Yay fast updates! This chapter is dedicated to BJA Fan, for sending me the character Gwendoline Smatter. Enjoy!
Vlad opened the door expecting a girl half his age. To his surprise he ended up being drowned in a hug from an eighty year old woman. He could barely breath, and when she finally let go of him he stood up and gasped for air. "Oh Vladdie, I was hoping you would respond to my email!"
He sighed and decided he was definitely not going to go on a date with the old lady. She was fat, with very, very large…. you know what's. "About that. I didn't really set up that profile; it was some teenagers who were playing a prank-"
"Ugh! Teenagers! Youth is wasted on the young is what I always say. Don't you agree? They just don't care about anything at all, and they certainly don't give us the proper respect we deserve. Can you believe the clothes they wear? Pants made with enough material to make a circus tent and shirts that barely cover enough skin to be legal. And their parents! How dare they let their children even walk out of the house looking like that! Don't even get me started on Goths. Black is a color that should be used only at funerals, and makeup is made to make girls look prettier, not like raccoons. What kind of music is it they listen to again? Crap? You know that music where the guy talks and cusses at you throughout the whole song? As responsible senior citizens it is our duty to take care of the future generations, but how can we when they are so rebellious? Don't you agree?"
"-On me." Vlad finished, his head spinning with all of the older woman's complaints. "Would you mind telling me your name?"
She smiled, revealing very white dentures. "Gwendoline Smatter, age 79, occupation is being retired. Don't worry about the age difference between us dearie, I love older men." Then Gwendoline pulled Vlad into her ample chest again and said, "It will be nice to finally have someone besides the nurses to talk too."
Vlad struggled out of her embrace and took a deep breath. "Gwendoline, I really don't think this is going to work… Wait, did you say older men?"
"Of course! I don't care if you're ninety, at least you don't have too many wrinkles in your face." Vlad put a hand to his face, making sure that he didn't actually have wrinkles.
"I am not old!" Vlad said. "I am only forty, and I certainly do not have wrinkles." She pinched his cheek and smiled again.
"There's no escaping father time Vladdie. I remember when I was a young and beautiful girl, but that was long ago. Of course in my day we actually wore proper clothes that covered our bodies, and we listened to good old jazz. I was too young to be a flapper mind you, but I could have danced to that music forever. And when the depression hit my father still stayed in business. 'Gwen,' he told me, 'never invest in the stock market,' and I haven't. All of these young business men think that their so safe throwing their money away on pieces of paper, but it just goes to show you that young people are the burden of society."
"Yes, but what does this have to do with me being old?" She crushed him into a hug again.
"I know how it feels darling. For awhile I denied being a senior too, until the people at the nursing home made me look in the mirror. They always undercook the food there you know-"
Vlad cut her off. "Please! Just listen to me for a moment! I. Am. Not. Old. I am not your type, and you really should be leaving. Now if you wouldn't mind, PLEASE GO!" She just gave him a blank look.
"I'm sorry honey, but I didn't hear a word you said. My hearing aid has been on the fritz lately and sometimes it just turns everything into static. Now as I was saying, the nursing home never cooks their vegetables correctly." Vlad sighed as she continued to ramble on about vegetables and how to cook them.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
Danny and Sam were watching from a distance, keeping as quiet as they could. Unfortunately it wasn't as easy as it sounded. When Gwendoline was complaining about Goths Danny had to hold Sam down to stop her from running over and yelling at her. It didn't help that Sam was already very angry with Danny in the first place.
"What's the creep up to now?" a voice said right behind them. They both jumped and turned around. Molly was standing there watching Vlad and Gwendoline. "Where are all of these ladies coming from? They really get on Vlad's nerves."
Vlad glanced in their direction and they all ducked. "He's signed up to a dating service." Danny explained. "All of the women are people who are interested in his money." He didn't bother explaining that he had sent all of the women to Vlad in the first place.
"So the forty year old virgin is finally trying to find a girl? Good. I'm sick of listening to him talk out loud to himself about some poor woman named Maddie."
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
"-and they never treat you right up at the old folks home. They always act like you're senile. And then the young people come to visit and they all act like we're babies. 'Do you need your diaper changed? Do you want me to take your dentures out for you? Do you want some more puréed green beans?' They never stop! And they just talk and talk and talk; they never realize that maybe we don't want to listen to them complain about how the old people are too much of a burden on society. Why don't they all just go jump… Hey! Are you awake pumpkin?"
Vlad's eyes snapped open. "I'm not old!" he yelled. Suddenly there was a knock at the door. "I'll get it!" Vlad said, happy to get away from Gwendoline for a moment. He opened the door and saw two men with very long needles. Vlad's face turned pale.
"We've traced a Ms. Gwendoline Smatter to this mansion, sir. She escaped form the Last Resort Nursing Home this morning and we discovered that she was following an email to this address. We request that you cooperate with us so that we can deal with the situation and leave you in peace. If you refuse to turn Ms. Smatter over to us we will be forced to detain you." Vlad was going to comment that they took their jobs too seriously, but glanced at the needles again and thought better of it.
"She should be in here." He said, stepping aside to let the two men enter.
Gwendoline saw them and yelled, "You'll never take me alive coppers!" before running away. The two men ran after her and Vlad stayed where he was. They were gone for several minutes, and there were a few very loud crashes. Finally the two men came back carrying Gwendoline between them. She wasn't unconscious, but she did seem to look a little delirious.
"Goodbye Vladdie! I hope you get over your denial about being ninety! Never give up, don't let them take you like they took me!" Vlad closed the door and leaned against it, glad that she was gone. Now he would be able to live his life and get back to making evil plans. Then he remembered that Daniel was still in the mansion somewhere.
"I did tell him that I would let him go when the women stopped coming." Vlad muttered out loud. He didn't know whether he should let Daniel go or not. Daniel had pulled off a very evil plan, and Vlad was a little bit proud that he had some influence on the boy.
He decided that maybe he should consider it. In fact he almost decided to let Daniel and his friend go. If Daniel was becoming evil enough to enjoy taking revenge on someone, then there was hope for him yet. Vlad began to walk away from the door with these thoughts in his head until the hollow sound of a hand on wood reached his ears.
Someone was knocking on his door. Vlad's eyes burned red and he began to wonder if he should beat Daniel up by hand or use a weapon.