A/N: Here it is. Chapter 6. I've been waiting to write this chapter for a while. I'm really excited about it. Please, PLEASEEEE review so I know what you think and I really hope you love it as much as I do. Enjoy :)
(LILY'S P.O.V.)
The bloke didn't even give me a chance to realize what he was doing. Honestly, none whatsoever. No signals, no gestures. Nothing. Or maybe I was just lost in the hazel of his eyes, the olive green and golden brown meshed together, I was drowning in them. People talked about my eyes? James Potter has eyes that could put mine to shame.
As I was staring at the ring of green around his pupils, wondering why I couldn't tear my eyes away from his like I usually had the willpower to, his hand was suddenly on my cheek, and before I could register the fact that he was touching my face, he leaned in and kissed me.
Yeah.
At first, I didn't move. His lips were really soft, that was the first thing I noticed. And they were pushed up against mine with the perfect amount of force. Not too hard, not to gentle. The next thing I noticed was that his hand was still on my face, caressing me lightly. His hands were a bit rough, but I loved the way they felt against my cheek. I also noticed his other hand was squeezing mine, not so tight that it hurt but tight enough for me to feel protected. It was all really quick, I'm sure. Suddenly, he started pulling away slowly. Slowly enough for me to realize he was going to remove his lips from mine.
I'm not sure what it was. Impulse maybe. Maybe it was the feel of his lips against mine, and how I didn't like the feeling that they were escaping. Maybe it was because I wanted him to be kissing me. Maybe it was because I wanted to be kissing him. Maybe it was because I felt like my heart was going to burst out of my chest, but in a good way, and I loved how it felt.
It seemed like a perfectly good idea at the time, so, I used my free hand and pulled on his collar, not only keeping his lips on mine much more securely but…
I kissed him back.
I mean, really kissed him back. He took his hand off mine and put it on my other cheek, my heart fluttering more than ever. I took my now free hand and used it with my other hand to continue pulling on his collar, making sure his face was as close to me as it could be. When his lips left mine for a millisecond to catch a breath and then nibble on my lower lip, I threw my arms around his neck, and he leaned in closer again. I scratched the back of his neck lightly with my finger nails, and then, I'm not really quite certain how this part happened, but I opened my mouth ever so slightly and let James's tongue slide in, meeting my own. I reacted back, and they danced with one another as I let my fingers search through James's hair like I've watched his rough hands do so many times before. I loved the feel of my fingers buried in his shaggy hair. I could tell both of us felt like we needed to be closer to each other. It was odd though, because we were sitting on the floor, so instead we just kept making the kiss deeper. I placed my hands on his chest, feeling his heavy breathing and his rapid heart beat.
James's hands only stayed on my face or in my hair.
What a gentleman. Who knew?
Anyway, it was a really, really great snog. Not just because James was a great snogger, though, hell, he really was. But because…I really fancied the boy I was snogging. More than anyone I've ever snogged. And while I was kissing him, I wasn't thinking about all the complications and things wrong with it, but I just kept thinking of ways to try to get him closer to me every time we disconnected to readjust our heads or to catch a bit of oxygen. I just kept thinking of how wonderful the whole thing was. That's all that mattered. I was kissing this wonderful boy who made me feel wonderful and I didn't want it to end.
But all good things must end.
But, like I said, I wasn't really thinking of ways to end it. Someone else, apparently, was.
Honestly, we were probably only snogging for around five minutes. It could not have been so long, though I've memorized every second of it that it feels like it could have been ages. Suddenly, James's tongue left mine, and he slowly lifted his lips from mine, and I, being an idiot, didn't even realize that it was ending even when his hands left my face. I just slowly let my hands drop from his chest and opened my eyes and looked into his, waiting for him to connect his mouth back to mine. But he never did.
"Lily," he finally said softly, sounding very out of breath. And that's when everything registered. I had just snogged James Potter. Willingly! And I enjoyed every bloody second of it. Was that right? Did I? Of course I did. I wanted to stop him from whatever he was about to say and kiss him again. Okay, that was the slaggy part of me. But the logical, sensible, in-her-right-mind part of me was very, very confused. James just kissed me. I liked it. I liked him. I really, really liked him. Didn't I loathe the bloke for years? Wasn't he supposed to be just my mate? Wasn't I supposed to be avoiding situations where things could end up like they just had?
I took my eyes off his, feeling my face turn even more pink than it already was, and looked down.
"I… I need to tell you something," he said quietly.
Uh oh. I knew where this was going. About how he fancied me still. I didn't want to hear it. Once I heard it, it was real. Then it would be real that he still fancied me, not just something all our friends would say. I didn't know what to say, but I knew I wanted to stop whatever he was about to. Or did I? Did I want to end what could possibly be what I truly wanted, before it even started?
"James-"
"It's important," he interrupted.
I had to say something to get him to listen to me instead. "I-I need to tell you something too…first," I said, finally looking up, but refusing to look him right in the eyes.
"O-Okay," he stammered.
