Thank you EVERYONE who reviewed/favorited/followed this story. It's been a pleasure writing for you. I hope you will all follow my next story, a post TLG fic that's coming along quite nicely. The first chapter should be out within the next two weeks.
Alana O' Connor: Thank you for your great review and for being a loyal reader.
CieloCrimisi: Thank you, I was hoping they would be. And that's what I was going for. I love angsty/dramatic fics but I hate when they get to be over the top. It makes it impossible to get into the story because you KNOW that character would never ever do that. So hopefully my future stories all retain a sense of realness XD I really appreciated your review.
This song will be the soundtrack to this chapter.
"Where will you go?" by evanescence
This is my favorite version: watch?v=7XW47LpkB-4
"I can hear you in a whisper but you can't even hear me screaming."
XxXxXxXxXx
Somewhere in the darkness of his dreams a voice was calling to him. A voice that could rescue him from this room that choked him with its pungent scent of blood and death. From his place in the corner he watched smoke escape the burnt corpse, pouring from his mouth and nostrils in steady streams and coiling about the ceiling like the ghosts of serpents. The men were silent, taking a moment to absorb the morbid scene. After a few moments had passed the older man spoke, Artemis could see now that he was in his late sixties.
"That took a lot longer than I had expected..." sounding for all the world as if he were talking about waiting in line at the supermarket. "Fucker just refused to die."
Artemis Sr. nodded and gestured to the mass of smoking flesh. "Go on then, set it up. We don't have all night."
The older man began unbuckling the dead man's restraints. The corpse fell for ward and he pulled it out of the chair. With surprising strength for his age, he hoisted the body onto a wooden work table.
Artemis' heart beat viciously, he didn't want to watch this. He couldn't. Frantically he searched for a way out. He spun in a circle, eyes darting. Fear tightened its grip on his stomach and a cold dread spread across his chest. Hadn't there been a door?
I need to get out of here. How can they stand this smell?
He knew that he was panicking but he couldn't stop himself, the door that his father had entered the room through had vanished. His mind reeled, he'd be trapped here forever with a corpse and the smell of burnt flesh and the black pools of coagulated blood that he knew would soon cover the table. The stagnant air was unbearable. It collected in oily wisps, scattered about the room like fog and he could...taste the charred nature of it, oh God he could taste the dead man's flesh. He bent over and dry heaved, breaking the silence.
His father turned to face him and when Artemis looked up their eyes locked. Something in his chest constricted and he couldn't stop his lips from quivering.
"Ah, so your awake. Good, I didn't want you to miss this. I feared you'd be out the rest of the night." He cocked his head and somehow it translated as a threat. His father had the perplexing gift of making the most innocent of gestures frightening. His tone deceptively light, he continued. "Why don't you come over so you can get a better look..."
His features darkened at his son's hesitance. "Don't be stupid boy."
That's when he heard the voice, seemingly coming from every direction. The world around him grew still and began to fade. He was pulled up through a veil of darkness and felt relief wash over him. He knew that voice.
Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Once in the air, it had taken Butler roughly an hour to locate the site of the crash and once he had, it was a simple matter to land the Sikorsky in the middle of the clearing. From his vantage point in the sky he had been pleased to see the plane in one piece, which meant that his charge was likely in the same condition. Upon descending his heart quickened at the sight of Artemis' legs dangling over the side of the open door, motionless.
He had barely touched the ground before he was jumping out of the helicopter, he was at the boy's side in seconds. He ripped the Armani suit open with one motion, sending buttons sailing into the cockpit. He'd be hearing about that later but it was of little consequence if his charge didn't actually wake up. After flipping the boy's frail frame over to check his back Butler was relieved to find only a few minor cuts and that his shoulder needed to be popped back into place. No internal bleeding and no broken bones. He did have a rather nasty gash across his left cheek but Butler could take care of that and his shoulder right now while he was still unconscious.
