Shattered Illusions Chapter Seventeen: Chess with Snape

"Mr. Potter, a word if you will."

Harry's head snapped over to look at Snape, and shrank back a bit when he realized that he was probably in a lot of trouble. He had disobeyed. Harry had told Snape that he would be careful, and he hadn't been. He hung his head and he walked around his friends to stand in front of the man.

Harry could feel the worried eyes of his friends on his back, so he turned and waved them away. He didn't want them to have to witness it as well. Ron and Hermione had been really reluctant to leave, but the warning look Snape gave sent them running towards the castle.

"Don't look so pitiful, Harry." Snape said once they were gone, "I'm only taking you to the hospital wing for a checkup. That was a nasty fall that you had." Harry looked up and searched the professor's face. He didn't see the anger he expected, instead was a bit of worry.

It was a nice feeling, Harry decided. Having somebody worry about him made him feel warm inside, It was something he didn't really know how to explain. It made him smile, though.

Harry then wondered what sort of punishment he would get for disobeying and his smile vanished. Snape had said that he wouldn't hurt him and Harry didn't think he would, but there was always a possibility for anything, right? Harry took a deep breath and told himself that Snape was only taking him to the hospital wing, but he was still nervous.

It didn't take long for them to arrive at the hospital wing. When they entered, Snape pointed to Harry's regular bed and told him to sit down while he went to go get Poppy. Harry hated the hospital, it smelled funny and he was tired of the itchy sheets and white walls. He'd been in there so much that Harry never wanted to come back, but he knew that was unreasonable. There was bound to be accidents even if he was really careful from now on.

"Back again, Mr. Potter?" Pomfrey asked as she came into the room, "What's wrong this time?"

"F-Fell o-off…off m-my br-broom." Harry stated, then chanced a glance at his guardian.

"It was quite the nasty fall, tell Poppy how you managed it." Snape said, crossing his arms over his chest. His face was an unreadable mask, but Harry could tell that Snape wasn't all that happy, he even looked a bit disappointed. He looked down ashamed.

"I s-s-st…stood o-on m-my br…broom. I g-got t-too c-cl-close to th-the e-end and I t-t-tumbled." Harry said, not looking up. He didn't want to see their expressions, whether they were angry or disappointed, both were pretty bad.

"Why ever would you do that?" Pomfrey questioned, shaking her head and waving her wand all over Harry's body.

"W-Wanted t-to c-ca…c-catch the s-sn-snitch." Harry mumbled.

"Did you?"

"Y-yeah!" Harry's face lit up for a moment, but then his excitement died down when he saw Snape's scowl. "B-but it d-don't m-ma…don't ma-matter…"

"Oh?" Pomfrey asked, halting her movement. "Why's that?"

"I-I w-was b-bad, and I d-d-dis…disobeyed." Harry said sadly. "S-Sn-Snape's g-gonna p-pun…punish m-me n-now."

"What?" Pomfrey exclaimed. "Did he say that?" Harry's brows came together as he thought. He didn't recall if Snape actually said he would punish Harry or not, he hadn't had he? Well, Snape didn't have to say it, did he? Punishments always came after you disobey, everybody knew that.

"Severus, did you threaten to punish him?" Pomfrey asked when Harry hadn't answered.

"No," said Severus. "Harry, where did you get an idea like that?"

"W-well, I w-was b-bad. D-does…doesn't th-that m-mean you'll p-punish m-me?" Harry asked confused.

"I did not like the stunt you pulled, but I understand that there are certain risks when playing a sport such as quidditch. I can hardly punish you for playing your part." Severus said, looking slightly uncomfortable.

"Oh…" was all Harry could say. He had been sure he'd get punished, even if it was just writing lines or something.

"Well, I believe that you're free to go, then." Pomfrey said. "You are absolutely fine, just a couple of bumps and bruises. You do need to be more careful in the future, though. I don't want you back here for a long while."

"Y-yes m-ma'am." Harry said, hopping off the bed. Severus put his hand on Harry's shoulder and started to lead him out.

"Thank you Poppy, you can never be too sure when it comes to quidditch injuries." He said, closing the door behind him.

"Would you like to go celebrate with your friends, or would you like to come back with me to my office?" Severus asked. Harry smiled; his guardian was so nice, offering to spend time with him even after all the bad things he had done.

"M-may I g-go w-with y-you?" Harry asked sheepishly.

"Of course. I wouldn't have offered if I didn't want you with me." Snape said as he raised his eye brow, he started to walk down the corridor. "You should know that."

"Y-Yeah." Was all Harry said as he practically skipped behind his guardian. For some reason, he felt like the luckiest boy in the world.

On the way down to the dungeons Harry received quite a few compliments on catching the snitch as well as quite a few dirty look, mostly from the Slytherins. Harry didn't mind though, they had won and he wasn't about to let a couple of Slytherins mess it up.

