Chapter Two: Newton's First Law
The rest of the flight was remarkably less eventful compared to its beginning. Stark's exclamations about Budapest instantly silenced the deadly couple. Shuffling to the back of the plane, the two remained there for the entirety of the flight, conversing in hushed tones. Clearly neither assassin wanted anyone to overhear them, a hunch Tony formed when he heard the tell-tale phonetic patters of Russian drifting through the cabin. No one besides Clint and Natasha understood the language fluently enough to hold a detailed conversation, but one word stood out in particular to Tony. It was a word he had heard many times in Russian, ubiystvo : murder. Budapest must be a very interesting subject Tony mused to himself.
Regardless, everyone else returned to what they had previously been doing before the scuffle. For the longest time the only sounds heard in the cabin were the assassin's whispers, until they finished plotting and sat in silence. During the lull in conversation Clint fell asleep, his head resting on Natasha's shoulder. She did not look overly excited to have the archer snoring in her ear, but Natasha made no attempt to shift his head elsewhere. She simply returned to her novel, pleased the archer was actually sleeping for once. Years of overnight stakeouts had caused him to develop a habitual insomnia.
The serenity only lasted as long as the plane was in the air. The moment the landing gear touched down and it was clear to exit, Thor rushed to the door. He drug Bruce, still draped in the Snuggie, behind him. The Asgardian clamored about the spirit of adventure as he raced down the steps to the car Stark had arranged to pick them up from the airport. After clearing his papers from his table, Tony followed the enthusiastic blond, turning his phone back on as he walked out. He met Natasha at the door and motioned for her to exit.
"Ladies first."
Feeling rather gentlemanly, Tony let Natasha through the door first making sure to bow regally as she passed. When he reached the top of the Airstairs his phone had finished rebooting and began to blink, alerting him to the multitude of messages left by Pepper. He realized then that he had totally forgotten to tell her about this trip.
"The old ball 'n chain huh?"
Clint was standing behind Tony; standing so close to read his phone he was practically resting his chin on his shoulder. A cocky gin plastered itself to the archers face as he counted each message out loud.
"You just can't go anywhere anymore Stark." Clint said with a chuckle.
"At least I'm not drug around on a two foot leash all the time."
"I like the leash Tony, and the leather masks that come with it."
Winking at Tony, Clint jumped on to the railing and slid elegantly to the ground. Apparently the stairs weren't good enough for him. Feet now back on the ground, Clint walked to the car choosing to stand next to his stealthy partner.
"Yep Barton ... you're messed up."
Rolling his eyes at his exuberant friend, Tony slid on his sunglasses. He did this more so out of habit than necessity. One should never let their appearance seem anything but cool in public. He looked at his phone once more and decided to call Pepper back once they had settled.
"What hotel are we staying at Stark?"
Steve was standing in front of the car, surrounded by the other Avengers. There was no driver; Tony had decided that this trip would be personal, more like a family vacation. It would be good for team bonding. The lack of an escort seemed to surprise his companions. They all looked expectantly towards the billionaire, waiting for some clue about what they would be doing in the city. Their eager faces were just so cute, Tony couldn't help but laugh.
"I do not know mon capitaine. I have yet to make a reservation."
"What?!"
Steve looked up at the philanthropist in disbelief. The idea of being in a foreign country with no place to stay did not sit well with him. The super soldier pinched his nose in frustration, and turned away from Tony.
"Don't look so glum Steve. Why don't we just ask the love birds where they stayed in Budapest? I'm sure they could recommend a great hotel."
Eyebrows raised, Stark turned towards the assassins.
"Where did you guys stay last time you were here?"
Tony descended the stairs, grinning too much for Clint to be comfortable. The marksman wasn't sure how much Stark knew, or thought he knew, but he was determined to keep the Budapest mission under lock and key. Their first trip to Budapest wasn't classified or anything, he just didn't feel like telling Stark, especially after the nosy man had forcibly dragged him across the ocean.
"On a street corner with some hobos you asshat." Clint retorted. Tony remained unfazed.
"Humm what a shame I had hoped for a more exciting home away from home. Well it looks like we're going to find some hobos guys!"
Stark turned towards the car, set on finding a den of homeless men. Clint was growing visibly irritated again, along with Steve. Although the plan seemed to please Thor for some unknown reason, Natasha decided it was best to avoid sleeping on the street.
"Stark give me your phone."
Without waiting for him to hand it over, Natasha took the phone and opened its internet browser.
"Hey! What are you doing with that?"
"You wanted a hotel to say at so I'm finding one."
After she found a suitable hotel in the city, Natasha handed the phone back to its owner. Tony looked at her choice and released a soft sigh.
"Gresham Palace, really? Did you have to pick the most expensive place in the city?"
