Chapter 9

I don't know what makes me do it. Maybe it's because I'm so defeated already. Maybe it's because he's already seen me cry. Or maybe it's because there's a part of me telling me to trust him. I don't know. But I tell him my story, start to finish, and this is how I say it to him:

"I was born into one of the oldest pure-blood families on the 24th July, 1981 and they absolutely adored me. My parents and other relatives brought my up by one simple rule: pure-bloods are superior to everyone. Meaning half-bloods were below us, blood-traitors were below us, muggleborns and squibs were below us and muggles were the lowest of the low.

They told me stories of all the horrible things muggles did to witches and wizards all the way up into the 18th Century just because of who they were and at first I agreed that muggles were the nastiest thing in existence but then I started to develop my own opinions.

My education before Hogwarts was very good. I was tutored by my mother and my grandfather in spelling, reading writing, maths and some history of magic. Most of the history we possessed were biased and were written by muggle-hating pure-bloods but a few were balanced and fair and from them I learnt that the muggles who captured and tortured witches and wizards were either horrible to everyone (not just magical people) or were extremely scared of what a wizard would do to them. I decided that I forgave the muggles for trying to kill us off because they were scared and threatened. If something or someone more powerful than me and my kind was threatening to me, I'd want to get rid of them too.

I was used to being praised and loved and able to share my opinions and I confidently shared with my family my new opinion on muggles and I thought they would be delighted that I'd been extra work but I was wrong.

That was the first time my parents were disappointed with me.

I soon learned to keep my mouth shut but once I was off to Hogwarts I was determined to make friends with as many muggle-borns and half-bloods as possible just to annoy my parents. I also tried breaking the family tradition of a having a fully Slytherin family but even though I begged the sorting Hat to put me elsewhere he said I was best for Slytherin because of my determination. So that's where I am.

But I was still never fully happy.

I was popular and smart and had good-grades and the teachers liked me but my family didn't. I haven't been home for Christmas since I was ten because they don't want me there and when I go back for the summer they leave the house all day and most of the night and don't speak to me because I'm a 'failure' and a 'blood-traitor' and I give the Brogans a bad name' just because I believe that all creatures should be treated as equals. Just because I think our abilities and our choices are far more important than our blood-status.

And I'd always had my friends who stuck by me but I never felt I could fully confide in them. They weren't always trustworthy and tended to bitch around quite a lot. But then I found, you, Draco.

You were the most arrogant, big-headed, status-proud twat I had met in my life. In some ways, you were worse than my mother and my family but there was something else. Even though we constantly argued about everything and even thou we had opposite views on so many things, I still felt that there was something between us. But because you were so arrogant and proud and because you discriminated against all other blood-statuses, I pushed you out of my mind. You were exactly what I didn't need in my life and if my parents knew I was friends or more than that with a Malfoy, they'd think I'd just come crawling back to them and start believing their ways again.

It worked for the first two years. We argued every day and every night I'd catch myself thinking about you but then in third year you asked me to the Yule Ball. And I stupidly said yes.

And surprisingly it was a great evening until I found you and Parkinson all over each other and I from that moment onwards, I didn't just feel hate towards you but I felt like I had been fools by you. And I felt weak and silly.

But I skipped off as my happy self and went to join a group of friends, thankful that I was popular enough to have friends in all years and in all houses. And that's when Michael told me he liked me and that's when I thought, Skye, just go out with him. Maybe, you'll feel better. And I did. For almost a whole year until I saw him and Weasley and I knew that I'd been fooled again.

Now, the first time I was played by a boy (meaning you), I got with Michael. So my friends were all like, wow you're so cool you got Malfoy and Corner on one night. But this time they just thought I was a bit sad really. Especially the older ones in fifth and sixth year. They ditched me after I bike up with Corner and then I got a bit upset and got angry at various people and lost even more friends. By the time I'd come to you for... errr... help, I had almost nobody. Emma and the other girls in my dorm still spoke to me and so did Cho, even though she's a lot older. And Luna's nice to everyone even if she is more Ginny's friend. But nobody was really that talkative or interested in being my actual friend and that's what scared me because everything was different.

I was unpopular, I didn't have a boyfriend, I was getting into trouble for calling a little boy a mudblood. That's not me. That's not hoe my life is. And now this: you telling me that you have feelings for me. Well, that's just it. It's not how it is. It's not how it's meant to be and I've been living my life so carefully for the past three and a half years and now it's all falling apart. Everything's changing and I don't know what to do."

He hasn't interrupted once and now all he's doing is looking at me and I can feel fresh tears brimming and I don't want him to see me like this. He can't see me like this. And I get u to run but he grabs my by the wrist and he's still not saying anything and I'm trying not to cry. I never cry. But everything's changing so I guess maybe crying is the new normal for me?

"Skye..." he finally says.

I look at him questioningly.

"Skye." He repeats. He then stands up and he doesn't say anything more he just wraps his arms around me and this time I let him because I can't control anymore. I can't do this alone anymore and I know that I hated him and I know he's everything I don't need in my life but he's also everything I want. And he's here. And his arms are open for me. So I let him hold me and I don't want to let go. Not ever.

I don't know how long we've been standing like this, holding each other, but it's a while that's for sure. And it's extremely late.

"Skye." I say into her hair.

"Mhmm?"

"It's really late. We should get back." I say softly.

"Okay..." she yawns. I support her around her waist and we try to stay awake enough to dodge Filch and Mrs Norris on our way back to the dungeons.

"Will you eat with me at Christmas dinner tomorrow?" I ask as she makes her way towards the girls' dormitory.

"Yeah." She nods sleepily and I turn to leave but she grabs me by the arm. "Sleep with me tonight."

"Skye, like I said the other day. I can't. I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you, I'm sorry." I explain.

"No. Not like that. I mean can I sleep next to you in your bed? Not sex or anything I just want to be with you..." her cheeks flush and she smiles coyly at me.

"Come on." I take her hand in mine, still unable to understand why she chose me.

My pillow is damp when I wake up and I realise that I've been crying in my sleep. I also notice that it's my damp pillow but it's not my bed or my room. And then I remember.

Last night was nice. That's the only word I can think of to describe it. It was nice because I spent all night feeling his arms around me and his hair tickling my forehead and his breath warming my neck and I've never felt safer.

I suddenly have another realisation. It's Christmas day.