Be the creep
Again, you're nothing like that. This is your job and you're good at it. Even your girlfriend agrees, though she's not a big fan of the safety risks.
Boxcars inhales the remainder of his burger, bringing you out of the wistful memories of Ms. Paint.
You sigh, reminding yourself of the task at hand. You pull out your phone, Boxcars scoffs. He knows who you're gonna call.
You punch in the Batterwitch's number.
"Spades, you better got something."
"Yeah, we're sittin' in front of the boys house right now. I had to blow our cover, though, to-"
"YOU WHAT!?" She screams at you. "YOU FUCKING INCOMPETENT BUFFOON."
"She almost got sliced in half by some kid!"
The Batterwitch sighs exasperatedly. "Whatever. Anything else?"
"Yeah, we found out the boytoy's name." You tell her, giving yourself a good, dramatic pause, "Dirk Strider."
"THAT LITTLE FUCKING SHITSTAIN PRACTICALLY KIDNAPPED MY HEIRESS?"
"Ah, so you know the name?" You say a bit sarcastically. Okay, a lot sarcastically.
"Know him?! His fucking asswipe of a father has given me nothing but trouble."
"Oh, a modern Romeo and Juliet." You say, "How nice."
"No, Spades, not nice. I want her outta there immediately."
"Well, you're gonna have to wait a bit. Droog and Deuce haven't gotten here yet."
"No. Right. Now."
"Well I can't do that, miss. Those Strider kids have some skill it's going to take at least the four of us to get her out."
"Fine, you wuss. But if even one little hair on her head is harmed before you get to her, Spades, you better pray to the gods you live to see that precious little girlfriend of yours."
And the line disconnects. You hang up your end. That witch really is something crazy.
Be Jane.
Dirk sticks out his tongue, scrunching up his face and crossing his eyes. You let out a laugh, he locks his eyes on you, the stupidest expression still plastered on his face. And then he breaks out in laughter along with you. You give yourself an under bite, and lose it sooner than Dirk did.
"You know, there's something we should be doing instead wasting our time with this shit." Dirk says.
"Oh yeah? What's that?"
"Calling Lalonde."
"Oh, snap, you're right."
He chuckles at you and pulls you off the bed, "Come on." You follow him to the computer at his desk, which was previously blasting music. He turns it off before calling Lalonde.
He pats his lap, motioning for you to take a seat.
"Dirk..."
"Jane," He grins up at you, "I swear I won't cop a feel or anything while on cam."
You sigh and give in, making yourself comfortable just as Roxy accepts the invite. He wraps his arm around your waist, and leans his head lazily against the side of your shoulder.
"Aaaaaawe, lookit you two cuties." You hear Roxy's voice come from the computer. You see the familiar face on the screen and smile. "Did two you frick?"
"No, Roxy!"
"Damn," Roxy says, before leaning in close to the cam, "Well, when you do. Details, Janey, I want expiliset details." She's so drunk. Then she gasps, "We should call up Jake."
Dirk agrees and reaches up to send an invite to the last member of your closely knit group.
"Dirk, Roxy, is this a gathering of us four? Should I invite Jane?" Jake's voice appears before the live feed of him. "Jane!" He says, surprised, once he can see each of his friends, "How on Earth did you wind up in Texas?"
"Wow, Roxy, you didn't tell him." Dirk interrupts Jake.
"Yeah, I thought it isn't my business. Besides it was funny to watch him keep freaking about you guys not answering us or anysing."
"Thanks, Roxy, what an honest, caring pal." Jake says flatly. "So, Jane what are you doing in Texas?"
"Dirk and I met up in Georgia, we went to my first con and now we're here because I don't feel like facing the wrath of my father just yet." You reply.
"Woah, Janey did you, like, run away?" Roxy asks, "Bad. Ass. Girl."
"Yes, well, I don't think my dad will think the same so."
"You know, if you want I could totes swing down there and just like smooth it over for you." Roxy winks at you through the cam.
