Chapter 3: The Pink Hostage

It hurt like a bitch, and I was mad. Despite my anger, I knew I had to diffuse the situation for I had already attracted too much attention. Keeping my head down and away from any lights, I pulled the dead merchant's hood over my eyes and hoped to Jashin that no one had seen my face. People were whispering. Their voices swelled in excitement when the girl approached me, slowly. Like some kind of sad excuse for a predator.

"Had enough, sir? Why don't you do the right thing and just apologize? Then I'll be on my merry way, forgetting this whole ordeal ever happened."

I rubbed my aching head and scowled.

"What are you? Some kind of apology police? Dumb little shit. Kids these days are stupid as fuck."

"What did you say to me?! I dare you to repeat that!" she screamed, followed by a loud series of insults and rhetorical questions. Dammit. So much for diffusing the situation. She was getting louder and whinier by the second. "Do you have any idea who I am? What I'm capable of? What I did to you just now wasn't even half of my full potential. I can literally smash your brains in and pull out your intestines and tie them together in a bow and shove it up your—"

I held in a laugh. She might have punched me when I wasn't paying attention, but I highly doubted she could do any of that. She was only, what, thirteen? Fourteen, maybe?

"That's nice, girly, but a grown man's got a lot of things to do, FYI. So if you're done bragging about what you obviously can't do, I'd suggest sending your pathetic little ass back to daycare to play tea party or house, or whatever the hell brats your age do."

"You really don't know who I am, do you? What are you, some kind of hillbilly foreigner with a death wish?"

Now that made me laugh. The irony of that statement was enough for me to bust my gut. Foreigner, yeah. Death wish. Ha.

At this point the spectators had lost interest and went back to their own businesses. Night had fallen, fresh snow had begun to fall, and the streets had gone quiet in minutes. Unmotivated to continue putting on a show for anyone, much less for this brat, I wagged my hand, shooing her away. The motel was just around the corner. If I went back now, I could get some decent shut eye for the first time in ten damn years. As for the plans...Eh, they'd come later. I'd figure out five million ways to kill that squinty-eyed Nara bitch eventually.

"HELLO! I am talking to you here!" said an awfully familiar, shrill voice. Lord, how it got on my nerves, like nails on a chalkboard. There were only certain things I found both painful and enjoyable. This was just painful. And getting old. Fast.

She slapped a hand on my shoulder, spinning me around to face her properly. She was positively seething.

"I dunno what the hell your problem is, buddy, but you seriously need to get—"

I watched her eyes narrow, her mouth still. She looked confused, unsure of herself. She took a deep breath, her eyes refusing to leave mine. And then her expression changed. I knew that look. I knew it all too well. The delicious look people give when they recognize my face, and when they realize that they are in deep, deep shit.

"You're—No, no it can't be. You're not possibly—"

Well, it sucked that a second person had figured me out, all within the first couple hours I had been here. But I found it funny at the same time. People thought I was dead. Or maybe not exactly dead, but at least seriously incapacitated, practically harmless. ANBU probably had crossed my name off the Bingo Book with a fat red marker, satisfied in knowing that there was one less Akatsuki member to deal with. But this girl knew the truth. She had to go.

"Oh, yes I am," I answered, unable to keep a grin from spreading on my lips. "And you'll wish you never crossed paths with me."

She was just like the merchant and his horse, too slow and dumb to react. She hardly flinched when I drew out the bill from my pocket, ran it across her cheek, and slid my tongue along the bill's red edge. I savored the copper taste and sighed. She dumbly slapped a hand to her face, horrified.

"Sleep."

The charm did just the trick. Her eyes closed. Her body swayed and then slumped over, but before she fell I caught her and swung her over my shoulder. She was out cold.

I should have mentioned a few technical things earlier. A second rebirth didn't come without its perks. Before, I had to draw a dumb circle and triangle in the dirt and physically stay in that spot to control someone. Plus, it took a lot of chakra outta me, so I couldn't afford to mess up. I recall a number of times when I had to target someone—on water. Obviously drawing with blood doesn't work on water, so I had had to suck it up and let that stingy bitch Kakazu take care of those jobs.

But all those limitations were things of the past. Now, the Possession ritual did not require a) drawings, b) solid ground, or c) a lot of energy. Before, I had needed a fire. Now, all it took was a tiny flame. And I had a lot of it, courtesy of Jashin. He gave me triple the size of an average ninja's chakra reserve. And for someone who couldn't die, that was an added benefit, like a Buy One Get One Free kinda thing.

I made my way to the inn, trudging through the snow while staying mindful of any prying eyes. But no one was outdoors, and no one from inside, if they ever saw us, cared enough to come out. It was too dark out, too snowy and windy.

