Disclaimer: If I owned D Gray Man, Allen would be in love with Tyki, Lavi and Kanda and he would be having sex with them every day. So it's best that I don't own it, don't you think?

Summary: He is like Painter's Grey, it looks black but when it is on paper, it is a light shade of blue grey… As Tyki crushes Allen's Innocence, he sees the exorcist's eyes turn yellow for a moment and it changes everything. Mostly consistent with the Manga up to chapter 196 page 21. Told from Tyki's point of view.

Pairings: Tyki/Allen aka Poker Pair

Warnings: Yaoi and implied sex! If you don't like yaoi then why are you reading this? Also, there will be battle violence and swearing. Constructive criticism is allowed, flamers will be locked up with their flames and roasted alive.

A/N: Wow, this one is definitely longer than the first chapter. This story is multi-chaptered but I doubt it will be a long one. Those who are waiting for my Mates for Eternity, just be patient, the good part is coming soon and it's so long and I want it to be perfect. Please enjoy my interpretation of the Great Hoshino's work~!

The way to love anything is to realize that it may be lost.

~Gilbert K. Chesterton

I hum contentedly as I easily consume the still living koi fish held by its tail between my fingers. I usually do this when I feel particularly sadistic, enjoying the squirming of the fish as it's being eaten alive.

It's probably strange but I find it really fun, using my Choose to eat the flesh of the fish without worrying about fish bones. I grin as I pull the remainders of the fish away, eyeing the perfect skeletal structure of the koi.

Somehow it makes me feel smug that I alone can boast to being able to clean up every speck of flesh on a fish without any difficulty or extended periods of time needed. However, this time I am doing this not for entertainment but because I feel so restless that I need to use my powers in any way possible.

When I told the Earl of what had happened and presented him with the blood smeared card, he became almost hysterical with joy and relief. The 14th huh…I can't help but feel a little disappointed, if the boy really turns into the 14th it means that I can't keep him as we'll be the same rank.

I snort, I probably wouldn't want him as a pet anymore anyway. The Noah of Destruction. I wonder what he's like. The Earl wouldn't tell me much but he said that the last generation of Noah -save Road- had been killed by the 14th, though the Earl didn't seem to hate the 14th for betraying us. There must be more to the story than I know of.

I glance at the Tease sitting on my knee. The image is projecting perfectly and I find myself almost drooling at the sight of the beautiful boy's firm abdomen. The tight half-top he is wearing allowing me the beautiful sight of slightly hardened nipples pressing against the fabric.

I was instructed to watch the boy and try to figure him out. Easier said than done. The kid is a walking wet dream seriously! Maa…it was easy to get my Tease in though, just sending it across the Ark with a level 3 Akuma was a good idea, my Tease easily slipping through the walls and barriers guarding the headquarters.

This way I get to stalk the boy and place the Akuma in a good position to attack when he finishes breaking the barriers to allow an Ark gate to open inside the underground building. Two birds with one stone~! I grin, watching with awe as the boy moves fluidly during his spar.

He is clearly frustrated I can see but something makes me feel uncomfortable as I watch him. He's too driven. Too focused. He's like a robot with only one objective, throwing himself headfirst into everything with only one thing in mind. I can't understand it. It's like I'm looking at an incomplete puzzle. Frustrating and aggravating.

I watch as he struggles. It's like watching a cripple trying to walk on one leg without supports. It makes me irritated…

~Poker Pair~

I grin as I call out to the boy and his friends. He turns to me with wide eyes. Ah, he's even more beautiful in person now. I find myself wondering if his now spiky hair is still as soft as before or has it become hard to keep that interesting position.

Giving in to the temptation, I reach forward to thread my fingers through his hair as I lean in close. He looks up at me through his bangs with eyes wide in confusion and I can't help but find the shy expression endearing, that way he looks at me with those big silver eyes.

I abruptly remember my place and with an internal sigh, I bash my head against his, demanding to know why he's alive. As though I had not purposefully spared him.

He's making some really cute sounds as he grips his forehead and I want to pry his hands away to kiss him where it hurts. He turns to me with the most adorable scowl I've ever seen and a demand on his lips when he freezes. The look in his eyes says that he's finally recognized me and I discard my disguise.

I wonder what he'll look like when he's a Noah. All that creamy white skin dulling into a dark umber like mine, somehow I want to see that. I make my speech and leave watching their progress with Road by my side. She seems delighted that Allen is the 14th, she speaks of him with such a soft tone that I realise she's in love with the 14th Noah.

I feel uncertain. I don't know who the 14th is but it is likely that Allen will disappear when he takes over and I don't know if that is something I want or not. For I have been taken by Allen Walker, not the 14th Noah.

We cry at Skin's death even though I had no affection for the brutish man and I wonder if I would cry if Allen died. If I would cry because of the Noah or for the loss of the boy. If I would cry when the 14th takes over and Allen Walker disappears.

~Poker Pair~

Road and I wait at the top of the Ark. I can't help but be impressed by the little group's progress though the boy's trauma was quite amusing to watch. Anticipation wells in my chest as the door opens and I fight the urge to do what Road does, flying towards the boy and capturing his lips.

It doesn't make me jealous. I know she was involved with the 14th and I understand how overwhelming it must be to be so near yet so far to her beloved. Still, I subtly call her away from the boy, feeling a bit perturbed at the sight of her kissing my exorcist.