"No. Ew, Roxy, please." You sigh. But you know there's truly no point in trying, she'll just keep badgering you.
"Wow, Jane, that's a tad rude of you. Just because you ain't gettin' the d, doesn't mean I shouldn't."
"You're not talking about the same d, right?" Dirk states.
"Hey, if I say kiss will you guys actually kiss? Like the thing they do at weddings?"
"Yeah, sure … at our wedding." Dirk replies.
"You're getting married?" Jake says, very surprised.
"No, silly," Roxy replies, "But they've totally been smooching it up since Georgia."
"What? No way!" Jake gasps.
"Wow, you didn't tell him that either." You say.
"Naaaw, course not. Thought it would be funny to see his face once you two smooched, so thanks for ruining my plans."
"Well, it's not too late." Dirk says, before quickly cupping your jaw and planting a kiss on you.
Be Roxy
You are now, at last, Roxy. Though you won't be for long.
But you don't know that.
You're currently watching two of your best friends making out. Wow, that sounds creepy. But wow, they are so perfect.
You honestly feel a bit hurt, with all the feelings you've had for Dirk. But you're willing to put those aside for your best friend's happiness. Especially when you can now catch the full attention of Jake English. You were not exaggerating when you said you could now turn your full attention to his courtship. The guy is really great, and it's hard to ignore that.
Speaking of Jake English.
You look to his face on the screen. He's still surprised, but his face becomes a bit bashful for a moment. The colour reflecting on his face changes and you know he's switched windows.
"Okay, love birds, if you can keep your pants on you've got friends here, remember." You giggle as you remind them. They stop abruptly. Jane's face turns red.
"Ugh, there's someone at the door." Dirk says. He gives Jane a peck on the lips as he get up to answer the door.
Once he's gone, you start talking to Jane. "So, what are you guys gonna do now."
"Oh, I don't know. Dirk knows this area, I figured he would have some ideas. We only just got in last night."
"Awe, your first instinct was too call us?"
"Well, technically no. I think the Strider gene kicked in again and he got the instinct to strife with Dave."
"Dumb boys and their strifes. No offense Jake."
"None taken," He shrugs, "The two of you have never seemed like the type to strife."
"Because we're girls?" You ask.
"No, Jane's just quite the lady, not saying she couldn't beat someone to a pulp, and Roxy, honestly, you're too drunk to handle the coordination."
"Well, sure, but buddy trust me, you let me somber up and someday I'll beat you to a pulp." You get a chuckle out of Jane.
"Alright, Lalonde, you're on." He grins.
"I'm just warning you, English, I—" You're cut off when you hear a gasp and a screech come from Jane. You see two men enter the room in front of the cam and dart across the room to Jane.
"Jane! Nonononono." You scramble to help her, but that's an impossible feat from halfway across the country.
Be Dirk
Your vision is blurry, but you can see well enough to catch a good view of one of the goons standing next to you. You hear Jane scream and you unsteadily get to your feet, grabbing the nearest katana in the process. You swing it at the chubby goon. He swats you away like a fly.
Two guys carry Jane out into the living room. She's struggling against them and trying to hit one with her fist. You stagger over to the guy that swatted you away, a bit more in control of yourself now, and swing your katana at him once again. You nick him, leaving a deep gash in the side of his arm. He grabs at you but you flash step to your left, to stand in front of him. You jab at him this time, but he moves so that you only graze the inside of the same arm. He latches on to your shirt and knocks the katana from your hand.
"Slick?" The guy asks one of the guys carrying Jane.
"She'll get pissed if you kill him. Knock him out." He growls, and continues to try tying up Jane. The big guy turns back to you, wasting no time in throwing his fist in your face.
You drop to the ground, it feels like you were slammed into it by a giant. As you feel yourself quickly going under, you hear Jane screech your name in a pained tone.
She's crying and you can't do a damn thing to stop her.