Shattered Illusions Chapter Fifteen : Halloween and Trolls

A couple of weeks later things were looking up brightly for Harry. He had speech lessons with Professor Snape a couple of nights a week and his speech was improving greatly, but still had some work to be done. About once a week Harry would sit in Professor Snape's office for about an hour and they would talk. There was nothing specific they talked about, the topic seemed to change every time and it reminded Harry kind of therapy. Snape said that it was kind of like that but Harry found that he didn't mind so much, he trusted Snape.

That was a thing Harry thought was odd. Snape seemed to hate him completely before, but then changed one day. Literally. It seemed that the changes were overnight. Snape still insulted his intelligence and called him names, but the words didn't have nearly the venom that they used to, so it was ok. Sometimes, Harry even liked it. He didn't know why, but it sometimes made him feel warm inside.

For some reason it had always been important for Harry to gain Snape's attention. No matter what hurtful words he had said to Harry, Harry always wanted to do his best to impress him, to get Snape to like him. It always had hurt when he would try really hard on a potion, and Snape would come up and vanish it with some remarks on how terrible it was. Harry was glad that it wasn't like that anymore, but it seemed the only reason Snape started being nice was because he was so injured. Because he was such a…Freak…

That nagged at Harry almost every session and he wanted to bring it up, he wanted to know if Snape pitied him and that was the only reason he accepted Harry was a ward, or if Snape really wanted him. But at the same time he wasn't sure if he really wanted to know, sometimes the truth hurt more than lies.

One Saturday evening during a speech lesson Harry's curiosity got the better of him and he had to bring it up...

Snape sat at his desk waiting patiently for Harry to arrive for lessons, the boy was a little bit late but Severus didn't mind. Normally he would be ready to berate the boy as soon as he entered the room, but lately he couldn't bring himself to do it. Harry seemed to be softening his heart quicker than he thought possible, there was just something about the child…

Severus had scolded himself over and over again for seeing James Potter instead of Harry, in the process ignoring Harry's pain and even adding to it. He wondered how Harry could even stand to be in the same room with Severus after what he had done, but wasn't going to complain much.

Harry was actually a pretty decent kid. Before Harry entered Hogwarts, Severus had thought he would be spoiled, arrogant, and obnoxious. But he wasn't any of those things. Harry was just an attention starved child with a lot of heart, even if he did wear it on his sleeve.

Suddenly a timid knock brought him out of his thoughts and Severus frowned a bit. After all the weeks of coming down on a fairly regular basis, Harry was still really nervous. But that knock sounded more nervous than usual. Was it a different student? A message bearing Hufflepuff perhaps? Just to be safe he put a sneer on his face and said in a dark voice, "Enter." He couldn't ruin his reputation if it was someone other than Harry. There was a slight hesitation as the door opened and Harry entered looking anxious. Severus lost his smirk and schooled his expression into a more neutral one.

"Come in, Harry." Severus said, motioning towards the chair in front of his desk. Harry's eyes flickered towards him and then away again as Harry carefully lowered himself into his chair.

"Are you alright Harry? You look a little nervous." Severus said.

"I'm f-fine, s-sir." Harry said quietly.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, s-sir." Harry said, smiling lightly. Severus could tell that the smile didn't reach his eyes, but he didn't say any more on it.

"Shall we start then?" Severus questioned, Harry nodded.

"Alright, for starters I think we should go over what we've already been practicing." Severus said leaning forward a bit. "You're stuttering has gotten a lot better, but you still have trouble with most r's."

"Yes, s-sir." Harry said, he really hated r's.

"Let's start with your name, it was two r's." Severus suggested. "Harry." Harry's eye brows furrowed in concentration.

"Hawwy." Harry stated, then blushed.

"Harry."

"Hawwy."

"Harrrrrrrry." Severus said carrying out the r's. Harry looked frustrated as he tried again, still not getting it.

