Chapter 6
My dorm. Midnight.
Already? And I thought last night was tiring...
I'm bored and lonely. All I want is a good friend who I can trust and can talk to about all this but I don't have one of them. I guess there's always Emma but she's only really my friend when she knows she can get something out if it. Anyway, whoever I told about all this would be disgusted. I know I am.
If you look at it one way then it's all right: two teenagers in a grown up relationship.
Except that's not what it is at all. I'm fourteen and he's sixteen and we're not even in a relationship and I don't do it because I love him, I do it because I'm sad and lonely and I need something and that something is him. It doesn't matter that I've been denying it for years, I need him. And now that I've had a taste of what it's like, I can't help myself anymore. He's like my own special brand of heroin and I'm 100% hooked.
But there's no way I can tell anyone that. They'd hate me. So I keep it to myself and I do my homework and I eat in the kitchens and I avoid the Common Room or the library or the Great Hall or anywhere that Malfoy or Michael might be. So really, I've been in the kitchens and my dormitory. I really don't feel like talking to anyone left at Hogwarts because none of them like me anymore.
I'm just glad it's finally midnight because any second now, he'll be here and I won't be alone anymore.
The past three nights have been... different. The first, she turned up at my dorm and was quite reluctant, the second in her dorm she was willing to show a little more flesh and the third. Well, I don't know how to put it. Let's just say, I've never had it like that. Ever. And I've been done by many, many girls. I'm not sure what to expect next time.