Disclaimer: I do not own the characters created by Janet Evanovich. I just really really wish I did!! I am just using them in this story. I only own Carmella, but you can have her if you want her!
Ranger pulled up outside my parents' house and looked at it.
"Y'know, I think Tank might need some help with…surveillance." He muttered. I grinned.
"Nice try. Come on, park the car. We've only got five minutes till dinner and I shall not be responsible for dinner being ruined." I commanded. Ranger shut off the engine and climbed out of the Porsche. Carmella jumped out and looked to the door of the house. Grandma Mazur and my mother were stood there.
"I'm guessing that's your mom and your grandma." Carmella said, statement more then a question. I nodded and we walked up to the door.
"Hi mom, is it ok if Carmella and Ranger have tea here?" I asked knowing the answer already. Any good burg housewife would instantly accept extra guests. It was an unwritten law. She beamed at Carmella.
"Of course, come in." she stood to one side and ushered us in. Grandma Mazur examined Carmella.
"Are you a bounty hunter as well?" she asked.
"No Ma'am, I'm only fifteen." She smiled politely. Her manners were impeccable.
"Oh. Then who are you?" Grandma Mazur questioned suspiciously.
"Carmella is Ranger's daughter." I explained. Carmella smiled and nodded.
"Well isn't that something. I wouldn't have thought of you as someone who'd have kids." She said to Ranger.
"Just Carmella." He smiled politely.
"Valerie and the kids are here. It's like a farm, what with Mary Alice galloping everything and Angie reciting the periodic table." Grandma Mazur sighed and led us to the dinning room. When we walked in Mary Alice neighed at us.
"What is the symbol for potassium?" Angie asked.
"K" Carmella replied instantly. Ranger and I stared at her in surprise. "What? Is that the wrong answer?" she asked in a panicked tone. I shrugged. Angie pulled out her periodic table.
"No, it's right. Who are you?" she asked.
"I'm Carmella. Are you Angie?" Carmella replied. Angie nodded.
"I'm Mary Alice and I'm a beautiful palomino horse." Mary Alice announced, as she galloped on Ranger's foot. He winced but didn't make a noise.
"Are you?" Carmella asked, crouching to her level "That's cool. You even have a pony tail." She smiled, indicating Mary Alice's hair. Mary Alice neighed and galloped off. I heard footsteps thundering down the stairs and Valerie entered with Lisa, popping her boob back into her top.
"Uh, this kid is so greedy, crying every three min-omigod Ranger, I had no idea you were…who are you?" she asked Carmella. Carmella's polite smile made another appearance.
"I'm Carmella Mañoso, Ranger's daughter." She introduced herself.
"Aunt Stephanie, you didn't say that Ranger had a daughter." Angie said quizzically.
"No, but you and mommy and Grammy said that he was like Batman and that he had a really great ass. You said he had a body to die for. Then Grammy said that she bet he had a really big wil-" Mary Alice said sweetly.
"Umm, Why don't you sit down dear?" my mother quickly interrupted. I could see Carmella shaking with silent laughter and Ranger grinning annoyingly. I could feel my face burning with embarrassment. Everyone took a seat and I quickly sat down between Ranger and Carmella. My mother pulled the lid off the casserole in the centre of the table and motioned for everyone to begin. Just then, Albert ran in.
"Hi, I'm sorry I'm late but there was a hit and run near the office. I went to the hospital to see if my services were wanted by anyone-wowzah, who are you?" he asked. Carmella smiled.
"I'm Carmella." She said and took a bite of the casserole. He looked at her, mouth slightly open, then sat down opposite her.
"Carmella is Ranger's daughter." Valerie hissed "So stop staring." Carmella smiled. In fairness, Carmella was probably closer to Albert's age then Valerie was.
"Oh, hello Ranger. Have you had a good day? Did you arrest anyone? Do you know anyone who might need a lawyer?" He asked. Ranger smiled.
" Nope, no arrests and I don't think anyone will need a lawyer. Sorry." He replied. Albert sighed.
"Oh well, it was worth asking." He helped himself to some potatoes. My mother smiled at Carmella.
"So Carmella, how long have you been here?"
"Um…almost three weeks I think. I'm staying with dad."
"Oh, so will you be going to school here?" she asked.
"Yeah, I'm starting Trenton High on Monday. This reminds me, Dad I'll need to go shopping tomorrow." I heard Ranger groan softly. The room was filled with a cell phone ringing. Ranger cursed softly, pulled his phone out of his pocket and walked into the hall.
"Yo…you have got to be kidding…no, I suppose that'll have to be ok…right, one o clock. Later." He walked back in and sat down.