It worked! Wait. What was I going to say though? What did I even want to say? I had no idea. But…but I needed to tell him what was going through my head. I needed to tell him how I felt. And I needed to tell him it wouldn't work. Because…because, it wouldn't, right? He would get bored of me. He would realize I'm not the perfect girl he's envisioned in his head all these years. He would realize how dull and average and not worth it I am. And if that didn't happen…I don't know. Why did I have this feeling it just wouldn't work out?
I took a deep breath, but proper sentences wouldn't come out. "I…" I fancy you. A lot. "You…" You're too good for me. "We…" We wouldn't work, but… "That…" That…that was so heart wrenching and wonderful that I wish we would. But…
But…
I saw him smile at me trying to find the words to say out loud without making a complete fool of myself. Why did he always have to do things like that? Smile at such idiotic things I did? He smiled at every goddamn thing I did! Why did he fancy me so much? Not too long ago I would have said he didn't deserve me, but the truth is, I don't deserve him. Sure, he could be a bit arrogant at times…but in reality, he is so selfless and caring and thoughtful and loving and courageous and noble and…and he deserves better than plain ole me.
And now I really didn't know what to say. And I didn't want to look like more of a dolt than I already did. And I didn't want him to say anything and just ruin it. Because he would probably convince me otherwise, and truth is…I was scared. Terrified, honestly. I was afraid of being hurt but even more so, just afraid of facing my true feelings and actually being with the bloke.
So I did the only logical thing my brain came up with at the moment.
"J-James, I…I'm sorry," I said, and then, without looking at him for another second, I stumbled up from the floor, and started running away.
Yeah.
I ran away.
That wasn't logical, I know. I'm a complete idiot. I know! But what was I supposed to do?
Okay, I probably could have done a lot of better things instead of running away. Like, I could have just snogged him again! Okay, maybe that wouldn't have been the greatest idea either.
Anyway, I started running down the corridor to the stairs to Gryffindor Tower. Which, you could say, wasn't even so smart, because James lives there too, and knows how to get there, has a bloody map of the entire school and everyone in it, and could easily catch up to me if he wanted to. I wasn't even running that fast. I was more like…scampering, I think.
"Lily!" I heard him shout only a few seconds after I started to run. "Lily, wait!"
But that didn't stop me. But once I turned down the corner, it did make me slow down, hoping I would hear his heavy footsteps following behind me, catching up to me, stopping me before I could get any further, turning me around, throwing his hands around my waist, pulling me close to him and kissing me and telling me it will all work out with a happily-ever-after ending.
But he never followed. So I just kept going.
And that's when I started to cry.
I made it up to my room with tears still falling. I walked in and took a sigh of relief because Wendy and Kim were not there.
June spoke first. "Oh, hey, Lil, you got a letter from Marlene! We put it on your-"
"Lily?" Delia asked as I ran to my bed, plopping down on it face first. "What happened? What's wrong?"
I shook my head against my pillow, letting out a sob.
"Lily!" June shouted, sitting down next to me on the bed. Delia sat on the other side. "What's the matter?"
"I want to die!" I said. Okay, a bit dramatic.
Delia slapped my arm. Maybe I deserved that. "Shut the bloody hell up with your dramatics and tell us what happened!"
I turned over, wiping my eyes. Breathe, Lily. Breathe. "You'll laugh. Or tell me you told me so, even though you never really told me so though I know what you're both always thinking!"
"Heh?" June asked.
"Ugh!" I groaned. How was I going to do this? Gah. I had to suck it up. "IfancyJamesPotter," I mumbled, barely audible.
"What?"
"I FANCY JAMES POTTER!" Okay. That may have been too loud.
Oh man, you should have seen the looks on their faces! They both smiled like I just told them all three of us won the lottery and were going to Hawaii.
"We know," started June. "But why are you-"
"There's more," I said.
"Go on," they said.
I took a deep breath. "."
Their eyes widened. "Come again?" said Delia.
"I may," I said, pausing. "Or may not," another pause. "Have just," oh God here it goes. "Snogged him."
"WHAT?"
"Sh!"
"LILY EVANS, YOU SNOGGED JAMES POTTER? YOU?" shouted June. Sheesh!
"I said or may not have!"
"SHUT UP AND SPILL YOU LITTLE SLAG!"
"I am not a slag, miss I-can't-keep-my-lips-away-from-my-boyfriend's-for-more-than-three-seconds!"
"Bad choice of words," said Delia to June, excitedly. "Now TELL us! Was he as good as everyone says?"
"How far did you guys go?" asked June.
"Where was it?"
"Guys-" I tried.
"How did it happen?"
"Are you guys together now?"
"Who initiated it?"
"How long did it last?"
"Why aren't you still snogging him right now?"
"Wait, wait, wait, WHY are you crying again?"
I took a deep breath. "Because I ran away like an idiot and he didn't follow me and I ruined everything like I always do."
"Okay, start from the beginning."
So I told them the whole story. They listened intently like good mates should, and got rather cheerful once I got up to the snogging part, which they practically forced me to tell in more detail than I wanted to though I still kept some to myself. When it was all said and done, Delia was the first to speak.
"Lily, you know I love you, but you are the planet's biggest prat right now, it's unbelievable."
I sighed, picked up a pillow, and shoved it into my face. "I know," I whined into it.
