A/N: Well, words can't describe how sorry I am for the super long wait. Just lost the urge to write this, is all. But to make up for it, a longer chapter!

Disclaimer: I do not own the characters, or that fight scene that no one may even recognize.

Battle of the Science Chicks

-CDoSHIELD Torture Chamber, Bobbi's Apartment. The next morning-

Dr. Jane Foster, the girlfriend of Lieutenant Thor Odinson and head of the USST Propaganda Division, was tied to a chair in the midst of the Communist Dictatorship of SHIELD agents Clint, Natasha, Bobbi and Maria.

Maria slapped her in the face. "Talk! Where is the USST headquarters?!"

Jane's head recoiled from the blow, but she gave Maria no satisfaction in knowing that her cheek stung like a mother. "Kiss my ass! And go to hell!" she spat defiantly.

Maria simply smirked and turned to walk to the corner, where three buckets were sitting. She put on a pair of fire proof gloves. "Defiant to the very end, eh, Doctor? Very well; we have ways of making people like you talk." She bent down and opened on of the buckets, which was actually a can of red paint! Jane, upon seeing it, immediately began squirming in her chair. Maria also grabbed a massive, wicked looking paint brush and sauntered back to her captive. "Talk," she commanded.

"Never!"

"Fine. Be that way." Holding the paint can in one hand, she dipped the paint brush in, and then ran the bristles down Jane's chest. The doctor screamed loudly, unable to bear the horribly agonizing pain. Maria twisted the paint brush, and pulled it away with a flourish. "Ready to spill?"

Jane was panting heavily already. She had heard that SHIELD's methods of torture were cruel, but she never expected anything like this. "Screw…you…"

Maria just smirked. "Fine. I could use some fun anyway." She dipped the bristles in the paint again, and jabbed the brush into her shoulder. And her bicep. And her thigh. And her left tricep. And her cheek.

Jane's bloodchilling screams could be heard all the way down the hall in Bobbi's living room, where the other agents were plotting their next plan. "It's my apartment, I say I get to choose!" Bobbi insisted.

"That's bullcrap and you know it, Brandon," Natasha retorted. "I'm pretty much the leader, so that makes me the only one fully qualified to make this decision of vital importance."

"I agree with Natasha."

"Oh of course you do, Clint! She could say that, that fish fly and birds swim and you'd believe her!"

"Ducks swim, flying fish glide, which is close enough," Natasha responded cooly while snatching the menu out of a quickly deflated Bobbi's hand. "Now then, we will be eating Chinese takeout. Clint, make the order. Boobi, clean my gun. Natasha, sit back and watch television."

Bobbi fixed her leader a flesh boiling glare, only to pout when it was utterly ignored. As Clint argued with the Chinese food man over the phone and Natasha sat upon her ass laughing at the latest episode of Family Guy, Bobbi cleaned the latter's gun, muttering darkly about all the ways she was going to murder her in her sleep, and then have hot sex with Clint on top of her.

Some time later, a slightly annoyed Maria stomped in. "Doc is a lot tougher than we gave her credit for."

"Did she talk, though," Natasha inquired.

"Nope. I tortured her for almost twenty minutes and got a whole lotta nothing out of her. I'll try again in a bit."

Natasha sighed and began to pace the floor. She knew that the Avenging Avengers were plotting their next move. She also knew that an attack was eminent. One just didn't kidnap a lieutenant's girlfriend and not expect some form of retribution.

They needed to find that base, and fast, so they could bring an end to this war with one final attack. Natasha turned and faced the torturer. "Keep trying. We'll break her yet."

Meanwhile, in the USST's super secret headquarters, or Tony and Pepper's apartment, Thor was right next to himself in anger. He roared loudly to the heavens, causing the other Avenging Avengers to cower in fear. Even the ghost of the late Pepper Potts was huddling close to her grieving boyfriend. Steve actually thought he was going to go Super Saiyan. Bruce wondered how Steve knew what that was.

"I WILL TEAR OUT THEIR THROATS AND HANG THEIR COWARDLY CARCASSES BY THEIR INTESTINES!"

"Well, I didn't want to eat breakfast anyway," Tony remarked as he pushed his ghostly made pancakes and bacon to the side. He stood and clapped a hand on Thor's shoulder. "Hey man, those scumbags don't a thing about bounds or decency. This was to be expecting; and thus, I already have a plan."

Thor perked up a little. "Truly? And what it this plan?"

"Divide and conquer. Undoubtedly, they won't be keeping her in the headquarters, which is totally Natasha's place, so she's either in Clint's or Bobbi's."

"But what if she's in another place in the country?" Bruce asked. "If those guys are smart, they won't be keeping their prisoners in such an easy place to find."

