Double Trouble
Chapter Seven: Painting the Town Red
A rooster's crow filtered into Timmy's bedroom window and brought along a half dozen rays of bright morning sun. One of which hit a slumbering blue-tinted goldfish right in the eye.
"Ooh..." Anti-Cosmo moaned, his monocle only intensified the shine, "I never was a blasted morning person."
He skimmed the room but found no trace of his temporary godchild. "Perfect," he grumbled as he shook his snoozing wife, "wake up dear, that little pest has wandered off already."
"Aw five more minutes Big Papa," Anti-Wanda yawned still half asleep, "It's Anti-Blonda's turn to shear them black sheep."
With a sigh Anti-Cosmo raised his wand and poofed them both downstairs in their regular forms. Luckily for them humans can't see anti-fairies (not without the help of magical goggles-or in Timmy's case-their uniforms), unluckily for the Turners' anti-fairies are all about bad luck...
Mr. Turner rounded the corner with his nose in the paper humming some annoying tune that had gotten stuck in his head. Anti-Cosmo spied his first victim.
Flashing a truly sinister smirk he magically yanked out a drawer in the stand by the staircase. Mr. Turner failed to notice until he tripped over it and wound up with a mouthful of carpet.
"TIMMY!" he shouted angrily, "How many times do I have to tell you not to leave these drawers pulled out?"
"Good one sug," Anti-Wanda beamed now fully awake. "Reminds me of the stunts we used to pull back in high school."
"Like the ones from our first date?" Anti-Cosmo leaned toward her with a knowing grin.
"Yep, we sure wreaked some havoc in those days."
"Friday 13th or not, no one was safe!"
"Oh dear!" Mrs. Turner exclaimed as she rushed over to help her husband up. "Honey you must pay more attention to where you're going. Remember what happened at the Dinkleburgs' barbeque? How you backed right into their pool?"
"Grr...Dinkleburg." Mr. Turner growled darkly.
"Hey! What's going on out here?" Timmy demanded emerging from the kitchen with a half eaten piece of toast. "You two!"
"Yes child, us." Anti-Cosmo replied curtly, "And I believe I left a wake up call for seven this morning." He took a moment to check his watch, "You're about twenty minutes late."
Ignoring the cynicism Timmy waited until his parents went into the kitchen before exclaiming, "It's not my job to wake you up on time! I'm the GODCHILD here. And you can't go around giving my dad bad luck!"
"Well what'd you expect punk?" Anti-Wanda folded her arms smugly, "We is anti-fairies after all and anti-fairies cause bad luck."
"Surely even a dupe like you must know that much by now." Anti-Cosmo taunted.
"We's even gots permits!" Anti-Wanda added proudly displaying hers.
"Well, I guess if you've got a permit." Timmy relented, "But pick on someone who's not related to me, okay? Remember, if you make me miserable-"
"You do so delight in reminding us of that don't you?" Anti-Cosmo scowled.
"TIMMY!" Mrs. Turner called, "The bus is here!"
"And don't leave any drawers hanging open on your way out!" Mr. Turner yelled.
"Well c'mon guys, let's go." Timmy motioned for his godparents to follow. They reluctantly complied and once again it was another 'interesting' bus ride to school, full of mean spirited pranks, bad luck mischief, and Timmy getting his way. But just how long would it last?
"They're coming!" Remy exclaimed from his stance by the window. "Turner will be here any minute so get ready!"
"Right," Anti-Wandissimo saluted, "you will distract his anti-fairy godparents while I see to it that his day gets off to a very rotten start."
"He's here! Now get to work!"
POOF!
"Nice job on turning Sanjay superstitious guys, but did ya really have to tie Elmer's shoelaces to the seat like that?" Timmy half praised, half questioned as he entered the school with his two temporary godparents in tow.
"Oh so now we're not allowed to prank your back-up friends?" Anti-Cosmo demanded. "I suppose next you'll want us to take it easy on the lunch lady?"
"No," Timmy thought back to Squid Casserole Day, "you can totally torture her."
Just down the hall a ladder stood where the janitor had been preparing to change a light bulb. From the lockers beside it Remy poked his head out just enough so that he could see the trio approaching. "That's right Turner, just a little closer. Normally I detest menial labor but in this case I'm quite willing to make an exception."
"So Principal Waxelplax how are the plans for the school fundraiser going?" a tall slender teacher with short brown hair and glasses inquired as she and her boss walked just ahead of Timmy.
"Oh wonderful!" the principal beamed, "The band's planning a bake sale and the chorus is handling refreshments, it's going to be a smashing success!"