"So go get him!" said June.
"No, that would be completely counter-productive!"
"You make no sense."
"I make perfect sense!" I replied. "Why should I go get him? I ran away. That means I have to stay away, too. Avoid him at all costs. Duh."
"Lily," Delia said. "Go. Get. Him."
"But."
"Go!"
"No."
"Yes!" they shouted.
"No, I…I can't. I…need some time to myself. To think about things. Yeah. I'm going to go do that. Right now. Bye."
I hopped off my bed, picked up a jumper from the floor and put it on.
"Lily, wait! But it's after hours! Aren't you worried you'll get into trouble?"
"What kind of Gryffindor do you think I am, June? Now, if you would excuse me, I'll see you whenever I feel like coming back!"
And I stormed off.
Ha. Shows them!
Now, where to?
I started walking down the steps when I bumped into non other than Carly Manning, the really pretty 5th year that's doing whatever she's doing with Sirius lately. "Oi, Evans, can you and your mates shut your gobs? It's really bloody late!"
Did she hear us? Psh. No. She couldn't have. She probably just heard muffled shouts. I went with that and said, "Uh, yeah, sorry Carly, I'm going for a walk anyway."
She shrugged. "Suit yourself. G'night," and she went back into her dorm.
Okay. Works for me.
So I started walking down and through the Common Room and out the portrait hole and down the stairs, all the while thinking about James, reimagining his hands on my face and in my hair and the feel of his lips on mine and his tongue wrapped up with mine and the way he tasted kind of like my cookies with a dash of firewhiskey (was he drinking before?) and how I could still smell his classic apple smell and I almost lost my balance on the stairs because I was day dreaming so intensely I almost forgot what I was doing. But I was having one of those fairytale moments, you know, where you're daydreaming and then you fall and then the handsome bloke you were dreaming about comes and catches you and says something sweet and then you kiss and as soon as your lips touch someone snaps you out of it, except the last step snapped me out of it rather than a person.
I am so clumsy.
I got up from the ground and walked as quietly as I could outside. Where should I go? There weren't many great places. I could go near the green houses, but there are too many trees there. I want to be able to see the stars.
I decided on the Quidditch Pitch. I walked onto the field, and agreed with myself that it would be a nice and relaxing place to think. Cool breeze, ability to see the stars…just a good thinking spot.
I'll call it my haven of thoughts.
Yes. I quite like that.
So, while walking upon my haven of thoughts, if you will, I spotted a nice patch of grass that seemed like a great area to do my thinking at. As I reached it and plopped down onto the ground, cradled my knees to my chest and looked around, that, my dear friends, is when I realized what a COMPLETE idiot I am. Seriously. I have my certification and everything now. Lily Evans: Certified Idiot. It's framed and hanging above my bed. Because, really, WHO ELSE would use the bloody Quidditch pitch as THEIR haven of thoughts?
He was staring at me, and I decided to ignore him. I just looked up at the stars, my heart rate increasing by the second, waiting for him to come over. Why wasn't I running away? Did I WANT him to come over? It wasn't as soon as I thought but I was right. After around five minutes, I heard him making his way over. He sat down beside me,
"Lily," he almost whispered. "Look, I…I know I probably just really fucked things up…but…But I need you to just...just hear me out."
No. No. No. I couldn't. Sorry, James. Nope. Too soon.
I just need time to think.
"James, I…I can't. I need to think everything over before I listen to you charm me into…" What in bleeding hell was I saying? "Whatever. I just need time to think."
Then, randomly, he asked quietly, "How did you know I was here?"
"I-I didn't."
He looked at me curiously for a moment and then sighed. "Lily, please just-"
I stood up immediately. "I'm sorry, James. I just…Please just understand," I said and started to walk away. I didn't run this time. I walked. And I, being a certified idiot, as you know, looked behind me to see if he started to follow. He didn't. He was still sitting there. I was able to catch his expression. It was really…sad. He just looked sad. And that made me feel worse. He was staring at me, one hand in his hair, the other playing with the grass.
He wasn't coming after me this time either.
I turned my head back and kept walking, tears falling again. Why was I so stupid? Why wouldn't I just let my guard down for the one person who would never hurt me? Why was I so resistant?
I slowly made my way back to the castle, replaying what had just happened in my head, and what had happened before during rounds. I got back to the room and both Delia and June were sleeping. Kim and Wendy had just gotten back, I assume, because they were taking out things to wear to bed.
"Where were you after hours?" Kim asked.
I ignored her because I wasn't in the mood for her rubbish. I washed up and brushed my teeth and went into my bed and closed the curtains and read the letter from Marlene that June left me on my bed.
Lily Evans! (HI!)
How are you, dear? I miss you terribly! I know we saw each other this summer, but that was a few months ago. And something crazy may have happened since I last saw you. You have to promise you won't get angry with me that you weren't there. Just remember I love you more than I love 99% of the rest of the world.
