Dean and Sam both woke early, as was their plan, with the intention of going into town to pick up a few ingredients they needed to make decent hex bags. They didn't want Jayde or her sister, Rose, attempting any funny business on them. They were having enough problems with curses as it was, they didn't fancy adding any more to the mix.

Dean left Cas sleeping soundly in the bed they were still sharing, the peaceful look that consumed Cas' features really enticing Dean to leave him undisturbed.

Sam was still sleeping when Dean made it downstairs. Dean didn't wait much longer before he kicked his brother awake unceremoniously, telling him to hurry his ass up before he was left behind.
Sam grumbled about the importance of sleep for the human body all the way out to the Impala and half way into town before Dean finally cracked and threatened to never let him sleep again. Sam stayed silent after that.

-/-

Cas woke feeling elated. His dreams had been pleasant and pain free that night. Anytime anything dark started to creep in, Dean would be there whispering protective words of comfort to him. It may have been all in his mind, but it left him feeling content.

Rolling over to find that the other side of the bed was clearly empty caused Cas' spirits to drop considerably. He strongly preferred it when he woke up to find Dean next to him, instead of just a Dean shaped indent in the sheets.

Cas changed out of Dean's old t-shirt, that he was still yet to relinquish back to Dean, and tugged on his other clothes. He was getting better at it now. Disappointment washed over him again as he couldn't show to Dean that he could perform the action by himself.

Cas padded his way downstairs in search of food and company; well, mostly in search of Dean. He was troubled to find the house oddly quiet, not hearing anyone on his way to the kitchen. Cas poked his head around the door cautiously peering in. Bobby was seated at the table, a bowl of cereal in front of him and the newspaper propped open against a glass of juice. Bobby glanced up at the sound of shuffling feet.

"Mornin' kid," Bobby greeted, "Want some grub?"

Cas nodded his head eagerly, shuffling his way further into the room and pulling himself up onto the chair opposite Bobby's. The old hunter poured him out a bowl of the same cereal he was half way through and placed it in front of Cas.

Cas smiled up at him gratefully and tucked in, Bobby going back to reading his paper.

Cas courteously waited for Bobby to finish appraising his paper and tossing it aside before he opened his mouth to speak, "Where's Dean?"

Bobby chuckled, "Him and Sam went into town to grab a couple of things." Bobby cleared away there now empty plates, dumping them in the sink to deal with later, "Shouldn't be out for too much longer."

"What did they need?" Cas continued curiously.

"Just a couple of herbs I was running low on. They need them to make some hex bags. They gotta be prepared. Going after those witches today." Bobby rambled on, "Anything you wanted to do today before you're all adult sized angel again?" Bobby chuckled once more. "Cas?"

Bobby turned around to find an empty kitchen. The chair Cas had been perched on deserted.

"Cas?" Bobby called again, a little louder. "Castiel?"

Silence.

-/-

Bobby had searched his house high and low by the time he heard the Impala pulling up outside, and still not one sign of Castiel. Dean and Sam made quite the racket as the two of them trudged inside, both laden with bags.

"We picked up a couple of extra things," Sam said in Bobby's direction as he and his brother dumped the gear onto the kitchen table. "Noticed you were getting low on some other stuff. You getting lazy in your old age Bobby?"

"I been busy boy," Bobby muttered gruffly.

Dean and Sam both started unloading their purchases, Dean looking around the kitchen, "Cas watching TV again?" Dean asked casually.

"He's gonna get addicted to all these bad habits if you're not careful Dean." Sam stated firmly.

"If I'm not careful? What's it up to me for?"

Sam rolled his eyes, "You know why."

Dean glanced over at Bobby and noticed how he didn't look quite as comfortable as a man standing in his own kitchen should. "Bobby what's wrong?" Dean listened for the sound of the television and heard nothing, "Where's Cas?"

"Well, you see-"

"Bobby where the hell is Cas?" Dean's voice hardened. Sam stopped unpacking to glance at Bobby as well.

"He's kinda gone." Bobby said hesitantly.