I don't understand this boy. He has just been kissed by a Noah yet he looks unaffected. Shouldn't there be some reaction to being kissed by an enemy? Even his friends look like they're about to have aneurysms yet he simply focuses on me.

I feel my heart beat faster in excitement. He's looking at me. Not Road or his own friends, me. I converse pleasantly with him for a while, trying to suppress my urges. In this short amount of time, he's become my obsession. I want to figure him out. I want to know everything there is to know about him. I want to possess him.

Our battle is fierce and everything he says only confuses me even more. The boy is a walking contradiction. I watch him within my vacuum. He looks so defeated, or so I think, for when I see his eyes, I see that he is still fighting.

I want to feel him again. So I shove my hand through his chest to feel his heart once more. He reacts in an interesting way. His power has increased and he's now giving off the amount of power I'd expect to see from a General…no…it's more than that.

I shudder in fear at the immense raw power. It's unrefined and uncontrolled but I think even Cross can not possibly match this power. He strikes me. It hurts. My Noah is screaming. It hurts. He says he'll destroy my Noah. He wants to save me.

How ironic, for he will eventually turn into a Noah himself. Still, a part of me feels happy. Have I become so obsessed that any small sign of affection or care from him makes my heart ache? Road rushes to me and I gesture for her to stop. This is fine. I wish to see his face as he does it. I want to see what he's thinking and I still seriously doubt that he can kill my Noah. Even his arrogance is endearing in my eyes.

He stabs me and I feel like I am dying. It hurts but not more than the look on his face. I see…this is why he struggles. I understand now. The look in his eyes, is one I've seen many times in my wanderings. It is the look of someone who has lost hope. Someone who no longer lives for himself. Someone who is nothing more than his mission.

He had that look also, that Japanese boy. Yet I have no interest in him. Perhaps it is because that boy is filled with hatred towards the world. Nothing too uncommon for I have seen many people who curse God and scream their hatred to the world. It is this boy who catches my eye. And now I understand why.

He's not like most people I've seen, living for drugs or an important person, nor does he hate the world for all he has suffered. No, this strange and amazing boy loves the world. He loves the world so much that the burden has crushed his self. He is nothing but love. Nothing but fear and desperation. He is so full of it, so full of love and so full of fear, the fear of loss. To the point where he has no room for anything else.

I caress his face as I feel my energy fading. He is such a sad and beautiful creature. I feel pain as my black and white sides reach out to him, wanting to take some of his burden. Even if he becomes the 14th Noah, I want to help him for as long as he exists. I feel my Noah writhing within me as he withdraws the blade and I fall to the floor.

No. I won't let you. I won't let you continue to hurt yourself like this. I won't let you suppress yourself anymore! If I lose my Noah, I won't have the power to save you. I won't be able to share in your pain. Sorry, Shonen, but your idea of freedom, is not the same as mine.

I'm not sure how much time has passed, fighting to preserve my Noah. As I struggle, my own inner workings become clearer to me. I have always been afraid of accepting my Noah, afraid of losing my friends. So I only let it in halfway, terrified that it would one day take over me the way it did Skin. I don't want to become a puppet. I am Tyki Mikk. Not just the Noah of Pleasure.

Yet now, as I fight to keep my Noah, I realise that in my rejection of it, I never listened. I never heard the cries of agony, the pleadings, the sufferings. I never understood that by rejecting my Noah, Joido, I was hurting both the Noah and myself. For some reason, the pain spreading through my body from the invisible wound in my chest is clearing my mind.

I now understand how my Noah, as a part of me, could not leave to become its own being (for even the Noah memories within me do not enjoy being simply used for the power they wield) and my rejection meant that it could not join with me, to share in my life. To feel the pleasure of being alive, even if it's only through me.

Yet I locked it away, fearing that it would control me. I wouldn't listen to Road when she and the others tried to make me understand that it was not always like the Noah of Wrath. That the Noah are memories and yet they are apart of us too. Our memories. How can I deny the addition of good memories to the Noah within me?

I'm a coward. I realise, as I watch silently as Joido wreak havoc in the Ark. So scared that I was not strong enough to merge properly, that I didn't even try. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry…

A/N: Wow, that was depressing…don't worry, it will get more interesting soon~! This chapter was more like an analysis of Tyki and Allen, we don't actually know much about either of them, or the Noah, or the Order, or anyone really, but this is like my theory if placed in a Poker Pair setting. I kinda like fill the blanks and do some Poker Pair at the same time.

A bit of advertising for my favourite BL game company, if you guy are wondering, I sort of got the idea of the half-assed rejection hurting both parties from Nirto+CHiRAL's latest visual novel, DRAMAtical Murder. If you love yaoi as much as I do and if you like techo themes, please go check it out and if you like it, please buy it for me since I'd love to but my country has a serious ban on yaoi. Even gay sex isn't allowed in my country…though lesbians are allowed, what's up with that!? Anyway, it's in Japanese but the English patch has been released on Aarinfantasy so everyone can play it in English, yay~!

Please review if you have any questions or spot any mistakes, as always, all my stories are unbetaed so please forgive any mistakes. Plus I'm writing this really late at night or early in the morning, depends, is 2am early or late~? …I hope everyone enjoys this, again please leave a review and tell me what you think, kay~?