Moving quickly he pulled out his first aid kit, which was infinitely more extensive than most and rather resembled a compact operating room. He pulled out sutures, astringent and a hypodermic needle that he filled with local anesthetic to numb the affected area. Before he began the process of stitching he took the boy's slim shoulders in his and gave the right one a shove up and inward. The action produced a small and satisfying pop that alerted him to the fact that the shoulder was firmly back in its proper place.
Working as quickly as any skilled surgeon the massive man nimbly sutured the gash across Artemis' cheek and was finished within five minutes. He silently commended himself, when the sutures came out one month later there wouldn't even be a scar.
Having finished repairing his charge he tentatively shook his uninjured shoulder. This produced no reaction but the light lolling of Artemis' head which revealed to Butler the considerable knot growing near his temple. The guard swore under his breath, he was likely concussed, which meant he would have to be extremely careful moving him as even mild brain injuries could be exacerbated by too much movement. For the next two weeks his charge would be confined to his bed in order to insure his brain recovered properly, that was another battle Butler was not looking forward to having.
He cradled Artemis' head with one massive palm and scooped up the rest of his small frame with his other arm, much the way one might carry a newborn. As he started to head back towards the chopper Artemis stirred, eyes blinking blearily.
"Relax Artemis, I've got you." His voice came out much softer than he had expected. Despite his anger at the whole situation Butler couldn't help but feel relieved and a bit overjoyed that he had sustained little lasting harm.
The boy's eyes opened half way, his expression vacant. He jostled a bit, disoriented. He probably wouldn't be lucid for at least the rest of the night. Butler's heart lurched at his charge's dazed features, the boy had never looked so very lost. So very much like...an eleven year old boy who'd crashed a plane.
"Father?" Artemis' voice was barely a whisper.
"Shhh Artemis, it's okay. Your safe now, We're heading back to the Manor."
Artemis looked up at his bodyguard, confused.
"Father...I thought you were...I've been looking for you."
Butler laid his charge down on a stretcher in the back of the helicopter, strapping him in so he could not move and harm himself. When he was done he placed a hand on the boys forehead, Artemis was still looking at him, waiting patiently for some kind of response.
"Artemis, you've been in an accident and your thoughts aren't clear just yet. It's me, Butler."
He seemed not to hear the words and an expression of reverent hope filled his features.
"I knew you were alive." He said the words slowly, as if he needed to hear them as much as he needed to say them.
Butler backed away, not knowing exactly what to do. Finally, he relented at the boy's intense gaze.
"No, Artemis. Listen.." He said the words softly and slowly, hoping his charge would understand. "It's me, Butler. Your father he...isn't here. You know that." After two years Butler still approached the subject with caution, it was like a fresh wound for Artemis because for all his searching and plotting he had found no trace of the man and thus never gave into grief. He was suspended between the two very real(to him at least) possibilities of his father's return and his death. There was no headstone, no burial plot and no body, so the lack of concrete evidence usually present following one's death was all the reason Artemis needed to believe his father was still out there. Alive. And Believe he did, in fact, he believed so vehemently that his father was just waiting to be found that Butler couldn't tell if it was an extreme case of denial or if there really was some hope in the situation. Could the boy see what everyone else could not?
Artemis did not answer the man, who may or may not have been his father, and instead laid his head back against the rough material of the gurney and slipped into darkness.
Artemis fell in and out of consciousness for the next two days. Butler sat by his side, watching him breath, soothing his panic when he woke up and tried to keep him from getting out of bed. Every time he woke it was like the first. He continued to believe that the tall figure watching over him was his father and he'd ask questions Butler could not answer. He would do his best to placate the boy but the look on his face was unbearable.
Now, sitting by his side, he could see the stress of his thoughts playing themselves out as he slept. Pale hands gripped the sheets at odd intervals, his features would twist into one of intense thought briefly before smoothing over again, he hardly moved but would tremble every now and then. He was trembling now, breathing rapidly, eyes shifting back and forth beneath his eyelids. Butler studied him so intensely that when he broke the silence with soft spoken words plucked from his subconscious, Butler nearly jumped.