"Oh it'll be smashing alright," Remy chuckled and shoved the ladder into the center of the hallway where the two faculty members obliviously walked right under it.
Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda froze dead in their tracks. Timmy walked on and turned the corner, unaware that his godparents weren't following him.
"Bad luck...senses...tingling!" Anti-Wanda trembled in an almost mechanical voice.
"Must...cause...MAYHEM!" Anti-Cosmo added as they simultaneously raised their wands.
Five minutes later...
With little over a minute to spare before the bell rang Mr. Crocker came trudging down the hall carting a stack of Fs that he'd just finished grading in his car.
When he got to the junction where his classroom awaited him round the corner he stopped and gasped at the chaotic scene before him.
The hallway was a mess, locker doors were dented in, water from an overturned mop bucket formed a series of large slippery puddles, and in the center of the madness two staff members hung in a tangled web of toilet paper and paper towels.
"Principal Waxelplax?" he arched an eyebrow.
"L-Ladder...v-very...UNLUCKY!" the brunette beside her blurted out shakily.
"Aha!" Crocker exclaimed, "This could only be the work of--AnTi-FaIrY gOdPaReNtS!"
Excited by the prospect of having actual fairies (sort of) in the school Crocker dashed into the janitor's closet where a lone phone booth stood, the secret entrance to The New Crocker Cave...a.k.a. Lair Number Two.
"At last," he mumbled to himself as a chute opened below his feet and dropped him down into the secret, high tech, fairy hunting lair, "proof that my theory on the existence of menacing, bad luck bringing anti-fairies is true. Heh, they said I was crazy, they called me insane--and so what if they were right?--I'll show them, I'll show the WORLD that anti-fairies (and their free spirited, fun loving fairy counterparts) EXIST!"
Up in the classroom students exchanged weirded out glances as maniacal laughter filtered through the air vents.
"Uh-oh," Timmy sank back in his chair, "that doesn't sound good. You guys had better-" but when he turned to address his anti-fairy godparents they were nowhere in sight, "-uh...guys?"
While Timmy was busy searching the classroom for his missing godparents another anti-fairy slipped in unnoticed. "Ah, there he is." Anti-Wandissimo rubbed his hands together mischievously when he spotted the unsuspecting child. "Time to be giving this ill-behaved wisher a taste of his own bad luck."
A quick glance around the room and his purple gaze fell upon Francis, the grey toned school bully. Whipping off his cape the anti-fairy levitated one of Timmy's text books off his desk and hurled it straight into Francis as he was preparing to flick a wad of gum into Chester's hair.
"OW!" Francis yelped and rubbed his sore noggin. Angrily he flipped open the cover of the text book and saw Timmy's name. "TURNER!"
Timmy might've bolted for the door but he was so preoccupied with his search that he'd failed to notice Francis' fury. In fact now that he'd reached Trixie Tang's desk he really wasn't paying much attention to anything else.
"Hi Trixie," for a kid his age it was a typical come on, "say...you haven't been having any bad luck lately have you?"
"Hmph, only when I'm around losers like you." Trixie retorted and turned her nose up at him.
"Ole!" Anti-Wandissimo laughed and waved his cape behind Timmy like a matador as Francis charged his unsuspecting prey.
There was a loud crash just before the door swung open and Mr. Crocker stepped in. "What's going on in here? Are you brats trying to get me fired?"
Timmy moaned from his upside down position wedged in the bottom of a shelf lining the back wall.
"And now for my finishing move!" Anti-Wandissimo grinned.
Anti-Poof!
The ant farm sitting atop the double shelved case toppled over dumping the entire colony on Timmy who immediately started rolling around and scratching. "Oh! Ow! Eee! Ah!"
"Ah, sprinkled with ants," Anti-Wandissimo sighed, "just like my darling Anti-Blonda's infamous black itch pie."
"Turner," Mr. Crocker narrowed his eyes when Timmy came to a rolling stop at his feet, "I might've known you were the one behind this. Disrupting class and destruction of school property, that's a whole week of detention!"
"But Mr. Crocker," Tootie raised her hand to protest, "it wasn't Timmy's fault!"
"Silence!" the teacher snapped, "The next person to talk will be joining Turner in a whole MONTH of detention!"
Reluctantly Tootie lowered her hand and sighed. Mr. Crocker had always seemed to have it in for Timmy. It was best just to drop it before things got any worse.
"Oh man," Timmy cringed sulking back to his seat and scratching the tiny bites on his arms, "I could've really used some magic, where the heck did Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda get to?"
"Oh! Oh no!" Anti-Cosmo gasped from his hiding place inside the supply closet.
