One month. That's how long it's been since I've had a proper conversation with him. One month. Los Angeles, California. At a little restaurant called The Little Door. I thought he wanted to discuss the chance that we might give this relationship another go, but we ended up discussing how to keep things professional for filming X-Men: Days of Future Past. Needless to say, I was disappointed. I mean, I guess I was the one who suggested the breakup, and I understand if he feels guarded around me, but it's me. I'm Jen; His Jen. He knows me.
I stare at my reflection in the mirror as I get ready. About an hour ago, I received a text from him that read "meet me at my house in an hour." His rental house is a couple houses away from mine, so it would only take me about thirty seconds to make the walk to his house. Since receiving that text, I have taken a shower, blow-dried my hair, and put some makeup on. I don't know why I'm going through so much trouble just to go to his house. I mean, I don't even know what he wants or why he wants me to come over. I've just returned from the Cannes Film Festival, and we both have the day off, so maybe he's bored and can't find anyone else to hang out with.
Sighing heavily, I finish applying my mascara and grab my purse and keys. Taking one last glance at myself in the mirror, I secretly curse myself for being such a girl. He's seen me at my worst, and yet I still feel the need to impress him every time I see him. Especially now since we're broken up. And, to be quite frank, it helps that my costume consists mainly of me being naked around him.
As predicted, it takes me around thirty seconds to make the walk to his house, and I knock three times, pausing for two seconds in between each knock: our old signal to let the other know it was us and not anyone else. Within seconds, he answers the door, and as soon as I see him, all the breath gets knocked out of my lungs. God dammit, Nick, why the hell do you have to be so goddamn good-looking? Remind me again why I broke up with him? Oh, right, distance…
"Hey," is all he has to say to make my heartbeat increase rapidly and my stomach turn in disappointment. He's wearing a tight shirt that outlines every goddamn muscle on his body… He did this on purpose. I know he did. I know my Nick, and he did this on purpose. Swallowing hard, I put on my best "unaffected" look and give him a small smile.
"Hey, yourself." He returns my smile and steps aside so I can walk into his house, which looks very similar to mine. Closing the door after me, he turns to look at me, and all of a sudden I feel very self-aware. His eyes skim over my entire face, then chest, and then the rest of me, all in two seconds, but I notice the slight pause when he got to my breasts. Well, at least I know they still affect him oh-so-wonderfully… "So, why did you tell me to come over? Bored, are you?"
He gives me a smile, a rather fake one, and shakes his head. I didn't notice this at first, because I was too busy admiring him, but now I can see it: the clear discomfort on his face, the tenseness of his body, the way he's standing so perfectly still, like he can't bring himself to relax…
"What's wrong?" I don't think he expected me to notice, which is very stupid of him, because I know him better than anyone.
"Nothing, nothing." I can tell he forces himself to relax for my sake, which doesn't make this any better. Why wouldn't he just tell me what's the matter? We tell each other everything… Well, we used to…
"Nick… I know you. I know when you're keeping something from me and I know when you're lying. It's not nothing. Just tell me what's bothering you." My words had a certain affect on him, because his whole demeanor changed. Instead of looking bothered, he looked pained, like someone just stabbed him once in the stomach, and he wasn't dead, but not quite alive, either…
I don't know why I do it, maybe because I'm used to being able to touch him whenever I want, but I reach out and place my hands on his elbow, steadying him so he doesn't fall. He looks down at me, straight into my soul, and I am completely surprised by what he does next. He leans down and presses his lips roughly against mine, sending my entire body into a frenzy. But I don't hold back. I kiss him back with everything I have. I kiss him back with every emotion I have kept inside. I kiss him back with every ounce of love I never lost for him.