Shattered Illusions Chapter Twelve: May and Memories

The next day found Harry sitting up in his bed, practicing his writing and spelling. Severus was sitting by the bed pretending to read a potions journal. Snape was deep in thought; he had feelings brewing about inside of him that he didn't really understand. Most of them about one Harry Potter. Severus was supposed to hate Harry. He was Potter's spawn and a symbol of everything that he could have had, had Lily went with him instead of Potter. He wanted to hate Harry, but he didn't. He couldn't, Harry was nothing like his father. That wasn't supposed to be how things went.

Severus lowered the potions journal to get a better look at what Harry doing. Harry had his tongue poking out of his lips and his face was scrunched in concentration, then the tongue went back in and he smiled a bit.

"All finished, sir." Harry signed.

"Hm, let's see it." Snape said holding out his hand. Harry picked up the parchment and quickly handed it over for Severus to look at. Severus took it and scanned it, then smirked.

"Satisfactory." He said. The parchment had, "Harry James Potter" written over and over again in columns all over. Some was sloppy, but some looked pretty good. "I think that should be good for today." Harry nodded and started putting his stuff away. He looked up as he heard footsteps, it was Pomfrey.

"Good morning, Mr. Potter." She said pulling out her wand. "I hope you're well, we have to take the glamour off now." Harry nodded cautiously. He hated when the glamous came off, he felt so Freakish and ugly. Poppy raised her wand and took them down, then she stepped closer.

"I'm only going to take the bandages off your neck so I can get a better look." She told him upon seeing his worried look. She reached forward and gently started to remove the bandages, when they were off she raised her wand and started to scan him from head to toe. When she scanned his whole body she went up back to his head and her lips formed a hard line. Seconds later the hard line left and she smiled.

"Alright Mr. Potter," said Poppy. "I just have to go get a potion for your throat, Severus if you'll come with me please." Snape nodded and stood, and Harry just knew there was something wrong. Why else would she get that look on her face, and then ask to talk to Snape. He shook his head worriedly and tried not to think about it. What if it was something serious?

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Severus was a little worried, even if he refused to acknowledge it. He had watched while Poppy scanned the boy, he saw her pull her brows together and her lips form a hard line. That was never a good sign, and he noticed it was only by the boy's head. Was there something wrong with it? Of course there was, it was so strange.

Severus shook his head as he entered Poppy's office. She sighed tiredly and sat down, then she motioned for him to do the same. Severus looked at her wearily as he sat down and waited for her to explain.

"While I was scanning his head, I noticed that he's got a bit of brain damage." She said frowning. "It's hard to tell what caused it, with all his head injuries."

"How bad is it?" Severus asked, feeling dread fill him.

"I think he will overcome most of it," said Poppy, "it has to do with the part of the brain that controls speech, and the part that controls memory."

"Is that why he's been forgetting all those things?" Severus questioned.

"No, and that's the weird thing." Poppy responded, "There is something else there, but I've never seen it before." Poppy looked annoyed at her own lack of information, "I have to research it."

Severus nodded, "So what does this mean?"

"I think he will make a full recovery with his speech with practice and work." Poppy responded, "But he will have trouble learning. It will be hard for him store and remember new information. I suggest tutoring." Severus nodded again.

"Are you going to tell him?"

"I suppose I have to," Poppy said, "I just wanted to run it by you first."

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Harry was picking at a thread on his blanket when Pomfrey and Snape came back in, Pomfrey was holding a potion and smiling, and Snape…well, he just looked like Snape. Snape always looked the same. He always had the same stern looking face and perfect posture.

"Sorry for the wait, Harry." Poppy said, pulling up a chair. Severus pulled one up on the other side.

"There is something I'd like to talk to you about," said Poppy. "It's about the scans I did."

"What's wrong?" Harry signed, "Am I ok?" He was ready to expect the worst. He was probably ruined forever.

"Yes, you're fine, Harry." She replied, "There was just a small…complication." Snape snorted. Harry looked over but Snape had composed himself by the time his eyes shifted over.