The boy's eyebrows drew together in pain or confusion or both and a soft grunt of protest escaped his lips. "...You can't do this" The words were soft and pained. "Why can't you let him go...or just let him...die" Just as the strangeness of this fragmented sentence began to worry Butler the rest of his words halted as Artemis began to stir, possibly at the sound of his own voice echoing in the large room.
Immediately Butler was leaning over him, concerned and attentive. When Artemis' blue eyes fluttered open, glazed, he spoke again, very low and almost to himself. Butler had to strain to hear him. "Oh...Mother, I have been having such awful dreams." And then recognition sparked in his features and his eyes darted about worriedly.
He sat up quickly and took in his surroundings, coming to a conclusion before Butler had the chance to open his mouth. "You found me, How long have I been out?"
"The better part of two days, pretty nasty concussion."
"Yes...I know...landing that thing was not easy. Remind me to replace the standard controls, they must be at least fifteen years old. It was like steering a bucket down a waterfall with a stick." He put a hand absently to his temple where the welt was beginning to lessen.
Butler, though glad to hear his charge speaking lucidly, did not even try to keep the anger from his voice. "Yes, about that. What were you thinking Artemis? Aren't you supposed to be some sort of genius? That was the most idiotic decision you've ever made."
His charge was taken aback by this, but not by much. The unlikely pair had a respect for one another that included a blunt sense of honesty. Artemis had never held his tongue around Butler regarding his actions and thoughts and Butler had never hesitated to let Artemis know when he needed to reign himself in. It was a rocky concept but it worked for them, no one else in the world would be able to question Artemis' genius and get away with it unscathed let alone have the boy nodding along to the lecture.
Butler continued, sounding very much like a father scolding his mischievous son. "I turn my back for ten minutes and you're in the damn sky!? Really? Last time I checked you weren't so impulsive. If I hadn't thought to check the Cessna who knows how long you would have been stranded out there. What has gotten into you?" Butler partially already knew the answer but he felt an explanation was owed, in the very least for what the boy had put him through for the past two days.
When Butler stopped talking Artemis nodded and took a deep breath. "I know, your right of course. That was foolish and completely impulsive. I'm ashamed of my actions and I apologize for the undue worry I have caused you. Nothing like this will happen in the future, you have my word."
Butler was one of the only people in the world to ever get an apology in any form from Artemis Fowl II and he knew it. He nodded in return, accepting the apology but not allowing his principle to skirt the issue. "That doesn't answer my question."
When Butler didn't drop the subject Artemis sighed dramatically and gestured to the chair. "Sit."
Once seated Butler watched Artemis mull over what he was about to say, he seemed to be choosing his words carefully and they sat in silence for three minutes before the heir decided to speak.
"I allowed my emotions to get the best of me and when you ushered Mother back to her room I boarded the Cessna and took off. I was so eager to leave that I failed to notice the lack of fuel. Like I said, It was complete foolishness on my part." He said the words as rigidly and quickly as possible, Butler could almost feel his charge pushing him away as if it were a physical act.
"You know that's not what I'm asking."
"Well that is the only explanation that I can give you."
"I know there is more to it than that and I wouldn't be doing my job if I allowed you to walk around with whatever it is that's bothering you, obviously it gives you impulsive urges to put your life in jeopardy and I'm having none of it. So we are going to sit here until you tell me. Even if it takes all night." With that he crossed his arms and sat back in his seat, intending to make good on his promise. He couldn't lie, the incredulous look on Artemis' face was thoroughly enjoyable but other than that he was hoping that this would work. Artemis had been even more introverted in the past few months than usual and this was the perfect excuse for Butler to finally find out why without overstepping his professional boundaries. Not that their relationship was exactly professional, Butler was closer to Artemis than anyone but the boy still felt the need to keep his distance.
