Chapter Two
It was quiet. In the sterile white hospital room the silence was nearly suffocating.
Of course, it wouldn't have been quiet at all if Naruto were still around, but Tsunade had long since ordered him to find Sai and finish his mission. It was unlikely that he would have listened to her, Hokage or not, except that even he could see there was no good he could do by staying.
His parting words had fallen dead on that room, void of his usual energy.
"You'd better still be here when I get back."
Sasuke had no idea if they had been directed at him or the motionless girl lying so close to him.
Upon their finding her at that early hour, Tsunade had immediately removed the poison from Sakura's system and healed her gaping wound. The injury could no longer cause her apprentice any damage, but she couldn't erase the damage that had already been done. The news wasn't good; she had lost too much blood before the wound was healed, and the poison induced fever was persisting even with the poison removed. It was uncanny, unnatural, and just the kind of thing Orochimaru would come up with. She was half dead anyway, even Tsunade, medical prodigy that she was, couldn't bring her out of it without straining the girl's already weakened body past the point of breaking.
At Naruto's angry shout that, "There must be something you can do!" she merely shook her head, replying with an infuriating, clichéd,
"Only time will tell."
So, in the end, that left Sasuke alone with only Sakura, trapped in a twisted sleep, fighting for her life or else slowly giving it up, and the clock hanging from the wall, ticking loudly in his ears.
Tick tock. Tick tock.
It beat out the passing time.
Tick tock. Tick tock.
Every second he wasted here, doing nothing, was a betrayal to his clan and to his brother, all of whom suffered because of this accursed village.
Tick tock. Tick tock.
The clock beat out his shame.
Still, something held his hand from action. Something kept him there in that hospital room with the girl who had just saved his life. It was the bond he'd once shared with her and with Naruto he could no longer ignore.
She was causing him so much trouble.
He would have liked to tell himself that he was tired of people caring so much. After all, if Itachi hadn't cared so much about his little brother and about peace, he wouldn't have killed the clan and he wouldn't have had to die. If the clan hadn't cared so much about their own honor, they wouldn't have plotted rebellion and wouldn't have been destroyed. If Sakura hadn't cared so much about him, she never would have gotten in the way. If he hadn't cared so much about everyone he'd lost, he wouldn't have spent his life on revenge.
Tired of people caring? He wanted that to be it, because it would make everything so much simpler. Yet even as the thought occurred to him, he rejected it. He didn't truly want anyone to care less. Somehow, he was knew that it would make their lives less valuable, living or dead.
But he was tired. Though it was of the struggle, the chaos in his mind that had first formed all those years ago when he realized he wanted to stay with team seven; the struggle that he thought he'd crushed long ago, but had reawakened at Sakura's apparent sacrifice.
He watched her unconscious form, slowly breathing in and out, sweat glistening on her face. She was still burning in fever.
And then, it came with startling clarity to his mind that he did not want her to die. As obvious as that should have been, it wasn't. His actions in bringing her there were almost more out of instinct, mere reaction than planned action. And once he had time to think it was simply easier to keep going.
For the past several years, all thoughts of his teammates – his friends – had escaped him, or else been viscously suppressed, especially most recently. And now, to find that he still cared was nothing if not frustrating.
This new recognition of what he had known before he ever left the Leaf village was directly at odds with his current goal; the destruction of Konoha. To fulfill that would mean not only that Sakura, Naruto and Kakashi would die, but that they would do so by his hands. And yet, to not fulfill it was to condone what Konoha had done to Itachi and to the entire Uchiha clan. To give it up was tantamount to abandoning his clan and his brother. How could he do either?
Part of it didn't seem to matter much, though. Sakura was dying now anyway, regardless of him, in spite of him, even. And though, if she did, it would ease his dilemma some, that wasn't what he wanted.
As little sense as that made.
Furious as he was at the faceless masses of Konoha for allowing his family to be massacred, for allowing his brother to take the fall, for allowing him to live his life in misery and hatred, allowing it through their ignorance and complacency, through their worship of the ruling clan of Senju, through living their happy lives while others suffered... Angry as he was at the faceless, he found he wasn't angry at Sakura, who after all this time was still willing to die for him, even when it looked like he was ready to kill her; or Naruto, who had lived so long with nothing, and now fought so hard to keep what he'd gained. Nor was he angry at Kakashi, who had also lost everything once.