"Here, just try the r's alone." Severus said. "rrrrr…"

"rrrrrr…" Harry repeated, then smiled as he got it.

"Good, now just apply that to your name." Severus said, smiling a bit.

"Haw…Har-ry." Harry stated proudly.

"Very good, Harry." Severus said, "I knew you could do it." May beamed up at Severus proudly.

"Thank you, sir." May smiled, Severus nodded and began thinking. He should come up with a sentence for Harry to say, to practice with the r's.

"Now I'd like you to try to say, 'Harry runs around the rock'" Severus said, not being able to think of anything better. May nodded.

"Harry runs around the rock." She stated, Severus almost fell out of his chair.

"Harry, that was perfect!" he exclaimed, "I thought you had problems with r's!" May looked confused.

"Why would I have problems with r's, sir?" May questioned. Severus stared at May in confusion and wonder.

"What's wrong?" May asked, looking a little more confused.

"Just a couple of minutes ago you still had problems with talking, Harry." Severus stated, narrowing his eyes.

"Why do you keep calling me that?" May asked.

"Calling you what?" Severus asked.

"Harry." May stated. Severus blinked stupidly and continued to stare.

"It's your name, is it not?" Severus then asked. May shook her head, smiling sweetly.

"What's your name then, if not Harry?" Severus' eyes narrowed again as he looked at May.

"Well, I'm May." She said like it was completely obvious.

"What? No, you're Harry." Severus stated, but as he did so he noticed something about the child sitting in front of him. May had her legs more together and he hands were folded neatly in her lap, her back was straight. Harry never sat like that. He was normally hunched over and usually had his hands placed under his thighs.

"No, I'm May." May said, "Harry's sleeping." Suddenly she got a panicked look on her face, as if she had spilled some dirty secret that nobody was to know. Concern covered Severus' face.

"Sleeping? What do you mean?" Severus demanded. "No, wait here for a minute, I'll be right back." He got up and quickly went to the floo to get Poppy. Poppy quickly gathered her medical bag and went to Severus' office, he had sounded quite urgent and he never really sounded quite like that.

When she stepped through the floo Severus quickly went up to her.

"Something is wrong with Harry." Severus said, then began to tell her everything that happened and what he'd learned about May. By the time he was finished Poppy had a thoughtful look on her face.

"Let me examine him." She said. They entered the office to find Harry stretching in his chair. He turned around and looked at them.

"I-I'm s-sorry s-sir." Harry said, his face turning red. "I m-must have f-fallen a…asleep." Severus shot a look at Poppy.

"Oh, h-hi Ma…Madam P-Pomfrey." Harry said.

"Hello dear." She said coming forward. She placed her hands on his forehead and cheeks to feel his temperature. "You say you fell asleep?"

"I th-think s-so m-ma'am." Harry said. Poppy made a humming noise in her throat as she pulled out her wand and began examining him. It didn't take long and when she finished she gave him a green sucker and asked Severus to step out with her.

"What were the results, Poppy?" Severus asked once the door was shut.

"The same as always, Severus." Poppy sighed. "But I've been thinking, we've talked to many mind healers and read every book we could find and still haven't found out what is wrong with Harry."

"What are you saying?" Severus questioned, "That there is nothing wrong?"

"No, I just think that we are looking in the wrong places." Poppy said, "I think we might start looking in the muggle world." Suddenly realization struck Severus.

"Why didn't I think of that?" Severus asked, mostly to himself. "Makes perfect sense…I'll be down to the hospital wing tonight so we can discuss this."

"That sounds perfect." Poppy said, "I'll see you then." She turned and quickly left through the floo. Severus shook his head and turned around to enter his office. Harry was sitting there quietly looking forward, his sucker was lying on Severus' desk and he noticed that Harry had a sad look upon his face.

"Harry?" Severus asked gently, taking his seat in front of him. "You had that look when you got here, what's bothering you?" Harry's eyes flickered up to meet Severus', then he looked away quickly. Harry took a deep breath through his nose and clamped his bottom lip between his teeth; Severus reached forward and carefully pulled the abused lip out.

