all looked at him simultaneously. Then Sirius said, "You know, Prongs, for a marauder, you're pretty bad at acting all innocent."

"Oh my god. You're Head Boy, James! You can't just…Oh, you are DEAD. DEAD! Do you hear me? You and your bloody lists-"

"What is she on about?" asked Sirius

"-well here's a bloody list for you! Reasons why I DESPISE James Potter. Copyright: Lily Evans-"

"What the-" tried Sirius. And James, the arse, I saw him starting to chuckle.

"One: he's IRRESPONSIBLE even when he's given a position of authority he forgets his own bloody duties and abuses his privileges! Two: he thinks he's funny and HE'S NOT. Three: HE LAUGHS WHILE I'M TRYING TO BE SERIOUS! James this is not funny!"

"Mhm," he managed to mumble over his attempt of stifling his own laughter. "You know, Lily, I never realized how much you swear."

"I do not. It's only because you're making me so angry! Ugh. I hate you," I interrupted, and stormed off.

"You don't hate me, Lily!" he called out after me.

Yes I did.

Okay, maybe I didn't. But it sure felt like I did in that moment. See, the saying is playing games with my mind. I need to stop reading.

But the reality of the situation was I was actually quite upset and disappointed not only because of the fact that he went off and got sloshed with his mates, but he forgot. I don't know. It just kind of stung a bit.

I sat down alone at the complete other end of the table. I don't know if I could say I was really surprised when James plopped down across from me maybe only two minutes after the whole debacle down there.

"Go. Away," I spat, shoving a huge piece of waffle into my mouth.

"Hungry there, Lily?"

I squinted my eyes and kept chewing. He only laughed.

"Now that you can't yell at me," he said. Damn it. "I really, really, am sorry, Lily. I've been good, haven't I?"

I didn't answer. Still chewing.

"You know I have. Look, I'll make it up to you. I'll do rounds tonight…or I'll do it alone next week. Whatever you want," he said seriously.

Hm. He sounded sincere. Curious. I swallowed my waffle. "You'd be willing to do more work?"

"I mean…if that's what it takes."

"If that's what what takes?" I asked.

He sighed. "Blimey…for you not to think I'm just being a prat with this whole Head Boy business and not get so cross with me. Look, remember the whole thing with Sirius? So I thought going out to Hogsmeade and maybe having a few drinks would lighten him up a bit and it did. He told us what happened and we're all good and sorted now. And you were right, by the way. But we can talk about that later."

Okay, so maybe I just have a weak spot for James. And by spot, I mean spots. And by spots, I mean my entire existence. I was like putty in his arms! Like every other stupid slaggy girl in this school. Though I can happily say I am not a slag, very far from slaggy actually, thank you very much. And he's my mate. Just my mate! But I just look at his face and his stupid smile that drives me up the sodding wall!

What does a girl have to do to stay cross with a bloke...

I sighed. "Well, I'm happy things are better with the lot of you now. Really. I am. Catch me up on it later. And I think it's really nice what you did. Good idea it was, really, though you didn't really have to go leave the castle for it but…still. But I'm still cross with you for doing it on the one night of the week we have rounds…so how about this. I stay cross with you for the rest of the day, insults flying wherever I please, and you can't defend yourself, and when that's all good and done, we go back to being the most magnificent Head Girl and slightly eligible Head Boy we are and pretend to forget the entire thing. And then you can tell me the story."

And my James, as he always seems to do when I want so badly to be angry with him, laughed his stupid charming out-of-a-movie laugh and said, "Slightly eligible? I get slightly eligible and you get most magnificent?"

"I told you. Insults flying everywhere and you have no defense. Hmm…how can I put this in terms your thick head will understand? Oh! Quidditch! So, the, erm…bludgers? Right so the bludgers are insults, and all your…beaters?...on the team have disappeared and there are no bats or whatever you use to hit them away and the bludgers hit you every time until all the bones in your body are crushed and you can't play the rest of the season."

James actually looked angry for a moment when he shouted, "The rest of the season!" But then he started roaring with laughter and said, "You said tomorrow."

"Fine, so the season ends tomorrow. Happy, Potter?"

He sighed, and opened his mouth obviously to do his classic, I thought we were done with the last names! But I spoke first and said, "Right. Another rule. I only call you Potter today. All day. ALL. DAY."

He rolled his eyes in defeat and I resorted to putting more syrup on my waffles in celebration. Suddenly, somebody's hands snatched it from me. "Hey!" I shouted.

I turned around and it was June. "My. Syrup."

"You are so possessive, June," Delia scoffed, sitting down next to James.