Even the stupid innkeeper had retired to his own room, unable to bear more of the unusual cold. Well, lucky for me. I didn't have to answer any dumb questions about the girl, though I had prepared the usual excuse of "The miss had a little too much to drink" with a good-natured, embarrassed grin thrown in there for good measure. Maybe an eyebrow wag to get the guy to laugh. I snorted. It was so easy fooling people, manipulating people. As long as they weren't my enemy, I wouldn't even need blood. Just charm and a sense of humor.

Second floor, 2C. The room was small. Small window, small bathroom, small bed. A tiny table and wobbly chair pushed to the corner. A tiny television. One mini-fridge that would not stop humming. Squeaky faucet. Dim lights. Overall, mediocre, but not terrible. At least everything was clean.

I deposited the girl onto the bed. She collapsed heavily like a sack of potatoes, and the ancient mattress groaned as it adjusted to her weight. Lord, how long ago did someone last sleep here? If the innkeeper claimed that the first Hokage's great granddaddy had slept on that bed, I'd damn believe him. I would.

The girl continued snoozing, mouth agape, gangly arms and legs sprawled. Under some direct lighting, her hair was even more pink. Ugh. It was like cotton candy, or bubble gum. The girl had to have super liberal parents who'd allow her to dye her hair that shade. Even her eyebrows! Wow. It was almost surprising why she didn't have on a pink jacket, pink boots, and a pink scarf to match the look. Weird brat.

I looked at her more closely. She couldn't have been alive long enough to know who I was. If I really had been buried for ten years, and if she really was thirteen or so, then how could she possibly know my name, my face? There was no way that she was a top-rank ninja. I looked at her hair again and scoffed. There was no way that she was a ninja at all, period.

Okay. Then maybe she had seen my face in the textbooks? Library books?

Hm. Possibly. Back when I was in school, I might have been taught history's worst villains and best heroes. I might have seen some pictures, too, but I couldn't remember much. I hadn't taken school seriously enough to learn anything. Dammit.

But maybe, maybe she knew me from the Bingo Book. Maybe she really was a kunoichi, but just a really dimwitted, weak one. When she had punched me it had hurt, but it had lacked—what, I dunno—control? Focus? Her fist had been nothing but a thoughtless, clumsy outburst, like the flailing of a caught fish. She had no poise, no sophistication, no sense of danger about her. It was just pink, pink, and pink. And perhaps the most annoying voice in the universe.

I sealed the door and window with chakra. The room was now a soundproof barrier. Then, I took and bound her to the wobbly chair in the corner. No bitch was gonna sleep in my bed. Or stab me in my sleep.

Then a thought came to me: Why didn't I just kill her instead of going through all this trouble?

Jashin had specified that he only wanted "holy slaughter." She looked young, energetic and virginal enough (because I honestly didn't think anyone would want to get with a flat, pink chick anyway). But a sacrifice was only necessary once a month when the moon was full, so there was no point in killing her. Jashin had already enjoyed the girl-child from the forest, and the country hick. And his horse, too, if that counted for anything.

Also, what if the girl knew something that I needed? She probably knew most of the streets in Konoha, assuming that she was born here. And she probably knew the most heavily patrolled areas, and the times when most people were out, and where that Nara shithead lived.

Plus, she could serve as a nice little hostage. If her people cared enough for her, they'd give in to my demands. And if Konoha rejected her... Well then, I'd replace her with someone more helpful and important. And then up the stakes and toss around a few more dead bodies, freak 'em out a bit. Easy as that. I don't even know why I had such a hard time thinking up a plan earlier!

I sank into the bed, ignoring the sound of the creaky springs. I removed my shirt and hood and tossed them across the room. It felt great to lie down, naked skin against smooth linen, muscles relaxed and warm. No dirt in my mouth.

Before I dozed off, my thoughts drifted once again to the girl, and I believed that even in unconsciousness I felt secure and content. Secure, because the girl couldn't kill me even if she tried. Content, because she got what she deserved.

Ha. What a chump. Should have just listened and walked away when she had the chance. Now it was too late. She was mine.

I awoke to a strident, nasal voice. I groaned and stuffed my head below a pillow. The noise didn't go away.

"Would you shut up?" Because I was never a morning person.

"Why am I here?" said the girl. "Where have you taken me? I demand to know!"

I sat up, pissed.

"Look, you're in no position to make demands, you're a hostage. Get it? You follow by my rules."

But she shrieked and closed her eyes before I could finish.

"The fuck's wrong with you? You gonna scream every time someone tells you you're a hostage?"

She kept her eyes closed, unable to cover them since her limbs were still bound. "You sick, naked bastard! I hope you go to hell! I'd rather die than be touched by the likes of you!"

I rolled my eyes. The girl was getting her panties in a bunch from seeing my bare chest. And it wasn't like I was naked hip-down either. Plus, I found myself insulted by her arrogant assumption.