Tony scoffed and crunched on some crispy bacon goodness. "Please. Those mooks, smart? Ha! They probably have her holed up somewhere within their territory, all we have to do it find out which one. And I have a way to find out." He turned on the television in the living room and switched to a camera feed. It showed the corpse of the late Phil Coulson tied to a pole with something strapped to his chest.

"…is that a bomb?" Steve asked warily.

"Yep. Right in front of Natasha's front door. If she doesn't want that particular piece of real estate to go up in flames, then they'll have to come running. And now, to snap a picture and…" One more tap of his phone, and the picture was sent to Natasha's phone. One more tap and camera feeds focusing on the front doors for Clint's and Bobbi's apartments popped up, as well.

Thor smirked with approval and understanding. As soon as the Communist agents came out of hiding to disable the bomb, they would know where they were hiding, and likely where they were keeping Jane.

"Aha!" Tony exclaimed. The others looked and laughed as Natasha ripped open a door and sprinted down the hallway, with Clint close behind, paintball gunbow* in tow.

Steve immediately recognized part of the interior that was exposed when the door was opened. "That's Bobbi's apartment!"

"And now we go to investigate."

"I shall go myself. I believe myself to be more than stealthy enough to accomplish the task without alerting anyone."

"Good idea. Thor gets Jane, while Tony, Bruce and I go handle Natasha and Clint. Let's go." They decided to not even question how Clint was even alive again, even when they all saw him lying on the ground, dead, in a pool of paint. There was no telling what kind of dark, satanic sorcery those curs in the CDoSHIELD were delving into.

Meanwhile, in Bobbi's apartment, Maria and Bobbi were holding down the fort while Natasha and Clint went to disarm the bomb. They were all positive that the former could handle it herself, but they all agreed that it could possibly be a trap and decided to have the latter accompany her.

Bobbi huffed loudly and went to go get a soda. Maria was too busy fantasizing about Steve to notice or care. Within the bowels of the prison, or Bobbi's bedroom, Jane was busy plotting her escape. The first phase was freeing herself from the ziptie that held her hands together. Unfortunately, they were behind her back. "Dammit, how am I going to get out of this?"

It was then that she had an idea. A particularly disgusting one, but am idea none the less. She drew a deep breath and yelled. "HEY! I HAVE TO USE THE RESTROOM! HEY, I'M ABOUT TO EXPLODE ALL OVER THIS CHAIR!"

"Oh Steve, you're so big and muscular and handsome…"

Bobbi had been watching Maria mutter sweet nothings about Steve for the last ten minutes. It was unnerving, listening to some of the things she was saying. She cleared her throat and prepared to say something when she heard the yelling coming from the prison cell. "Damn doctor. Hill, pry your perverted mind away from Rogers for a minute and check on Foster."

Maria's eyes snapped open and she fixed Bobbi with a soul melting glare. As she walked out, the blonde shook her head. She swore up and down that Hill was an asexual, one of those who were married to the job.

Hill barged into the room and flipped the lights on. "What the fuck do you want?!"

Perfect, phase one was complete. Now, for the hard part. "I have to use the bathroom," she said in the most innocent, non-threatening voice she could muster.

"One or two," she replied in the most annoyed tone humanly possible.

"Two. I'm literally about to explode here. Oooh, I can feel it coming."

Maria scoffed with disgust and walked over to release her. Grabbing a real knife, she cut through the binds on her hands and feet. At last! I'm free! Jane thought with joy.

She stood and rubbed her sore wrists. "Thanks."

They stood there, staring at each other awkwardly for almost a minute before Maria finally spoke up. "Well?"

Jane had been so intrigued by the shade of Maria's lipgloss that she had forgotten why had wanted to get free in the first place. "Oh yeah!" She quickly bent down and grabbed the still pretty full can of paint that Maria had so carelessly left lying out in the open. "Eat paint and die, mother fucker!" she screamed before dumping the entire thing over her tormentor.

"NOOOOOOOOOO!" Maria screamed to the high heavens as the paint seered away at her flesh. "Steve, help me!" she yelled for reasons Jane was certain she didn't want to know. She went to stab her to put her out of her misery, but it was too late; she was already dead, the paint having quickly melted her face off.

"You'd better be happy you didn't get paint in my eyes," Maria's ghost said before it drifted off into the afterlife. "Screw this, I have paperwork to do."

"Good riddance, bitch. Now for that other one." She burst out of the room, unarmed, and took Bobbi completely by surprise.

"What the fu–" she managed before being dropkicked to the ground. "How did you escape?!"

"Your friend did me a favor before I killed her. Now it's your turn."

Bobbi guffawed uproariously. "Dumbass. You shouldn't talk shit to someone with a gun." She reached for said gun, but quickly realized that it wasn't there. She then remembered that Natasha and Clint had taken all three paintball guns, stating that it was 100% impossible that Foster would escape, and thus they needed them more.