"Potter," June said. "Why weren't you safeguarding the syrup for me! You should know by now. After all our Quidditch after parties! What kind of teammate are you?"

James laughed. "You don't own the syrup, Carter."

"What are you doing with syrup at Quidditch after parties?" I inquired.

June almost spit out her pumpkin juice.

James howled with laughter. "Well, if you must know, she-"

"You know what, I'll pass," I said. "Besides, I'm not talking to you."

"Yes you are. You're insulting me, remember?"

"Insulting and ignoring. So I would like to do the ignoring part starting now. So if you would please let my mates and I eat in peace it would be gratefully appreciated."

"Why are we ignoring James?" Delia asked.

"He ditched rounds last night," June answered. "You wouldn't know because you were too busy shagging your boyfriend-"

"Piss off, June. Like you haven't been spending all your days snogging the living daylights out of Noel-"

"You know what," James said, standing up. "I think I'll go now."

"Thank Merlin," I said casually.

He made a face at me, and then leaned over the table and slammed his hands down. "Watch it, Evans," he said, trying to hide a grin.

"Ooh, you used my last name. You must hate me now too. Well, anything to get you out of my hair-"

"Oh, shut it," he said, and then stormed away.

Wait. He's not supposed to storm away. That's my thing. Plus, I'm the one cross with him! He can't do things like that. He can't have the last word! I won't let him.

"YOU'LL BE BEGGING FOR MY FORGIVENESS, POTTER. YOU'LL SEE!" I shouted across the hall, standing up. People looked and made faces, which is when I sat back down and buried my face in my waffles. So maybe that didn't go as smooth as it could have. And I swore I could've heard James's chuckle. The bastard. "I'm going to die a slow and painful death conducted by none other than that stupid, pompous, git."

I was waiting for a, c'mon now, Lily, Potter isn't all that bad from June, or a that sounds like a good way to die sexual innuendo kind of thing from Delia, or even their stupid weird glare and look at me like I'm from outer space thing which they have been doing rather frequently lately whenever it came to me and James. But, none of these things happened. Nope. None. Instead, Delia and June both ignored my misery and continued fighting with each other.

"It's just snogging, Delia. I'm not ripping off my clothes every chance I get!"

"Oh cut the bullcrap, June. What about Alex Hader last year, hm?"

June rolled her eyes. "I was drunk."

"So that makes you any less of a slag than me? Ha! You're such a fucking hypocrite, June, I swear to Merlin-"

"Guys, calm down," I tried. But nobody ever listens to me, do they?

"I'm the hypocrite? Says the girl who constantly criticizes me for maybe being a bit picky with the blokes I pine after, while you are nothing but picky with your own boyfriend! Always finding faults in him and another reason to end things! And-"

"Shut up," Delia said oddly low.

"Why should I? Why can you attack me but I can't even-"

"Just shut up, June," she said again, even lower.

June shut up, but looked like she was about to lose it. I said something before she could. "Delia, what's going on?"

She sighed. "I wasn't back in the dorm late last night because I was shagging Michael. Though we did shag earlier, but that's completely not the point. It was for a different reason."

"Which was?" I asked.

"Michael and I broke up last night. For good."

"For…for good?" June asked.

Delia nodded. "We had a really big fight about everything. All those small fights and breakups and all of that pathetic shit…it all just blew up last night. I don't really know why, but it did. We were yelling at each other for a good couple of hours and at one point he said 'I can't take it anymore' so I said 'so don't' and he said 'okay' and then stormed out."

Oi. Poor Delia. I could see the sadness in her eyes, though she wasn't crying. She was always tougher than the rest of us, always the strongest. Her Mum died during our third year here from a heart attack. Right after that, she changed. Not in a terribly bad way. She just grew thicker skin. She wasn't as serious about school anymore and was always looking for blokes to snog and even drink with, and she started putting up this harsh guard to everyone except me and June, though sometimes we feel like she doesn't trust us either. But she always stayed close with us. I've only seen her cry once, and it was on the first anniversary of her Mum's death. That was the first time we ever really spoke about it out loud in depth. It was also the last.

Delia continued. "So at first I didn't go after him but then I started running to him. I got to him and I told him I cared a lot about him and I didn't want to end this but I couldn't take it anymore either. We agreed it was better to be apart than to be together and be miserable. So, that's it."

"You…you were miserable?" June asked.

She shrugged. "Most of the time, yeah, I suppose. I mean, we were never right for each other."

I tried reaching for her hand, but she moved it from the table to her lap. "I'm fine," she lied. She picked up a muffin and started eating it. June and I looked at each other.