"What's the matter hon?" his wife asked while juggling sponges with her feet.
"Our restraints are vibrating!" he held out his shaking wrist cuffs, "That child is becoming miserable and it's alerting Jorgen that we're not doing our jobs!"
Anti-Wanda dropped the sponges and grabbed her wand, "Well c'mon! We gots to get back to that kid and fix this mess before we's wind up behind bars again!"
They poofed themselves back into the classroom two minutes too late. Timmy glared at them but didn't say a word. He was in enough trouble already.
With a quick glance in each other's direction Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda poofed themselves into doodles on the front page of a notebook Timmy had lying out.
"Psst, what's the trouble child?" Anti-Cosmo whispered.
Grinding his teeth together and looking straight ahead Timmy grabbed his pencil and wrote a response next to the doodle.
"You two disappeared and now I've got a week's detention." Anti-Wanda read aloud.
"Oh please, you can't honestly blame us for that!" Anti-Cosmo exclaimed, "What on Earth did you do?"
"I didn't do anything," Anti-Wanda read the words as he scribbled them down, "Francis got mad and tackled me and then the ant farm fell over when I hit the shelf."
"Hm...it's not like that mindless brute to attack without provocation during school hours." Anti-Cosmo muttered suspiciously.
"Aw don't sweat it Timmy," Anti-Wanda assured him, "we's here now so nothin' else can go wrong."
"Yes, now cheer up." Anti-Cosmo added, "Or you'll be godparentless."
The lunch bell rang some hours later and everyone headed for the cafeteria. Timmy was still grouchy from the mishap during first period.
"Stay close this time!" he barked to his anti-fairies, "I don't need any more bruises today."
"Relax Timmy," Anti-Cosmo replied confidently, "we're keeping a sharp lookout. Nothing shall distract us from our-"
It was happening again! Both anti-fairies froze in their tracks, their bad luck senses tingling. Someone was pushing their luck...and it was time to lose!
Timmy continued on into the crowded lunchroom while Anti-Cosmo and his wife zipped into the teachers' lounge.
"Oh dear!" Principal Waxelplax was grimly assessing the damage to the tile floor. "So many cracks! It's like someone tried bouncing a bowling ball through here!"
"Or ran through on a jackhammer before school started." Remy snickered from his hiding place in the cabinets below the microwave.
The anti-fairies regarded the scene with wide eyes and drooling mouths. The entire room was a breeding ground for bad luck! Think of all the broken backs!
An evil smile spread over their pale blue faces as each whipped out a jumbo sized mallet. The slender brunette from before had just walked in followed by a handful of other unfortunate teachers. The poor saps had no idea what they were in for. With each step they landed on another crack...so many backs to break, so little time.
Back in the cafeteria Timmy was trying to score some extra brownie points with Trixie by offering to carry her things to the popular table when she walked through the double doors.
"Hey Trixie! Want me to carry your stuff?"
"Uh, no." Trixie gestured toward Veronica with her thumb, "That's what I have her for."
Tootie stood on the other side of Trixie and glared at her sourly. She obviously disapproved of the way Trixie always bossed her best friend around and treated her like a servant.
"Okay then, um..." Timmy wracked his brain for something else to offer. "...want me to do your homework?"
"Ha! With your grades?" she laughed.
"Uh...want me to have AJ do your homework?"
"Take a hike loser!" Veronica snapped.
The girls shoved their way past him, well Trixie and Veronica did. Tootie walked around and tossed him an apologetic look over her shoulder.
"Or better yet," Anti-Wandissimo smirked as he gestured toward a stack of chairs with his wand, "have a seat!"
"Yo Turner! Lookout!" Mark spotted the stack of chairs toppling towards his friend just as he was coming out of the lunch line. In a split second he dropped his tray and dove for Timmy. He managed to shove his pal out of the way just in time.
"Mark!" Timmy shouted to his disguised alien classmate when he heard the chairs clatter behind them. "You totally saved me!"
"Ah it was no big deal bro," Mark shrugged and brushed off his knees. "You'd have like done the same for me and all."
"Sorry about your lunch." Timmy mumbled an apology when he saw Mark's food on the floor.
"Are you kidding? Dude this like totally makes it taste even better!" Mark was on all fours eating off the floor, "Heh, the roaches and unidentifiable droppings here make it crunchy on the outside and chewy on the inside!"
"Oh Timmy!" Trixie did a complete one-eighty and rushed to his side, "Are you alright? You could've been seriously injured!"
"Too bad," Tad scoffed.
"Yeah," Chad agreed, "one less dork to geek up the lunchroom."
"Hey man are you alright?" Chester and AJ had just rushed over too.