"Well, what is it?" Harry asked.

"It's seems you have a bit of brain damage." Pomfrey said carefully, "But don't worry, you should make a full recovery with some work." Harry nodded. That wasn't as bad as he thought it would be. He'd probably be okay then. He'd just have to work hard.

"It's affecting the parts of your brain for speech and memory." She continued. "Your speech will need to have some work done with, but it can be fixed."

"What about the memory?" Harry asked.

"Well, that you should be able to get better with as well." Poppy said, "It will be a bit difficult at first, but I believe you can overcome it." Harry nodded again.

"Alright now, I would like you take this potion." Poppy said. Harry looked at it skeptically, but took it and swallowed it down.

"Good boy." Poppy said handing him a glass of water, completely oblivious to Harry's reaction. Something happened when Poppy said those words; he got a feeling deep down. Like he'd always wanted to hear those words or something, he felt tears prickle at his eyes as his heart seemed to burst with happiness. He didn't understand what had happened. Harry took the glass and sipped it, trying to push the tears back. Hopefully nobody noticed. He glanced over as he sipped, Snape was giving him a strange look.

"Your throat seems to be healing a lot faster and better than I originally thought." Poppy said taking the glass back. "It's still not as good as it could be, but that potion will sooth your throat enough to let you talk." Harry looked at her sharply. He didn't want to talk; he knew he would sound so stupid.

"Well go on, would you like to try?" Pomfrey prompted. Harry stared at her with wide eyes, what was he supposed to say? He shook his head.

"Why don't you introduce yourself for a start?" Poppy suggested. A few more minutes of staring with wide eyes, Severus rolled his eyes and thrust his hand out.

"Hello, I am Professor Severus Snape." Snape said as Harry took his hand and shook it. Harry bit his lip, he was supposed to return the greeting, it was only polite.

"H-h-hello p-p-pro…p-prof'ser s-sn…s-s-s-snape." Harry stuttered, trying to think of what he was saying. "M-me H-h-ha…H-haw…Hawwy." Harry looked away, that had gone worse than he thought it would. It was so embarrassing; he just wanted to crawl into a hole and never come out.

"Good job, Harry!" Poppy said happily.

"Yes, well done Mr. Potter." Snape said sounding uncomfortable.

"B-ba…bad." Harry stuttered, "s-s-s-sound…s-sound f-fun…funny." He didn't like talking. Harry would rather have just signed everything for the rest of his life. He imagined how everybody would laugh at him when they heard him.

"Don't worry, it will get better." Pomfrey said, "I have to go, keep practicing, but don't overdo it." Harry nodded and Poppy left. For a while neither Snape nor Harry said anything.

"Are your friends coming to visit today?" Severus finally asked. Harry nodded, making Snape raise an eye brow. "A verbal answer, if you will."

"Y-y-ye…yes s-s-s-s-sir!" Harry said. The S's seemed to be getting him, they were hard to say.

"Are you excited?" Severus asked.

Harry shrugged his shoulders, then at Snape's look said, "L-la-laugh at H-haw..Hawwy." Severus frowned.

"If they're your friends, they won't laugh at you." Severus said. "There's nothing to laugh at anyway."

"H-Hawwy n-no t-t-ta…t-talk g-go..g-good." Harry said, tears forming in his eyes. "H-hawwy s-s-s-s-so-sound s-s-stu…s-stupid."

"Stop." Severus said. "You don't sound stupid; quite the opposite actually. I…uh…I am proud of you." Snape sounded uncomfortable at that last part, and a very slight blush appeared on his cheeks. Harry blinked. Proud? It was too much for Harry. He blinked as something happened deep inside of him.

May blinked at her surroundings in confusion, she realized that she didn't know where she was. She turned her head and saw Snape, and then she remembered what had happened, and what Snape had said. Basking in the feel of the praise, she smiled.

