AN- Ok my lords and ladies I absolutely have to share these quotes with you (I"ve recently been watching Supernatural)
Holy Lord of the Rings!
Just think to yourself WWBD: What would Buffy Do?
A huge thanks to Slytherin66 for all the wonderful advice and ideas!
And just a disclaimer for the fat jokes below: I mean no insult to any person who is considered overweight or obese this is purely intended to insult Vernon Dursley and not anyone else.
And I'm sorry if there are any legal inaccuracies in this, but hey, its fanfiction, and I'm not a law student yet.
Dursley Outtake: The Dursley's Getting Theirs
The Dursley's of Number 4, Privet Drive were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, thank you very much.
These Dursley's were a strange lot, more than a decade and a half ago two of them had moved into Number 4 and taken up residence there. The two adults living there consisted of a tall skinny woman, with the longest neck in Surrey. The husband was average in height, and the size of a small elephant... without the muscle.
Over the course of several years there had been a new addition to the family... a baby boy, who was named Dudley, the boy soon showed to take after his elephant father. Taking on his parents qualities in addition to their physical characteristics. Both negative marks against the child.
But, like in every suburban household, imminent change was about. And this time it was in the form of a small bundle of cloth, placed about the Dursley's porch fifteen years ago. A child, one with brilliant emerald eyes and chubby cheeks, a child that had changed the world forever.
Little did young Harry Potter know, but his world was going to be irrevocably altered.
Fifteen years later, in that very house, things were much the same as they'd been a decade and a half ago. Mrs. Dursley still craned her impossibly long neck over fences, still peered through curtains desperate to get a glimpse of the neighbors personal affairds. She would have fit right in with Lavender Brown and Parviti Patil in the Hogwart's gossip grapevine.
The giraffe like woman's specialty was blackmail; she viewed her neighbors like chickens. Useful while they were alive; providing eggs of information and some sort of amusement, when they clucked around to each other frantically. But it was so much better when they died, with their heads chopped off, running around like... well, a headless chicken. She could sit back and watch the chaos she'd created. Ruined marriages were her pride and joy.
Mr. Dursley spent his days at his company; Grunnings, shouting, purple-faced at anything that moved and firing anything that talked. And as the branch manager, Vernon was able to do this without much discourse. Having such power over others seemed to encourage, and increase, every altercation with other staff members. So it was with a sense of pride that Mr. Dursley concluded; he was untouchable, at work. So if he chose to skim a little bit from the financial reports every quarter before the reports were publically shown... what was going to happen?
Dudley, taking after his parents, used a mixture of both their methods. His father's shouting was employed when at school, and Dudley took everything a step further, managing to physically persuade most children to listen to him. And, had the physical persuasion, usually employed multiple times, failed to work then his mother's methods were put to work. Spying, gossiping, blackmailing Dudley was able to trash the reputations of his classmates before physically hurting them.
Everything was simply wonderful for each one of them. Mr. Dursley made deadlines (and skimmed a little extra), Mrs. Dursley ruined her neighbor, Mrs. Jameson', marriage with a few, well placed, remarks about Mr. Jameson's "extracurricular" activities and how they might affect the children, and Mrs. Jameson's reputation should it get out.
Things were wonderfully resolved, and Mrs. Dursley got a few things in return for such good information. Dudley was flourishing in school, just yesterday he'd had an informative confrontation in the Smelting halls which had resulted in a broken nose, bloody lips, and cracked ribs for the other party. Mr. and Mrs. Dursley were enraged when their son came home with bloody knuckles, the poor child had been hurt, and threatened to sue the school, and the other boy's parents.
Things turned out quite differently the next day when Mrs. Petunia Dursley was at a "tea party" with a few of her "friends," the postal service had decided to be extra helpful today, and brought the mail into the house for them.
Mrs. Dursley had been quite insulted. Here was this common delivery man interrupting their social gathering, it was insulting, for him to believe he could just waltz right in here and deliver his letters.
"Well, Ma'am I do apologize for interrupting your," he glanced around, "... tea party. However the sender of this letter requested that I deliver it personally." the mailman handed it to her.
