Set: The Uber-Protected Fire Nation Mental Instution. Azula is dressed in a smock, painting. Ty Lee paints flowers beside her, while Mai crafts origami. Zuko is nowhere to be found.
Ty Lee: Wow, Azula! That's so pretty! Where'd you learn to paint like that?
Azula: Oh, you know, I was just born with many talents. You really think it's pretty?
Ty Lee: You make the Avatar's decapitation so…so vivid…I just got a chill.
Mai: Does anyone know where Zuko is?
Azula: Does anyone even care?
Zuko: HAY you guys, guess what?
(No answer.)
Zuko: Well, Ima tell you all anyway: we got letters. Three, to be exact.
(Blank stares.)
Zuko: You remember…from the show? The "Ask the Fire nation Show?"
Ty Lee: THAT show? Oh, my goodness, that's been--
Mai: --it's been, like, a month! I didn't realize that everyone still…I don't know…cared.
Azula: It's been a month? Yooo, these medications I'm taking must really merge time together into a colorful swirly orb…
Zuko: Anyway…who'd like to do the honors?
(Everyone returns to their aforementioned crafts, save for Azula, who is deeply contemplating her life, values, and the concept of time.)
Zuko: All right, I'll open the first one.
LOL. Nice, you did put Ty Lee in ,Silvereyes12
Ty Lee: Is--is that letter dedicated especially to me?? WHEE! A letter! And yeah, why wouldn't I be in character? I mean…I'm me, right? Or…am I…
(Ty Lee joins Azula and begins to contemplate the meaning of self.)
Azula: Did you ever wonder…if everything is just an elaborate dream…if you, Ty Lee, really exist, or if it all just takes place in our minds…
Ty Lee: Wait--does that mean I'm imagining myself?
Zuko: Um.
Mai: Do you want a paper dragon I just folded? It's made with love.
Zuko: Not really, no…
Dear Silvereyes12,
I'm not sure what the world really means anymore. But then, maybe you don't exist, so maybe I'm imagining my messed-up-ness, so nothing's really wrong so the world is happy again.
I feel better now.
--Ty Lee
(After that meaningless exchange, Zuko takes out the second letter.)
Zuko-First off, just had to let you that I think your very sexy, and I think you and Ty Lee would look adorable together (no offense Mai; you still rock! =]). Oh yeah, and Ty Lee, I think your awesome! Like you, I'm extremely flexible and my friends think it's weird too, hahaha. -Casey
Zuko: Would yah look at that, I'm sexy!
Azula: Wait…why would I imagine my own brother to be sexy…?
Ty Lee: DAYUM, Zuko, we would look adorable together. I mean, if I existed, which I'm really not sure of. But hey, want to make a date of it, pookie?
Zuko: Hm. I'll take this time now to reflect on the multiple times you've blatantly thrown yourself at me and how I totally didn't notice.
Azula: Is that chair really there? Is that painting really there? Is the image of Mai attacking Zuko with a paper dragon really there?
Zuko: OW! OW, MAI, WHAT THE DICKENS--
Mai: I LOVE YOU!
Zuko: I LOVE TY LEE--waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait that no come out right--
Ty Lee: O-O
Azula: O-O
Zuko: Heh, heh…O-o
Mai: You know what? Forget it. I…I am going to walk around in circles because I really don't have anywhere to go.
(Commences walking around in circles.)
My Dearest Casey,
Why, thanks for pointing out to me that I am sexy. Actually, the mirror's even telling me I'm sexy. There's a sexy guy in there with his finger pointed at me and he's mouthing "wow, you're unimaginably sexy." Heh, heh. Aaaaanyway, uh…I think Mai might be a little miffed at me. I mean, there's really no reason for it…I just kind of forgot her name and identity and replaced it with Ty Lee's. I mean--funny, right? Like, "ha, what a great joke, Zuko, forgetting I was your girlfriend and hugging someone else! Wow! Great day!" That's what she should have said. But in reality, she attacked me with a red paper dragon that I now name Mr. Ow.
Because.
You know.
You might not think paper dragons could injure you, but I have reason to believe that there was a knife hidden in its right wing. Because my arm is bleeding.
--Love, Zuko
FROM TY LEE: Ooh, cool! You're flexible, too? But you're probably not prettier than me. (Then again…what is pretty, if nothing exists…)
--Ty Lee. Maybe. I DON'T KNOW!
Zuko: …Mai? Mai…please say words to me…
Ty Lee: Awh, Zuko-love, let's forget Miss Emo and open up the next letter! Ooh! I believe it to be rose-scented!
Zuko: Oooo-kay…
Dear Firenation,
Hey Azula your so cool do you like Aang. Zuko why do you keep making out in front of people because I am going throw up from it.
--The Fire King
Zuko: Like, hell-o, I'm the Fire King! Jeez. Where has this guy been?
Azula: Oh, look, it's my good friend Mrs. Butterworth! Say hello to the Oreo Cookie!
Mai: At least he won't be BOTHERED by our MAKING OUT SCENES anymore, Zuko.
Zuko: Mai! You've spoken to me! You do care!
Azula: …what's that, Oreo Cookie? Le gasp! Mrs. Butterworth is not fat, she is just filled with mapley goodness!
Ty Lee: I wonder if The Fire King Who Isn't Really The Fire King But Might In Fact Be Considering That I Have Identity Troubles would be bothered if you and I made out, Zuko.
Zuko: Hmm…
Dear "The Fire King",
I would like to take this moment to alert you that you are not, in fact, the Fire King--I am. Zuko here. And…I'm a king. Of fire. So that makes me The Fire King.
Clear?
Kay.
Oh, wait, Azula just got ahold of your letter…she's reading--wait, no, now she's burning it--
THIS IS AZULA SPEAKING. HELLO. DID YOU NOT SEE MY PICTURE OF THE DESTRUCTION OF THE AVATAR? IN THAT CASE, FEAST YOUR EYES ON IT'S GLORIOUSNESS, BUDDY. DO YOU NOT SEE THAT, QUOTE, "VIVID" DECAPITATION SCENE? NO? AND, MISTER, I AM HOT, NOT COOL.
GET IT STRAIGHT.
ABSOLUTLEY NO LOVE CONSIDERING THAT YOU THINK I LOVE MY SWORN ENEMY,
--AZULA.
P.S. from Ty Lee:
Hey! Sorry if the above peeps were mean to yah. I just wanted to tell you that Zuko and Mai kind of broke up, I think, so now I'm his first fiddle. Or. Wait. Is that the expression…second fiddle…first fiddle…
Anywho, I'm gonna be, like, making out with him. I think. So I just wanted to warn you.
Toodles!
--Ty Lee
Azula: --IMA GONNA KEEL DAT CREEP--
Mai: ZUKO! WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING--?
Ty Lee: HE'S MINE NOW!
Zuko: MMPH--
Mai: (plays Mercenaries theme song--"oh, no, oh no, oh NO, yo yo yo oh no you didn't")
Azula: --TO THINK--
Mai: --THAT I LOVED YOU--
Ty Lee: --Wow, how things change! 3--
Zuko: For better?
Mai: --OR WORSE--
Azula: --I--hey, I wonder if this is all really happening or if it's just the swirly meds…hmmm…
Zuko: Ty Lee--down! Off! Scram--wait…no…mmm…3
AUTHOUR'S NOTE: Dramatic? Yes. But that's what I get for being sleep deprived. I'd like to maybe bring one of the gAang characters into this mix…write in with who you'd most like to see! ^^