That little 1% is, as you know, Garrett. And, er, well, we may or may not have eloped last week. Yes, you read right. Eloped! Has your jaw dropped right about now? I don't blame you. It was only me, Garrett, the minister, Mary, and Garrett's brother Caleb. You know Caleb, right? Mary was crying the whole time. She's so obsessed with fairytales and weddings and all that, she was a mess. Kind of like June, right? Anyway, those were the only people there and it was wonderful and we just got back from our honeymoon and I couldn't be happier.
Silly Lily, you must be thinking by now how foolish Garrett and I are and we're too young and all your usual hogwash, but let's face it darling, there's no better time to do it. With all the insanity going on all over the news…we're both training to become Aurors, and Dumbledore has even met with us before the wedding in person about the you know what (in person because we've got to be careful with Owl post these days). Anyway, we just thought, what the hell! We love each other and I don't want to spend a second away from him with all the madness going on. He's asleep right now. Long night last night. He's so adorable. Gahhhh. Okay, anyway dear, I best be off, because he'll most likely wake up soon (it's the morning right now) and quite frankly, I could really go for a good morning snog (or shag, depending on how tired he still is. Did I just gross you out? Ha. Too bad) and then breakfast with my HUSBAND. AHHH.
How is everything by you? Classes all right? How are Delia and June? How is everything? Please update me, because your last letter was quite uninformative! Merlin, I miss Hogwarts, even though it's only been a few months since my graduation. Anyway, I love you and miss you tons!
Much, much love,
Marlene MCKINNON (Can you BELIEVE that's my last name now? EEEK!)
Wow. Marlene was married. MARRIED. I can't believe it. Marlene has been one of my closest friends since fourth year. I met her at a Slug Club event. She was a year a head of me, but in Gryffindor house. I had seen her around before with her best friend Mary, but I didn't really know her until then. Marlene and Garrett McKinnon, a boy in her year also in Gryffindor, had been dating since her fourth year. He "claimed," she said, that he had the flu, though she thought he really just wanted to get out of this Slug party. So she was alone that time, since most members of the Slug Club are in Slytherin, and we got to talking and ended up becoming extremely close. I remember Severus looking rather annoyed by me talking to someone else instead of him the whole night. And he didn't exactly approve of my newfound friendship, but I didn't really care. I ended up spending a lot of my free time with her and her friend Mary from then on, and then June and Delia would join. Of course, I still had to make time for Severus, but once I broke off our friendship that wasn't really an issue any more. Marlene and Mary both graduated at the end of last year. Mary went into law at the Ministry, while Marlene started to train to be an auror with Garrett. I always admired her and Garrett together. They were quite adorable, really, and they really loved each other. They barely ever bickered, and they both knew how to balance their time between friends and each other. Though I must admit, the amount of times I've seen them snogging or worse in front of my face is not a good number and I am still apologizing to my eyes for having to see such things.
I smiled at the letter and made a mental note to write back to her before the end of the week. I put it under my pillow with my letter from Mom. I lied in bed but couldn't really sleep. I just kept thinking about James.
James. James. James.
How did my life come to this?
The next few days were really annoying and hard to deal with. I literally tried avoiding James at all costs. If I would pass by him or was even 100 feet near him he'd try to get me to talk to him. It was bad. I pretty much just ignored him. What I had realized was that I wasn't really doing such a good job at the thinking thing. I was avoiding thinking about it as much as I was avoiding James himself.
But, the weird thing was, every night, I would go to my haven of thoughts, hoping he was there. Really, I make no sense. But I did it anyway. Because that was the only place I didn't reject the nice thoughts I had about James and I actually being together. Why had I runaway that night we were both there?
When James sat next to me today in Defense, I didn't know what to do. I froze. Only three minutes into the lecture, I got a piece of parchment from James.
Could you please stop avoiding me? –JP
I'm not avoiding you. –LE
Yes you are. You won't look at me, you won't talk to me, you're always running away from me, you can't even stand to be in the same room as me. You're not being particularly fair to me.
I really don't know what you're talking about.
Merlin, Lily! I don't even know what I'm supposed to do anymore! One minute you're happy and nice and act like you actually enjoy being with me, the next you're running away from me for no reason. And now all because of what happened the other night you won't even bother to give me the time of day! You said you needed to think. I think I've given you enough time.
Can't you just respect the fact that I need some time to think it over without you hacking me every five seconds?
I didn't get anything back for a few minutes this time. Once, I did, it was long.
All I've ever done is respect you, Lily. You don't respect me. God damn it, you know how I feel about you. I'm not HACKING you. I just want you to listen to what I have to say! Is that really too much to ask? And quite honestly, I don't think you need time to "think." I know you. All you ever goddamn do is think. And this time, you refuse to think, because you're scared of what's really in your heart! You fancy me too, Lily. I KNOW you do. You know you do. I've been chasing you all these years, and now you might actually want me to catch you. And that scares you. But you know what…I'm so, so tired, Lily. I'm tired of running after you all the damn time. That's why I didn't chase after you after we snogged, or after we met on the Quidditch Pitch. Because I'm so tired of feeling like I'm the only one trying. That doesn't mean I'm giving up on you, though. I'm just done waiting for you to "think" everything through when I think the answer is quite obvious. You kissed me back. What are you so afraid of?