Petunia sniffed, "Well, now that you've delivered the letter..." she obviously expected him to leave, but just didn't want to say something so rude in front of her "friends".
The man stayed put.
Petunia glared, but proceeded to open her letter, observing the thick creamy paper; expensive. Her interest was raised, and the man finally left, with a few parting words.
"You've been served."
It really was quite interesting that at that exact moment, about thirty miles away, the exact same words were being spoken to her husband. However, he reacted with a much different attitude. There was quite a scene, Vernon attacking that poor man, purple faced and shouting threats of wringing his neck for what he'd done. It took four people to hold his meaty walrus body back, however no one was able to stop the spurting cries of rage that came from his mustache. By the time Mr. Dursley had calmed down his holders had been covered in a thin film of sweat and spit from their captive.
-page break-
When Dudley arrived home from school he came to see his pale faced mother frantically pushing buttons on the home phone, jabbering on about Mr. Dursley. Who apparently hadn't returned home from work.
Two hours later Mr. Dursley came home. He was escorted by a pair of gruff police officers, flashing red and blue lights, and a siren. The two officers had to physically drag Vernon, who was, quite literally, kicking and screaming, all the way into Number 4, shouting things like.
"Do you know who I am?!"
"You can't do this!"
"This is assault! I"m going to sue!"
and,
"PETUNIA! CALL THE POLICE!"
The man, spraying spittle, and bellowing for his wife managed to drag nearly every person within a half a mile radius out of their houses to witness the sight.
It was Vernon Dursley, the man a size of a fully grown walrus with the whiskers to boot, face blazing red with rage, in zip ties (for handcuffs hadn't been able to fit around his massive fat laden wrists) being dragged by two burly police officers towards Number 4.
Naturally quite a few photos, videos, and snapshots were taken on the spot. Unsurprisingly within the hour half of them were on the Internet, with captions such as:
SQUEAL PIGGY SQUEAL!
This guy was so impressed with his first chin he decided to add a few dozen more
and,
This guy buy's clothes in three sizes: extra large, jumbo, and oh-my-God-it's-coming-towards-us!
Thankfully for the sake of Petunia and her son, all the time spent on the computer was used to blowing up aliens. Neither did Vernon know as he was far too busy raging about police brutality and how his court date was completely ridiculous, because all he had done was demanded to know why he was being fired.
Petunia had completely agreed with her husband, there was nothing he could have done that could have warranted him being terminated. But, nevertheless, chose to open the court summons, which stated Vernon was being brought up on charges of embezzlement of company funds worth over a quarter of a million pounds, along with workplace harassment, and aggravated assault of multiple police officers.
It was all ridiculous, preposterous, and shocking that Petunia had been given a court summons as well on a different charge; blackmail. Someone was alleging that she had threatened to reveal close personal secrets if she wasn't given free beauty treatments at the spa she went to every week.
At the bottom of each letter was a brief statement that said each crime they were being accused of was a felony, based on the severity they'd been caught doing it, and that Vernon was being sued not only by his company but also by the police department for assaulting the officers, and by three other employees at Grunnings for workplace harassment. Petunia was being sued by the worker of the spa she'd blackmailed, and was also informed that her crime was a felony.
There are several different felony classes, which are separated so that specific punishments can be carried out, per the region that one lives in. Vernon's offences were far more severe than Petunia's, and he was facing quite the hefty fine, termination from his company, and a large amount of jail time.
To make things worse, barely an hour later later the school principal called to inform them that after Dudley's altercation with another student, that other student had been in the hospital since the day before, and the parents were pressing charges. Charges of aggravated assault and battery.
They called their lawyer. It was one thing to bring the two adults up on charges but now their son! They'd had enough, it was time for the world to see what happened when someone wronged the Dursley's.
-page break-
Mr. McKins was staring. Wondering, if possibly this was a joke. It certainly sounded as though he was getting, what's the word the kids used today, punked or pranked. These two people had come into his office, demanding legal help, and referring to a contract that had exired over five years ago.
