Chapter 15

When there was a knock on Rin's door and Nagisa's loud voice calling for them, Rin's first reaction was an extreme need to bite the blonde's head off. But Nagisa's next sentence effectively froze all thoughts of violence.

"Gou chan just left to see Mako chan and we decided to throw her a surprise birthday party, so hurry up and come out you two!" The only word that actually registered was 'birthday' and Rin groaned loudly. Holy fucking- how could he forget his own sister's birthday?! After everything he made her go through?! He groaned again and ran his fingers through his hair in frustration. A hand caught his wrist.

"Rin?" Rin looked down at the teen still lying beneath him. Just the sight of Haruka's confused and clouded expression made all thoughts rush out of his head. He dipped down and slipped his tongue into the other's open mouth. Haruka moaned loudly and a jolt shot through Rin's body. He pulled back and looked down wide-eyed. He thought for a second that he had hurt the other, but the look of raw need on Haruka's face got him turning red again. Rin swallowed. This wasn't the time for this shit. It was his sister's birthday and they were arranging a surprise party for her and Haru's lips were pink and swollen from their kiss and he looked so edible-

Rin suddenly sat up and threw his legs over the edge of the bed. He needed to get his mind under control. Things were spinning down hill too fast and he needed to grab onto something before he hit rock bottom. Standing up, he made towards the door.

"Let's go Haru. Kou will be back soon." As Rin walked out, he failed to notice the look of confusion, bewilderment and hurt at suddenly being abandoned come over Haruka's face.

The party had been quite successful, if he said so himself and Kou actually had smiled after over two days. That didn't change the fact that he still needed to apologize to her and have a nice long heart to heart with her. He cringed at the thought. Then his heart – as well as his mood – fell when he realized there was another person he needed to have a heart to heart with. So he wasn't surprised when his door slowly opened and someone stepped in.

"Rin.." Haruka slowly sat down on the bed beside Rin's head. Rin kept his eyes closed and didn't bother replying. Again several uncomfortable moments of silence passed. Then Haruka moved and the mattress shifted under Rin's head. When he opened his eyes, he started and would've moved away, if it weren't for Haruka's hands coming down to caress his face. Rin's breath hitched as he stared up into blue eyes. Haruka had placed his legs on either side of Rin and was bending over the other so their faces were inches apart. Rin watched as Haruka's lips moved to form his name.

"Rin.." It was just a whisper and on top of that just his name, but colour rushed to Rin's face. He swallowed once. He swallowed again and finally opened his mouth, not trusting himself to talk.

"Wh-What is it Haru?" He rasped, his voice breaking in the end. Haruka didn't seem to notice. Or if he did, he didn't react.

"I don't know. You tell me. What is this?" Haruka moved his shoulders, indicating the situation they were in right now, that was a result of what had happened a couple of hours ago. Rin found a lump form in his throat. His brain was screaming and his mind was screaming and Rin knew he had to get away before it was too late-

Haruka blinked and every single thought vanished from his head, as Rin stared into those deep blue eyes. Rin found himself drowning in those eyes that were as vast as the ocean. He found that he couldn't escape from the tight grasp of their watery depths. And then ah, he realized why he had been running away from Haru all his life. It wasn't because he had lost, nor was it because unless he beat Haru he couldn't move on, it was because he was afraid of getting trapped by those eyes. He knew that once he looked into them, he couldn't look away. He'd remain trapped in those blue, blue eyes. He let out a ragged breath and his body shuddered. He couldn't do this anymore. He couldn't run away anymore. Now that he had fallen, there was no way of escape. This is exactly why he hadn't stopped his ego or even held it back. Because he didn't want to lose himself in the depths of Haruka's eyes.

"Rin?" The redhead registered the impatience in the other's voice and with great effort, shut his eyes. He opened them and swallowed the lump in his throat. It didn't go anywhere. He sighed and looked back at the teen sitting above him, cradling Rin's head gently in his lap. Trying not to get trapped in the depths of those blue orbs again, Rin opened his mouth to answer. And then he shut it. He didn't know. He wanted this. He wanted to go back to everything that had been. He wanted to go back to his friends and family. But he didn't want to forgive himself as easily as he knew everyone else would. He didn't have the courage to accept their forgiveness. After all he had done nothing to deserve it. It could be out of pity, obligation, past relationships, whatever. Either ways, he knew he couldn't accept the gentle smile and forgiving eyes without fearing the reason behind them. He almost laughed at how pathetic and frail he sounded. And he really did laugh, when he looked at his reflection in Haruka's eyes. His face was raw with emotion that explicitly conveyed how fragile and insecure he was. If Rin could see himself through Haruka's eyes, Haru definitely could see the same. So what the other did next only mildly surprised him.