"Do you have to go?" I asked. He shook his head.
"No, but the hearing's been moved to Saturday. This is not good. As long as we can keep the thing dragging on then we should be ok. Tank's trying to dig up anything he can on Eva and James. There's also the fact that Carmella's been enrolled into school, that should count for something." He looked to Carmella. "Is that ok?" he asked. She shrugged.
"I don't really have a choice do I? I'll need a new suit. I think one from Prada should suffice."
"Yeah right." He muttered.
"What's all this about a court hearing?" Grandma Mazur asked.
"It's a custody hearing with Carmella's mother. If we win, then Carmella stays." Everyone nodded.
"Will Carmella's opinion get taken into account?" My mother asked.
"It should, but if they feel that Carmella would be better off with her mother, then that's what they'll demand." Ranger asked.
"What will you do if they put you with your mother?" Grandma Mazur asked Carmella.
"Well, I will probably say something very colourful and then I shall skip the country." She replied calmly. Everyone stared at her in shock.
"Could you do that?" Valerie asked. Carmella nodded.
"Easily, I'd have Lester and Bobby get me some fake ID and Tank'd get me accommodation and a plane ticket."
"Is that the actual plan?" I asked Ranger. He nodded.
"If worst comes to worst then it's the only plan. Ideally I'd like to drag the hearings till her birthday, then she could legally choose, but as it's in May, that's not likely."
"Why don't you have a part in the plan?" I asked.
"Because he can't incriminate himself. He could get jailed if he helped me skip. Instead, he'd fly out a couple of weeks after I'd gone. Then we'd wait till I'm 16 and come back. Problem solved." Carmella replied. My family were staring at them in shock.
"I'd appreciate it if this conversation was forgotten and never recalled. For legal purposes you understand" Ranger requested. We all nodded. Albert pulled a couple of cards from his pocket and handed one to Carmella and one to Ranger.
"Here are my details in case you ever need a lawyer." Another stunned silence followed.
"Does anyone want desert?" I asked.
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The rest of the meal passed quite smoothly. The only memorable part was Grandma asking Ranger if he'd strip for cash. Carmella had almost past out from laughing too much. I'd turned as red as a tomato. Ranger looked like he was thinking about laughing. Ranger and I started the washing up while Carmella taught Angie how to do a French plat.
"So…you think I have a body to die for, do you?" Ranger asked casually. I could feel my face burning up.
"Oh God…" I muttered "I hoped you'd forgotten about that." Ranger tipped his head back and did a proper laugh. It would have been contagious had I not been so mortified. He slung an arm around my shoulders.
"Don't worry about it babe, I'm flattered. I'm just a bit scared that you were discussing it with your Grandma."
"I can't control her. I swear, I've tried." He laughed softly and kissed my lightly on the forehead. There was the sound of someone clearing their throat. We both spun around and saw Carmella leaning against the door frame. She was like Ranger; she could always find something to lean against.
"Not interrupting am I?" She asked. We both took a step away from each other, causing her to raise an eyebrow in suspicion.
"Steph, your mom wants to know if you're going to some viewing, because your Grandma needs a lift." I shook my head.
"Nope, going straight home. Actually lets go, before I get roped into viewing duty." I said to Ranger, who nodded and steered me from the kitchen with his hand against the small of my back.
"Oh Carmella, I don't suppose you'd mind babysitting for us on Tuesday night, it's just that me and Albert want to go out for dinner somewhere, y'know, pre-wedding." Valerie asked as we walked into the living room.
"Yeah sure, no problem. We'll have fun, won't we girls?" she smiled at Angie and Mary Alice who both grinned and nodded manically.
"Will you give me pretty hair?" Mary Alice asked "Because I have a dressage competition soon." Carmella nodded.
"Of course, you'll be the prettiest horse there." She replied. Mary Alice grinned and galloped off.
"Is it ok to encourage the horse thing?" Carmella asked me quietly. I nodded.
"Yeah, we've kind of given up on stopping her. We figure she'll just grow out of it." I replied. "Anyway, we're going now." I announced to the room. My dad gave me a vague wave but kept his gaze fixed on the television. My mother and Grandma Mazur walked us to the door.
"Good luck at the hearing." My mom said to Carmella who smiled and thanked her for dinner.
"Are you sure about the stripping?" Grandma Mazur asked Ranger.
"I'm sure. But if I ever quit being a bounty hunter, I'll be sure to keep stripping in mind." He replied. I could see Carmella starting to laugh again.
