Author's note: A reviewer asked me whether this is restricted to Anbu members or all characters go. The answer is all characters can appear here whenever I come with a funny way for them to fail at caring of Naruto. So far I've only been ionspired to write former Anbu members. There are more to come. Now let's see how the former head of T&I squad fares.
Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.
Inoichi
It was a complete mystery. Naruto has always been a bad student in practically anything. Though he was already twelve and due to graduate the Academy soon, he had trouble reading. His aim with shuriken was sub-par. His grasp on strategy was fleeting. His ninjutsu was bad, mostly thanks to his atrocious chakra control. His genjutsu was nonexistent. He was good at traps and evading pursuit, but that was it. So why, oh why, did he suddenly learn one technique so perfectly? How did he learn it? And why did it have to be that one technique?
When they asked Naruto later all he answered was this: "When Ino could do it, I could too."
"But how?" Inoichi asked.
"I saw you teaching it to her," Naruto shrugged, as if it was the easiest thing in the world. But it wasn't. Learning a clan's secret technique just by watching should be impossible, even born Yamanaka required years of training before they could first try to perform the Shintenshin no Jutsu safely. But Naruto never cared about what he was and wasn't supposed to be able to do.
"Why did you do it?" the Yamanaka clan head demanded.
"Because it's so awesome! You should have seen what I made Sasuke do! He was so cute in the pink dress. And how I made him sing! Teme's fangirls were completely stumped. Now Sakura won't look at him again."
"So you caused all that trouble just to make a girl like you?" Inoichi inquired.
"What trouble?" Naruto looked puzzled. "I just made Sasuke-teme look like a moron."
"I mean that trouble," the clan head pointed at the path of destruction something really powerful left in the village.
"What's that?" the boy asked, not understanding what it had to do with him.
"Your work!" Inoichi said.
"My work? But I didn't do this," Naruto protested. "I was possessing Sasuke-teme, remember?"
"And you left your body unattended," the Yamanaka said. "Can't you see why this was a bad idea?"
"No. Why?" the child asked innocently.
"Because..." Inoichi started and then bit his tongue. Naruto didn't know about the Kyuubi and he wasn't allowed to tell him thanks to the Law. And how else was he supposed to explain to the brat that if he left his body, the demon fox got free rein over it until Naruto's spirit returned? Oh, he wasn't getting paid enough for this crap. Let somebody else deal with it.