"What do you mean he's gone?" Dean spluttered.

"Well, one minute he was in here, the next, nothing."

"What do you mean he's gone Bobby!?" Dean's voice raised in volume, his heart rate accelerating, panic settling in.

"I'm telling you like it is boy," Bobby continued, trying to keep calm himself, "One minute he's sitting at the table content as can be, and the next, it's an empty house."

"He wouldn't just take off?!"

"Dean calm down," Sam said firmly, grasping his brother by the shoulder and turning him around, ensuring he was still remembering to breath. "He can't have gone too far."

"He's an angel Sam!" Dean spluttered, "He can friggin' fly!"

"Dean!" Sam said firmly, "Breath."

Dean took a shuddering breath, trying to calm the blood pumping through his veins.

"Look, me and Bobby will recheck the house. You go search the scrap yard. He probably just got bored. Went for walk."

Dean nodded heading back out the door without another word.

Sam looked back around at Bobby who shrugged his shoulder, "I got no clue boy"

Sam nodded, feeling just as lost as Bobby looked, "Let's just check the house."

-/-

It took Dean over twenty minutes to find the car that Cas was seated on top of. Twenty minutes of blind panic and turmoil coiling within him. The shuddering sigh of relief Dean released when he finally lay eyes on that messy black hair almost had him falling to his knees.

Dean pulled out his phone and sent a brief txt to Sam stating he'd found him. He then took a few more calming breaths before he gained enough mental stability to approach the broken down car.

Cas was perched on the hood of an old rusted Chevy that was missing most of its interior, his legs bought tight up under his chin, arms holding them in place firmly, and his wings wrapped around his entire body.

The closer Dean got the more he could tell that Cas' little body was trembling, the sun beating down on them indicating that the shaking wasn't from the temperature.

"Cas?" Dean asked cautiously, as he came up behind him.

Cas ducked his head lower into his knees, using his wings to completely conceal himself.

"Cas?" Dean asked again, he sat on the hood next to him, extending out a hand and gently placing it on the top of one of Cas' wings.

"Don't!" Cas said sharply, jerking himself out of Dean's reach.

Dean fought back the overwhelming rush of distress that attacked him when Cas moved away. He tried again, "Cas? Please, tell me what's wrong." Dean heard a tiny hiccup coming from the depths of the feather ball in front of him. "Why'd you take off Cas? I was concerned." Concerned being the most understated word he could think of.

Cas gave another small hiccup, his body still shaking, but not as bad as before. "Not important." Cas whimpered out, his voice cracked twice.

Dean forgot himself, automatically stretching out a hand again, wanting to do nothing but bundle Cas close to him and keep him safe.

Cas flinched but allowed Dean to move his hand into one of his wings where it connected at his back.

"Cas, buddy? Talk to me."

Cas shuddered. He unfurled his wings the tiniest amount he could, enabling him to peer up at Dean's face. Dean only caught a glimpse of the tear stained tracks leading boldly down Cas' cheeks before the tiny body launched itself forward, arms coming to wrap tightly around Dean's neck, a face burrowing into the crook between his shoulder and collarbone, the rest of the small body cradling itself as close to Dean's chest as physically possible. Harsh sobs tore through his small body. Dean didn't hesitate as he wound his arms around Cas' frame, holding him in place, hands stroking gently through feathers, trying anything at all to sooth him.

Dean lost track of how long the two of them sat on the hood of the car curled up in each other, they stayed still long after Cas' tears stopped flowing. Finally, finally, Cas leaned himself back enough to see Dean's face again.

Dean used his thumbs to brush away what he could of the water that still clung to Cas' eyelashes. Cas blushed, looking away and starting to move himself out of Dean's grasp.

Dean's fingers dug into his sides and held him still, "Where do you think you're going?" Dean asked seriously.

"I can't Dean," Cas mumbled, "I don't want-, it hurts."

Dean loosened his grip but didn't release him, "What hurts?"

Cas took a shuddering breath, one that seemed almost too big for his little body, "Being close to you now knowing that soon you'll stop."