Haruka leaned forward and gently pressed his lips against Rin's forehead. Their eyes were perfectly aligned now and Rin could no longer see anything than the feelings that Haruka's honest eyes conveyed to him.

Confusion, longing, need, hope, desperation, irritation and maybe even some affection. Rin watched as Haruka pulled away, ever so slightly and was again drawn to the other's moving lips.

"You haven't answered my question yet." After a long moment of staring at those pink lips with glazed eyes, Rin shut them.

"I don't know Haru." His voice was strangled and he choked on the last word. Haruka shifted over him and Rin felt the warm hands around his face disappear. The lump in his throat grew bigger and his heart felt like lead as he slowly opened his eyes. But Haruka was still there, sitting on his bed – except now he was leaning against the head rest and refusing to look at Rin – waiting impatiently for the other to follow suit. Rin stood up with a groan and settled on the bed. He looked at Haruka with tired eyes and finally the other looked at him. Rin gulped at the fire in Haruka's eyes.

"Rin I'm tired of your games. I don't know what kind of hide and seek you're playing but it isn't fun for me. Because I end up looking for you and waiting for you to come out, but you never do. And when you do, you walk up to me with a big grin, tell me I have to find you again and disappear. I don't want to play this game anymore Rin." Rin watched as Haruka's lips turned up in a pout.

'Oh my god was he always this cute?'

He wiped a hand over his face and sighed. He looked down at his bed covers, his face devoid of any and all emotion.

"What can I say Haru? I don't know. I can apologize for running away, I can promise to stay and fix things, but none if it will erase the fact that I did run away and I did break things. Things that might not be fixable." He added the last sentence as an after thought and his voice had gone so quiet, Haruka had to lean forward to hear him. Rin raised his eyes without lifting his head, so he could look at Haruka through his bangs, but the other couldn't see his face. Haruka's eyes were slowly going wide as realization reflected in them. He suddenly clutched his shirt over where his heart was and looked at Rin with a pained expression.

"You.. You thought we were pitying you.." The words hung heavily in the air. Rin swallowed. The pained expression changed to one of anger and then to – Rin almost cowered in a corner, as he had never seen this expression on Haruka's face before – pure hurt and rage. He leaned forward, grabbed Rin by the collar and snapped him up.

"You actually thought we were pitying you! You thought I came after you because I was pitying you! You thought we went looking for you because we were pitying you! This entire time, you thought we waited for you to come back because-" Rin flinched at how Haruka stressed on the word 'pitying' with so much spite. "-we were pitying you!" His voice was shrill and he loomed over Rin, kneeling on the bed, as he looked down with flashing blue eyes.

"Is that how low you think of us Rin?" Haruka's voice was quiet, barely accusing, but the hurt in the teen's eyes made Rin want to hug the other till everything was forgotten. But of course he couldn't do that. Instead he chose to look away, the shame and guilt contorting his handsome face. Haruka took a shaky breath and let go of Rin. From the corner of his eyes, the redhead watched the other nod slowly and slide off the bed. Without a word Haruka left and Rin watched as he disappeared down the stairs. Several moments later he heard the front door click shut. He swallowed the now apple sized lump in his throat and took his head in his hands. He hadn't expected Haruka to react like that. He seemed to have been hurt by the fact that Rin thought they were so cheap than by the fact that Rin hadn't answered his question and left him hanging. Again. A shaky laugh escaped his lips and even he was surprised at how ragged and shallow his voice sounded. He had successfully done it again. He had successfully hurt Haruka again – this time probably worse than any other time – and he was probably going to do the same to the others when they realized what the blue-eyed teen had. He glared at the ground as hot tears slid down his cheeks. How could he have been so stupid? So utterly and completely idiotic? How could he have not realized this sooner, before he ruined everything? He took another shaky breath to steady himself and watched the tears form dark stains on his pants. He finally realized it. After years of running away. His lips curved into a bitter smile as his hands trembled.

He was in love with Haruka. Had always been in love with Haruka. Since the moment he watched the other boy dive into the water and swim across the surface like he was part of the water and the water was a part of him. Rin laughed darkly. He was in love with Haruka and he probably had broken the other before even confessing to himself about it. Rin always did the wrong things first after all. He sunk to the floor and let the words play around in his head, seeking comfort from them.

He was in love with Haruka.

A/n: Short chapter. Lots of feels here. Couldn't help it. Rin is someone who thinks too little about himself according to me. YOU ARE PRECIOUS RIN CHAN GODDAMNIT.

Well, sorry for the late update again :\ I keep doing this, it's so frustrating. And now I've reached the end of my already written chapters. I seriously wonder if I'll have time to write more. Eitherways, thank you for reading! I'll probably change the rating when I upload the next chapter.

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