When they reached Snape's office he held the door open for Harry before entering himself. Harry looked around the office, it was still the same as the last time he'd been there. It never changed, much to Harry's delight. He didn't like changes, especially if they were big.

"What are you smiling about?" Severus grumped.

"Th-The w-r…r-room." Harry said, still smiling, "I-It h-hasn't…hasn't ch-changed." Harry watched as Snape looked around the room, his eyebrow raised.

"Had you expected it to?" Snape questioned.

"N-no." Harry shook his head. "W-wa-was j-just g-gl…glad that i-it d-did…it didn't." Snape seemed to accept that answer because he inclined his head and motioned for Harry to sit down in the chair in front of the desk.

Harry bounded over and plopped down, Snape on the other hand, walked calmly over to his chair and gracefully sat down.

"Do you know how to play chess, Harry?" Snape questioned. Harry smiled, he did know how to play, just not very well.

"R-Ron's b-b-been t-tea…teaching me," Harry said, "W-why?"

"I thought maybe we could play a couple games, maybe have a small talk." Snape said and at Harry's nod, summoned the chess board. They quietly started setting the pieces and then Snape made the first move. The first couple of moves were done in silence, but Harry didn't mind. It was still nice to be spending time together.

"So how are you classes getting along?" Snape finally asked. Harry finished his move before looking up.

"F-Fine." Harry said. "H-Her…Hermi…H-Hermione h-helps m-me a lot."

"She doesn't do it for you, does she?" Snape asked, his brow raised.

"N-Nope." Harry said. "Sh-she o-only h-helps m-me st-study and sh-shows me h-how to…to d-do th-things." It was true, Hermione had helped Harry so much, and Ron too. He felt so lucky to have such great friends, he didn't know what he would do without them.

Hermione had devoured all the books on sign language the school had and had been teaching both Ron and himself, they still used it on a daily basis. She also showed Harry how to take effective notes and helped him study all the time. Ron had showed Harry and Hermione how to write with the quill, he also taught both of them how to play chess. Sometimes what they taught didn't stick with him though, or he didn't remember learning it.

"I-I c-ca…can't l-learn th-though." Harry frowned. "I t-take n-no…take notes a-and s-s-st-study, b-but n-no…none o-of it s-sticks."

"What do you mean?" Snape asked, moving his queen and putting Harry in check mate. "Last time I checked your grades were decent."

"It's s-st-st…strange." Harry said. "S-s-some…sometimes I d-d-don't w-re-remember w-writing m-my e…essays, b-but th-they're al…always th-there. S-sometimes I d-don…don't w-r…re-remember s-s-sitting in c-class either, b-but I…I'll h-h-have n-notes w-written b-but it's d-different."

"It's different? How so?" Snape asked curiously, giving Harry all of his attention.

"W-Well, i-it l-looks d-different. S-Sometime it d-does…d-doesn't l-look l-l-like m-my ch-chicken s-scratch. S-s-sometimes I t-t-take n-n-notes a-and th-the n-n-next d-day w-when I go to s-st-study it-its r-rewritten n-neater a-and w-w-with m-more d-d-details b-but I d-don't r-remember d-doing it. H-Her..H-Hermione s-sa-says it m-me th-though, I j-just d-don't 'member." By the time Harry had finished his face was red and he was breathing hard. It was a lot to say all at once, and honestly, it worried him to an extent.

"Alright, calm down Harry." Snape said, reaching forward to touch his arm. "It's alright, we'll figure it out. For now, how about another game?" Harry nodded slowly. He was such a Freak. Really, why couldn't he just be normal?

Half way through their second game Harry started wondering. What would happen if he told his friends that Snape was his guardian? Would they still be friends with him? He wanted to tell them, he was sick of having to pretend to hate Snape all the time. He was tired of Ron insulting Snape and him having to just sit there and listen.

"C-Can I t-t-tell th-them?" Harry suddenly asked.

"Tell who what?" Snape wondered.

"R-Ron a-and H-He…Hermione th-that y-you're m-my g-guardian." Harry said looking away. He knew Snape was going to say no, he should have realized that before he opened his mouth. Snape was probably embarrassed to have him as a ward.

"Harry, I don't know if that's such a good idea…" Snape said softly.

"I k-kn…know. I-I'm s-s-sorry." Harry said sadly. He heard Snape sigh.

"You don't have to be sorry, it's just not a good idea because Dumbledore might find out." Snape said.

"Th-they w-w-won't t-tell th-though." Harry protested. "I d-don't w-w-want t-to k-keep ly-lying."

They sat there for a couple of minutes in silence. Snape was staring at Harry, making him fidget. Finally Snape sighed and rubbed his eyes with his hands.