It's a funny thing that happens when you add faces to the faceless. Who knew how much hatred he'd have left if he knew the struggles and loss of every faceless citizen.
Not much perhaps, but it wouldn't disappear. After carrying it around for so long, it could not so easily be dismissed. It was what connected him to his family. And someone was at fault. Someone had caused this. What peace could he find before his clan had truly been avenged? Before his hatred had been assuaged?
And so his thoughts went round and round, leading him nowhere. In the end, he probably had little choice anyway. It's not as though the village would leave him alone. He was a missing nin. Weren't they supposed to kill him? Not that he could let that happen either.
A loud creak from the opening door broke through his whirlwind thoughts. And the clack of heels on wood overshadowed the ticking clock.
The Hokage approached her patient and apprentice. Acting as though he wasn't even there, she began checking vitals that had not gained in strength. Her discouraged sigh said as much.
And then, surprisingly, because she had ignored him ever since spotting her student in his arms, she focused her gaze on him. Sasuke met her eyes and found in them neither fear nor any wavering determination, only the eyes of a Hokage, strong and sure.
"Uchiha Sasuke," this was probably the first time she had ever spoken his name to his face. After all, she hadn't been Hokage very long before he'd left Konoha. "As I'm sure you're aware, Konoha lists you as a missing ninja, to be tried upon capture for crimes against the village." Here it came.
She left unsaid the provision which they both knew that missing nin were to be killed if capture was too difficult, as it generally was. Though, he did not know that she had left it out simply because she had never once ordered a shinobi to kill him. Even her ignoring of him earlier had been to avoid taking any action before she had a chance to speak to him.
She continued on in the same formal tone, "However, as it stands, the village laws do not have any provision for shinobi who abandon their village only to return freely in an attempt to save a loyal ninja."
The first part of her speech, a sort of reading of his charges, he had expected sooner or later, but this he had not seen coming. What did she mean, there was no provision? His mind jumped to several possibilities, but the only plausible reason that she would be telling this to him was...
"As Hokage, it is therefore up to me to determine said provisions." A smile crept into her stern expression, "My decision will depend on the behavior of the first person to ever do so."
He narrowed his eyes. Was she offering to let him off if he... what? Became a loyal ninja again? Became another dog of the village just like Itachi? Or perhaps she was trying to be kind.
But he didn't need pity or petty condolences. This village destroyed his family. How could he ever–
"Uchiha is also a part of Konoha."
It was almost like she knew what he was thinking, impossible as that was. Her words washed over him like cold water. Reminding him that he had once believed the Uchiha clan to be prestigious, and though it was a lie, if he had thought so perhaps others in the village did too. And hadn't the Hokage – though it wasn't this one, she was merely his legacy – been the only one to try and stop that tragedy from happening? Again his mind turned in doubt.
For her part, Tsunade had always intended to find a way around punishment for him. She had known all along that Naruto and Sakura intended to bring Sasuke back. And if they succeeded, well, there was no way she was going to have him executed on charges of treachery. She knew firsthand how awful it was to have a team broken up. If those two succeeded in putting theirs back together, she would do what she could to keep it that way, for their sake.
Even so, she had been impressed by Sasuke himself, to find he had walked through the gates on his own two feet, carrying his injured, one-time teammate. Clearly he wasn't as much like Orochimaru as she had once feared.
Before Sasuke could give any kind of response, the door opened yet again. But this time it was thrown open with such force that could only be the result of great anger or greater impatience. Considering Naruto couldn't possibly have returned yet, the former was suspect.
"Tsunade-hime! What do you think you're doing?!"
There in the open doorway fumed Konoha's two elders. Tsunade scowled. She wasn't the only one.
It took all of Sasuke's willpower not to tear across the room to kill them then. He refrained from doing so solely because Sakura was still there, still dying, and he still wasn't sure what he intended to do.
But none of that prevented him from allowing Sharingan to bleed into his eyes. Even if the villagers could be absolved by their ignorance, these two couldn't.