In an uncharacteristically childish manner, Artemis crossed his arms back at his bodyguard and scowled. "It's none of your business." The words held all the venom that Artemis could muster, which wasn't very much. Butler almost laughed.
"I beg to differ, I believe it is very much my business. You are my business, therefore I should be made aware of whatever is causing you enough pain that you feel the need to risk your life."
Artemis slowly brought his hands to his lap. Even he couldn't argue with simple logic.
Sighing once more he gave his bodyguard a pleading look. "I just...I don't want to talk about it. I don't even know where to start."
"You could start with what happened between you and your mother. Even she's been less destructive lately."
Artemis visibly flinched at the mention of his mother. "Right, Mother." He picked at his duvet, avoiding Butler's eyes. After a few second Butler grew impatient.
"So what happened?" He had no intention of dropping this.
Artemis looked away and Butler had never seen him do something so...normal. Usually he was like some sort of superhuman, with his superior intelligence and inflated ego. But now he couldn't even meet his friend's eyes and Butler sensed the guilt radiating off of him.
"I yelled at her Butler, I said horrible things to my sick Mother."
"I see, I'm surprised you didn't do this sooner."
"What?" The boy looked up at him with shock.
"Artemis, your mother is an amazing woman but she's been a terror lately. I know she's ill and it's not her fault but this kind of behavior would tear any child apart. It's amazing you lasted this long, you aren't known for your patience." He paused but Artemis didn't speak, he just looked back down at his folded hands. Butler continued.
"Your doing everything you can for her. Most people with your kind of money would set her up in a nice psych ward somewhere and move on with their lives, but you didn't do that. You're being brave Artemis, don't forget that."
"I'm not being brave." He said almost angrily, looking up. "What's brave about locking your own mother in the attic and sedating her when she becomes an inconvenience? If I were trying to help her I'd be doing more, but I'm not. We don't have the resources to pay for another psychiatrist and starting next week the insurance is running out so her medication is no longer going to be an option."
"That's not your fault, you're just a ch-"
Artemis raised a hand, cutting him off. "Don't say that to me, you know better than anyone that I am not just a child." He snapped, a little too viciously. Chiding himself, he continued a bit more kindly. "I could do more, there are other therapies we could try but I'm just...I'm just so angry with her!"
Butler nodded. Now they were getting somewhere. He watched as Artemis searched his features, looking for the disapproval he was anticipating. That look he was so accustomed to getting after being honest about his feelings. He continued warily when his bodyguard portrayed nothing but interest at this latest development. Reluctantly the boy continued.
"Mother is all I have now, and despite my efforts she is slowly fading away. I know she isn't doing this intentionally but there is a part of me that feels as if she is taking the easy way out while I'm left here. I can not help but think...why is she not trying?" He shook his head at this and looked across the room to the window.
"She doesn't have the resources to fight this Artemis. Your mother is a brilliant woman but she has her weaknesses. Losing...him...was more than she could tolerate."
"I realize that Butler but I am still here. Do I matter so little to her as well?"
Butler didn't have to think hard to figure out who else he was talking about. Even when Artemis Sr. was present in the Manor he hardly spared a second glance for his son. Besides the few occasions that he called Artemis into his study or took him on an even more rare outing, he never voluntarily spent any time with the boy. And when he did speak to his son in public it was to criticize, nothing was ever right. And so the boy grew into an intense adolescent, often volatile and disturbingly solitary. But despite all of this he still managed to almost worship his father, vying for any attention he could get.
When Artemis Sr. was told that his son was officially a genius it was possibly the worst thing that could have happened to his son. His expectations were inconceivable and his son took the challenge. Now, almost twelve years later, the boy sitting before Butler had received twenty three music awards and scholarships, fourteen scientific achievement awards, created two new vaccines, won countless awards in the realm of art, from contemporary to impressionist and published over seventy articles and four bestselling books under several pen names. Despite all these glorious achievements, Artemis Sr. would often chide the boy on when exactly he going to live up to his potential. So this, in turn, produced a genius who's skills were dangerously honed and morals that were shaky at the best of times.
