time for the big confrontation. hope you guys like it :)
Rachel stood there too scared to speak or move. She felt how fragile the situation was. Quinn was akin to a deer. If Rachel made any sudden movements the blonde would run away never to be caught again. What could she say that would make the girl not want to escape?
Quinn was too shocked to move. Aside from barreling through Rachel to get to the door she couldn't think of anything she wanted to do in this position. Seconds passed like hours and finally the brunette spoke.
"Are you really Lucy?" Rachel asked and immediately she knew it was the wrong way to start. Her brain had probably known this before the words even left her mouth but Rachel had to know. The question finally brought Quinn to action. She started walking toward the door with no intention of stopping whether Rachel moved out of her way or not. But Quinn had also made a mistake. She hadn't thought about how being so close to the diva would affect her and she didn't think the shorter girl would reach out a hand to stop her and she certainly didn't factor in the electric charge that shot through her arm from the touch. She jumped back to put space in between the two of them.
"I'm not letting you out of here until we talk." Rachel crossed her arms over her chest and stomped her foot determined to hold her ground. Quinn thought Rachel looked just like the petulant girl she had been friends with. She almost smiled at the thought.
"Fine let's talk." Quinn answered rolling her eyes, anything but enthusiastic at the idea. She looked at the ceiling as she spoke unable to look at Rachel. She had never been good at opening up about herself, a characteristic she knew Rachel already knew about, but she figured this time would probably be the hardest. She crossed the room and sat down on the sofa, no reason to stand there awkwardly. Rachel followed suit and start playing with her fingers nervously.
"So are you Lucy?" Rachel asked again.
"No." Quinn answered and Rachel just looked at her waiting for an explanation. Quinn sighed. "I was Lucy until being her became too tiring. I got contacts, stayed in ballet even after…" Quinn trailed off but both girls knew what she was referring to, even after Rachel left, "I discovered I was very athletic so I joined gymnastics and cheering and lost all that weight. I went on proactive for my acne and asked my parents for a nose job. No big surprise they said yes. Finally I asked them to call me Quinn. It's my middle name, Lucy Quinn Fabray." She finished anticipating Rachel's next question.
"And your parents were okay with all the changes?"
"You remember my parents. They were just as happy as me to say goodbye to Lucy if not happier."
"I'm sorry."
"Don't be. I'm okay. I love myself and that's why I did all those things. I don't have to be that miserable little girl anymore."
"You weren't always miserable." Rachel said cautiously.
"I know and I have you to thank for that." Quinn said and Rachel smiled. This was going a lot better than she had expected. "But things are different now. I'm not that girl you knew. We're not going to pick up where we left off. In fact I think it would be best if…" Quinn trailed off trying to figure how to word her next thought delicately. "If we just didn't talk at all after this. I mean we're in two different places. I'm head cheerleader now and at the top of the social pyramid and you're…" What could she say, beneath me, way at the bottom, the lowest of the low? Fortunately for Quinn she didn't have to finish. Rachel heard those unsaid words loud and clear.
"What about what happened that last day?" Rachel asked. Quinn knew what she was referring to, the kiss. Lucy had thought about it a lot but Quinn had closed her mind and distracted herself whenever thoughts of it began to surface. She didn't want to think about its implications or how it had made her feel or even the conversation she had with Rachel in her bed weeks before. She had confessed to being…Quinn couldn't even think it now never mind say it out loud. It was that ridiculous. Quinn had dated lots of guys. She had a boyfriend now so she wasn't.
Quinn stood up and started pacing. She needed to work through how to answer this question. When she thought Rachel might be back, she had expected questions about the whole transformation from Lucy to Quinn so she was prepared for when they would be asked. But she had spent so much time not thinking about the kiss, her confession, or any aspect of their friendship that could be considered more than friendly that the thought that Rachel would ask about those things seemed impossible.
"What about it? It was an experiment. You had never been kissed before. I had never been kissed before. We wanted to see how it would be. It didn't mean anything more."
"It meant more to me." Rachel confessed in a small voice.
