Author's note: It took a while, but I'm back. I still have ideas for more chapters; they'll appear whenever I find the drive to actually write them.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

Kurenai

Kurenai sighed in relief. She was beginning to despair that she would never get away, that the little monster would keep her tied down forever and she would miss her important secret appointment, but eventually she managed to escape.

She shuddered when she recalled everything the nine years old boy had done to prevent her from leaving on time. First he didn't want to eat his dinner, because it wasn't ramen. Then he spilled his food on her dress. When she changed, he spilled his drink on her dress. Then he refused to go to bed. Then he complained he was hungry. Then he demanded she played with him. Then he begged her to teach him some cool jutsu. Then he was thirsty. And then he wanted her to read him a bedtime story. And then he slipped out of bed and made mess of his room the moment her back was turned. It was so frustrating. The child possessed an endless well of energy and was determined to use it all to drive her nuts and ruin her evening, not necessarily in that order.

She was beginning to despair. She was a jounin and he was just an Academy student and yet he was getting the better of her. That was intolerable. She had to win this clash of wills, even if she had to use drastic means to do so. It felt like cheating, but she didn't care anymore. In the end, she had to resort to using her strongest sleeping genjutsu on the little monster. Only when she made sure he was dead to the world she headed out, already over an hour late.

She slipped through the streets of Konoha like a shadow, making sure nobody followed her. It would be very bad if anybody got wind of what she was going to do. Finally she arrived at the clandestine meeting spot. Asuma was already waiting for her, trying not to look impatient.

"Sorry," she smiled apologetically. "I couldn't get Naruto to sleep." The man just nodded understandingly. He too had the misfortune of caring for the little hellion before.

"It's alright now, love," he reassured her. "Nobody will bother us now." And so their secret date began. Soon they were kissing like hormonal teenagers.

Then, just as she was floating in a world of pure bliss, a loud shout woke her up rudely.

"Here they are!" She separated her lips from Asuma's and looked at the source of the voice. Sure enough, there stood Naruto, still in his pajamas and grinning like a cat who just ate the canary. How did he break the sleeping genjutsu? she wondered. Before she found an answer, Naruto shouted again. "KURENAI AND ASUMA ARE KISSING!" It was so loud that whole Konoha must have heard.

"Now you did it," the red-eyed woman growled. Her hands formed seals almost on their own volition. "Genjutsu: World of no ramen no jutsu!" Naruto's eyes widened in shock as the illusion took effect.

"NNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!"

And so Kurenai was fired for traumatizing her charge severely. Naruto then spent a week at Ichiraku's to make sure that ramen still existed and it wasn't going anywhere.