Bobbi smacked herself on the forehead, and ducked under a wild punch. "I still have a knife," she said as she drew it.

Jane looked warily at the paint dripping from the spongy blade. Memories of her recent torture flashed back to her mind. She shook them off. "Bring it."

Bobbi brought the blade up to her face and ran it down her cheek. She grinned savagely as burning pain shot across her face.

Jane shook it off and dodged the first two swipes before blocking the thrust. She groaned in pain as Bobbi hit her in the face not once, not twice, but three times. She retaliated with a backhand of her own, which sent her attacker reeling.

Bobbi didn't relent, but charged after her and managed to cut her across her ribcage, only to have Jane somehow spin around and tear off a piece of her shirt. Which was impossible to do, but whatever.

Bobbi growled and gingerly touched the part where her shirt was torn, while Jane growled at the torn piece of fabric and began to check herself for any more cuts. "Hmnn!" she grunted as she tore her shirt open.

"Hyah!" Bobbi responded as she, too, tore her protective vest open.

"Hyuuuu!" they both screamed simultaneously as Jane tore the rest of her shirt off and threw it to the ground.

"Rraaaaaaaaaaaagghh!" Bobbi yelled with fury as she somehow ripped her shirt clean off her body. They were left, unfortunately, with their sports bras on.

They struck fighting poses.

Round One…FIGHT!

Bobbi lunged forward, but Jane caught her by the arm and kneed her arm until she let go.

Bobbi yelled unnecessarily and threw several wild, but strangely accurate punches. She had Jane backed almost up against the wall until the brunette scientist blocked the blonde scientist's final haymaker and forced her back with a vicious volley of punches and knees of her own.

The ratio of yells in relations to actual punches and kicks thrown was too damn high.

"RAAAAAAAGH!"Bobbi ducked under a punch and launched another volley of kicks and high knees, culminating in her landing a nice high roundhouse kick.

"GAAAAARGH!" Jane reciprocated with her own volley of kicks and high knees that culminated in a nice roundhouse kick. "AAAAAAAAAARGH!"

"AAAAAAAAARGH!" Bobbi yelled as she caught the punch Jane threw and trapped her arm in place so she could lay into Jane's chest with a trio of hammer blows. Jane knocked her away with a superhumanly powerful headbutt.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!" Bobbi yelled as she grabbed the knife she had dropped and came at Jane again. Using a series of moves that, along with everything else she had done, she hadn't known until that very moment, Jane dodged all of the swipes and stabs in style. "AAAAAAAAAAAH!" Bobbi thrusted once more and successfully pinned Jane against the closet door when she blocked her arm.

Jane grabbed her face, only to scream out when Bobbi locked in the Breast Grope of Death™. Bobbi groped Jane's breast with all her might, much to her opponent's consternation.

Thor, who had just left the USST super secret hideout and was traveling down the elevator for the majority of the fight, opened the door and walked inside. Natasha should learn not to leave doors unlocked.

He saw Bobbi's hand on Jane's breast and instantly swelled with anger and jealousy. Only my hand may caress Jane's supple chest! he thought. He grabbed a wet towel out of a bucket that wasn't there a minute go and, tightening it like a rope, latched it around the knife hand and pulled it away.

"What the –" was all she managed before receiving a punch to the head.

Breast finally free of its torture, Jane engaged Bobbi once more. The two scientists exchanged both devastating blows and over-dramatic yells and screams. The fight spilled over the entire apartment, and Thor found himself wondering if he should fill a kiddie pool with baby oil and throw them into it.

His thoughts were interrupted by a scream that was just as over-dramatic as the other ones, so he almost didn't pay it any mind. He looked over and saw Jane slashing Bobbi repeatedly with her paint-knife. Thor took that opportunity and shot Bobbi in the eye, killing her instantly. She had her goggles on, thankfully, but she was still dead.

"Keep an eye out for ya, Mockingbird," Jane taunted the corpse.

"Yeah," Thor said in a hokey accent, "See ya." He turned and trapped his girlfriend in a tight hug. "Oh Jane, it does my soul well to see you both unarmed and to watch you handle yourself as a true warrior."

"Thanks Thor. I owe it all to you."

"Me? But how?"

She shrugged, and they both walked out of the apartment, apparently having already forgotten about the dead body on the floor.

A few minutes later, a tired, ragged, and heavily bandaged Natasha and Clint walked in. One look at Bobbi's dead body and the half skeleton that used to be Maria had the top agents hopping mad. After a few minutes of hopping up and down on the sofa, Natasha said, "This. Ends. Today!"

*Those totally exist! Google them and see.

A/N: Wow, I would've never thought this would be such a popular story. Thanks a lot for all the support guys ^_^