"Like I'd ever take advantage of a flat thirteen-year-old."

"Flat?! Thirteen?! Do you wanna die?!"

"See ya in ten minutes."

I entered the bathroom and kept my word. When I came out, she was still fuming. For a hostage, she wasn't very scared. Maybe I was doing it all wrong. I needed a change in tactics.

"Where and why have you taken me? On whose orders? Akatsuki?"

"I've taken you to a dirt-cheap inn, as you can clearly see. I took you because you knew me which threatened my purpose of being here. I operate on my own orders."

She didn't look very happy with those answers, but she moved on. "But you work for Akatsuki. Is your organization still extant?"

Still extant? What was she trying to say? That Akatsuki, at one point during the last ten years, disappeared? Disbanded? This girl wasn't shocked merely by my resurrection. No, it was more than that. Akatsuki was dead. And I was the only one left. But she thought that there were more of us still alive, somewhere out there hiding.

I didn't let my emotions show on my face. The less she knew about me, the better.

"Tsch. I work for Akatsuki? Akatsuki is my bitch."

She was unamused. "How did you escape the Nara Clan Forest? Shikamaru finished you. He put you in the ground. He set you on flames and watched you fall into the pit."

"Oh, right. Shikamaru. That's the kid's name. Right. Well. His little stunt did not make me happy. Glad to see that his genius plan completely bombed." I had to stop and chuckle at that comment. "Props to him for keeping me underground for a good decade, though. I'll give him that."

"How did you escape?" she repeated, undeterred.

"Magic," I said with a shrug.

"Answer the—ah!"

I watched her cheek bleed as she watched mine. Whereas the old cut on her face had reopened, and deeper this time, mine was already healing. I dropped the soiled bill, now stained a deep red-brown. Her eyes went wide.

"Sorry, but you're not the boss of me. Oh, and next time, it'll be my razor. Keep that in mind."

"Where are you going?" she asked, clearly trying hard to stay calm. She watched me pull on my shirt and hood as I headed for the door.

"Gotta get some forks. And knives." And food and napkins. But I left that out on purpose to scare her.

And I think it worked, if the sharp gasp was any indication. Grinning, I left the room, locked and sealed the door, and headed down the hall. There was no one in sight, no chakra signature nearby. The innkeeper had still not come out to the front desk. Not like I cared, of course.

It was crisp and bright out at eight in the morning. Old snow had melted, revealing sparse patches of muddy road and weeds. Vendors, many more than yesterday, had deemed it warm and dry enough to set up their wares along the streets. Early risers were bustling about buying things or traveling across town. A number of restaurants, markets and bakeries were open. The loud, gaudy splendor of yesterday was gone. Glowing neon, smoky taverns, and pachinko parlors. All of them were shut off and closed, as if someone had renovated the entire square overnight. Interesting place.

Just as I was about to enter a convenience store, a couple of chatty ladies emerged holding chunky paper bags and steaming thermoses. I stood by the open entrance when they mentioned the name Nara.

"You saw the bulletins this morning, didn't you?"

"Ugh, how horrible! I can't imagine how the Nara family feels right now. And the girl was still just a child. Poor thing."

I pretended to peruse through a selection of gum. Bubble gum or mint? For some reason both of them reminded me of the annoying brat back at the inn. I pocketed a few of both, along with some can drinks, a banana, buns, onigiri, jerky, duct tape, and even a wrinkly pickle just because I could. (Don't ask me why the pickles weren't in sealed containers.) These pockets were a lot bigger than they looked, trust me.

"Yeah that's unfortunate," grumbled a lady, "but think about us! The madman is still on the loose. He must be dangerous enough that they'd put up those bulletins all over the village. They're speculating that he's from—," the woman paused and dropped her voice to a whisper, "—Akatsuki!"

Shit. The patrols. I had forgotten about them. Dammit, dammit! That Shikamaru kid probably knew I had come back by now. The element of surprise was gone. Damn those patrols, every single one of them! Including their shitty deer.

"But they uprooted Akatsuki years ago!" said the other lady.

"Maybe that's what the village wanted us to think. What they tell us may be lies to maintain the peace. How are we so sure that none of the Akatsuki remain? That one of them won't sneak into our homes and kill our children?"

There were two errors in her theory. One, until I encountered even one of my former associates, I would assume Akatsuki dead. Two, even if we were all alive and well, we had better things to do than to go on a snot-nosed brat-killing spree. What would that gain us?

But that was the least of my concerns. I slipped out of the store and headed straight back to the inn...

...where I nearly lost my head in the process of opening the door. I narrowly dodged the glint of a speeding kunai, and I barely had enough time to see it lodge itself into plaster as a flash of pink charged forward. I slammed the door behind me. If anyone had seen that...Meh. I'd deal with it later.