"Hey, Delia," I said gently. "If you wanna talk about it, you know June and I are always here-"

"I know," she said quickly. "Thanks. But I don't want to harp over it. Let's just not talk about it. Okay?"

I nodded and gave her a soft smile, hoping she'll get that I understood. A few moments later, June said, "Sorry. For yelling before."

"It's fine. You didn't know."

The rest of the day was odd between the three of us. Delia was unusually quiet and June and I didn't really know what to say or do. During our first class, James came over to me and when I gave him a look he was smart enough to take the hint and wait til later to start bugging me.

During defense, the class we have with Ravenclaws that day, Michael was missing from his seat that's usually next to her, so Delia seemed to lighten up a bit when we walked in. June decided to sit next to her. I took my usual seat in the second row. Suddenly, the marauders were surrounding me.

"Well, hello to the four of you," I said. "Actually, three. One of you I am not speaking with."

"Well, you are talking to us as a group, and since I am standing with this group, you are technically speaking with me as well," James commented.

"What was that? The wind?" I asked sarcastically.

James rolled his eyes. "How original."

"Copyright," I said, unintentionally smiling.

"Hey-"

"Sirius, please tell your boyfriend I would like to be left alone," I said.

"Well, where's the fun in that, Evans?" Sirius said, smirking.

"Peter, Remus. Help."

"Sorry, Lily," said Peter.

"I thought Sirius was my boyfriend," said Remus.

Sirius shrugged. "I switch off between you two."

"And every girl in this school," I added.

"What about Peter?" asked James.

"Ah, his boyfriend's his right hand-"

"Hey!" Peter said, shoving Sirius.

"Too much information," I said, practically gagging.

"Like you didn't know," said Sirius, chuckling.

"Anyway," said Remus, changing the subject. Bless his soul. "Did you read the prophet this morning?"

"Nope. Didn't get the chance," I answered. "Why?"

James tossed it at me…but it hit my face. "Ow!" I screamed. "Potter, what the bloody hell is wrong with you?"

"Well," Sirius said. "He takes way too long to shower."

"He leaves his clothes all over the damn place," said Peter.

"And his quidditch magazines," added Remus.

"Yeah, but I don't mind those," said Sirius. "It's his stupid humming all the time that makes me want to smash my head in."

"You guys are fantastic mates," James said, annoyed. "Brilliant, really. Keep going."

"Okay. Well, he also-" Sirius started, but was interrupted by James kicking him in the shin. Sirius was spewing out curses right and left.

"Anyway," said Remus. "They, er, well, there have been a few incidents…"

I opened up the Prophet and there, on the front page, was something that made me absolutely sick to my stomach.

EIGHT MUGGLEBORNS MURDERED BY DEATH EATERS LAST NIGHT, MINISTRY YET TO CATCH THE CRIMINALS

I was going to vomit. I was going to be sick. I was going to cry. Eight? At once? I felt the tears stinging my eyes. Don't fucking cry, Lily. Don't. I read the article quickly but I couldn't really understand the words. I gave up and shakily handed the paper back to James. I didn't say anything, I didn't look at them, I just turned back around in my seat and stared blankly at my textbook.

I mean, I really just didn't understand it. Not at all. I really just didn't understand why these bloody death eaters feel the need to hurt and kill muggleborns. People like me. All because of my blood? I'm still a witch! And quite frankly, I'm better than all of them! At magic, at life! Morals, values, personality! I mean, they're just soulless!

I couldn't think straight. I tried to keep the tears in. Everything going on with Dad lately, and now all this…It was too much to bear. Suddenly, James was sitting in the empty seat beside me, his hand on mine. I pulled away. Now was not the time for James bloody Potter to come and save the day. I was still cross with him, and just letting him be there for me while I cried again was just getting tiring. I mean, normally…No. I mean, yes but…Ugh. Now was just not the time. I wanted to be alone.

"Lily," he said, putting his hand on my shoulder. "It's okay."

I didn't look at him as I shrugged his hand off my shoulder. "No, it's not," I whispered. "It's really, really not."

"Lily, you-"

"Please leave me alone, James," I said, as Professor Jenkins walked in. But James didn't get up. He sat there, and I could feel him looking at me. Blimey, why did he have to do things like that…

I wasn't really paying close attention to the lesson. I wasn't really thinking at all. I knew most of the stuff, anyway. We were learning about patronuses, and I've known how to conjure one since fifth year. The whole article from the prophet just made me so anxious…I found myself subconsciously tapping my fingers against the desk in a not-so-rhythmic manner. I stared blankly at a paragraph in my textbook that was clearly opened to the wrong page because it said something about being under the Imperius but I didn't bother to go to the right page. I just stared at that paragraph. About ten minutes into the lesson, James slipped a note onto my book.