Koharu turned scornful eyes on him, while Homura addressed the Hokage. "Tsunade-hime, why are you allowing a dangerous traitor to do as he pleases? We have given much leeway to your actions as of late. But this we cannot allow, that Uchiha Sasuke should wander free."
Sasuke clenched his jaw. His fists too, tightened to the point where fingernails pierced into his palms. What did they want? To finish the extermination of Uchiha? To kill him too? He vaguely wondered just how stupid they were to talk about this while he was in the room. Perhaps they were just too impatient.
"He is a criminal and a traitor, and should be subject to appropriate punishment."
He took a step forward. No longer could he remain inactive.
"You mean death." The Hokage's voice caused him to pause and hold his place, waiting to see what she would do. "I believe it is for me to hand out such punishments." Her voice was harsh.
"We will not allow– "
"I don't care what you'll allow." Tsunade fairly yelled. She had been long since worn thin by their constant restrictions on Naruto, and their support of Danzou, who was a whole other ball of fun.
For Sasuke, it was just surprising to hear the anger in her words.
She began again in a voice only slightly calmer, "I've had about enough of you two. I will see to what happens to Sasuke without your interference."
That was as clear an invitation to leave as could be asked for. Homura and Koharu, seeing that there would be no reasoning with her now; or, perhaps, by these means, grudgingly, and with a final glare at Sasuke left the room.
And the air felt clearer for it.
Tsunade sighed, the tension in her body easing at their disappearance. Sasuke let his Sharingan fade.
He was now sure he couldn't possibly be at peace while they were still alive. Those two, and Danzou, whoever that was: the three who had ordered his brother to wipe out the clan.
It looked very much like they viewed him as the loose string. After all, he had been the only one Itachi couldn't kill. Of course they'd want him dead. If it hadn't been for Sandaime, he'd probably have been killed long before he had the power to defend himself. He doubted they'd give up so easily now, when both his brother and the Third were out of the way.
The Hokage turned back to him, and came straight out with the only question she was really concerned about his answer to. "Do you intend to stay in Konoha?"
He didn't respond, didn't even look at her. He didn't know.
Tsunade shook her head. "I'll be back tomorrow morning. Hopefully we'll know her outcome by then." She took one look down at Sakura's fevered form before continuing. "I'll expect your answer then too."
He nodded. She left. And once again he was alone with only Sakura and the ticking clock.
A new night settled, and still Sasuke was there, and still undecided. It was reminiscent of that night so long ago when he had had to decide to give up his revenge or his friends. It was even the same choice, though the decision weighed heavier. He had chosen the latter then, and left, but this time...?
He knew if he had given up revenge then, Itachi might still be alive. He hadn't thought there was a risk of something similar happening again, someone he cared about dying for him. He hadn't thought he had anyone else to care about. But then Sakura had gone and injured herself to protect him. Now she was dying because of him too.
The night passed and morning found him just as evening had left him: sitting on the floor, back to a corner, arms resting on his knees, head bowed, and silent.
Even, patterned breathing indicated to any who might be near that he had fallen asleep. However, years of training ensured that no one was likely to get near enough to notice. The presence of a nurse passing through the hall was enough to bring him back to the waking world. His sleep had been uneasy anyway.
He had spent the remainder of the night before reliving a thousand memories from that single year he spent as a member of team seven. It hadn't actually been that huge a chunk of his life. He had spent more time training under Orochimaru, and more time living alone with the horror of the Uchiha massacre haunting him. But that year had always had the potential to change everything. It was like a candle lit in a dark room, to know that there were living people that cared about him.
He stood and approached the bed. Sakura didn't look any different. Certainly no better.
He had assumed once the Hokage healed her and she hadn't yet died, that Sakura was going to live. He paid for that hope now, as it dawned on him that she wouldn't survive this. Hadn't the Hokage even said the poison had been in her system too long.
Words he had once spoken to Naruto came back to haunt him now.
You have to save her... Never again. I've already lost everything once before. I don't ever want to watch those important to me die before my eyes again.