I didn't know how to respond, because the truth is, he was right. And I just didn't know how to handle anything. James, my feelings, my head and my heart…
So I thought and thought about what I should write. In the end, there was only a minute left of class when I wrote back:
I don't know.
And it was true. I didn't know. What was I so afraid of?
I felt like I was about to cry. The second we were dismissed I got up and walked out as quickly as I could and made my way to my seat in the library. I put my head in my arms and tried not to let the tears fall. I was crying over nothing. I could just go be with James and be happy. But my fear was keeping me back.
I heard someone sit down. "James, please-"
"It's not James," said a familiar voice. I lifted my head and saw Sirius sitting across from me, smirking slightly. "Hey, Evans."
"Oh. Hi. Don't you have Divination right now?"
He shrugged. "I'm skiving off. Head girl going to take points from me?"
I rolled my eyes. "No," I admitted. "But I still think you should get to class."
"We're mates, right?" he asked, ignoring what I had said.
"Uh, yes…"
"So, I need you to do me a favor, as my mate," he said.
"What's the favor?" I asked.
"You're going to sit there and not get up. You're going to listen to what I have to say, all of it. You will not interrupt and you will seriously think over everything I tell you. Can you do that for me?"
I sighed. "If you're only doing this because Ja-"
"James didn't tell me to talk to you. He hasn't been talking at all to any of us, really. He's been really to himself, which is not like him at all. You really fucked him up."
"I didn't mean to-"
"Yeah, yeah, I know," he said.
"So he hasn't told you anything?" I asked.
"No," he answered. Then he smiled. "But I know anyway."
And his smile was so devious that I knew he really did know. "How?"
"Apparently," he said, starting to chuckle. "You and your mates like to shout things rather loud for my mate-with-benefits to hear in her own dorm room."
My eyes widened. So Carly DID hear us. Oh shit.
"How much do you know?"
"I know that you admitted to fancying my dear best friend," he said. "And I know that the two of you snogged. But I don't know any more than that."
And I know that the two of you snogged.
Oh. Merlin.
"Er…right…about that…"
"I'm not going to question you about it," he said. "And Carly's the only one who heard and she only told me. So don't worry. I just need to say what I need to say, all coming from me. Got it?"
I took a deep breath. "All right, I suppose."
His smile wore off a bit and he cleared his throat. "Look, Lily," he started. "There is…no one, not a single person in this world, who cares about you more than James does. I mean that. Well, besides your parents, I suppose. But you know what I mean. Sometimes I wish you could see it from where I do. The way he looks at you, the way he talks about you, the way he has this prat smile on his face when he's thinking about you, which is by the way, pretty much all the time, the way he would literally do anything in the world for you…I wish you could see it how I see it. I know you've started to see how great of a bloke he really is….and I think that scares you, because if you really, really let him in…he would probably be the best thing that ever happened to you. And I think you know that. And that scares you shitless. You're scared that he'll hurt you? Get bored of you? See you differently? You're wrong…because every day, he falls harder for you. Every goddamn day. You can't start to let him in and then slam the door in his face. Did you ever realize that you're hurting him? I know you don't mean it, but you are. You're killing him. And I see it Lily. I see you falling for him too. I've seen the way you've looked at him all these years compared to the way you look at him now. I see how you talk to him. How you laugh at little things he says. How you're there for him. How you really do care about him. I know you're afraid. Whether it's because of what's going on in the Wizarding world or what's going on in your head or what's going on in your heart… Let him in, Lily. Let yourself fall for him. He'll catch you. I swear."
I didn't know what was more surprising. The fact that Sirius was able to read me like a book, or the fact that he sounded like such a romantic.
I just sat there for a few moments, taking in everything he was saying, trying not to be stupid and start to cry. He was right. He was so right. I had nothing to be scared of. James cared about me. He always has. And even more so now that we're actually mates. And I care about him too. More than I ever thought I would. What was I running from? Something that could potentially make me happier than I've ever been? Really, what was the whole point of me running away from him and not being with him and avoiding him?
Answer: There was no point. I'm just an idiot. Hence, the certification.
I liked James. I really, really liked James. And yes, I was scared. But….
He's worth it.
"I think I finally actually just thought things over," I said, smiling a little.
He raised an eyebrow, looking confused.
"I've been telling James since the…er…thing that happened a few nights ago that I'll think things over, but I haven't really been doing a good job of that, until now. You helped me come to a realization."
Sirius smiled widely, leaning back in his chair, putting his feet up on the desk. "I'm good, aren't I."
"Oh, so this was just some evil scheme of yours?"
"Nah," he said, yawning. "I had no idea what I was even going to say. I just wanted to talk to you about it. I hate seeing James like this."
I frowned. "Yeah. Me too. So, thanks."
"Any time, Evans," he said, smiling.
"I still need a bit more time to sort things out with myself, though. Think it over a bit more."
"I understand," said Sirius.
"Just…don't say anything to him. All right?" I asked.
He bit his lip. "Fine. Deal. You owe me."
"Indeed," I said, pushing his feet off the desk. "Can I work now?"
"Why work when you can spend time with your fun loving, gorgeous, hilarious mate?"
"You have class, Sirius."