"Harry, it's just not a good idea." Snape said. "Dumbledore has ways to find things out, then if he did find out he would find a way to get you taken from me." Harry noticed that Snape actually looked pained at saying that, so he nodded and accepted the answer. Now that he did think about it, Snape was right. He just didn't want to lie anymore, it felt so wrong.

"Do you want to play one more game?" Snape asked. "Then you can go to supper with your friends after." Harry nodded and helped set up the board.

As they played the game Harry wondered if this is what having a dad would feel like. He hadn't really thought about it all that much before, but being with Snape made him feel warm inside. He wondered what would happen if he happened to call Snape 'dad' or 'father'. He really didn't know how Snape would react, and he didn't really want to find out.

'Dad' and 'father' somehow don't sound right though. Maybe because Snape really wasn't his father, no matter how much Harry wished otherwise. He would just have to stick with calling him 'sir' and 'Professor Snape'.

The game ended pretty quickly, Snape winning of course. Harry had been distracted though, and he figured by the way Snape was looking at him that he had noticed.

"You seem distracted Harry." Snape said as if reading Harry's mind. Harry wouldn't put it past him, but then he remembered that Snape couldn't get into his mind.

"M-may…maybe a l-little." Harry said shrugging. He hoped Snape would just drop it, but of course he hoped wrong.

"What is it?" Snape asked.

"Oh…I-it's n-no…n-nothing, r-really." Harry responded. Snape raised an eyebrow and Harry knew he had to say it. He couldn't lie, not to his guardian.

"W-w-well I o-only w-won…w-wondered if th-this is w-what h-ha-having a d-d-dad w-was l-like." Harry said, turning as red as a tomato. He was so embarrassed. What must Snape think of him now? Nobody said anything for a while. Harry finally got curious and looked up at the man sitting in front of him.

"Is-" Snape cleared his throat. "Is that what you want?" Harry stared for a moment, obviously he'd heard wrong. It sounded as if Snape was asking if Harry wanted him as a dad.

"I-I'm s-sorry." Harry said. He didn't know if Snape was seriously asking him or not, he didn't know what was going on. Apologizing seemed like a good thing to do.

"Why are you apologizing?" Snape asked. Harry thought for a moment, then shrugged. Why had he apologized?

"S-sou-sounded r-right." Harry stated.

"So, is that what you want?" Snape questioned. "Me to be your dad?"

"It's n-not p-pos…possible th-though." Harry said. "M-my d-dad's d-dead."

"There are adoptions that can make you more than just my ward." Snape said. "Think about it. For now, go to supper with your friends."

"Okay." Harry said. "S-See y-you l-later." He turned and left the room, quickly making his way down to the Great Hall. His friends were already there when he got to his spot, so he said a quick hello and sat down.

"Where did that old bat take you?" Ron asked as soon as Harry began filling his plate.

"Ron!" Snapped Hermione, but looked at Harry expectantly.

"T-to th-the h-hosp…hospital wing. Th-then w-we pl-played ch-chess f-for a w-while."

"Harry! You played chess with that greasy snake?" Ron asked.

"H-H-he's n-no…n-not g-gr…g-gr-easy!" Harry yelled, a couple plates suddenly shattered. Ron stared at Harry in shock while Hermione looked from the shattered plates and back at Harry. Others were beginning to look over in curiosity.

"Not greasy?" Ron scoffed. "Have you seen his hair? I bet he never showers!" Harry could feel his face burning, his eyes filling with tears. He didn't know why it was affecting him so much, it wasn't as if Ron was saying it all about him after all.

"Ron, stop." Hermione said, seeming to notice Harry's discomfort. "It's alright Harry, we don't really mind who you play with chess with, even if we don't understand it. You'd tell us if he hurt you though, right?"

"H-H…He w-w-would…wouldn't." Harry said, his breath hitching.

"I just don't understand, Harry." Ron said. "he's so mean to you, why do you want to be with him and not us?" Harry didn't know how to respond. Snape had said that it wasn't a good idea to tell about the situation, but he didn't want to lie.

"I D…don-don't w-w…wan…want to t-t-talk a-about it r-r-right now." Harry mumbled, picking up his fork. Hermione shot a look at Ron, and then picked up her own fork.

"It's alright Harry, you don't have to talk about it right now if you don't want." Hermione said. "Let's just eat some food, I'm famished." Harry nodded, but he wasn't hungry at all. He pushed the food around on his plate for a while before giving up and excusing himself. His friends looked worried, but Harry didn't seem to care all that much. He was exhausted.

Harry wondered aimlessly around the school for about an hour before he came across a giant window overlooking the grounds. Hogwarts was beautiful, Harry decided. He knew it before, but he never actually really looked at it.

"Hey, Potter." A voice said, startling Harry. He turned to find Draco standing behind him.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Draco asked, coming to stand next to Harry. Harry nodded, but didn't say anything. Draco looked at Harry, and then out the window. No words were exchanged, none were needed.