"Well it didn't to me. I was a sad, ugly loser and I didn't know if anyone would ever want to kiss me so when the opportunity presented itself I took it. It didn't matter who it was with. At that point I would've kissed anyone… even you." Quinn also hadn't been prepared for the hurt look that crossed Rachel's face. "Listen I'm not trying to hurt you. I'm just being honest." And although the first part was true, Quinn knew she was lying about the second. She had kissed a lot of boys since her reign started at McKinley High and not one had made her feel they way she had that day at the park and that scared Quinn to no end. So she was more than willing to deny it. It was her first kiss and maybe part of what she told Rachel was true. Maybe she didn't think anyone would ever want to kiss her and it was a forbidden kiss because it was with a girl. That's why it was exciting. That's why she had felt how she did, not for anything more. When she found the right guy, it would make her feel a thousand times better than that one did.
"I'm sorry if I did hurt you. It was unintentional so I'm going to give you a piece of friendly advice. If you still think you are…you know the way I thought I was." Quinn couldn't bring herself to say that word.
Luckily Rachel had no problem with it. "Gay."
Quinn blushed just hearing it. "Yeah. I would just keep it toned down. Maybe even keep it to yourself. This school isn't known for its tolerance policy."
"What about that boy in glee club, Kurt? He most certainly is."
"Yeah well some people's flames burn so bright there's no denying them. You're passing though so just try to keep it to yourself. He pays everyday for how he is." Quinn said this last part in a strange tone and Rachel couldn't figure out if she thought Kurt deserved to be punished for being gay or if she truly felt sorry for the boy.
"Well I'm not going to deny who I am just to appease some ignorant jerks." Rachel stood up to match Quinn's pose. Even though she was shorter she stood her ground.
"Don't say I didn't warn you."
"Don't worry I can take care of myself. I'm not ashamed of who I am and I'm not a coward." Rachel said in an accusatory tone.
"I'm not a coward." Quinn yelled and Rachel flinched. "You're so naïve. You thought things were bad in middle school, well they're a hundred times worse here. You have no idea how this world works."
"It's not the world, just tiny bigoted Lima."
"Yeah well that's the world I have to live in and I refuse to feel the way I used to, crying myself to sleep and wishing I was dead." It grew quiet between the two girls. Quinn stood debating on whether or not to share with Rachel what she was thinking. She decided to go ahead since she had said so much already.
"When I met you," she started in small voice almost afraid to be heard, the anger from just seconds ago gone, "when we became friends, I thought things were starting to change for me. I was so hopeful that I could change the world, change the way people thought, that things could be better. Then you left. You were gone and I realized the only thing I could change was me. So I did it." Quinn checked her reflection in the mirror and walked to the door. She turned to Rachel one last time. "Just so we're clear, this conversation never happened and neither did any of our interactions when we were younger. It'll be our secret." Quinn's mouth twisted into a sick smile thinking of the time Rachel said those words to her and then she walked out of the door and Rachel stood there staring after her.
Lunch came and Rachel sat at her table all by herself pushing food around in her plate. Nothing about it looked appetizing. Sure her Dad had made it, she refused to eat food from a school cafeteria especially since they had basically zero vegan options, but her stomach had decided food was not a possibility today. Her insides were all in knots from her encounter with Quinn earlier and her head hurt from trying to work through everything that had been said. She heard a chair being pushed back and looked up to see a girl sitting across from her.
"You know you're supposed to eat that stuff." She said pointing to Rachel's lunch.
"Guess I'm not hungry." The other girl shrugged and took a bite of her own lunch. Rachel took a second to look at her. She had curly red hair, green eyes, and more freckles than could be counted. There were gauges in her ears and a piercing in her eyebrow. She was attractive but Rachel dismissed her as not her type. It would be nice to have a friend though.
"I'm Rachel Berry."
"I know." Rachel looked at her with surprised eyes and the girl chuckled. "Not a lot happens in Lima. A new girl at the high school is kind of big news. Plus Tina was telling me about how you're in glee club, said you're a really good singer, maybe even the best in the club and believe me she was not happy to admit that." Rachel smiled pleased with herself. She knew she had impressed those glee kids but it meant to a lot that they were willing to admit it out loud. "She was kind of jealous but don't worry if you want to get on her good side tell her you'll practice with her and help her get better. Maybe even sing a song together in glee club. She'll love it." The girl continued and Rachel realized she was probably the only person who had been helpful to her at McKinley. Here she was showing Rachel how to make Tina her friend. "I'm Kelley, by the way."
