Chapter: 13

Kept Apart

Torture

Slowly, that is how I want to get to know you.

I want to be able to embrace every part of you, and claim you as mine forever. I want to be able to say, yes, I know you because I can feel you and your emotions deep within my heart. That is how close I want to become to you, to the point that you cannot breathe without me. You cannot let me go, and never ever forget me.

However, maybe I am scared to confess, without you already I cannot live…

Hao was kissing him.

The first reaction Yoh felt was shock, mixed with the finest hint of pleasure that just swirled all throughout his body. Slowly his mind shut down from any other thought he might have, such as is he really kissing me? And he kissed back. For that brief moment he allowed his body to rule over his mind, and he felt himself enjoy the kiss. His mouth moved hungrily over Hao's equally hungry mouth, and gasped when Hao's fangs sharply dug into his lower lip eliciting an intense pleasure that just had him moaning. He whimpered in need when Hao pulled his fangs away and he moaned in delight when his twins tongue found its way into his mouth.

It was too little and too much all at once, and his hands moved up to go around Hao's neck and pull him closer to him, and deepen he kiss. He was getting lost in the intoxication that was his twin brother, and he was sure Hao was as well, but there was still a nagging voice in the back of his head that kept him from fully enjoying this. He was not sure what it was, but he was finding it hard to ignore it. Before he knew it, he was pushing away from Hao and jumping away from him as far away as he could, panting hard, with flushed cheeks, and an erratically beating heart.

Hao was startled when Yoh suddenly was gone from his grasp, and he frowned deeply as he turned to face his brother who was wiping his mouth. "What's wrong?" he panted, trying to figure his twin out. Yoh had responded deliciously to him, why was he suddenly moving away from him like he had burned him? He hadn't burned his brother, he was sure of that. In fact all he wanted to keep doing was taste his brother's sweet syrupy mouth.

Yoh trembled as he shrugged. His heart was still beating fast, and hard against his chest, "I don't know…we just can't do that again."

Hao frowned in confusion. "Why not…"

"I don't know…I don't know okay Hao! I don't know. Give me time. It's too much." Yoh shook his head. Graced by all that was good in earth, Yoh did know! Moreover, that nagging in the back of his head was Anna's voice, telling him that he was scared. A scared little vampire that didn't understand what liking anyone to this degree could mean. Scared that he was in love with this man that was also his brother, scared to be in a relationship, scared that anyone could ever matter so much to him, Yoh was terrified of his own feelings. Terrified that his heart was going to explode in his chest.

Hao made to get up and Yoh took a step back making Hao freeze.

"…Yoh." He carefully said and Yoh shifted uncomfortably.

"Yeah,"

Hao narrowed his eyes. "Are you scared of being kissed?"

Yoh shifted again, keeping his eyes on the ground. "I don't think so…" he shrugged. He was not going to admit to Hao that, that had been his first kiss, ever. It would give Hao some power over him, that much he knew. He didn't feel like being taunted, and he didn't feel like sharing his own fears.

Hao groaned, "Then what's wrong, why can't we kiss?" Yoh shrugged again and didn't say anything. Hao sighed. "Do you maybe need time to think about being my… boyfriend?" Hao asked, and Yoh nodded his head, shyly. Hao ran a hand through his hair and sat back in the couch. "Will you come here now?" Yoh seemed to want to come but hesitated. Hao had to question if perhaps his brother lacked trust in him from the action alone. "I promise I won't try anything."

Hao met Yoh's eyes and Yoh looked into his. When he found no fault, he moved to sit next to Hao, while Hao took advantage of his brother's now trusting nature and jumped on him, hugging him. Yoh screamed and struggled. "I thought you said you were not going to try anything!" Yoh hissed, but Hao persisted as he nuzzled under his chin, and his throat.

"I keep my promises Yoh, I merely wish to hold you," The whispered words ran hot and tingled down his spine as Yoh allowed himself to be furthered pinned onto the couch. His struggles gave up and he felt his entire being calm down, except for his heart. His heart was racing so fast, he wondered if Hao could hear it. There was no doubt that with the way Hao was so close he could also feel it. Yoh wa so concentrated on his own heart that he failed to notice Hao's equally fast beating heart.

Sighing to himself and willing to calm him erratic heart, Yoh tried not to think of Hao holding him, the kiss, and everything in between.

However, it was hard to resist his brother even if a part of him still felt that there had to be some understanding between what he felt and what had just happened.

He needed more time.

So he waited until he was sure that Hao was asleep, before he followed him into dreamland. What would happen in the morning? He was not sure, and right now, he did not care. He just wanted to sleep.

Waking up early to go to school was not something that Yoh was fond of, but he was quickly catching on why he disliked getting up early, his twin on the other hand was a morning person. Hao was up before him, and Yoh had to wonder at what time he got up. It did not seem to matter as he sluggishly dressed and got ready for school while Hao and Opacho were in the kitchen, eating their own breakfast. Yoh soon found himself rushing through a quick breakfast and running out the door to catch up to both Hao and Opacho.

