Disclaimer: If I owned D Gray Man, Allen would be in love with Tyki, Lavi and Kanda and he would be having sex with them every day. So it's best that I don't own it, don't you think?

Summary: He is like Painter's Grey, it looks black but when it is on paper, it is a light shade of blue grey… As Tyki crushes Allen's Innocence, he sees the exorcist's eyes turn yellow for a moment and it changes everything. Mostly consistent with the Manga up to chapter 196 page 21. Told from Tyki's point of view.

Pairings: Tyki/Allen aka Poker Pair

Warnings: Yaoi and implied sex! If you don't like yaoi then why are you reading this? Also, there will be battle violence and swearing. Constructive criticism is allowed, flamers will be locked up with their flames and roasted alive.

A/N: I was listening to a rather creepy version of Carol of the Bells, it's in an AMV on YouTube called D. Gray Man - Welcome to the Noah Family, 14TH. I noticed that no one seemed to notice the joke I tried to put into the last chapter about Tyki eating fish with his powers since I find eating fish very tiring…ah well, I thought it was funny…guess not…I promise that I'm working on Mates for Eternity, fighting scenes are just really hard for me… Anyway, please enjoy the shit that I wrote while half asleep. Tada~!

If you press me to say why I loved him,

I can say no more than because he was he, and I was I.

~Michel de Montaigne

Ding~ dong~ ding~ dong~

I watch passively as the large clock chimes. The new generation of Noah have awoken. I can't say I really like them, especially that Wisely kid. He pulled me aside and said something like, "You won't lose him."

What the hell? I can tell he means Allen and I get that he can read minds so he probably knows of my obsession with the boy, the gratitude and loyalty I feel towards him for freeing me from my own chains. And possibly the love I have for this amazing child.

I figured it out when I came to my senses after the Earl saved me from that nasty Cross guy. The feeling deep within my chest tells me that it is thanks to Allen Walker that my heart is no longer trapped within that horrid conflict within me that I didn't even notice until it was gone. I feel so light, so free, so certain. And I have the child to thank.

It takes a while but I manage to locate Road. I speak with her, asking her about the 14th and Allen. She says that's Nea's power. Destruction. He could destroy anything, pain, fear, loneliness and sorrow. He could destroy the chains that hold down the heart. It was dangerous though. She threatens me that I am not to reveal anything she tells me to anyone and I can only nod as she jabs her scary candles at me. The truth was that many years ago, the Earl had begged Nea to destroy the pain he had held within his heart since the three days of darkness.

Nea had agreed with reluctance until as he stabbed the Earl, he realised that the Earl desired death as Nea was the only one with the power of Destruction and could even destroy something as powerful and eternal as the Earl. Nea had halted the process. But because it was incomplete, the Earl was left with neither freedom nor enslavement and he began to lose his mind.

The Earl leaked to the Exorcists that it was Nea who killed the pervious generation of Noah but it had truly been himself. Nea had tried to protect the Noah from the powerful and insane Earl but soon realised that it was himself that the Earl needed before his madness would stop. For Nea had hurt the Earl with his partial exorcism and it needed his blood to heal.

Sacrificing himself to save Road, Nea fell to the Earl's mindless anger and only after he was dead did the Earl realise what he had done and grieved. And Road could only comfort the murderer of the man who she loved, the man who freed her from the hate and pain that she had been inflicted with since the day she was raped at 13 years old, triggering her transformation. She had hated everything and become a cruel creature that killed men indiscriminately.

Nea had stopped her, destroying the pain and freeing her from her bloodlust. He taught her how to be a child, since she had not had the opportunity and for once she treasured her unchanging age. For it allowed her to enjoy the childhood she didn't get to have. Forever.

I understand. Even as my bloodlust grows, wishing I had the opportunity to torture the man who hurt my family member. I realise that I feel respect for the 14th as I hear her story. To carry the weight of other people's pain. Then I realise that that's what Allen Walker is doing and I come to a wonderful conclusion.

Allen Walker is Nea. Or more like a part of him. A persona that was created in the absence of Nea's memories. I share this theory with Road and she agrees. She has already come to that conclusion as she has seen the similarities in their personalities. It is what drew her to Allen in the first place, the shadow of the man she loved.

I realise that I am happy that even when Nea re-emerges, Allen Walker will not disappear, that he will only be more beautiful when he is complete. I decide that I will do everything in my power to make sure that he regains his memories. I am convinced that the suffering he is in will be lessened when he has his full memories.

I need to save him. I will do anything. For I love him. Just like Road and the Earl and many others who Nea has freed. I would feel possessive if not for the fact that I understand why they love him. How could they not desire to give everything for someone who loves and hurts so much for everyone?

It does feel slightly painful, knowing that the love he feels for even me is just the same that he feels for every human and Akuma alike. Yet I cannot ask for more. I would be contented with anything he wished to give me. For as much as even us Noah are loyal to our duty, we who have been touched by him, cannot help but worship him.

So powerful yet loving, he is like a God for us. The one person that we will give anything to be closer to. The one who draws us to protect and serve without even trying. If anyone can accomplish the goals of the Noah with love rather than the hate we have been using, it is him. The one who captures the hearts of Noah, Exorcists and Akuma alike.

Our God.

A/N: So…how was it~? Please review~! Let me know if you understood this, many people tell me that I'm quite random and I'm afraid that it seems to show in this type of writing. I do hope it wasn't too non-sequitur, even I have trouble following my own thought patterns…anyway, any questions or comments or even one word comments, please review and I might write the next chapter faster~! Ciaossu~!