"Nice to meet you."
"I'm sure it is." Kelley said in a playful tone, a smirk on her face. Rachel found herself smiling at the girl's comment.
"So I've been told you can sing but I haven't actually heard you, which I would like too because I have a proposition for you. Now before you think I'm just chatting you up for my only selfish benefit, I would like to point out that what I'm offering will be mutually beneficially for both of us." She looked at Rachel expectantly.
"What exactly are you offering?"
"Oh right. I'm in drama club. We're putting on a play this spring, an original play written by me. It's a musical. It has two lead roles and I was wondering if you would like one of them."
Rachel was flattered. "Of course I want it. I live to perform. Someday I'll be the biggest star on Broadway." She pictured herself as Elphaba singing 'Defying Gravity' for a sold out show.
"I'm sure you will." Kelley's voice brought her back to the present. A moment of insecurity hit her. Kelley didn't even know her. Why was she offering her the part?
"Why me? You know other singers, Tina, and there's a whole glee club. You don't even know me. I could be a diva."
Kelley chuckled at that. "Oh I'm sure you are. You'll still have to audition. Like I said I want to hear you sing before it's definite although I'm sure you're as good as Tina said. Maybe I should tell you a little more about the play and then you'll know why I'm interested in you." Rachel blushed at that part. Someone was interested in her even if it was just for a play. "It's set in a high school, modern day. It's a love story…about two girls." Kelley waited for Rachel's reaction. When the brunette didn't say anything Kelley continued. "It's kind of out there for a small town like Lima but it's important. I do know some things about you which is why I thought you would want to be involved."
"You know I'm a gay?" Rachel asked surprised. Kelley's eyebrows rose so high they practically disappeared in her hair.
"Now I do. I heard you had two dads so I thought this issue would be near to your heart. I guess I didn't realized just how near."
"Oh."
"It's cool. I am too. I think I'm actually the only out lesbian at this school. I thought maybe this story would give people the courage to come out or at least they would know it's okay to feel the way they do. So still interested?" She smiled at Rachel. This conversation was actually going better than she expected.
"Yes, I'm still very interested." She answered her confidence returning.
"You're sure? As soon as this starts and people find out what it's about there will be rumors that you're gay. Even though you are I don't want to unintentionally out you if you don't want to be outed. McKinley can be a harsh place." Kelley said a faraway look in her eyes. There were no doubt bad memories surfacing about her own coming out and as much as she wanted this play to happen she refused to force anyone to play a role they were uncomfortable with.
"I'm not ashamed. I'm not a coward." Rachel echoed her words from her earlier talk with Quinn. "I've no intention of living in the closet and if people find out because of this play then so be it." She said this last part with conviction.
"Well alright then. Looks like I have half of my leading roles."
Rachel was feeling better after this encounter with Kelley and began eating her lunch. "So what else can you tell me? Who do I play?"
"You play for lack of a better word a loser." And then Rachel stopped eating again. "You're a social outcast because you're a lesbian. You fall in love with the head cheerleader who surprise is also a lesbian. It's about your secret love affair." The knots were back in Rachel's stomach.
She looked over at Quinn who was whispering something in Santana's ear. "Is it at all based in reality?" Kelley saw who she was looking at.
"Oh hunny, don't go there." Rachel's eyes returned to Kelley begrudgingly. "That girl is straight as an arrow and as cruel as they come."
"She doesn't seem so bad." Rachel had the uncontrollable urge to defend the blonde.
"Maybe not but everything those jocks or cheerleaders do they do either from direct orders from her or to impress her and advance themselves in the social hierarchy. You've been here three days and you know it's true. I saw you get slushied." Rachel wanted to protest, wanted to tell Kelley that was before Quinn knew it was her, but she knew she couldn't.
"Just stay clear of her and you should be fine." The bell rang signaling the end of lunch. "Would tomorrow be too soon for you're audition?"
"No not at all."
"Good. Three o'clock tomorrow in the auditorium." Kelley smiled as she walked out of the cafeteria and Rachel's head immediately filled with song choices. She followed the redhead out. Little did she know Quinn had been watching their entire exchange carefully.