"Something's bothering you, Harry." Severus said. Harry nodded his head.

"W-why did y-you w-want me as a w-ward?" Harry blurted. Severus was taken aback a bit.

"You needed somewhere to go." Severus said, then realized by the way Harry's face fell it wasn't the right thing to say. But Severus didn't know what else to say, it was why he took Harry after all. The child needed somewhere to go, somebody to care for him, and Severus could provide that for him.

"Harry?" Severus murmured, reaching forward and placing his hand on his shoulder.

"S-so y-you didn't we…weally w-want me?" Harry asked. "W-was it 'cause y-you felt bad?"

"I wouldn't have taken you in if I hadn't wanted you." Severus said quietly. "If I hadn't wanted you, not even Albus Dumbledore could have made me take you." Harry didn't look like he believed Snape, but nodded anyway.

"Harry." Severus sighed. "I care about you. I saw that you needed somewhere to go, and since I care about you, I decided that I would take you in. I really do want you as my ward." Harry looked up hopefully and a small smile appeared on his lips.

"Weally?" he asked, his big green eyes pleading.

"Of course." Severus replied.

"Th-thank you." Harry said quietly, his face turning red.

"Not a problem Harry." Severus said, "If you ever need to talk I'll be right here to listen." Harry nodded.

"M-may I g-go s-sir?" Harry asked. At Severus' nod Harry grinned and hopped off his chair and quickly left the room. Severus shook his head with a small smile on his face, then he leaned over and began grading papers.

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A couple of days later it was Halloween night and all of the students and teachers were in the great hall eating every wizarding sweet imaginable. Well, most. Severus sneered around the room in disgust as students and teacher a like stuffed their faces, he wouldn't be caught dead acting like that. He looked back down at his plate and elegantly cut off a piece of apple pie. Turning his eyes back to the students he placed the piece of pie in his mouth and surveyed the room.

His eyes first fell on Draco Malfoy, who seemed to be staring over at the Gryffindor table with a somewhat sad expression on his face. Severus followed his gaze, which landed on Harry Potter. Severus knew that Draco had been trying to win Harry's friendship, ever since he had made Harry cry that day in the corridors; Severus had wondered how it had been going, but he just realized by the look on Draco's face that he hadn't been successful.

Severus frowned when he saw Harry, his expression was just as sad as Draco's, and for a moment he wondered why. But then he realized what day it was and felt a pang of guilt and sorrow. Harry's parents had died on Halloween all those years ago. His Lily. Disgusted with himself, Severus put down his fork. He couldn't believe he had forgotten. Albus had said that it would get easier over time, but it wasn't supposed to be this easy. He still loved Lily, but thinking about her didn't hurt as much as it used to.

Severus was ashamed with himself. First he had gotten Lily killed, and if that wasn't bad enough, he forgot about her. He didn't have much time to continue his guilt and sorrow as Quirrell came flying through the door yelling about a troll in the dungeons.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

Harry was sitting at the Gryffindor table across from Ron, who was stuffing his face. Harry poked at the cake in front of him but didn't eat any. He didn't like Halloween, ever since he found out how his parents died and when. He sure as heck didn't feel like celebrating.

Harry didn't understand his feeling, it's not as though he actually knew his parents. They had died when he was still a baby and he couldn't remember anything about them. Suddenly the doors to the great hall burst open and Quirrell came running in.

"Troll! In the dungeons!" He shouted, running by Harry. Harry gritted his teeth as his scar suddenly burst with pain. It happened a lot lately but Harry learned how to get through it without so much of a flinch. "Just thought you ought to know…" Quirrell said and promptly fell over unconscious. It was like a light switch, everybody suddenly shot out of their seat and started screaming, Ron included. Harry was scared, but he didn't scream like the others. He got to his feet shakily and went over to Ron, who was trying to push through everyone else. Dumbledore's voice then boomed through the Great Hall, making everyone stop. He told everyone to follow their prefects and the prefects to lead everyone to their common rooms.