"Divination isn't a class, Lily," he said. "I think Carly's free now. I'll go find her."
"How are things with her anyway?" I asked as he got up.
He wiggled his eyebrows. "Brill."
"But you're not in a relationship."
"Nope. Well, at least not right now."
"And she doesn't care?"
"Nah," he said. "She's not like James with you, all needy and wanting to actually be in a relationship."
I grimaced. "You say that like it's a bad thing."
"Different strokes for different folks," he smirked. "Though it seems as you like my style a bit more than James's, hm? Miss snog-then-run?"
He started to walk away, chuckling. "I would smack you right now if I weren't sitting and you weren't leaving!" I said.
"Love you too, Lils," he said, and left the library.
Obviously, though, it took me a lot longer than it should have to do my homework because I was so distracted. I just kept replaying the other night in my head. I missed James's touch, I missed his lips on mine, I missed his hands on my face and in my hair…I missed him. How did that even make sense? I see him all the time!
I went to eat dinner early and undisturbed and then went to my room to finish up work. The night passed quickly than I expected, mostly because I spent all of it lying in bed thinking about James. I mean, how pathetic, right? But I guess that just meant how much I really did want to be with him.
So I made up my mind.
I decided to go to my haven of thoughts for one last thinking session. I went pretty late too. I ignored Delia and June's questioning, put on a jumper and went outside. I reached the Quidditch pitch and hoped he was there, but he wasn't. I sat on the grass, hugging my knees.
I wanted James to be there. I wanted to finally talk. But I was nervous. What if he got here and I changed my mind? Or backed out?
After a while of me going back and forth in my head about the whole thing, I heard a howl. A werewolf howl. My head jerked up to the sky. It was a full moon. They must have been out here. At the Whomping Willow. What time was it even?
I heard a dog barking at one point. It must have been Sirius. Could they understand each other in their animagus form?
I must have been sitting out there for an hour when suddenly I heard someone coming. A thing, really. I caught a glimpse of James in stag form for a second before he transformed to his normal self. There must have been a few yards in between us. I stood up, but I wasn't planning on going anywhere. I just looked at him. I didn't know what to say.
But all I knew was that my mind was made up.
"Why are you out here?" he asked, with a hint of anger in his voice. "Go back to the castle, Lily."
"James, I-"
"Just go. I don't want you getting hurt," he said, and started to turn around.
"James," I barely said. He paused. I walked over to him and slowly put my hand on his arm. What was I doing?
He turned around and I kept my grip on his arm. I looked in his eyes. He looked so…sad. Hopeless. Hurt.
"I…" I started to say. But then instead, instinctively, I stood up on my toes and kissed him right on the mouth.
Yeah. That's really, really what I did.
It was a short, nice, sweet kiss. He kissed me back, which made my stomach turn. When I pulled away, I looked at him. He looked confused, but I saw a small smile behind his eyes.
"What…" he murmured. "What was that for?"
What was that for? Boy, this bloke really is a piece of work.
"I…" I took a deep breath. "I want to be with you, James."
His eyes widened and so did his smile. "What?"
"I want to be with you. I'm sorry it took me so long to realize," I said, feeling my cheeks burn up. "But I really do. I…I care a lot about you. I was just…I was just scared of getting hurt."
"Lily," he said, putting his forehead against mine. Oh god. My heart jumped up to my throat. "I would never, ever hurt you."
"I-I know," I managed to answer. I could hardly breathe. "I'm sorry."
"Quit apologizing," he said, and before I could say anymore, he brought his lips back to mine, and this time, I more than happily responded back almost immediately. He pulled away too quickly for my liking and then sat down on the ground, pulling me with him. "Just promise me something," he whispered against my cheek before giving it a peck.
"O-Okay."
"Trust me."
Trust me. It was such a simple request. But I knew why he was saying it. He wanted me to trust him and not have to go off and run away and think things over for days about every little thing. He was right when he said it. I wasn't being fair to him before.
"I will. I do. I promise," I said, and then I leaned in and kissed him. Really, really kissed him. I literally lost myself in the process. I missed the feel of his lips on mine so much. We both ended up lying down on our sides facing each other on the grass, pressed against each other, feet tangled together, lips and tongues synchronized in perfect harmony, both of our hands roaming. Starting off simple, his on my cheeks, mine around his neck, his hands on my waist, then mine into his hair, his hands into my hair, his hands on my back, my hands on the outside of his shirt...his hands on my thigh, mine undoing his buttons slowly, his on my bum, mine on his bare chest.
It didn't get any more than that. And it was all nice and slow as well. Really, it was probably over a thirty…forty minute span. It was so perfect and wonderful and I have never felt so many feelings in a snog before, like, wow. And James really knew what he was doing. Like, wow. Wow.
It was all pretty wow-worthy.
Eventually, I came to my senses and pulled away. James started to lean in again. I didn't want to end it, really, I didn't, but someone had to. "James," I barely whispered.
"Mmm?"
"I think…well, er, it's a bit late."
"It's fine," he whispered, kissing me again.
I laughed and pulled away. "You should go back. They're probably wondering where you are."