He laughed. A haunted, bitter, hollow laugh. Really, what made him think he could save anyone? He was always too weak, too slow, too late. Even after all these years it was still the same. He was doomed forever to take revenge after a tragedy, but never to keep it from happening.
In the thin stream of morning light, Sasuke reached out and took Sakura's hand. There was no one there to see it. And for once in his life he had the chance to say goodbye before someone was taken from him. He needed to take this chance, much as he didn't think he could.
Her skin wasn't burning any longer. Yet neither was it cold. The shock was such that Sasuke dropped her hand, letting it fall like dead weight on the bed.
The movement caused her to stir. Eyelids fluttered. And slowly, lethargically, she opened her eyes.
Sasuke stared at her, his own eyes wide and filled with undisguised disbelief.
"Sa...Sasuke-kun?" She spoke slowly. Her voice was weak and cracking. But still. She was alive.
Her face betrayed confusion at his strange expression.
Recovering quickly Sasuke looked away from her. Training his eyes instead on the opposite wall, he feigned boredom.
She searched around the room with roving eyes, recognizing it as part of the hospital. "This is... Konoha?" As sure as she was that this was a part of the hospital she knew so well, she couldn't keep from phrasing a question. That Sasuke should be standing there in the heart of the village he had so long ago run away from, seemed too good to be true.
"Aa." He kept his answer short.
Recalling her last memories, she asked, "Where... is Naruto?" taking a long breath in the middle of her sentence. It took so much energy just to speak. She couldn't remember ever feeling this weak, her body having been wasted by poison, fever, and blood loss, she was left sore and tired.
Sasuke answered her, "Finishing your mission."
Her lips formed a silent 'oh'.
She began struggling to get into a sitting position. It was awkward to speak to someone while lying on her back. Her limbs felt so heavy; it was difficult to move them at all, but somehow she managed.
He watched her efforts, but staid from helping.
And so silence descended on them. Sasuke had no desire to say anything, his mind was still so full, and Sakura didn't know how to begin asking the hundreds of questions desperate to escape hers.
Well, she had to start somewhere.
Breaking through the quiet she began with, "How did– Why– Are you... staying in Konoha?"
He gave her no answer, and once again he was not looking at her. Was he staying…? How should he know? Wasn't that the very thing he was trying to figure out? Why did she have to ask questions anyway?
His silence was daunting, but did not stop her. "What... what happened?"
Two nights and a long day of troubled thoughts, and now the beginnings of an inquisition had at last crossed his final nerve. "What does any of it matter?!" he snapped.
Sakura was surprised, to say the least. She didn't know what exactly had transpired after she blacked out, but as Sasuke didn't look injured, Naruto obviously hadn't dragged him there. Which meant he had come voluntarily.
Had he really returned to the home he left so long ago to just brood silently and lash out at her?
She didn't understand him. But then, hadn't he always told her that?
Echoing her wonder and trying to reason with him, she said, "How can I understand anything, when you won't say a word?" It was a frustrating question, for both of them.
Sasuke was already defensive from everything that had transpired. He had thought she was dead, only to then find her alive once again! And he was trying to decide what to do when he had to choose between the living and the dead. He had spent so many hours wracking his mind for the answers when they wouldn't come.
Needless to say, he didn't handle the emotions well. So all he did was lash out harder.
"You really want to understand? Maybe if I killed everyone you care about then you'd understand," he snarled, echoing what he had once said to Kakashi, and the thoughts spinning in his head.
As for Sakura, anger welled up in her at the vicious, unreasonable words. She forced her body past its current limits to shouted back, "I care about you! You idiot!"
She would have punched him too, if only she had the strength. But that yell cost her. Following her exclamation, she fell into a fit of coughing, lungs fighting desperately to get enough air.
Still her words were not without effect. They silenced Sasuke, and his anger calmed. Her sudden weakness served as a reminder that she did not speak lightly.
He watched her feet, not because he found them particularly interesting, but because that meant looking down, and he regretted yelling, yet couldn't apologize. So instead, in a low voice, only just discernible, he said the only thing he could, he gave an answer, "Yes."
"W-What?" Sakura coughed out.
He looked up and met her eyes, "I'm staying."