Are you okay? –J

Sure. –L

You're lying.

Who said I needed to tell you the truth?

Me.

Well, you lost that right when you forgot about rounds.

I'm sorry! I told you why. Was it not a valid reason?

Good or bad reason, I'm still cross. And I'm pretty sure we agreed I have the right to be.

Only for today, though.

Whatever helps you sleep at night.

Lily.

Potter.

Ugh.

Yes. Ugh.

But really, are you okay?

I don't know.

We didn't mean to make you upset. We just thought you should know.

I know.

I'm sorry.

I know.

You're going to be fine.

Doubtful.

Well, if you keep doubting yourself, then, yeah, it is doubtful.

Oh, ha, ha. You're so clever.

I was being serious.

Oh. Well. Thanks?

You're welcome. Now would you stop tapping your fingernails against the desk? It's driving me mad.

Um, no?

What are you so nervous about?

What are you talking about?

You always do that when you're anxious.

How did you know that?

Because you do it all the sodding time.

Well, you always hum when you're doing work!

How did you know that?

Because you do it all the sodding time as well!

Well, it relaxes me!

So tapping my fingers relaxes me!

You're impossible.

Stop smiling like a prat.

No.

I hate you.

You do not.

Git. Now stop passing me notes and pay attention!

Ha, no. I could do the stuff he's "teaching" in my sleep.

Good to know. Well, now that we had this little exchange, I am ending this whole note passing business and going back to ignoring you. And hating you. And insulting you. Tosser.

Nah, you're not.

…

Okay, maybe you are.

You're so stubborn.

ANSWER ME.

Fine. I hate you too. We're even.

Needles to say, I was feeling a bit better after the whole note-passing thing with James. But, I don't know, just everything felt off. Towards the last ten minutes of class, Jenkins told us to try to cast our patronuses. Everyone did them at once, so it was a bit hectic.

I tried to think of a happy thought to do it. I thought of that day with Dad when they let him out of the hospital to spend Christmas with the family outside of his Hospital room. Petunia and I put our differences aside and got along. We spent the day inside, drinking cocoa by the fire, listening to Dad's old records, laughing, exchanging presents, being with each other. It was the best I'd seen him in ages. I felt truly happy that day. Dad always made me happy.

I closed my eyes and recreated the day strong and bright in my head. I focused on Dad's smile when I said, "Expecto Patronum!"

My signature silver doe came out from my wand, standing elegantly in the air. Then, suddenly, a stag passed by it gracefully. My doe started to follow it, and they started interacting with each other.

A stag. The doe's mate for life. It was cute. I turned to see whose stag it was.

Then I realized just how thick I was. Really, I was a complete fool. A FOOL. He told me about his animagus form last year. He explained to me what Prongs meant. And I just can't put the bloody pieces together and notice that it's also his damn patronus?

Suddenly, I felt as if I were about to faint. I mean…what are the sodding odds that his patronus and my patronus would just happen to be bloody made for each other! Oh man, this was bad. This was really, really bad. Down the drain kind of bad. So far down the drain that even Moaning Myrtle can't reach it. Oh buggering hell, I'm doomed. Doomed. This is my end. I'm dying.

Dying!

Look, I see the light…

"Lily, hello?"

"God? Is that you?" I said without realizing that I was speaking.

"Well, I guess you can call me that," said the same voice. "Most of the birds in this school do."

Then I came back to reality. "Potter…"

I didn't know what to say. Really. Because I wanted to insult him. I wanted to insult him so bad. I wanted to rip him to shreds! But there was a slight problem.

I couldn't. Nope. No I could not because my eyes were averted back to our bloody patronuses getting all cozy with one another. NO OTHER PATRONUSES WERE DOING SO, BY THE WAY.

Jenkins dismissed us, so I grabbed my textbook and shoved it in my rucksack and muttered, "Have-to-go-bye!" really quickly and ran out of there before James could catch up.

"Lily!" I heard June calling after me.

I turned around, and was able to see James eyeing me strangely not too far behind June and Delia. "I'll-see-you-guys-later-bye!" I said, still rushing to the library.

And you know, I consider myself a pretty logical person. Usually. But going to the library was just plain stupid of me. Like, seriously. He knows I go there during my frees! I should've gone to the girls' loo. Or just went to my room. But no, I just had to go to the library! Because three minutes later, guess who showed up.

"Why were you running out of defense to get to here?" he interrogated me as he took a seat across from me.