"You should. You'd be very popular." Grandma Mazur informed him. He nodded, thanked mom for tea and walked to the car with Carmella.
"Stephanie are you living with this man? Because I thought you were happy with Joe. If you're living with him but having babies with Joe it will start awful rumours." Mom asked, wringing her hands.
"Mom, I still with Joe. Ranger and I are just friends. I stayed last night because Carmella was freaked about…stuff. And I am having A baby with Joe. Just one. Not babies plural. I'll see you soon." I walked down the car and got in next to Ranger. He grinned at me.
"Am I sullying your image?" he asked. I sighed.
"Nope, just starting a whole new chain of Burg rumours." I replied. Carmella was sprawled across the back seat, messing about with her mobile.
"You were good with the girls." I said to her. She shrugged.
"I'm good with kids. We have a massive extended family, every Christmas there's a new baby at the table. You learn to tolerate them." She smiled. I nodded.
"It was nice of you to agree to baby-sit for Valerie." Another shrug.
"It gets me money. Money means clothes. And ice cream." She replied. We drove in silence for a bit. Ranger was in his driving zone.
"Hey Stephie, are you going to come on Saturday? You could meet the mother from hell. And offer moral support of course." Carmella asked suddenly. I looked at Ranger.
"Would that be ok?" I asked. He nodded,
"I don't see why it wouldn't be. James comes to all the hearings; I see no reason why you shouldn't be allowed to sit in." I turned back to Carmella.
"Well
then sure."
"Cool. Are you coming shopping tomorrow?" she
asked.
"Sweetheart, are you aware that Steph and I have to work?" Ranger asked.
"So pay her as my bodyguard. Sorted. But send Tank along as well. Nothing personal Stephie, it's just that Tank looks a hell of a lot more threatening then you." She grinned. I smiled.
"Yeah I'll come with you."
"Cool, we'll pick you up around midday. Dad'll give you some money for it." She instructed. Ranger made a small whining sound in his throat.
"You're bleeding me dry kiddo." He muttered.
"You can't fool me, I know you have unlimited amounts of cash." Carmella murmured, engrossed in her phone again. We pulled up outside Joe's house and I jumped out the car. Carmella got out to help me with my bags. There was a light on the kitchen, which meant one of three things; really dumb burglars, Joe was home or Bob had finally learned how to use the light switch. It had to be sent that while the third would be the most annoying, the second was probably the most likely answer. As we approached the front door, it was opened by Joe. Yep, answer number three. I smiled at him and gave him a light kiss on the lips.
"Hey I'm back!" I announced. Talk about stating the obvious.
"Ok Stephie, I'll se you tomorrow." Carmella smiled and handed the bags she was carrying to Joe. "You shouldn't let Steph carry stuff in her condition." She told him, then ran down the path and jumped in the car.
"That girl is priceless." Joe grinned. I nodded in agreement, she really was.
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I woke up the next morning thinking I had definitely made the right choice as regards Ranger and Joe. It was already 10.30. Rats, I'd over slept. The late night-early morning schedule I had going was doing nothing for me. Joe had already gone to work. I stumbled into the bathroom and switched the shower on. I happened to glance at my reflection in the mirror. Yikes, truly terrifying. If I was lucky, I'd have time to do the full on hair thing after I got out the shower. As I was showering, I glanced down at my stomach. Maybe there was a bit more, but I wasn't expecting a vast change as I was only about two months gone. I felt awful to admit it, but I'd almost forgotten about the baby, what with everything happening. What kind of a mother was I? What if my kid took after Mary Alice and decided to be a farmyard animal. Don't get me wrong, Mary Alice was cute in small supplies, but I wasn't sure I could cope with her full time. There was so much still to do. Oh well, I still had about seven months, well maybe five and a bit before I became practically immobile. I climbed out the shower and wrapped myself in a towel, then felt a wave of nausea sweep through my body. I ran to the toilet and threw up. Gross, I'd forgotten about the morning sickness. It wasn't regular thankfully, but it was still pretty icky. I stumbled back into the bedroom and looked at the clock. 11.00. Ok, one hour. I selected a long sleeved blue top and some loose fitting jeans. It seemed to me to be a granny-pant day, what with all baby thoughts. I managed to make my hair look slightly more acceptable using a hair dryer and some gel. 11.45. I selected a bag and trotted downstairs in search of food. Left over lasagne, perfect. I finished my nutritious breakfast and ran upstairs to clean my teeth, when there was a knock at the door. I spat out my toothpaste and ran back downstairs. I opened the door and almost got the shock of my life when I saw Grandma Bella stood there. Without Joe's mother. Ok, there was no one to control her. This was frightening. She glared at me.