"I like school, Master Hao," Opacho was saying as she had been enrolled into a kindergarten program. "I like all the colors and the kids are nice, so is the teacher"

Hao smiled at her, "Glad that you are enjoying your time there,"

"Yah, I am" the small girl smile, and the pouted, "It's just half a day so it's not so much fun afterwards, and all the parents come and pick up the other children," she looked up at Hao expectantly and Hao blinked down at her.

"You wish me to go pick you up?" he offered, and the small girl nodded her head in honest vigor. Hao smiled at her and nodded his head. "Then I shall go,"

"You're going to skip class?" Yoh asked.

"Class isn't that important Yoh, they are not teaching us anything that we don't already know." Hao shrugged, "and half of what is in a text book is all made up anyways. Humans and their keeping up with history is like a badly spread rumor that was whispered and altered over time,"

"True, but"

"Do you want to come along Yoh?" Hao asked, smirking suggestively at his twin brother, "We could go pick Opacho up together, and bring her home." Yoh blushed, as there seemed to be something more suggestive to those words. He quickly shook his head, and inched away from Hao, making his older twin frown. Why was Yoh flinching away from him?

"No thanks, I think I'll just stay in class and hang with Manta,"

"If that's what you want to do," Hao said, moving away from his brother. Was he going to have to wait for Yoh to adjust to him wanting to be with him? Hao was not sure. However, he was willing to give Yoh the time to think about it. Yet Hao felt that waiting for Yoh to give him some sort of response was a kind of torture.

Yoh sighed. He needed to talk with Manta anyways, and he needed to reassert his thoughts. After all, his head was spinning, his heart was aching, and he Hao's sudden approach to him really was not helping matters.

After all, just a few hours ago, he was willing to let go of his feelings for Hao.

Once they had dropped Opacho off and they had gone to class, Yoh was glad for the break of having Hao watching him. Although no one else noticed the sudden distance between both twins, Manta did. So when lunchtime came around and Hao claimed he was ditching school, Manta approached Yoh. "Are you alright?"

"Huh, yeah," Yoh nodded.

Manta frowned, "you don't seem alright."

Yoh blushed and lowered his head, "Hao…he kissed me last night,"

"What?" Manta looked shocked. Had he heard correctly?

"He, he just approached me, and said something about lunch, and then, then he just" Yoh looked overwhelmed, "He kissed me Manta,"

"Is that bad?" Manta asked and Yoh turned to look at him confused, "I mean…does Hao like you back or something? You did say you would break all the rules just for a chance to be with him" Yoh's eyes widened and then he lowered his head. Yeah, he had said that, but he had not realized the heavy fear that his heart carried.

"I know," he whispered. "I'm just scared," Yoh sighed, "Or I just got scared."

Manta was confused, "why,"

Yoh chuckled to himself. "I've never loved anyone." Was his only confession, looking away from Manta's shocked face.

"Yoh," the smaller boy whispered. "How could…"

"I was never given a reason to," Yoh said, his voice coming in harsh. "What was I suppose to do? Pinned to Anna who would boss me around, and a mother who seemed to plan nothing else but my twin's death. I just wanted out. Up to this point I have always been hiding, and running away, there was no time to think about anything else," Was that contempt gracing Yoh's voice? "But I love him, Manta, I love him so much it hurts. Why? It's so funny, why"

"Yoh," Manta whispered again, trying to stop Yoh at his words.

"And you know why it's funny Manta? Because no matter what I say I' freaking scared! So fucking scared that even though he kissed me, I was the one to fucking push him away" Yoh shook his head, "What must Hao think of me?"

Manta was sympathetic and placed a hand on Yoh's own. "Well, you might have never loved anyone in any form, Yoh, but people around you have loved and protected you. Like Admidamaru, hasn't he always been there for you?" Yoh looked down at Manta in shock. "That caring feeling you feel for him is not only trust because he's your guardian, but because he's also your friend,"

"That I can understand," Yoh whispered.

"And I know most of the time you were trying to run away from what other people believed to be right for you, but you are not heartless Yoh, you have loved." Manta then smiled, "You just have never been in love,"

"What do you mean?"

"I mean that to love and be in love are two different things." Manta said, "and if Hao likes you, or even has a bit of love for you, then wouldn't he understand your fears if you let him know, what is scaring you?"

Yoh sighed, and nodded, "I'm being pathetic again,"

Manta grinned, "And what is there to fear! Has Hao ever given you a reason to fear him?"

Yoh shook his head.

That evening, Yoh came home only to slam the door open and then yell, "Hao I'm scared!" The brunet Vampire then went around until he was standing in front of his twn.

Hao looked up from the book he had been reading in the kitchen table and looked at Yoh in complete confusion, "Come again?"

Yoh blushed, and sat down on the other side of the table. "I said I was scared."