I rolled my eyes. "Pish, posh. I wasn't running. I was merely walking faster than the average student. I mean, seriously, you would think people are like snails around here. No one moves faster than my Nana here!"

He chuckled. "Okay, but you seemed to be walking a bit faster than being faster than the average student."

"Well, I wanted to get to my seat before anyone else took it."

"Rubbish," he said, leaning back in his chair.

"I am very possessive of this seat! I have always sat here at this table ever since first year! I'm emotionally attached to this seat!"

James's grin lit up his face, and my heart started to beat a lot faster. Shoot. I needed to stop this. Wasn't I cross with him? I'm cross with him!

"Well, I-"

"Wait. I'm cross with you. Leave."

"You weren't cross with me when we were passing notes in Defense," he reminded me.

"Yes I was. Momentary lapse of not being so cross. But I'm angry now. Yeah, real angry. Gr. Get lost, Potter," I said, trying to sound serious. But he merely laughed. "Stop laughing you evil, rounds forgetting, irresponsible, arrogant, toerag!"

"Arrogant toerag, eh?" he said, suddenly not laughing as much. Oops. Maybe I shouldn't have digressed to my fifth year I-hate-James-Potter insults. "I thought we were done with that."

"My loathing of you? Not a chance in hell, Potter," I said, hoping he caught my I'm-only-kidding tone. "Now, can I do my work please?"

"What work? No teachers assigned us work today. All our assignments are due tomorrow, and I'm sure you didn't leave anything for last minute."

"How do you know?" I asked. "I'm rather the rebel, really!"

"Ha. I like that. 'Lily Evans, rather the rebel, really'. Has a nice ring to it. But you really got to live up to it," James laughed.

"I already live up to it, you ponce."

"Oh really? What was the last rebellious act you did?"

"Um…Well, the other night, I came in after curfew!"

James raised an eyebrow, clearly amused. "Oh yeah? How long after curfew? Three minutes?"

"Seven minutes, actually, thank you!" I defended.

"Yeah, okay, big deal. And how many detentions have you gotten in your life? None, right?"

"Not true!" I shouted automatically. "I had one once in fifth year!"

"Wow, once. You should get a blue ribbon."

"But my wall for blue ribbons specifically is already filled up," I sighed sarcastically.

"What about-"

"Wait," I said, after realizing I was having too much fun with this conversation. "I'm cross with you. Stop distracting me from being angry!"

"Fine, fine. Just tell me this, why did you get that detention?" he smirked.

Ha. Funny one, James! Like I was going to tell the bloke I fancy that the one detention I got was for being caught snogging Patrick.

"Er, um, none of your business?" I stammered.

He rolled his eyes. "Just tell me!"

"Ask Sirius. I'm pretty sure he was there for that one. He didn't tell you about it?"

He shrugged. "I don't remember."

"What's with you and forgetting things, hm?"

"Oi, you're never going to let this rounds thing go, are you?"

"Tomorrow," I said. "Now, shoo, before I change my mind!"

"But I have nowhere to go," he almost whined. Psh. What a child.

I let out a hollow laugh. "I'm sure you have plenty of places to go. This is a castle! And since I'm sure you haven't finished your assignments due tomorrow, so why don't you go to do that? In your room?"

James sighed, scratching his head. "Fine. But just tell me this-"

"You already said that before!"

"Well, since you never answered, I'm picking something else for you to tell me!"

"Ugh," I groaned. "All right. Go on."

"Why did you run out of Defense?"

I sighed. "I told you-"

"No, the real reason."

Oh shit. I wasn't going to tell him that. "Well, er…"

"If it was about the article," he said seriously. "I'm really sorry, again. I didn't mean to make you so upset."

Oh. He thought that was why. Poor, naïve James. So innocent. Ha wait what am I saying. James Potter is far from innocent. But that stupid look on his face is all like, I'm an innocent little heartthrob and you know you fancy me! Well, James's face, I advise you to stop this at once because it is not helping my predicament!

In any event, I was going to go along with this little, er, theory as to why I sprinted out of there as if my life depended on it. "Oh, uh, yeah. It's fine, I told you. Don't worry about it."

"And why did you randomly get completely out of it after we casted our patronuses?"

James, my dear, you said one question, one answer! There are no follow-ups!

"Um…" was all I could manage.

"You're quite good at it, by the way," he said casually.

Who goes around randomly complimenting people's patronus casting skills? Yet, I still get that stupid feeling in my stomach. Stupid James. He should write a book. How the Worst Pick-up Lines and Compliments Will Have Girls Drooling Over You Within a Matter of Seconds; a guideline by James Potter.

