Title: Lady Rill

Author's notes: This is in first person, which I generally don't use, in deference to Nerilka's Story. A short chapter on the different ways Nerilka lets herself be physically touched by others, while never quite understanding her worth, and how Alessan (might have!) become emotionally involved in their marriage.

(from Nerilka's Story) "He [Macabir] put a comforting hand on my shoulder. No one would dare such a familiarity toward the Lady Nerilka, yet I did not find it offensive to be handled. It proved I was a human being."

Because it had been relatively unscathed, though Hold, Hall and Weyr valiantly provided much help and labor during the crisis, High Reaches Hold was the first to host a Gather in the Turn following the plague. I am not sure when this had been decided, but Alessan and I had been left out of the discussion, a kindness for which I was very grateful.

The unmercifully warm winter of the previous Turn was not repeated, but for once the bitter chill was regarded as a boon. Alessan, ever the gracious spouse, had made sure my new riding jacket was warm enough both for the ride between and the cold afternoon air. He helped me into the wherhide garmet, fastening the belt carefully but impersonally over my increasing belly. I knew he was pleased, in his own way, that I was carrying a child, but he tended not to linger over the emotional aspects of my pregnancy.

To be fair, I did not expect him to rejoice. Alessan had lost so much, and surely experience had taught him that any potential happiness could -and would- be snatched away at the first opportunity. I, myself, was merely glad that he no longer wished to die, now that Ruatha's blood succession was assured.

"Lord Alessan, Lady Nerilka," said M'barak, having landed Arith in the bare, swept courtyard.

"Good afternoon," I replied. Alessan nodded stiffly, silent and aloof. "It is always a pleasure, M'barak and Arith."

The young man smiled, though I could tell he was nervous, as we all were. The memory of our last Gathers had not yet faded, and might never will. "I traded duties to get Ruathan transport," he said, proudly. "Oklina asked me to tell you, Lord Alessan, that she'll miss seeing you today, but Hannath is still bound to the Weyr. She hopes to begin training between in time to be present for the, er, baby." Like most boys, M'barak's ears turned red at the notion of childbirth. "Lady Nerilka, are you ... safe to travel by dragon? I mean, will you lose the- oh, when we go between-"

I assured him that I was far enough along- but not too gravid- for dragonflight, as succinctly and clinically as I could. M'barak, relieved that he would not be responsible for the miscarriage of Ruatha's heir, helped us onto patient Arith and insisted that I be buckled into his safety riding harness, double and triple-checking the fit of the straps before declaring it to be sufficient.

"Ready?" he asked over his shoulder, gripping my forearm with one hand, the other holding on to the wherhide harness.

I glanced at Alessan, but his eyes were lost and clouded, fixed upon a painful memory. "Yes, M'barak," I said, nodding, my heart heavy. Arith sprang into the air, and the dark emptiness of between came as a welcome relief.

The Gather was gay and bright with the forced cheer of those who wished to have a good time. Laughter was just a bit too loud, greetings were overly warm and laden with too many fond endearments. Alessan was like a stone in the midst of the socializing crowd, leaving me to attend to pleasantries.

Even after assuming the duties of Lady Holder for almost a Turn, I still felt adrift amongst the elite of our continent. Never had I imagined such a future; I had always expected I would live my life in the stillroom of Fort, an old maid remembered only when expected to perform a necessary duty. Instead, I stood and clasped hands with Weyrleaders and Holders alike, my jacket having been whisked away by an attentive drudge, and warmly greeted by name. I was offered enough congratulations and compliments to make my head spin- my lovely new gown was admired, as well as my increasing girth and the glow of pregnancy. The ladies, especially, were ecstatic about my child. The plague had caused many women to miscarry, and like myself, many of the other Lady Holders were eager to replenish dwindling bloodlines.

Feeling a little dazed by the excessive goodwill, I was pleased to spot Capiam and Desdra, two people who knew me as I am, rather than a lofty title. I left Alessan with Lord Diatis, who was attempting to engage him in conversation, and wound my way through the finely-dressed masses.