"Thank you, sir." May said, still grinning. Severus dropped the potion journal he had just picked up and blinked in confusion.

"Mr. Potter." Snape said, his eyes narrowing.

"Yes, sir?" May asked, turning to look at him.

"You're talking without stuttering." Snape said, stating the obvious which he rarely did.

"Um…Yes, sir." May said, getting confused. "Why would I stutter?"

"Stay here." Severus said standing. "I will be back momentarily." May watched him go with a frown on her face. The room was empty, with nobody to give her any praise, so she left. Harry yawned and stretched his arms. He must have fallen asleep, he thought. Snape was gone. A couple minutes later Snape came back with Poppy at his heals.

"Say something, Potter." Harry flinched a bit at the urgent-ness in Snape's voice.

"L-l-like w-wh-what?" Harry asked, sounding very confused.

"Without the stuttering." Snape said, his eyes narrowing.

"B-b-but…c-ca-can't…" Harry said, his eyes filling with tears. "I t-t-twy! D-d-don't w-work…" A couple tears slipped past.

"But you just did a few minutes ago." Severus said, "Don't lie to me, boy." It wasn't said with any harshness, just confusion, but the word 'boy' used anyway triggered something.

Freak felt tear falling down his cheeks, even though he tried to stop them. He knew crying wasn't allowed, it never helped anyway. He pulled his knees to his chest and buried his face in them. He could hear somebody talking, then a hand touched his arm. The touch filled him with fear and he flung himself away from it, crying out as he hit the floor.

"Harry, are you ok?" Freak looked up into the face of Professor Snape, but memories overrode everything, and he quickly forgot where he was.

"No! Uncle Vewnon! Fweak sowwy! No do 'gain!"

"It's ok, Harry." Severus said, trying to calm the boy.

"Fweak no mean!" Freak cried. "No mean to!"

"Harry, look at me." Severus growled. Freak's eyes flew open and he looked into Snape's eyes. Severus made a slit second decision, and entered Harry's mind. It was just about the same as before, but he noticed there was another door. One with the name, "May" carved on it with flowers.

Severus tried to open the door, but it was heavily warded. He sighed in frustration, but decided to check all the doors. None of them opened, not until he came to the door that said, "Freak". He twisted the knob and the door flew open and memories seemed to spill out. The glimpses he got were frightening, but most he couldn't tell what they were.

There were feelings of sadness, of loneliness, intense hunger and pain. There was a dark cupboard, and a sink of dirty dishes flashing by. It just didn't make any sense. Then a full blown memory hit;

The next thing Severus knew, he was standing in a kitchen. It was a very clean kitchen, he didn't think there was a thing out of place, not even a speck of dust lay on the surface of the counters. Suddenly a small black haired boy with big green eyes ran into the room, he looked to be only three years old and was covered with bruises. It only took a minute to realize that this was Harry. His mouth dropped open as the little boy pushed a chair across the room and up to the sink that was filled with a whole bunch of dirty dishes.

Harry's eyes furrowed in concentration as he reached forward to turn the sink on. He put the plug in and squirted some dish soap, and then started scrubbing. Severus didn't think he'd ever seen a faster dish scrubber in his whole life, but after about ten minutes a skinny woman, who Severus identified as Petunia, came in and walked up to the boy.

"Hurry up, Freak, your uncle will be home in five minutes." She hissed, then quickly left the room. When she was gone Harry picked up the pace and mumbled, "Name Hawwy" to himself, then looked over his shoulder to make sure nobody heard him.

Five minutes later Harry was just finishing his last plate when a huge, purple faced man came rushing in.

"Why haven't you finished, Freak?" He asked, slapping Harry across the face. As Harry picked himself up off the floor he mumbled something. Severus could see the fear etched on his face, but there was also anger and determination.

"What was that, Freak?" Vernon asked, his eyes narrowing.

"Said, name Hawwy." Harry said a bit louder. "No Fweak."

"Who told you that?" Vernon growled.