"Um, thanks," I said, trying to ignore the fact that I felt a blush creeping up on my cheeks. And then, my stupid, idiotic mouth goes and says without my brain's permission, "I never knew your patronus was a stag."

"I knew yours was a doe," he said quietly. A bit too quietly for him. "I remember from last year, when we all tried doing it and only you, Sirius, Remus, me, and that Ravenclaw bloke could pull it off."

"Oh, yeah," I said, vaguely remembering now. And then it was silent, so I opened up my book.

"Hey, Lily," he said in a calm but serious voice.

"What now?" I said maybe a bit too harsh.

"Why were you so upset the other night?" he asked out of the blue. "Before we played chess?"

A lump in my throat suddenly appeared and I felt like I was about to choke. I looked down at my lap and started playing with my hands. "It was nothing. Forget it."

"But-"

"Just drop it," I snapped.

"Lily, I…" he tried and then paused. He took a deep breath. "You know I'm always here, if you ever need to talk about anything."

"You wouldn't understand," I heard myself say coldly.

"I never said I would," he said softly. "But I could try," he offered.

"It wouldn't make a difference."

I didn't have the courage to look up at his face because I knew I would instantly feel guilty and I don't need to feel that way. I don't need to be worried about offending James, as much as I didn't want to offend him at all. All I could worry about was my Dad.

"You don't know that, Lily. Sometimes just talking it out could make you feel better. You're such an upbeat, positive person…I hate seeing you get so upset without me being able to help-"

"I don't need anyone's pity about whatever's going on in my life! I don't need to drone on and on about it, expecting them to make me feel better! I hate doing that, and when I do it I regret it after," I said angrily, even though I knew part of me was lying because whenever I spoke to James about my problems he always made me feel better. But my Dad…I couldn't talk about. To anyone. I mean, sure, June and Delia kind of knew about it, but nothing more than the little I am ever willing to tell them. "Why does it even matter to you, anyway?"

I looked up at him at this point. I saw his face tense up. He looked angry, and I felt my stomach drop. "Because I fucking care about you, Lily. Isn't that enough?"

I bit my lip. "You just don't get it," I whispered.

I let my eyes wander from my lap to James's face, and I couldn't quite make out what he was feeling. But just then, he stood up and said, "Fine. I don't get it. Sorry to be such a pain in the arse. I won't ask in the future. I won't even bother to help," and then he got up and left without looking back.

I knew he didn't mean it. I knew he was just angry. But the second those doors closed my tears came out uncontrollably, sliding down my cheeks onto my book.

But I didn't want to think about it. Nope. I couldn't. Because I knew I was the one who was wrong here.

So I did what I always do in these situations; I studied.

I stayed in the library until dinner, and then I walked alone to the Great Hall. No one was there yet, and I was kind of happy about that, because truthfully, I wanted to be alone right now.

I was halfway done with my silent and lonely meal when someone sat across from me.

It was Sirius.

"Hi," I said meekly.

"We need to talk," he said.

But I'm not really in a talking mood. "Okay."

"What the hell did you do?"

I hurt James's feelings, I know. "What are you talking about?"

"Why was James in our dorm room sulking like the world was ending?"

Because I'm a terrible person. "I don't know, ask him."

"I don't need to ask him, Evans," Sirius said, rolling his eyes. "He only gets like this when it has to do with you."

I know. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Lily," he sighed. "Look, I know James. And I know you. So stop lying and just tell me what happened."

I sighed. "Sirius…"

He just glared at me.

I grunted. "I may or may not have lashed out at him in the library. He was just pestering me on and on and I really didn't want to talk about what he was asking about. And I got angry, and I said something stupid, and he got angry and left. That's it."

Sirius ran a hand through his hair. "Lily."

"Yes?"

He sighed. "Listen…I know you fancy James."

What did he just say? "What did you just say?"

"I know you fancy James. Don't act like an idiot."

Well, that was a little harsh. "You know, Sirius, insulting me isn't going to convince me to spill my feelings about whomever to you."

"So there are feelings for James, then?" he asked, smirking.

"Er, um…no?" I lied.

He scoffed. "You're a brilliant liar."

"Thank you. I take pride in my lying abilities," I said.

"Lily," he said. "You're not going to tell me, are you?"

"There's nothing to tell," I lied again.

"Fine," he said. "But just promise me something."

"Depends."

"Don't hurt him."

Don't hurt him. At first, that made me really angry. Don't hurt him? Who does he think I am? Some slag just trying to toy with his emotions? Obviously not! That's the whole bloody reason I'm trying to stay away from him! So I don't hurt him! Even though, I guess, maybe, being closed off will just hurt him more…

So instead of yelling at Sirius, which I really didn't want to do, because, let's face it, I really did genuinely like the guy, he was a good mate, I said, "I wasn't planning on it," in all sincerity.