Harry and Ron were following the crowed of Gryffindors when Harry froze. Hermione wasn't with them. Ron had hurt her feelings before the feast and she had gone off by herself, he had heard some girls talking about how she was crying in the bathroom. He realized that she must still be there and she didn't know about the troll.

"Wo…R-on." Harry said grabbing his arm.

"What is it Harry?" Ron asked, "We have to get going."

"H-Her...Hermione!" He exclaimed, "Sh-she d-don't k-know! Th-the t-troll!" Harry fought back tears. He wasn't sure where they came from. Maybe from being embarrassed about his stuttering suddenly getting worse, or maybe it was from fear for his friend.

"Oh Merlin!" Ron exclaimed, "It'll get her! We have to find her!" Harry bit his lip and stood on his tip toes, he was trying to see over everybody to find a prefect. He was sure that he should let somebody know, after all, what could they do? They were only first years. To Harry's disappointment, all the prefects had already past and were too far away, they would have to go by themselves.

With confidence that Harry didn't know he had, he grabbed Ron's hand and started running. Together they pushed through the large mass of students, getting knocked over a couple of times but they quickly picked themselves up and kept going.

Finally they made it through the people and Harry sucked in a large breath of air. He didn't much like crowds for some reason, they frightened him. He didn't pause long though, before he was pulling Ron behind him again.

It didn't take long before they were in the corridor that lead to the bathroom that they were sure Hermione was in. They were about to make a run for the bathroom when the floor suddenly shook. Ron grabbed Harry's shirt and threw him into the corner roughly and then backed himself in as well.

Harry blinked away the dizziness, he had hit his head on the wall when Ron had thrown him and was about to scold Ron, but then was glad that he had done it. Seconds later a huge troll stomped past them, dragging a club behind it. Harry's eyes widened at the sight of it, he had never seen a troll before, he barely even knew what it was.

Now that Harry had seen it, his courage seemed to die a bit. That is, until the troll entered the bathroom and there was a terrified scream from within. Harry shot Ron a look and bolted from the corner, ignoring the protests that Ron gave. Even as he was protesting, Ron still ran after Harry, making Harry smile a little bit.

When they entered the bathroom they stopped in their tracks. Hermione was crawling across the floor, trying not to be seen by the troll, but failing. It spotted her just as she hid under the sink and Harry watched in horror as the troll raised its club.

"Hermione!" Ron shouted, horror in his voice as well. "Get away from there!" Hermione started crawling away in terror, nearly missing the huge club. All over the room the toilettes and stalls were all destroyed, the sinks that had been smashed had water continually shooting out of the broken pipes.

"H-HEY!" Harry shouted as loud as he could suddenly. He bent down and picked up a chunk of wood and flung it at the monster. It hit him in the back but it didn't seem to notice as it continued to look for Hermione. Ron looked at Harry, then bent down and picked up a chunk of wood and together, they threw things at it, shouting insults.

Unexpectedly, it spotted Hermione and raised its club with such quickness that shouldn't be possible for a troll. Harry ran forward, his reflexes amazingly quick, and jumped to attach himself to the club. Harry wasn't sure what he was thinking as he'd done it, but he regretted it as soon as the troll swung. His hands were sweaty and he lost his grip, falling and landing on the troll's neck. Without even thinking he wrapped his arms around the troll's head and held on for dear life; Harry closed his eyes to try to settle his stomach. Not only was the troll's stench just dreadful, that ride he had just taken on the trolls club made his stomach flip uncomfortably.

It didn't help matters when the troll, confused, started swinging his head around to see what was on its shoulders. He almost lost his grip on the troll and his wand went up the trolls nose, making it sneeze. Harry wanted to open his eyes to see what was going on, but he couldn't. He was sure if he did he would throw up, and he didn't want that. Suddenly something grasped his ankle and in half a second his heart started beating more wild than before and his breath came quicker. All he could hear was the rushing of his blood through his ears as he was pulled away from the troll's shoulders and hung upside down.