"Sit down. Stay still."

Immediately the girl sat, face set in an ugly scowl.

I took my time dumping my heavy pockets onto the bed. I opened a can of juice and downed it in one gulp. The chair, I noticed, had been knocked over in the corner.

"I dunno how," I said, licking my lips and shrugging casually, "you got out of the chair. Maybe I underestimated you. I should have upped the potency of the chakra bonds. Should have checked you for weapons. Didn't actually think you were a ninja."

I received a glare.

"You know," I clarified, "because of your being pink and all."

If looks could kill, and if I weren't immortal, then she was the closest to have ever killed me. Besides Jashin, of course.

"Seems like you get that a lot, don't you? Must be tough. Ever get bullied when you were a kid?" I asked.

She had a weird expression on her face. "How can you just sit there and act like that? I just tried to attack you."

"Being a missing nin does that to a guy. You get used to it. You stop caring so much. It gets old." I paused to open the bag of jerky. "And I really can't take you seriously, darling, sorry."

She eyed the strip of meat with disgust. "That's loaded with preservatives. And the sodium content is just horrific. Plus that drink you had earlier—"

"I see what this is about," I said, nodding. I threw her the pickle. It landed in her lap with a soft thud. I raised the bag of jerky. "Here's to health." And I proceeded to eat.

"And you expect me to feed myself, even if I wanted to eat that?"

"Nope. That's for trying to impale me with your knife. Enjoy."

She let out a frustrated growl.

"Make yourself useful, would ya? Instead of sitting there all day," I said, mouth full of peppered meat. "Know anything nice about that guy you were talking about earlier? The one who blew up my ass to bits."

A smirk. "Yeah. He hates you. Everyone hates you for what you did."

"For what I did? I wasn't sent here to become best buds with everybody and score brownie points. I did my job."

"If he finds out you're here and that you've taken me, he will get you. The Hokage, too. They'll all get you."

"That pineapple shithead already knows I'm here. He just doesn't know where. I was planning to sneak-attack him, but that plan's gone to shit." I shrugged. "Life's unfair and unpredictable."

She fell silent, and then her eyes widened. "You want revenge on him for all those years ago. You want to kill Shikamaru."

I laughed. "Seems cliché, I know. I was only interested in killing him and then slipping away quietly, but now that everybody knows I've killed one of his own, I think I'll just kill them all."

"Wait, killed one of his own? But I'm still—"

"How cute. But I'm not talking about you, girly."

"Oh no." She shook her head in realization.

"Oh yes. Little brown-haired girl. Sings like an angel. A little weird, I suppose, for walking around by herself in the first place. She's the one who got me out. Never thought the kin of my enemy would aid me in my quest for revenge, not in a million years."

Her lips trembled, breaths unsteady. "You killed his daughter. Shikamaru's daughter."

"Oh, did I? Even better. A little salt to the wound-to-come."

At that very moment, something wet and warm shot me in the eye. It left behind a cold trail on my cheek and dripped off my chin. The girl's lips were upturned in a smirk.

White rage flashed through me. It took all I had not to choke her. Or command her to choke herself. But I remembered that I had no plan, no three-pronged scythe, and no knowledge of the region. All I had was this little bitch. The success of my revenge depended on what she knew. I couldn't kill her now. Not now.

The moment passed. I let out a shaking breath.

"Look, I dunno how to say this nicely, so I'm just gonna say it."

I dropped the bag and knelt on the floor, looking her square in the eye. She tried shrinking away to create more distance, but to no avail. There couldn't have been more than half a foot between us.

"You're gonna die if you keep on trying to run away and stab me and defy me. The trick with the bill was one thing, but I have a lot more up my sleeve. Things that you and your fellow mortals think are impossible, I can make them possible. You think I'm being nice to you for the moment 'cuz you're a little prepubescent brat with a smart mouth? A kid who hasn't lived life yet? You think I care about sentimental stuff like that? Just try to push your luck. See how long it takes before I snap and recreate that old teacher's death—on you, on everybody. I know what pain feels like. I know what hurts the most for humans. I won't hesitate to get a little messy and violent if you make things difficult. Ya got that?"

She looked away and nodded. Satisfied, I resumed eating in front of her, ever conscious of the fact that her pants were gonna smell like really old pickles by the end of the day.

A/N: Sorry for the incredibly slow update. One year is just unacceptable. I am ashamed of myself.

As of August 1, 2013, I have changed my pen name from twinkletoast to cion due to security issues. Hope you all can still recognize me.

Anyone else think that Hidan is the biggest hypocrite ever? Gotta love him.

"Leave a big-ass, thoughtful review. If you want, I mean. Not like I give two shits," says the eloquent pundit Hidan.