"Good," he responded.

I started to eat again and Sirius brought up a new topic. Well, not entirely new, really, because I knew what he was trying to imply. And by what, I mean who.

"So," he said, mischievous "Our last first Hogsmeade trip is a few weeks away."

"Mhm," I replied.

"Has anyone asked you?"

"Er, don't you think it's a little too early for that? It's like, three weeks away!"

"So?" Sirius laughed. "Since when did that stop anyone?"

I shrugged. "I just think it's a bit early."

"But are you considering someone?"

"Sirius," I sighed.

"Fine, fine, I get it," Sirius said, taking a drink of his pumpkin juice. "You're waiting for him to ask you."

"I don't know who this him is of which you are speaking of, but I'm not waiting on anyone," I said.

"Sure, Evans," he said, shaking his head. He glanced over to his right, further down at the table. I was able to see for a second that he was taking a glimpse at Carly Manning.

"Are you asking anybody?" I asked, raising my eyebrow.

"Me?" he scoffed. "Please, Lily. I don't need to ask anybody. The birds in this school come crawling on their knees, pleading for me to choose them. I don't have to do a thing to get a date."

I snorted. "How sweet."

"Yes, I am pretty sweet, aren't I."

"Absolutely charming and classy."

He frowned. "If that was sarcasm-"

"So you're waiting on someone then, yeah?"

He seemed shocked for an instant, and then he grimaced. "You know."

"Know what?" I said, trying to hide my smile.

"I am going to murder your boyfriend."

"I have no idea who or what you are talking about, but I think I made it pretty clear that I do not have a boyfriend."

"Okay, yeah, sure, whatever," he said, stuffing a spoonful of rice in his mouth, looking to his right again.

I smirked and started standing up. "All right, I'll leave you be to look at your girlfriend while I go finish my work."

Sirius rolled his eyes. "She's my girlfriend if James is your-"

"Bye!" I said, running away laughing. I slowed down and turned around to see Sirius laughing as well. I stuck my tongue out and then proceeded walking. I got to the entrance, well, the exit in my case, of the Great Hall when I bumped into Remus, Peter, June and Delia.

"Hey, Lil," June greeted me.

"Hey guys," I said. "Hey, um, Peter, Remus, is James still up in your dorm?"

I saw Delia and June exchange a look but I chose to (try to) ignore it.

"Yeah. And he seemed pretty upset, but he wouldn't tell us why," said Peter.

Remus was giving me a knowing glare. I guess he knew it had something to do with me too. "Yeah…I'm sure he'll be down soon for dinner, though."

"Oh, okay," I said quietly. "Thanks."

"Anytime, Lily," replied Remus, and he and Peter started walking to their seats.

"How are you doing, Delia?" I asked.

Delia and June were still looking at each other with those smirks on their faces. Okay, I guess it's safe to say that they know. I guess I'm just going to have to murder them tonight.

But anyway, I wasn't going to admit anything to them yet.

"Fine," she finally responded, though I knew she wasn't. "Just really hungry. Are you eating with us?"

"Sorry," I muttered. "Already ate. I have to go finish up some work anyway. I'll see you guys later."

"Everything okay, Lil?" June asked.

"Yeah…just busy," I said, which was half true, I guess. "I'll see you guys later."

"Sure thing," Delia responded as I strode past them.

Mission: apologize to James; commence.

I walked rather quickly up to the Gryffindor Tower. I muttered the password and entered the empty Common Room. I guess everyone was at dinner. But Remus said he'll be down soon, right? I mean, James really wasn't one to pass up a meal anyway. I kept glancing towards the staircase to the boys' dormitory. I had a rather strong desire to just go up there now and say something to him. Because, I mean, technically, I wouldn't be violating any school rules. Because, I mean, technically, girls are allowed in the boys' dormitory. Hence, the amount of shags people have gotten away with in this school. Not that I'm going up there to shag! Or anything sexual related! Just apologize! And maybe talk or whatever…

Anyways, I went with my better judgment and decided to just wait on the common room couch. So I waited.

I was sitting there all alone for a solid fifteen, maybe twenty minutes before I dozed off temporarily. It was that kind of sleep when you're not really asleep. When you're like, half there, half not. I was suddenly woken up by what sounded like a stampede but was really just James taking far too forceful footsteps down the stairs.

I immediately jumped off the couch, pulling at my clothes. "James, hi," I said hastily.

He paused for a moment, looked at me, and nodded. "Lily." He continued walking.

