Author's note: I'm using a very minor character here, so I'm taking some liberties with her. For those of you who can't recall her, she's the teacher of the kunoichi class in Sakura and Ino's flashback.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

Suzume

Sarutobi was worried. That was nothing unusual; he was the Hokage, so he had a lot of issues to worry about. But today there was nothing to worry about and that was what had him worried. The quiet was unnatural. It had been over a month since he had assigned Naruto a new guardian and there wasn't a single complaint yet. That should have been a good thing, a sign that the Academy instructor was capable and handled the boy well, but as Sarutobi mentioned earlier, it was unnatural.

Usually it took a week or two at most before either the caretaker came into his office whining that s/he couldn't take it anymore or the citizens of Konohagakure were sending mass complaints about what the demon-brat and the whacko currently minding him were up to. But this time it was different. The Sandaime wanted to believe that there were no complaints because everything was going well, but he had been a ninja long enough not to believe in such miracles. There just had to be something wrong and he just hadn't heard about it yet. And his experience told him that the longer it took for the problem to come to light the worse it would be. And so he decided to take a look for himself and find out the state of things before it blew up in his face.

He told his secretary to cancel all his appointments for the rest of the afternoon (he didn't want to see any of the people anyway) and headed towards the small house where the Academy teacher lived. As he walked, he thought about the possible reasons why Suzume Namida didn't complain about Naruto yet. Did she have the patience of a saint? As the teacher of the kunoichi classes she had to be able to put up with a lot, but he doubted she didn't mind some of Naruto's antics. Did she perhaps have enough and just locked him in the basement and threw away the key like that man last year? If so, then he'd deal with her just like he did with that moron.

Then he stood in front of Suzume's house. It seemed perfectly ordinary, well-kept and clean. No windows were broken, no trashcans overturned, no graffiti sprayed on the walls. Maybe everything was really going well? Or maybe Suzume had killed Naruto and disposed of the body? His experienced ninja senses immediately picked four places where it could be buried. Then he shook his head. He shouldn't immediately assume the worst. Though a ninja who didn't expect the worst was a dead ninja.

He cut the idle speculations short and walked into the house. He didn't bother to knock; he was the Hokage so he didn't have to. And he didn't want to give the woman a warning in advance that he was coming. Inside everything seemed normal and orderly. But no home could possibly look normal and orderly after Naruto had lived there for over a month. It made the old man worry even more.

When he walked into the living room, he finally saw Naruto's assigned caretaker. She was kneeling on the ground, instructing a girl of about seven years on the proper way of arranging flowers. It was nice of Suzume that she was giving one of her pupils a remedial lesson. The girl in the blue dress really had no idea how to properly make ikebana and what meaning each flower held. Not only was her creation ugly, it also conveyed a very specific message. Sarutobi chuckled to himself when he imagined what would happen if she actually presented it to a boy, providing that the boy understood the language of flowers.

But the comic relief aside, he still didn't see Naruto anywhere. Before he could conduct a more thorough search, the lady of the house spotted him.

"Hokage-sama!" she stood up and bowed. "To what do I owe the honor of your visit?"

"Good day to you, Suzume-san," Sarutobi replied politely. He still didn't have proof that she had harmed Naruto, so he had to remain civil. "I came to see today how Naruto is doing."

"As you can see, Hokage-sama, he's doing well," the Academy teacher answered, gesturing towards the girl. The blonde girl with blue eyes and whisker-like marks on her cheeks. The Sandaime blinked in surprise, thinking that his eyes must be deceiving him.

"Hi, Old man," the girl, no, Naruto, grinned and waved. So his eyes weren't deceiving him. Nobody else called the Hokage that.

"Naruto!" Suzume snapped. "Watch your manners! Is this any way to greet the Hokage?" The boy cowered under her gaze.

"I'm sorry," he said sheepishly. Then he straightened up and bowed. "Welcome to our home, Hokage-sama." Sarutobi was speechless. Was this really Naruto? The last time he checked the boy couldn't speak politely if his life depended on it and now he was a proper young lady?

"Naruto? Is that really you?" he asked. The child in question looked like he wanted to shout something for a moment, but a stern glare from behind Suzume's glasses stopped him.

"Yes, Hokage-sama," he spoke.

"You did a wonderful job taming him," Sarutobi said, a bit unsure whether he wasn't hallucinating the whole scene. (A similar incident had happened once, when a certain prankster spiced up the contents of his pipe.)

"Thank you, Hokage-sama," the Academy teacher replied.

"I've never imagined it was possible," the village leader continued while Naruto listened patiently. "Most people cannot handle him. How do you do it?"

"Oh, that's easy, Hokage-sama," Suzume smiled. "Compared to the kunoichi classes I teach Naruto is a little angel."

"Really?" The aging village leader wondered just what kind of girls Suzume's usual pupils were.

"Really," the Academy teacher confirmed. "There were some trouble at the beginning, but once I used the secret method that allows me to deal with the young kunoichi wannabes, everything became alright."

"I'm glad to hear that," Sarutobi nodded approvingly, "but why is Naruto dressed like a girl?"

"My secret method wouldn't work otherwise," Suzume explained. "It's meant to be used on girls."

"I see," the Sandaime said. He saw that he was facing a huge dilemma here. On one hand, he had finally found somebody who was able to make Naruto behave and turn him into a proper lady, a feat he had previously considered impossible. On the other hand Suzume was turning him into a proper lady. So what was he to do now?

In the end he decided to take Naruto away from the kunoichi class teacher before he could develop serious gender identity issues. He came to regret the decision three days later when the complaints on Naruto's behavior began piling up on his desk.