"No one ever said you had to pay for the best room."
"This is true." Tony responded, smiling at the redhead. "But you know I'm going to anyways. Clever little assassin."
"Thank the Lord, we're here." Steve muttered as the car arrived in the front drive of the hotel.
Natasha had never agreed more with the super soldier than she did at this time. She wasn't sure why she allowed Stark to drive, but she knew now to avoid ever permitting him to do so in the future. He darted in and out of traffic at breakneck speeds, obeying only the traffic laws in his own mind. She could handle reckless driving to a certain point; after all, her missions were rarely finished without a high-speed chase, but Stark took it too far. Something is horribly wrong when Thor stops cheering and Clint is clutching your hand in fear.
Tony shifted the car into park, releasing the automatic locks, allowing everyone to quickly clamor out of the car. They stopped only briefly to look over their temporary home. Five floors of light gray stone stood before them, their continuity broken only by arched windows each glowing with gold light. By the large arched doorway stood several valets, two of which quickly rushed over to take their bags from the trunk.
Tony admired the building, smiling as he proclaimed "I like this place, nice pick Red."
Steve rolled his eyes. He was caring his own bags for he was far too polite to have someone else do work for him.
"Of course you do Stark. It's large, shiny, and expensive."
"Just like you, Angel Face."
Steve was never amused by Tony's annoying pet names, even less so by his need to follow each nickname with a butt slap. The tall blond turned to confront the engineer, his face the perfect picture of befuddled aggravation. Natasha pushed past the two men and stood in front of the gilded front doors, determined to get everyone inside before they caused an unfortunate incident.
"May I remind you Stark, that you haven't actually purchased a room yet? I would rather not waste time standing out here and risk the chance of someone recognizing who we are."
Tony shifted his attention from Steve to the increasingly livid redhead. He would have loved to stay outside the building and cause a scene, but a lengthy autograph session would delay his adventures in Budapest. He was sure he was on the right track, surely the assassin's irritation was a clear indication of this. He didn't want to waste any of his limited time.
"As you wish, Ginger. Who am I, but a walking credit card ready to pay for everything you desire."
Despite his highly sarcastic tone, Tony proudly walked through the doors and up to the reception desk. The desk was large dark wooded bureau, tucked away into a domed alcove. It was sectioned into three reception stations each with their own attendant. The center station, situated underneath a large glass chandelier, housed a short woman dressed in the hotel's black uniform. She possessed shoulder length dirty blonde hair and a cheerful smile. The other two sections on either side of her were occupied by two men, so naturally Tony approached her wearing his best smile.
"Good afternoon Miss …"
Looking over the brim of his sunglasses, Stark checked for her name on her ID badge.
"Miss Paige. What a darling name for such a darling face."
"Oh… my. Thank you Mister-mister…"
She spoke English, but with a slight accent. Her response was timely, but laced with flustered tones. She, like so many other women, was not immune to the billionaire's cavalier smiles.
"Tony Stark sweetheart. My friends and I need a place to stay for a couple of days, so if you would be so kind as to give us a room that would be wonderful."
She eyed the crowd of people waiting behind Tony. Her eyes grew ten times larger, marking the exact moment she realized who they all were. Stark raised a finger to his lips, pleading her to keep their presence a secret. Paige nodded her head in compliance.
"Oh yes, of course. I can do that, just please hold on for a moment."
Paige looked down from the bronze skinned man leaning on her counter, to her computer.
"Is is correct to assume you wish to have the royal suite Mister Stark?"
"You know me too well."
Tony reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. He unfolded the leather sides and took out his credit card, handing it to Paige once she requested it. After she had entered in all his information she handed Tony his card along with two room keys.
"I only have two room keys at the moment, but I could have four more made within a few minutes and brought up to your room."
"Thank you, that would be wonder-"
Natasha snatched the keys from Tony's hand. She gave one to Steve and immediately pocketed the other.
"Two keys will be just fine."
The redheaded woman left the counter, heading towards the elevator at a relatively fast pace. Clint rushed to catch up with her, closely followed by the other men. She wanted to get up to the room as soon as possible, desiring only to relax. Hopefully a day of inactivity would be boring enough to convince Tony to go back home.
"Nat, do you not trust us with our own keys?"
"Yeah, what's the deal with this key hording?"
When they reached the elevator, Tony and Clint were standing side by side. They both looked at Natasha as if they had never been more insulted in their life.
"It's just easier to keep track of you guys this way."
The pair was not satisfied with this answer.
"But Tasha, I'm a big boy now. I can keep track of myself."
Tony shook his head in agreement.
"We are two grown men, although one of us may have grown more than the other."