They'd been brought up on charges of blackmail, aggravated assault, aggravated assault and battery, workplace harassment, and several other things. And has decided to leave their, "Diddykins" outside in the waiting room. Mr. McKins had, at first, assumed that... Diddykins was their dog. Only to find later that it was actually a child... a very large child being charged with a very serious crime.
From what these people had told him, it sounded as though they were... well, screwed. Multiple witnesses to their crimes, an easy trail of paperwork for Mr. Durslely's embezzling crimes, video surveillance in the school where their son had beaten another child into the hospital, and he doubted they'd have any character witnesses.
The best he could hope to give them was legal counsel, he certainly didn't want to represent them, that the best choice they could make was pleading guilty, so they could then ascertain in court the remorse they felt for their crimes in order to get a suspended sentence.
The prosecution would use their child against them, pointing out the charges on the small-youngest Dursley as evidence for Child Services to remove not only the child from their care, but press for a maximum sentence. Probably pointing out that Vernon had worked for Grunnings for over ten years and appeared to have been stealing from them for just as long.
Petunia apparently didn't have the most favorable reputation among the townspeople.
And Dudley appeared to spend most of his time bullying other children half his age, Mr. McKins would have wagered his yearly bonus that there was far more video surveillance of the youngest Dursley's crimes yet to be found.
In conclusion; he wasn't touching that with a twenty foot pole in a biohazard suit. It would have been the end of his promising career in the private sector, the equivalent of career suicide, he might as well have shown up in court dressed as Hermit the Frog and croaking non stop about Mrs. Piggie.
Though, he thought, gazing at the two people before him, he supposed Mrs. Dursley did that quite a lot, with Mr. Dursley. Really, the man could quite benefit from a low (low low low) carb diet, and maybe some gastric bypass surgery.
Needless to say, their session ended early. And security was alerted should they ever waddle their way back. Mr. McKinds didn't think the rotating doors could take another blow like that.
-page break-
The hearing came and went, and after it things began to proceed at a faster pace, it appeared as if the legal department was rushing the case, wanting to make an example out of the Dursley family.
The trial was short and sweet, something not many trials could claim to be, and each of the family's cases took place on right after the other. All of them went the same way. The charges were read, the prosecuting attorney was there, the defendant was present, both sides made their cases. Vernon had refused to plead guilty, so the man might as well have been a Chihuahua thrown into the Rottweiler pit... except for the obvious size ratio difference.
The prosecution had a field day. In total they had six different co workers of Vernon testify to the man often shouting at others, violating their personal space, and some had even witnessed the man striking others.
As for the embezzling, there was an obvious paper trail leading from the company's assets straight to Vernon's bank account. The prosecuting attorney levelled it was practically, "by magic" that Mr. Dursley hadn't been caught before.
Mr. Dursley chose, against his lawyers most fervent pleading, to testify on the stand, where the man actually managed to incriminate himself further. Going so far as to state that,
"if the company had paid him more perhaps he would have taken less."
"those snotty lazy good-for-nothing junior salesmen had it coming, and should be grateful I don't pop them another!"
and good old reliable,
"why can't you people see it's their fault! I haven't done anything I wasn't forced to do! BY THEM!"
The prosecution had neatly summed it up (this was his dream trial; the defendant confessing on the stand).
"So what you're contending, Mr. Dursley, is that if your company, Grunnings, had supplied you with a larger salary and your co workers had been less lazy and more hardworking you would not have been... forced to embezzle over a quarter of a million pounds, attack both verbally and physically your co workers? You wouldn't have assaulted several police officers later, and cause them injuries that required a hospital stay?"
The worst part was the Dursley actually seemed to agree with him and to not detect the dry sarcastic undertone to his assertions.
The closing statements were mercifully brief; the prosecution demanding Vernon be made an example of, the defending attorney requesting leniancy for his wife and son's sake.
The jury came back after half an hour.
Vernon was found guilty, amid shouting and screaming wails from Petunia in the back round, and sentenced to a total of fifteen years in prison and over fifty thousand pounds in fines and penalties for embezzlement.