"James, wait," I said, walking over behind him.

He paused and turned on his heels. "What do you have to lecture me about now?"

Okay, ouch. Maybe I deserved that. "N-nothing. I just wanted to…um…well…"

He raised an eyebrow, putting his hands in his pockets. He looked so cute. Focus, Lily, focus. Apologizing. Right.

"I am the most horrendous human being to ever walk the face of the Earth and I don't know why you even bother to put up with me," I blurted out.

He sighed. "No you're not-"

"No, I am. Really, I am. I am terrible. Look, I just…" I took a deep breath. "I just have something going on and I, uh, well…I don't really like talking about it particularly and it's really nice how you're always trying to help and all but this is the one thing I just have trouble talking about and, er, I'm sorry for snapping at you because it's not like you knew or anything and I'm just rambling now but um yeah so thank you for being concerned, I suppose."

I am the world's biggest goon. Ever.

One of the hands residing in his pocket flew to his hair, and he swayed from heel to toe before he took a step closer to me. What the bloody hell was he doing.

"Er, were you waiting for me down here?"

"Um, y-yeah, I was."

His face lit up with a grin as he dropped his hand from his hair and said, "All right. I guess I forgive you."

"All because I waited for you?" I asked amused, and then he was pulling me in for a hug with his free hand and then he took out the other from his pocket and wrapped his arms a bit tight around my waist, tight enough that I thought he was going to suffocate the butterflies causing havoc in my stomach. I hugged him back subconsciously, taking in his apple scent. Goddamn it he smelled so good.

"Nah," he responded, still holding onto me.

"So why?" I asked, as he pulled away.

He shrugged with a crooked grin. "Because."

"Great reasoning."

"Because. You're hard to stay cross with."

Okay this bloke really needed to stop doing things like this to my head. I needed to run. Flee. Get out ASAP. I couldn't keep doing this to myself. I couldn't keep letting myself get lost in his stupid hazel eyes and fall for his stupid charm. I can't be like all of those other girls. He would probably drop me in two days if we ever even tried being together. Realize how boring and not worth it I am.

But I also couldn't keep doing this to James.

Don't hurt him.

I gave Sirius my word. And I intend on keeping that word.

I gave a nervous, shaky laugh. "Oh, well, thank you." I didn't know what else to say.

"Also, you called me James despite your stupid rule on calling me Potter all day," he said, smiling.

Oh right. Mental glitch. Forgot about that one. Damn it. I couldn't help but smile at him though, and he smiled even wider back. It was quite funny how happy he was just because I used his first name.

No, wait, Lily, you're trying to get away from him, remember? Bloody hell. I need someone to keep me in check here.

"I-I have to go and finish up these point sheets for Dumbledore, but, I-I'll see you later?"

James gave me a curious look. "You're not eating dinner?"

"Already did."

"Oh," he responded lightly. "Yeah, okay. See you later."

I nodded and gave him a weary smile and started walking towards the staircase as he started walking closer to the portrait hole.

Suddenly, I heard him stop walking and he said, "Wizard chess tonight?"

I know I just went on a whole rant about how I had to keep away from James because I'm just hurting the both of us, but I was instantly turning around and blurting out, "Well, obviously," as I gave him a playful smile. "Be prepared for me to kick your arse," I said.

"Ah, that would be my pleasure," he said, wiggling his eyebrows.

"Oh, har, har, Mister I-Turn-Everything-Into-A-Sexual-Innuendo," I said rolling my eyes, turning back around.

"I've been practicing!" he shouted back. "With Sirius! And I've been winning by landslides."

"Sexual innuendos? Or chess?"

"Both!"

I laughed. "I'm still going to win," I said in a sing-songy tone.

I heard him chuckle sweetly, which caused me to turn around again and look at him. My heart was beating against my chest a mile a minute. All because of that stupid laugh. And maybe the lingering smell of apples.

"At sexual innuendos, or chess?" he finally asked.

I laughed and then rolled my eyes, turning back around. "I hate you," I said loud enough for him to hear.

"Oh, no you don't," he said, and I could hear the charm in his damn voice. Then I heard the portrait close, and I turned around to just stare at the space where James had just been.

Look at me. I'm like a pathetic school girl.

This whole love-hate or fancy-hate or whatever this thing is really is a bit too complicated for my liking.

Stupid James, just casually ruining my life with his perfection.

...

..

Sh, pretend I never said that.

A/N: so, I just wanted to let you know, that I know not too much has been going on, but the next chapter is when something big in particular happens...the more you review the quicker I update. So maybe this is bribery...but oh well. :D