Clint, being no stranger to innuendos, wasted no time recognizing the meaning behind the billionaire's words. Folding his arm, Clint jammed his elbow into Stark's side. Tony simply laughed and returned the jab.
"Look, if you want to go anywhere you'll have to make sure you're with one of the key holders." Natasha curtly retorted. "I don't think I really have to worry about Bruce or Thor, but there is no telling what you or Stark will do."
Natasha pivoted towards the elevator, set on ignoring the men. She pressed the "up" button harder than one would consider normal. The doors opened to reveal an empty car and they all piled in.
"The last thing I want is for you two to disappear and spend any more time on this ridiculous 'adventure' than we have to."
The elevator ride to their room had done little to improve Natasha's worsening mood. Someone (she wasn't sure, but she had two very likely suspects) had convinced Thor to press every button, forcing them to stop at all the floors in the hotel. Despite the considerable difference in floor amounts, this running joke was no more amusing to her here than it was at Stark's tower.
Clint and Tony were in one of their moods, something Natasha detested more than anything else. Much like two small children, they were constantly messing with each other. When they grew tired of that, they began to plot ways to make everyone else miserable. Clint's nap on the plane had improved his mood slightly, but it hadn't resolved the situation. Once the temperamental man began one of his black moods he normally staid grumpy until he beat the crap out of whoever upset him in the first place. Tony, never one to back away from a challenge, was sure to push the issue until one of them snapped.
She shook her head as the two men tripped over each other, racing down the hall, each trying to reach the suite first. The Russian spy had just about reached her daily limit of stupidity. She quickly rushed to the door and unlocked it with a quick swipe of her key through the electronic lock. Placing one hand on the back of each man's head, she pushed both through the door and into the room. The group quickly scattered, each exploring the hotel room.
Several lavishly furnished rooms compromised the majority of their suite. Four bedrooms, arranged like the corners of a square, were connected by living room of sorts in the center. Bathrooms branched off the side of each room. The bedrooms themselves were nearly the same, all containing a queen sized bed, dressers, and a personal bathroom. One room however, was facing the front of the building and as a result had more windows. This quickly became a contested item between Tony and Clint.
"Tony I need the need the extra windows. I have a vitamin D deficiency; I'll get sick without the extra sunlight."
"Vitamin D deficiency my left ass cheek! You've seen my room at home, it's all windows. I can't sleep without windows."
Both men were standing on either side of the bed, placed opposite the windows they were arguing over. They had both thrown their luggage on the bed, trying to claim the room for themselves. As they shouted at each other, they both tried to push the other's stuff off the bed. The proportion of words to expletives contained in their statements had reached an all time low when Natasha stepped into the room.
"I've never seen your damned room before asswipe!" Clint exclaimed. "How do I know you're not lying?"
A dastardly smile flashed across the billionaire's face.
"Oh that's right, you've never seen it. Your girlfriend had though, tons of times."
Clint froze mid-shove, staring at Tony. An expression of shock played on his face as he processed what Tony said. Within and instant Clint's open mouth closed and his eyes hardened like steel. Natasha had seen this air about her partner before many times. Each occasion had never ended well for the person the look was directed towards. Clint growled his words through clenched teeth.
"Keep your mouth shut you man whore!"
The archer lunged across the bed and tackled Stark to the ground. Tony could hold his own in hand-to-hand combat, but he was no expert; not the way Clint was. In no time the brunette found himself pinned to the ground, the archer straddling him. Clint's hand drew back, fingers fisted, fully prepared to punch Tony in the face. The raised hand flew down towards Stark, who flinched, fully expecting the fist to make contact with his chin. Instead the hand unclenched, lowered to the inventor's ribs, and began to violently tickle his sides. Both men shrieked, one in primal rage the other in terrified delight.
"Clint! That is enough."
Natasha fully entered the room and tried to pry the two men apart.
"It's not enough Nat, not until he pees in his pants."
"N-no haha Barton no! Not in-in this hahaha this suit!"
It was all too clear that Clint had no intentions of stopping anytime soon. Any other day Natasha would have just let the two men tire each other out, they would reach a truce eventually. Today however she decided to let off some steam. They had been asking for it since the plane ride.
"I said enough!"
She ran at Clint, tucking her legs in and jumping knees first into the enraged man's chest. She knocked the blond from Tony, who wiggled away from Barton as soon as the archer's weight lifted from his chest. A fair distance from where he had originally been Clint lay on his back, looking up at the woman who towered above him. Natasha was sitting on his chest, her knees resting on the floor just above his shoulders. She had knocked the wind out of him, but as soon as he was able to breathe again he grinned at the redhead.
"You know babe, any other time I would love to be in this position."
She rolled her eyes at the smiling man, jumping up to exit the room.