"Rill!" Desdra called as I approached. She had her hand tucked securely in Capiam's arm, as to not lose him in the tumultuous bustle. I had heard they had been espoused since the autumn, and was glad to see them as a happy couple.

As I greeted Desdra, I heard a startled gasp. "Rill?" a voice said, and I turned to see a tall man with bright, new Master Healer knots at his shoulder.

Had he been unshaven and utterly exhausted, I might have recognized him more quickly. As it was, it took me several long seconds to recall the familiar face. "Macabir!" I exclaimed, genuinely glad to see him. "And journeyman no more, I see. Master Macabir, well met!"

I could hear Desdra's laugh as I was snatched up in an embrace, spun around in a circle, thumped on the back, and set back down again with a whoop of pure enthusiasm. "The Hall was drummed that you went to Ruatha," Macabir said, grinning widely, "but I kept looking for your name on new apprentice lists, anyway. I was so sure you'd come back for more training! But you just disappeared after that-" he paused to glare at Desdra, who was clearly enjoying herself, entirely at my expense, "-though this one here apparently knew all about it, and didn't tell me a single sharding thing!"

"Nerilka," Desdra drawled my name slowly, with relish, and I could feel my face grow hot in anticipation of embarrassment, "was otherwise occupied."

Macabir's surprise was comical; for the first time, he seemed to notice my elaborate attire, the jewels sparkling at my throat and wrists. "Nerilka? You mean-" he looked down at me, his mouth open in shock.

"Lady Nerilka is my wife," Alessan snarled behind me. I hadn't even heard his approach. "Unhand my wife, healer."

Macabir dropped my hands as if they had burned him; indeed, I hadn't even noticed he had still held them. "Lord Alessan of Ruatha," I said, warningly, as his light eyes moved from Macabir to my hands to my flushed cheeks. "This is Master Macabir. He was the healer in charge at Fort's internment camp, where I volunteered before traveling to Ruatha."

"I see." Alessan said, unyielding. "It is a pleasure." Ice dripped from his voice, and even Macabir's smiling good cheer began to crack.

"Why don't we get some wine," Capiam interjected, the picture of diplomacy, though he ruined the effect by rolling his eyes at Desdra behind Alessan's back. "Macabir?"

"Coming," the young healer replied. "It was good to see you, Rill- I mean, Lady Nerilka." At his slip, Macabir regarded Alessan from the corner of his eyes, like a wary canine.

"I prefer Rill, Macabir. We can catch up later," I told him, apologetically, while Alessan continued to palpably seethe over my shoulder. With a wave, Macabir followed Desdra and Capiam back into the crowd, where they were immediately lost to view. "Alessan, where are your manners?" I asked, exasperated. Alessan was brusque amongst his holders and staff at Ruatha, but surely he could behave politely for a few short hours at a Gather.

Alessan only grunted in reply, once again emotionless.

M'barak returned us to Ruatha early into the night, as neither Alessan nor I indulged in dance- even if I wished, I couldn't, since the added weight of my child seemed to be affecting my balance.

We prepared for bed, in the chamber we shared together. Though our intimacy was often strained, I did not like to leave Alessan alone at night, that silent time where dark thoughts could consume the sleepless. Now that I am undoubtedly with child, we sleep side by side, untouching. I am sure he thinks he is being honorable by not imposing on my body, since we only agreed to marry in order to produce a Ruathan heir. But, in truth, I miss his touch.

Alessan had been unusually surly this evening, so I am deeply surprised when he pulls me toward him with an urgency I haven't seen since he asked me to end his life. We make love, passionately, and afterward he holds me close, his fingertips resting lightly on my swollen stomach.

"Nerilka?" he murmurs against my short hair, but I am too afraid to look at him. I do not want to see his expression turn blank, his eyes grow distant, not right now. So I am a coward, and bury my face into his chest, and I do not answer.

Author's note, again: Thanks for the reviews, guys! I appreciate the support, and concrit. I'm pretty sure I've screwed up tenses in this chapter and the last, feel free to point out any errors. I'll fix 'em when I get the chance.