Dean frowned, confused, "What are you talking about Cas?"

"Bobby said," a couple of tears leaked out of Cas' eyes, "That you and Sam were going to kill the witch." Dean nodded slightly, letting Cas continue, "And then I'll be normal again and you won't-" Cas' breath hitched, "you won't want to be near me anymore."

Dean opened his mouth but didn't know what he intended to say.

Cas seemed to have found his steam and his next words tumbled out at high speed, "I'll be big again and you'll go back to talking about personal space and boundaries, and you'll only want to talk about case related things, you'll only call me if you need help, and you'll tell me that being in the same room as you while you sleep is creepy, and I won't get to eat with you, and I won't get to travel around with you and Sam in the impala, and everything will be more complicated again, and I'll have to go back to hiding my wings from you all the time and I don't want to Dean!" Cas took a shuddering breath, tears leaking steadily down his face again, "I don't want to grow up."

Dean pulled Cas back towards him, holding him as close as he could, Cas' words racing each other around in his mind. Dean closed his eyes, hiding the liquid forming in them.

Cas' voice sounded again, muffled where he was pressed against Dean's shirt. "You like me better like this Dean. I don't want that to change."

Dean took a shuddering breath, starting softly, "Cas, listen -"

"You should forget about the witch Dean. Leave me like I am."

"You have no idea how much I can't do that Castiel."

Cas' heard perked up at the sound of his full name.

"Cas, I-" Dean shook his head, beginning again, "Cas I know this is how you feel right now, but buddy you're gonna go back to being your normal self, your mind's gonna be less fuzzy, and you'll stop wanting this as much as you do." Dean ignored the heavy weight that settled in his chest at his own words.

Cas looked glumly up into Dean's eyes, a resigned sigh falling past his lips, the weight behind his eyes making him appear much more mature than a four year old boy, "You don't understand Dean, I know that you can't. But the things that I want, it's not because of the curse, I didn't enjoy the last few days because of the stupid curse!" Cas shook his head at himself, "You should have listened to me before when I said it's not important."

Cas went to leave Dean's lap again, Dean caught him by the wrist and held on tightly.

"What do you mean, it's not because of the curse? What isn't?" Dean's eyes shone with something new, something brighter, something strangely close to hope.

"It doesn't matter Dean," Cas continued, "I wasn't meant to say anything. I didn't mean to say anything." Cas looked down at the wrist Dean still had a hold of, "Dean please let me go."

Dean released Cas' wrist unthinkingly at the request. Cas slid his way off the front of the car, his wings coming back around to shield him away. Cas didn't look back at Dean as he began to wander off.

Dean let Cas get as far as a car length away before his stupid slow turning brain kicked in.

Leaping off the car Dean only needed to take four long strides before he was in line with Cas. Dean plodded down onto his knees, grabbing Cas firmly by the shoulders to turn him around, so they were at eye level.

"Castiel, you stupid son of a bitch." Cas' eyes went wide. "No Cas, don't say anything. My turn, and it's gonna be quick, because you know how much I hate doing this." Dean waited for Cas to nod before he continued, "You and me are gonna go back in the house and you're going to stay there. Me and Sam are gonna get in the car and drive to Minnesota and take care of this stupid witch. When I get back, your ass is still going to be in that house. No fluttering back off to heaven or wherever the hell else you feel like going. You are going to be in that house. And by God if you remember any of these damn conversations once you're back to normal I am going to drag you upstairs and explain to you in very explicit detail why you couldn't stay in the form of a four year old child."

Cas tilted his head to the side, confusion flooding his features.

"You're not going to make me leave?"

Dean gave a humorless laugh, "I can't explain how much I need you to stay Cas. How much I just need you."

Cas edged forwards slowly, wrapping his arms hesitantly back around Dean's neck, "I need you too Dean."

Dean collapsed into the hug, holding onto Cas with everything he had.

Dean turned his face to the heavens, praying to whatever deity or God, anything that might give the slightest care to him and his little life; please let Cas remember this.