"There are not enough rooms in the suite for all of us to have our own. Since you two are so fond of this room, you can share it."
Swiftly she marched out of the room, closing the door behind her. If they want to be stupid, they can be stupid together in this room and leave the rest of us alone. From their side, the two men could hear muffled discussion then a large metallic thud. Tony, still sprawled out where he had hastily crawled to after the attack, looked up at Clint.
"She didn't lock it."
"She knows that wouldn't keep me in." Clint scoffed.
Curious as to what she had done, Tony wriggled across the floor and peaked under the edge of the door. After a few seconds observation he let loose a large sigh.
"She had Thor put his hammer in front of the door. I don't know how worthy you're feeling Barton, but I doubt either of us will be able to move that thing."
"Well great." Clint muttered to himself. Natasha was just too clever sometimes. "I don't want to be stuck in here with you. I assumed Nat and I were going to share a room."
Stark was just as exasperated as his roommate.
"Yeah well so did I. Really I would have gladly shared a room with Bruce if she wanted some time away from your ugly mug."
"Shut up fuzz face."
Clint said this halfheartedly. He was too winded to move from his spot on the floor, and certainly too tired to care about fighting.
"Truce?" He asked, still sprawled out over the carpet.
"Truce." Tony agreed.
They rested for few minutes before Tony stood up from the floor, brushing himself off once he reached his full height. He walked over to where his sunglasses were laying on the floor and picked them up. They had fallen from his face when Clint had tackled him, but thankfully they hadn't been damaged.
"What are we going to do now Katniss? I don't want to be stuck in this room forever."
Stark looked to Clint expectantly, waiting for his assessment of the room.
"I don't know Tony, why are you asking me."
"You're the S.H.E.I.L.D. approved master-assassin escape artist, not me."
Clint sighed once more, squeezing his eyes closed in displeasure. When he reopened his eyes he propped himself up off the floor and gave the room a once over. In his desire to piss off Tony, he had fixated on the windows and ignored the rest of the room.
He mentally ran through several escape plans. Natasha had thoroughly secured the main exit. The door opened outwards, meaning only Thor could lift the hammer-turned-doorstop and free them. Any attempts at calling over the Asgardian and getting him to help would surely be stopped by Natasha. The same barriers would apply to any attempts to break down or remove the door. The only other egress led to the bathroom, but seeing as neither of them could fit down a drain that was useless. It would be easy to break one of the windows Clint thought, but I doubt Tony could scale the side of the building without falling.
The archer was just about to give into his fate and lay down on the bed when he noticed a vent above one of the dressers. He sprung from the floor and ran to the bed.
"Tony you've got tools with you, right?"
"Yeah, just what I keep with me for suit maintenance. Why?"
The billionaire watched, slightly confused, as his friend sifted through the luggage covering their bed. Clint sorted through the bags, passing over those he knew to be his own and pushing aside the portable Iron Man suit folded into a briefcase. He finally found the heavy black bag he was looking for. Ripping open the zipper, he reached in a grabbed a screw driver.
Just as quickly as he had moved to the bed, Clint ran to the dresser, clearing away the items resting on its surface before jumping on top. From this position he could reach the vent and easily unscrew the grate covering its depths. After he removed all the screws he threw the vent cover and the screwdriver to the ground. Grabbing the edges of the now exposed vent, he climbed out of sight. A quick survey of the insides told him this was exactly what he was looking for.
"Hey Tin Can I found the air ducts; they run all through the building. As long as you're not too loud when we pass over Natasha, we can escape through this."
I've out smarted her this time Clint though as he chuckled to himself. Tony could hear only the laughter echoing through the ducts, changing from giggles to cackling. It was rather unsettling.
"It figures you would enjoy creeping through the innards of buildings. What are you Clint, a Basilisk?"
The laughter abruptly stopped, along with any noise from the vent. Wondering what had happened, Tony climbed on to the dresser to get a better look into the duct. When his head reached the opening, Barton's face appeared out of the darkness, hissing loudly at the engineer.
"What the hell!"
Instinctively, Stark jumped backwards, almost falling off the dresser. Clint laughed at his companion and extended his arms.
"Parseltounge dumb-ass, now get in here."
The archer flapped his arms around in Tony's face until the brunette eventually grabbed them. He was immediately pulled into the vent. It was dark and very dusty on the inside of the metal tunnel. Tony wasn't sure how Barton had seen anything in here, but he certainly could not. He unbuttoned his shirt exposing the darkness to the light of his arc reactor.
"When's the last time you had a good drink Barton?"
"I'm not sure, after Manhattan maybe?"
Tony smiled.
"I think I know where we're going buddy."
After a mutual chuckle, the two began to crawl through the ducts away from their prison.
And the plot thickens.
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