"Wo..R-Ron! D-do s-s-something!" Harry shouted, feeling sick. The troll tightened his grip and Harry heard his ankle snap, he cried out in pain and was forced to pull his body up as the troll swung.

"What?" Ron asked, looking around stupidly. The troll raised his club again, Harry moaned in pain as he dodged again.

"A-Anything!" Harry shouted. Ron looked determined as he pulled out his wand and pointed it.

"Swish and flick!" Hermione shouted out. She had been so quiet during the whole ordeal that Harry had almost forgotten about her. Ron nodded determinedly.

"Wingardium Leviosa!" Ron called, swishing and flicking. The club suddenly halted in midair, then fell, hitting the troll on the head. Harry was dropped. Landing funny on his arm Harry bit back a scream and scrambled away as the troll fell forward. Harry, Ron and Hermione all sighed in relief and Harry crawled forward to retrieve his wand. He pulled it out and looked at it with disgust. It was covered in troll bogies.

Harry stood, putting all his weight on his good foot and started to clean his wand off on his robe. Hermione crawled out from under the sink rather shakily, as footsteps sounded and McGonagall, Snape, and Dumbledore showed up. Harry looked up into their faces. Dumbledore looked rather happy for some reason, McGonagall looked startled by the way she had her hand over her heart, and Snape looked…well, Harry couldn't really tell what Snape looked like. Snape looked worried, but at the same time he looked murderous.

"Wha-What…Explain yourselves!" McGonagall demanded. Harry and Ron shared a look and they both started to stutter an excuse. It was Hermione who cut in.

"It was my fault, professor." She said.

"You? How?" McGonagall asked, still flustered.

"I went looking for the troll." Hermione said quietly. "I read about them and thought I could handle it. Harry and Ron saved me, if they hadn't come I would probably be dead."

"That was incredibly stupid!" McGonagall exclaimed, "Ten points from Gryffindor!" Hermione looked away ashamed. Ron suddenly grabbed Harry's arm to get his attention and nodded towards Snape's leg. Harry looked and saw a huge gash on the man's leg and felt worry creep up. He forgot about the worry though when he looked into the man's face and saw the furious expression. Harry nearly flinched away and bit his lip. Had he ruined his chance at making Snape like him? Did he hate Harry now? Harry didn't even really notice as McGonagall awarded Ron and him five points, the guilt was gnawing at his insides. They were dismissed and Harry stepped forward, forgetting about his ankle and almost cried out. He caught himself though and started walking alone side Ron and Hermione.

"Mr. Potter." Snape growled, "A word if you please." Harry froze. That was the tone Snape used to use when he still hated Harry, he felt tears well up in his eyes.

"We'll see you in the common room, Harry." Hermione said, then leaned forward and hugged Harry. "Thank you for saving me, it was very brave of you." She whispered, then everybody was gone but him and Snape.

"We're going to my office to have a little talk." Snape snapped angrily, then turned and started stalking away. Harry tried his hardest to keep up, but his leg really hurt. About half way there Harry managed to moan, "P-please s-sir. W..wait…" But Snape either didn't hear him, or ignored him. The pain was starting to get to be too much and tears started rolling down his cheeks and he ended up biting his lip so hard it started bleeding.

When they finally made it to Snape's office Snape turned and had to wait for Harry. He was rather impatient, and seemed to not notice Harry's limping. "Hurry up!" Snape growled. Harry ignored the pain and walked faster, finally making it to the door.

Snape then grabbed Harry's arm and hauled him into the office, causing him to trip and fall over onto the floor. That time Harry did moan quietly, too quiet for Snape to hear. Snape stalked in behind him and closed the door, locking it with a spell.

Freak looked up in terror at the anger visibly radiating off the man.