"Mummy tell Hawwy. Say 'wuv hawwy' den gween wite." Harry said and Severus felt his heart clench, the child could remember his mother's death. "Name Hawwy, mummy say." Harry looked very determined with his arms folded across his little chest. Vernon made a very animalistic growl and picked Harry up by the front of his shirt, then he pinned him against the wall.

"You listen here, Freak." Vernon growled in Harry's face. "Your parents were Freaks, you are a Freak, so therefor; your name is Freak."

"Name Hawwy!" Harry said, tears falling down his face. "Mummy say wuv Hawwy!"

"Nobody loves you, because you're a little Freak." Vernon said, bringing his face closer. "You an ugly little Freak that should have been shot the moment I saw you on my doorstep. You're not worth the air or space. You're not worth the food that we give you out of Dudley's mouth, and you certainly aren't worth clothes. You. Are. Worthless." Vernon then let go of Harry, causing him to hit the ground with a 'thud'.

Vernon was about to walk away, but then turned back to Harry and kicked him hard in the side. Harry crumpled over, gasping in pain. "From now on," said Vernon, "I don't want to hear you talk. You aren't good enough to talk, and I never want to hear your worthless voice again. Get into your cupboard."

Pain filled Harry's face, emotional and physical, as he picked himself up off the floor and he walked down the hall and went into a cupboard under the stairs. The scene started disappearing as the door shut, locking Harry in lonely darkness.

Severus blinked in shock at what he'd seen in Harry's mind. Currently Harry was curled up in a ball on the floor, crying and shaking. Severus was still in shock when he reached forward and pulled the frightened boy into his arms.

"It's alright, Harry.' He murmured as Harry tried to get away.

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Freak didn't know who was touching him, he was too scared to open his eyes and see, in fear it would be Uncle Vernon coming to take him away. Freak tried to get away from the arms, but it was no good, whoever was holding him said, "It's alright, Harry." Harry…

"No! Name Fweak!" Freak cried, trying to get away.

"No, your name is Harry." The voice said. Harry…

"Fweak. No name. On'y Fweak!" Freak sobbed. He knew there would be punishment if he said he was Harry.

"Shh Harry…" The voice said soothingly. Freak just cried harder and started fighting to get away again. He knew this game. Uncle Vernon would pretend to be nice, and then he would just beat him, making him feel stupid for believing that anybody could be nice to a Freak.

Suddenly he felt hands pull his head back a bit and his lips were forced open. Freak tried to move his head to the side, but it wasn't any good, a cold liquid filled his mouth. He tried to spit it out, but his body seemed to have other ideas as he immediately swallowed it. Soon everything started fading and he started getting weak, then everything was gone.

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Severus was on the floor, holding the limp boy in his arms. It was still a shock to him. He knew something was wrong with Harry's home life, but he hadn't imagined that. Finally he shook his head and stood, still holding Harry in his arms, and set him carefully on the bed. After tucking him in, Severus turned around to find Poppy staring at him with tears in her eyes.

"Come to my office." She said, then turned and left. Severus sighed and followed her, right now all he wanted to do was go back to his room and think.

"Please sit." Poppy said once they entered the office. Severus plopped down in the chair and sighed again. It seemed he was in that office more often than not.

"What happened?" She asked softly. Severus closed his eyes for a moment, then began telling the story of what he'd seen from the moment he entered Harry's mind, until he left. When he was done, Poppy gasped, "Oh Merlin!"

"Oh Merlin is right." Severus said rubbing his eyes. "I will be having a conversations with the headmaster tonight. Maybe now that we have proof he'll remove Mr. Potter from that place."

"I hope so, that's so terrible." Poppy said. "How is it that you were able to see memories now, but not before?"

"I haven't a clue." Severus said, "I've never seen anything like it. Did I mention there is another door?" Poppy shook her head. "It had 'May' carved on it along with flowers."

"I wonder what that could mean…" Poppy murmured.

"I don't know," said Severus. "It seems I have some research to do as well."