"Artemis." Butler spoke the name with an affection that he hadn't known he possessed. Artemis' eyes were fixed across the room, watching the gray Irish clouds drift across the darkening sky, he did not respond. He was somewhere else and Butler's heart constricted at the lost yet contemplative expression on his charge's face. He leaned forward and placed his huge spade like hand over the boys small, pale one. Artemis, unaccustomed to being touched, almost jerked his hand away out of surprise but stopped himself when he saw the seriousness on his friend's face. "Don't let this become you."
The gravity of Butler's tone forced Artemis to meet his gaze. The boy's eyes shone almost indigo as a look of confusion overcame his features. He tilted his head and Butler was reminded slightly of a curious feline. "I don't know what you mean." He said, in a quiet voice.
"I just mean..." Butler paused, thinking over his words. He wondered briefly if he was overstepping his boundaries but decided that it needed to be said regardless, and his mother sure as hell wasn't going to tell him. Carefully he continued. "Your parents don't know how to love, Artemis. Your father certainly didn't and your mother tries but she can't see past herself. You are going to have to grow up..alone. For the most part." He paused again, gauging his charge's reaction. The boy's eyes flashed brightly and he seemed on edge but listening nonetheless. He seemed almost as if he'd been waiting for these words but hadn't known it until now. "I know this is not what you wanted to hear but it's true and I can't tell you how sorry I am that this even needs to be said but..." He shook his head. "Don't allow this to become who you are, I see you lock a little bit of yourself away every day Artemis. Every time she doesn't know you, each day that the rescue teams don't call with news. It's not going to get any easier and at this rate I fear for you, even more so now."
Artemis opened his mouth to say something but couldn't find the words, his eyes were pricked with tears that he refused to release. He felt his face heat up and he looked away from Butler, away from the truth and he just wanted to roll over and make him stop talking. He'd built up this image as a shield against everything life had thrown at him so far and here was this man, picking him apart. He wasn't ready for this. He wasn't ready to let go. So he did the only thing he knew how to do, he lashed out.
"Well don't." His tone was poison. He ripped his hand out from beneath Butler's and straightened his back against the head board. This desperate grasp at appearance was infantile and transparent but its purpose wasn't really to get Butler to see him as the invincible employer. It was to get him to drop the topic and hopefully leave.
Butler had known his charge far too long for this to work.
"Don't do this Artemis. Don't just shut me out this way." He raked a hand through his hair, something Artemis had never seen him do before tonight. "I'm just trying to help you."
"Well I don't need it. I'm not some lonely child who needs a hug and a bedtime story. I'm a professional and I'm capable of handling my own emotions, thank you very much. You can leave now." The boy promptly rolled over in the opposite direction, pulling the covers with him.
Butler sat there for a good five minutes, half contemplating quitting his job due to the sheer obnoxiousness of this child while the other half tried to figure out what to do. After some time he stood up with a sigh. He then reach over his charge's shoulder and wrenched the blankets of the bed. Artemis bolted upright, looking rather infuriated.
"I thought I told you to leave." He made an obvious show of attempting to control his anger.
"No. I'm not leaving this room until you talk to me." He said this slowly, as if he were trying to coax a tiger back into it's cage without getting mauled.
Artemis pinched the bridge of his nose. "There is nothing further for us to discuss. I'd appreciate it if you left me to my own devices for tonight." He switched directives, trying a nicer approach but failed to extract the venom from his voice.
"Why? So you can sit in here and isolate yourself?"
"No. So I can go to sleep. I'm tired."
"You're not tired Artemis. You're scared. You're scared of what I just said and your scared of how you feel. So you want me to leave so that you can build your walls of denial and isolation and I'm not letting you do this again."