He thought about it for a moment, and then said, "They'll be fine," and kissed me again.
I giggled, pushing him off me. "Go back to them," I said. He rolled his eyes, ignoring me, kissing my neck. Oh boy. He was too good at this. I started to roll away and he groaned, pulling me back to him.
"One more minute," he pleaded, kissing my nose.
I couldn't resist. The boy was too damn adorable. "Fine. One minute. I'm timing you."
"Sure you are," he chuckled, leaning in happily and snogging me senseless for maybe a bit over a minute…
Sue me. What was I supposed to do? Honestly. Psh. Like anyone could resist this.
When I finally came back to my senses, I pulled away, earning another groan from James. "Go," I told him.
"I can't get up," he said, holding me close. "And neither can you. I guess we're stuck here. Oh well."
"Shut up," I said, leaning in and giving him a short kiss before breaking free of his hold and getting up.
I held out my hand. "C'mon. Get up."
He smirked mischievously and grabbed my hand, trying to pull me down, but I was able to stay standing, though I did stumble a lot. "Up!" I shouted. He laughed and started getting up. I heard a dog barking again.
"Sirius is calling you," I said, smiling as his face was finally in level with mine.
"I see him enough," he said, putting his hand on my face. "He can-"
"No," I said, physically taking his hand off of me. "You have to."
He sighed, putting a hand through his hair. "Yeah, I-I know. Could I at least walk you back to the castle?"
It was a tempting offer, but I had to decline. I had kept him away from them long enough. "Sorry, but no. I'll be fine. I'm a big girl. I can-"
"-take care of myself," he mimicked me. "I told you, you need new material."
I rolled my eyes. "It's true, though. Don't worry. Go back to your mates. I'll see you in the morning."
"You're sure you'll see me?" he asked, his tone suddenly a bit different.
"What does that mean?"
"You're not going to keep avoiding me?" he asked, and I heard the worry in his voice.
This time, I put my hand on his cheek. "No. I won't. I trust you now, remember?" I smiled. "I'm trusting you with myself, because Merlin knows I'm a mess. So maybe you can help me out a bit."
He smiled back at me. "Thank you," he whispered, grabbing my hand and holding it.
"For what?"
"For giving me a chance," he answered in the sweetest, softest voice. "You have no idea how…how I feel about you."
He had this puppy-dog look on his face and it literally tore my heart out. I suddenly felt like crying again, but in a good way. I bit my lip.
"I…" I tried. "Thank you for not giving up on me."
He leaned in and kissed me one last time, soft and heart aching and perfect.
He pulled away and said, "G'night," and, unfortunately, started to let go of me and walk away…backwards. Literally, he walked away backwards. For a solid, like, twenty seconds. Not tearing his eyes away from mine.
Dear Lord. This boy.
Then he turned around and started to run and I saw him transform back into a stag, running back to the Whomping Willow.
I lied back down on the grass for a little, in a daze, wondering what had just happened.
I couldn't help but smile. I was smiling like an idiot. A happy idiot. I felt genuinely happy. I can't remember feeling like this ever. So I stayed there for a few more minutes and then stood back up and skipped happily back to the castle and back to my room.
I really wanted to tell Delia and June but they were both asleep. Wendy was asleep too but Kim was still awake. She asked, "Why is there grass in your hair?"
I raised my eyebrows and then looked in the mirror, and started dying of laughter.
"Uh, what's so funny?" she asked.
"Nothing, nothing…"
I went into the loo to brush my teeth and I decided I'd rather shower in the morning. I had the smell of the grass and James lingering on me and I wanted to stay that way for a little longer. I jumped into bed in the clothes I was wearing and closed my curtains, smiling like a complete goon.
I woke up with a smile on my face. Maybe it was because it was Saturday. Maybe it was because all my dreams were just replaying every second of James's and my rendezvous. Maybe it was because the sun was shining through the window through my curtains. But I woke up and it suddenly hit me.
I was dating James Potter.
James Potter was my boyfriend.
I was his girlfriend.
What has the world come to?
I opened my curtains and looked around and realized no one else was there. Damn it, I overslept. Everyone was probably half way through breakfast now. Why hadn't anyone woken me up? I went into the loo and washed up and took a nice hot shower, singing as loud as I pleased because no one was there to yell at me. I got out and put my hair in a braid to the side and threw on a red jumper and some old worn out jeans. As I walked out the door I realized I was about to see my new boyfriend and I looked like a total mess, with no makeup on.
Oh well. He's just going to have to deal with it.
I walked down happily to the Great Hall and walked to where we all usually sit at the table. He was standing up, talking to Sirius, looking worried. I walked over to him and he turned to me and smiled widely. "Hey," he said.
"Hi," I responded. "See. I showed up."
"Finally," he smiled.
"Yeah, sorry. I overslept."
"Sleep well?"
"Very well actually," I said. "I had a lovely dream."
"Oh really?"
"Yeah. You were there, actually! Wanna hear it?"
"Of course."
"Well," I started. "You were bothering me, as usual, and we were near the Lake, and then suddenly, the Giant Squid appeared and drowned you, and then me and the Squid ran away together and lived happily ever after."