"I got that," Hao said like it was obvious. He shifted das he closed his book and moved forward, his fingers cupping under Yoh's soft chin "I just meant of what,"

"Uh…" Yoh's eyes were locked with Hao's, making it hard to think properly. "Re…relationships I guess," he swallowed hard, his mind was already on the fact that Hao had kissed him once, and now that he had better asserted his own feelings, he wanted to be kissed again. Hao on the other hand was still looking at him oddly, and then moved forward.

"Relationships?" he questioned, "You want to be with me Yoh?"

And his heart kicked in, beating so fast Yoh's face went red. "I'd like to be, yeah." He closed his eyes as he waited for what Hao had to say to him, but what he got instead was a firm set of lips, softly pressed against his. HIS heart forgot how to function for about a second before it was picking up again, and Yoh was filled with a rush of emotions ranging from sweet to overpoweringly delicious. They exploded through his body, and his mind went blank.

Hao chuckle at the numbing reaction that he got from his twin, "Breathe Yoh," he urged, before his twin passed out from light headiness.

"Hao," Yoh gasped when he finally remembered to breathe. Hao smirked and pulled Yoh into his lap, pressing Yoh's back to his chest and he settled his head on Yoh's shoulder.

"Tell me Yoh," Hao breathed into his ear, "Since I know that we haven't known each other long, and we were pushed to kill each other for practically our whole lives, but even now, I have strong feelings for you and I know you feel the same," Hao moved his mouth slowly as he spoke over the back of Yoh's ear, moving to the soft lobe, and nipping his way around the shell of Yoh's ear. Hao liked the way Yoh had started to squirm against him, and even offered him more to take. Like that soft looking neck of his, tempting him to bite into it and claim what he already knew was his. "How far are you willing to take our relationships, for tonight,"

Yoh jumped, gasping loudly as he tried to close his legs when Hao's hand boldly moved down between his thighs and grabbed at his penis. "HA," Yoh squirmed, feeling himself become semi hard, and his short nails bit into Hao's legs. "HAO!" he cried.

"Hm, does it feel good,"

Yoh wouldn't admit it, and shook his head. "Let go,"

"You don't want to?" Hao asked, and loosened his hold on his twin who immediately took the leave.

"I…" Yoh's cheeks were burning hot, his body felt pleasure, his heart was pounding away in his chest, singing so loudly he could hear it, but it was once again too much all at once. "I don't know," he said, and he backed up. "Maybe not right now, give me some time to think about it."

"Alright." Hao said, watching his twin fidget.

Yoh seemed to calm down at that, but he was still looking uncomfortable. "But, as for the other thing, I meant what I said. I do want to be with you," Yoh looked like he was struggling with his words and Hao watched him with fascination as he tripped up over himself, trying to make sense of what he was saying. "I wouldn't mind if we were boyfriends, and all that, you know, I mean I don't know how you feel about me, you have never told me anything, I mean…yeah"

Hao stood up and walked over to Yoh, softly kissing him on the lips. "Yoh, I'm not the kind that would vocalize everything that I feel," Hao looked at his twin in his eyes, intensely so, "But I always will show you what I do feel, when I kiss you it's not because I just want to kiss you. It's because I need to, and It's my own way of trying to show you how much I love and adore you already," Hao grabbed Yoh's arm when he felt his twin nearly pull away, and slowly slid his hand into Yoh's. "But if you ever feel doubt, you can always ask me and I won't hesitate to tell you, what I feel."

Yoh nodded, once more trying to make an escape.

"Will you quit trying to run away?"

Yoh screwed his eyes shut and dipped his head low to hide it from him, "But Hao, when you look at me like that it makes me melt. It's scaring me a little bit that I am going to melt."

"Then I think I'll enjoy making you melt," Hao purred, bringing his other hand to Yoh's waist, pulling him closer to his chest.

"Ugh," Yoh seemed to stay tense.

"Want to do something?" Hao gently asked, "we could probably do something that these humans do for entertainment since you seem to like their customs somewhat." Hao was still holding Yoh's other hand, but frowned as Yoh tried to once again run away. He was not about to let his twin run away from him.

"Did…. did you just ask me out on a date?" Yoh asked, his brown eyes large.

"If that is what humans call it, yes," Hao said, and Yoh doubled over, shrinking into himself. His heart truly felt like it had just exploded with joy, but he was finding I hard to say yes to Hao at that moment. Even though, he so badly wanted to scream it at the top of his lungs and laugh, that Hao, was now his boyfriend. And Said boyfriend had just asked him out on his very first date!

Hao on the other hand sighed as he watched his panicking twin struggle with his words. Waiting for Yoh to know what he really wanted was going to be torture.

It's called when the heart soars, that it hurts the most. It aches with the hidden fear that it would fall, but the hope that merciful and gentle hands would catch it is still there and you live for that moment.

You live for that feeling, for the rest of your life.

Oh god, how long has it been since I last updated this fic? i feel so ashamed. I want to keep updating at a normal rate but with school throwing projects my way every single time its kind of hard to concentrate on both. I will finish the story that much I can guarentee you I just can not tell you when the next update might be.

I'll try for a shorter amount of time. For those of you still reading this story and those who reviewed as well, I thank you so much! :)