The man was "escorted" out of the courtroom by two burly armed guards in handcuffs. Vernon left just as he had come in; kicking, and screaming, and swearing, and cursing at everyone within spitting distance.
Petunia's hearing and trial went much the same way. However when the woman was convicted of using force in addition to exhorting services and money she was sentenced to four years and a fine of ten thousand pounds.
After the sentencing she'd been taken away; pale faced and shaking, horror written plainly across her giraffe like face, searching the crowd for her son. Lips trembling, Petunia caught the eyes of her victim, a woman in her mid thirties with long brown hair. The spa woman, whose name Petunia had never bothered learning, looked at her sadly, catching where her gaze had gone.
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Marge Dursley was a burly woman. She bred dogs. That was really all the non committal things one could say about the woman. You could go on to describe her physical apperance in more depth by saying she was quite obese, about the same size as her nephew Dudley, with forearms the size of baby seals.
Her personality was unpleasant, that was putting it mildly. Her only love in the world was her dog; Ripper, her nephew Dudley, and her brother and sister in law. Once finding out about the travesty that the legal system had committed against her family Marge had immediately traveled to Surrey with Ripper, leaving Colonel Flood in charge of the dog farm.
The man really was too kind with the dogs but leaving them alone could have gotten he in trouble. Serve those dogs right, Marge thought, barking all night, thought killing that pup would have shut them up.
But, no instead it had increased, those beasts were becoming more vicious the longer she kept them. Thank God the buyers were lined up to get them faster than she could breed the mutts. Cutting a few corners had resolved that problem.
Dudley was such a good boy. Staying strong even when his parents had been hauled off to prison and he was about to go before the judge as a juvenile. To Marge it was obvious that damned lawyer wasn't doing his job.
No good, the lot of them! Educated held no place in society, good hardworking people like herself always got the short end of the stick. What was the problem with taking that stick and beating the system.
Vernon had done England a service, one he was being punished for.
Dudley was no different. Being brought up on charges of aggravated assault! It was ridiculous! That other boy was the bad egg, he's the one that needed discipline, Dudley was just showing that boy he wouldn't be pushed around. It was probably that darned other boy who was the bully. Dudley was the victim. Vernon would have been proud. Telling Dudley to "give him the old one, two."
Her brother had always been sentimental.
"Dudley's always been such a good boy," Marge had said during the trial, "I can tell you one thing though, it was that other brat who did this. Started it I mean. I guarantee you he's no good, picking on Dudley, my nephew was only defending himself. That specialist doesn't know what he's talking about, my Dudley was bullied and abused and now you're punishing him!"
Earlier in the trail a forensic specialist at the police department had asserted that the blows given to Dudley's victim, Jack Swift, had been delivered while Mr. Swift was in a defensive position. On the ground. And that the only injury given to Dudley had been split knuckles where he'd broken the child's nose.
Dudley's supposed friends; Malcolm and Piers had held the other child down while their leader Dudley had whaled away at the smaller boy.
Jack was ten. A child, who had been violently assaulted by three other boys who were more than twice his size and six years older. It hadn't been a fight, it had been a massacre. The child had nearly been killed, and based on the healing bruises on Jack's body this hadn't been the first beating he'd received at the hand of Dudley's gang.
Piers and Malcolm had testified against Dudely for a reduced sentence. Piers rat like physical characteristics had finally been displayed fully.
Marge had continued talking, "You see judge, it's just like with my dogs. It's all the mother's fault, it there's something wrong with the bitch then there's something wrong with the pup." the jury gazed at her with appalled eyes, that begged her to stop.
"I see it all the time with my dogs, it's a simple solution, drown them. Sometimes the whole litter, just put them in a sack and throw them in the river. Of course then their all down at the bottom of the creek, the best way to do it is to strangle them."
Marge lifted her meaty forearms, and the jury practically recoiled, "Most of the time I like to do it myself, mostly in front of the pups, I've got no tolerance for disobedience. Some of the people here could do with the same lesson I teach those dogs!"