"I am not scared. I just don't want to talk about this anymore. There's no point, it's not going to change anything." He rose from the bed and crossed to the window, drawing the blinds.
"You need to talk about this. What you said before, about how you feel as if you aren't a good enough reason for your mother to hold onto her sanity. That matters. That's huge."
Artemis turned slowly but remained silent, staring.
"I don't think anyone has ever really pushed you hard enough, no one has ever taken the time to decipher you. How frustrating it must be, being able to read everyone around you like a book but no one can even scratch the surface when it comes to you. No one has the capacity to figure you out. I'd be angry too."
The boy was almost crouching now, his eyes were wide and dangerous, like an animal. His gaze flicked briefly to the door and Butler was almost sure he was about to bolt. Then he spoke.
"It's not...It isn't..." Artemis was shaking, he looked unsure of what to do with himself.
"I want you to know that I care. This breaks every rule the academy has every drilled into my head but...I care about you as if you were my own. And I will never stop trying Artemis. Never." He took the boy's face in his hands. "You don't ever need to pretend with me."
Artemis' face and chest filled with heat. Unshed tears filled his eyes and obscured his vision. His brain thrummed as he tried to decide what to do. He couldn't think, his entire being screamed for him to push the man away but a small part of him needed this. And so he sat there, letting Butler cup his face in his hands and willed himself not to cry. Finally, blinking hard so the tears rolled in huge droplets down his cheeks, he removed the man's hands gently.
"I don't know if I can do this." He looked ashamed, as if the realization of what his friend had just said was hitting him just now.
"Do what?"
"Any of this. I'm not like everyone else. It's never going to be easy with me."
"I know." Butler's voice was gentle.
"And you would do that? For me?"
"Yes." The answer erupted from him, sure and unfaltering. His eyes regarded the boy with a fierce loyalty.
And Artemis thought for a moment about all the people that had ever said they'd loved him and It seemed that the love he was promised was always conditional. It was always based on his performance or in his mother's case, who he was that day. In comparison to the love that this man was offering him, for practically nothing in return, all others faded. Butler cared for him regardless of his genius and he listened to him even when he did not understand. This man had given him his life and now he was willing to give him even more. A reprieve from his stifling emotions, a way out. And this simple kindness hit Artemis. Hard.
"You don't have to, you don't have to do that." His voice was strained and breathy, his eyes shone wide and pleading.
"I know."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be."
And the boy dropped. Butler was there immediately, just as he always was. Just as he always would be. He held the boy silently as he sobbed into his shirt, muttering words that were unintelligible. And Butler listened even though he did not understand.
They stayed like that for some time, even after Artemis went silent. Butler carried the exhausted boy to his bed and pulled the covers over him.
"Artemis, can I ask you something?"
"Of course." He nodded, his voice hoarse.
"What were you dreaming about?"
He tensed for a moment and Butler feared that he was going to turn over like he had done before. But then his face relaxed and he answered. "My father."
"It didn't sound pleasant."
"It wasn't."
"Will you tell me about it when you're ready?"
"When I'm ready."
They stared at each other from across the room. These two very different people brought together by fate and held there by an inexplicable sense of belonging to one another. By something bigger than themselves. Bigger than anything they could ever imagine. And they were granted this. For themselves and for each other. This one spark of light to guide them in an ocean of necessary darkness.
Artemis sat up on his elbows, a strange look on his face. The amber light set his eyes off like two flickering stars, distant yet familiar. "Thank you, Butler."
The man across the room nodded. His own eyes like two solitary planets.
"Goodnight, Artemis."
THE END
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Yeah that's the end of this one. It started out as a oneshot so I'm surprised it got to be five chapters.
Leave a review and let me know what you think. Any criticism or suggestions welcome.
FEED THE BOX!
And look out for my next post TLG fic. It's chock full of drama, angst, ghosts and even some good old fashion gore.