He gave me a look and rolled his eyes. "Oh really."
"Yes, oh really. Did you get any sleep? How's Remus?"
"He's fine, and very little. Hence, my big breakfast. I need the food energy."
"Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."
"So I've heard."
"Glad you've learned something after seventeen years," I joked. Then I suddenly noticed he was wearing his Quidditch uniform. Wow, I'm slow. I looked at Sirius and so was he, and looked at the table and so was June. "You have practice this morning?" I asked. And then whispered, "After a full moon?"
That's when Sirius chimed in. "He's mental."
"So I've noticed," I said, smiling at Sirius. I took a mental note to thank him later.
"Hey, the match is in a week, and we need practice whenever we can!"
"Well, I'm sure you'll win anyway. Who is it against?"
He frowned. "Slytherin."
"Oh."
"Yeah. Oh."
"I'm sure you'll still win," I said. "When is practice over?"
"Late," he sighed, putting one of my hands in his. Oh, bummer. I frowned. I wanted to spend the day with him. First day as an official couple, I mean, I want to spend it with my man!
"Oh."
"I'll meet up with you after?" he said, moving a piece of my hair that wasn't in my braid behind my ear. I felt my cheeks flushing at his touch.
"O-okay," I responded quietly.
I guess he noticed that he caught me off guard, because in that moment he leaned in and kissed me quickly.
Yes.
Kissed me.
In the Great Hall.
IN FRONT OF EVERYONE.
Not that everyone was watching, obviously. But people did see! Not to mention my best mates were right there and I haven't even told them yet because I hadn't gotten the chance!
My whole body shivered, and I felt my cheeks getting redder by the second. "James," I scowled, trying to hide my embarrassment. "You can't do stuff like that in front of everyone."
"Why not?" he asked, smirking.
"Be-Because…you just…I…"
He chuckled, and then, get this… KISSED ME AGAIN.
I was going to murder this boy.
I pushed him away from me. "Leave. Before I kill you."
"Bye," he said, squeezing my hand and then running off with Sirius. He was half way down the hall when I sat down and refused to meet June and Delia's faces. I took a waffle and put it on my plate. I heard James call from down the hall, "Hey, Carter, come on!"
"ONE MINUTE!" June screamed on the top of her lungs that almost everyone looked at her.
I still didn't look at them when I said, "Can someone pass the syrup?"
"Are you seriously asking me that right now?" June exclaimed.
"I said someone. Not you, specifically."
"EXCUSE ME!" She shouted. "WHAT. IN GOD'S NAME. WAS. THAT."
I finally lifted my head to them and saw their expressions. Oh Merlin. "Uh, June, you really need to learn to lower your voice. It carries."
"WHAT IS GOING ON?' She shouted. "Delia, say something!"
"So this morning," she started. "I was eating my breakfast when suddenly I caught the sight of Lily Evans snogging James Potter right before my eyes."
"We weren't snogging," I whispered. "He kissed me. And it was just a little kiss. That happened twice. Whatever."
"Whatever?" June asked loudly. "Lily Evans, I will never speak to you again if you don't explain right now."
"James and I are dating," I blurted out. Oh boy.
"YOU'RE WHAT? SINCE WHEN?"
"Oh my goodness, June, lower your voice," Delia said.
"Since last night. You guys were asleep."
"You should have woken us up!" she shouted. "How…what…"
Suddenly, Sirius had returned. "Sorry to interrupt, but if you don't come now, June, James is going to kill you."
"MERLIN. I'm coming, I'm coming," she said, standing up. Then she pointed at me. "Do NOT tell Delia anything before I know. Got it?"
"Fine."
"Hey, that's not fair!" Delia said.
"Life's not fair," June said, and then left with Sirius. I laughed when I heard her shout to him, "DID YOU KNOW ABOUT THIS?"
Delia smiled at me. "Well, looks like my little Lily finally faced the music."
"Yeah, I guess I did."
"I'm really happy for you," she said. "June is too. She's just in shock."
I laughed. "I'll tell you everything tonight."
"Just tell me now, she'll never know."
"Nah, that's not exactly fair," I said.
"Ugh. Fine. So what's today's agenda? Before you go off snogging James later, I mean."
I gave her a look and stuck out my tongue. "Homework. Writing letters. OH MY GOD. I almost forgot to tell you! Marlene and Garrett are married."
"Wow, this is a day of surprising news."
"I know," I sighed. "Anyway, they eloped!"
"Wow. Well, I loved them together anyway. They were always so happy."
"Yeah," I said, thinking back to when they were here. I really did miss them. I decided I'd write to Garrett as well.
And then my thoughts drifted to eloping with a particular person after graduation and I slammed my head against the table because I'm an idiot for even thinking about it because we've only been dating for like, eight hours or something.
Merlin.
A/N: AHHHHH. They're finally together! Thank Merlin, it only took 125 pages. But, they are! Important note: Just because they're together now does NOT mean I am done writing this story. I wanted the story to be about them being TOGETHER. So that's what it will be about. I have a lot of ideas for where they are headed. I hope you liked this chapter. PLEASE review, and again, the more reviews, the quicker the update. :) Thank you!