Utter disgust couldn't even begin to describe the emotions on the jurors faces, because it was that, mixed with horror at every word coming from that oversized woman's mouth.
In the end Dudley had been given a choice, two years in a juvenile detention center, and then another five to ten an adult facility, or he could make something of his life. Dudley could spend the two years at a year round weight loss camp and then spend a further two years in prison.
Fat camp and two years prison vs. juvie and five to ten in an adult correctional facility.
Dudley's lawyer made the decision for him.
It was Marge that returned home to an empty house in Privet Drive, she returned to her brother's house amidst stares from the neighbors her sister in law had been so obsessed with.
Marge hadn't been in the house for more than a day, when another lawyer came. Only this time it was her receiving the legal papers, her being summoned to a court date, and her being accused of the most ridiculous crimes.
And over the next month it was Marge Dursley who would lose everything. After being convicted of animal abuse and another of other unseemly charges including animal cruelty and neglect that the woman lost everything.
The dog farm was raided by the police where the authorities discovered that not only was Marge an abusive dog owner but her breeding lisence had expired and she was illegally interbreeding litters which had caused a large amount of physical deformations in the pups that the woman had been drowning.
The conditions that the pups had lived through had been staggering, apparently Marge had failed to include that her dog; Ripper enjoyed... consuming the remains of the pups she'd strangled with her bare hands. They'd found hundreds of buried animal remains across the property. The woman was a serial killer.
Everything was taken from her, the remaining dogs that were alive were taken to animals shelters and given to good families who would take care of them. The pups that had been physically deformed and sold had been put into animal rescue and wellness programs targeted at helping abused animals. And all of the money that it took was at Marge's expense, all the fines that she'd tallied up for her animal cruelty charges were put towards helping the little beings who'd suffered at her hands.
As for Marge Dursley she was put into a women's correctional facility for the next five years, her bank accounts were drained of more than twenty thousand pounds and she still had to work to pay the thirty thousand pounds she still owed. Her accomplice in the animal cruelty Colonel Flood was also brought up on similar charges, and similarly convicted without contest.
In the end Marge had only hurt herself and the animals she was supposed to be nurturing.
In the final conclusion Vernon was in prison for next ten years at least, Petunia like Vernon was in prison for the near foreseeable future and under heavy fines with her husband, and Dudley had been sent off to fat camp. And once he turned eighteen would be sent to a correctional facility just like his parents.
And some of the jurors reflected that perhaps the parents should have been brought up on charges of abuse of their son Dudley, who was, to the harshest degree a product of his environment.
Most of the jurors hoped that this didn't solve that age old question of nature versus nurture, because surely there couldn't be anyone who had grown up in such an environment of instigated and encouraged abuse, like in the Dursley household, that could remain undamaged by it.
They could only hope that such a person growing up there would retain some sort of morals, despite such a horrible social environment.
Even though all evidence pointed to the contrary many of the jurors hoped, against hope, that in the end nature would win out.
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About a hundred miles away Molly Weasley was in the Atrium of the Ministry of Magic, when a young man came up to her, and proceeded to supply her with a letter. It was of thick parchment, the expensive kind, and once she had accepted it he leaned in to give her a single parting phrase.
"You've been served."
AN- Hello my wonderful lords and ladies, I must apologize for not getting this out sooner. The power (but more importantly) and my wifi has been down the past few days, it came on yesterday and I had a few things to touch up on this before I posted it.
So to all of my wonderful reviewers and viewers I hope you enjoyed the Dursley Outtake, and I apologize for not going into the psychological aspects of the Dursley incarceration either in Dudley's mind or in Harry's but I'm not a psychiatrist so I put everything in 3rd person POV.
Don't forget to REVIEW! I've almost broken 60 reviews now! Thank you so so much!
P.S. Just saw this on youtube: www .youtube watch?v=U5 don9ACZEI (take out the spaces)
It's the Harry Potter cast saying their favorite lines from the movie my favorite is Scabiors: Hello, beautiful, oh and of COURSE Voldemort's was genius: I can touch you now! Hilarious.
You friend in time,
*Kasamira