"Grandma Bella, what a nice surprise." I smiled, hoping it didn't look to much like a grimace.
"I heard you had left my grandson for some Latino." She growled.
"A vicious rumour." I explained. It would be vicious when I found out who'd told Bella.
"It is bad enough that you are having this baby out of the sacrament of marriage, but to leave the father would be unacceptable."
"Yes I quite agree. Well as you can see, I haven't gone anywhere." I said as politely as I could. I then noticed the black SUV roll to a stop on the road outside the house and Carmella hopped out. I felt a rush of relief, Carmella would save me. She walked up to the door and smiled.
"Ready to go Stephie?" She asked, ignoring Bella. Bad move.
"Who are you?" Bella hissed menacingly.
"I'm Carmella Mañoso. Who are you?" she asked.
"It is none of your business who I am." Bella replied indignantly.
"Whatever" Carmella shrugged "Come on S, Tank's waiting in the car." I snagged my bag and stepped out the door, locking it behind me.
"Sorry Grandma Bella, I have to go now. I hope I'll see you soon." I lied.
"I had a vision" Bella growled "I saw you and your baby alone, living on the street because of your cheating." I stared at her.
"It wouldn't happen. If you're going to fake a prediction at least make it reasonable. Stephie and the baby'd never be homeless. She'd either move back in with her parents or she could live with me and dad. Sorry lady but we have to go." Carmella replied. Bella looked shocked. Apparently no one had questioned one of her predictions before.
"Why you ignorant little…I think I may put the eye on you." Bella threatened. Carmella looked unimpressed.
"Oh yawn, is that supposed to scare me?" she said lazily. Tank had now joined us, in case Bella launched an attack on me or Carmella I guess.
"You should fear the eye, you ignorant brat. It is the most fearful of curses and-"
"Excuse me? Are you threatening me with your old country magic? Well two play at that game. If you try to curse me with your dark magic, I'll have to summon the Cuban Goddess of…of Air and she will not be impressed that you tried to curse one of her country's children. She will put a pox on your throat and an impenetrable darkness will be cast over your life!" Carmella hissed in a dark voice. Her eyes had gone dark and were staring, unblinking, at Grandma Bella. Bella looked like she was about to spit at Carmella but thought better of it. She simply muttered something under her breath in Italian under her breath and walked off. Tank grinned and threw one arm over my shoulders and wrapped another around Carmella's waist.
"Come on then, child of darkness, let's hit the shops."
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The mall wasn't particularly busy, which was brilliant for us. Tank proved to be surprisingly funny. When we went into Victoria's Secret, he was modelling underwear for us and asking us if he thought red was his colour. We were bent double from laughing by the end of it. Carmella had bought school supplies and the equivalent of two new wardrobes of clothes. "One for school and one for casual" She explained to me as we came out of her favourite shop, "Duh, it rocks!" Pacific Sunshine. To be quite honest, both wardrobes looked the same to me. At around four we decided to go to the food court and have a late lunch, courtesy of RangeMan of course. While Tank went to get food, I sank back into my baby thoughts. Amy would be a nice name for a girl, maybe Sophie. Jack was a cute name for a boy.
"Have you thought of a name yet?" Carmella asked. Damn, apparently she'd inherited her dad's ESP as well.
"No, I was just thinking about it."
"Do you know if it's a boy or a girl yet?" She asked.
"No, I want it to be a surprise. I'm hoping for a girl though." I admitted.
"Yeah, I'd want a girl. What about the name…Olivia, or Lydia."
"Hey, they're kinda cute!" I said. They really were, I hadn't even thought of them.
"What are you doing about the surname. Will the baby be a Plum or a Morelli?" Carmella asked. Shit, I hadn't thought of that.
"It'll probably be a double surname, like Plum-Morelli." I reasoned.
"Sound's good." Tank announced as he sat the tray of food down. Carmella grabbed her sub and sunk her teeth into it ravenously.
"Damn, this is a good sub!" She grinned "Hey, don't look at me like that, I missed breakfast!" she said after seeing the looks on mine and Tank's faces.
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We walked out the mall and into the car park about an hour later after we were sure we had everything needed. Carmella was skipping merrily ahead and Tank pulled out the car remote and bleeped it open.
"So, are you looking forward to motherhood?" Tank asked. I didn't get a chance to answer because the car exploded.
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Thanks for all the reviews, I really appreciate them! I hope you enjoyed this instalment and please review! Sorry if people are confused about the whole Joe and Ranger situation, but I assure you everything will (nearly) clear up soon! Arigato!