"Mark Chang, you are my new hero!" Sanjay exclaimed, the rest of the students cheered but Mark didn't take much notice, he was too engrossed in his gross meal.
"Uh-oh," Anti-Wandissimo winced, "my godchild, he will not be too happy about this."
"I do believe that was the most painfully devastating thing I've ever seen." Remy felt his own spine ache after witnessing the torture the teachers had just endured.
Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda sat panting on the mini-fridge in the corner.
"That sure was fun huh?" Anti-Wanda asked.
"Indeed it was," Anti-Cosmo nodded, "it's not often we're presented with an opportunity to cause that much chaos."
"Not since our first date anyway." Anti-Wanda recalled.
"Oh yes," Anti-Cosmo chuckled, joining her in the flashback, "those were truly good times."
...Flashback (Normal POV)...
"Come now Anti-Wanda or we'll be late." a young Anti-Cosmo persisted.
"Late for what?" Anti-Wanda demanded, "Anti-Wandissimo ain't been gone two weeks and here we are already a goin' out on our first date. Dang if I know what you gots planned."
Anti-Cosmo grinned in amusement as he watched his girlfriend study her attire skeptically and eye the brushes and buckets of red paint as if they were wild animals that might spring to life and bite her.
"I still don't get why we've gotta haul all this along on our first date Anti-Cozzie hon." she sighed in bafflement.
"That's why they call it 'painting the town red' Anti-Wanda my sweet."
"That sounds an awful lot like chores." she frowned.
"Oh no, I assure you it will all be entirely fun."
"Well...if you's say so."
The pair snuck past an unknown hole in the barrier that night and soared through Fairy World coating everything in bright red: benches, billboards, sidewalks, windows, houses, little old ladies...
By the time dawn arrived nothing was left unmarked. Phrases like "FAIRIES STINK" and "DOWN WITH DA RULES!" were everywhere.
"MY HOUSE!" screamed the infuriated fairy drill sergeant Jorgen von Strangle. "WHO IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS!"
"W-Well sir," a timid fairy soldier poofed next to him and held out some photos, "the security cameras around the Anti-Fairy Zone managed to snap these shots of the suspects sometime during the night."
Jorgen snatched the photos and glared at the image of the two anti-fairies. "I want their faces on wanted posters plastered all over town! The next time these delinquents sneak out of the Anti-Fairy Zone I'll have them thrown into fairy jail for at least ten thousand years!"
"B-But isn't punishment of anti-fairy escapees left up to the head of discipline in Anti-Fairy World sir?" the soldier ventured to ask.
"NOT so long as they are apprehended in OUR world!" Jorgen snapped. "NOW GET TO IT!"
"Y-Yes sir!" the soldier saluted and poofed away post haste.
"Hmph, that overdressed snooty anti-fairy and his swirly haired bad toothed girlfriend, will soon know the awesome power of my mighty muscles!"
...End Flashback (Normal POV)...
"Not again!" Anti-Wanda panicked when her monitoring cuffs started to vibrate but before Anti-Cosmo could utter a word the vibrations ceased.
"That was odd." Anti-Cosmo examined his cuffs closely, "must have been a glitch or something."
"We'd better get back to that pink hatted fella anyway." Anti-Wanda fretted, "I ain't got a good feelin' about this."
No sooner had they poofed out of the room of groaning teachers than Anti-Wandissimo poofed in.
"Senor!" he exclaimed.
"What happened?" Remy demanded emerging from his hiding place thankful that the teachers were in too much pain to notice. "Why isn't Turner miserable and godparentless?"
"Well you see..." Anti-Wandissimo began to nervously fiddle with his wand, "...there were a few problems."
"What problems?" Remy arched an eyebrow.
"Perhaps I should show you?"
They poofed into the cafeteria and Remy's jaw nearly hit the floor.
"Poor Timmy, show me where it hurts." Trixie was fussing over Timmy who was sitting in HIS spot at the popular table.
"Well it kinda aches here, and here, and here, and..." Timmy pointed to his knees, elbows, and even his chin as Trixie kissed her fingers and patted the 'boo-boos'.
Tootie and Veronica sat at the edge of the table rolling their eyes while Tad and Chad sat across from them glaring daggers at Timmy.
"Wh-What is going on here?" Remy shouted as he stormed over to his girlfriend, "And what is this simpleton doing in MY seat?"
"Oh Remy, he was nearly crushed under a stack of heavy metal chairs!" Trixie exclaimed still patting Timmy's head, "Isn't that just terrible?"
"Luckily that cute foreign kid with all the weird customs was there to shove him out of the way." Veronica stated halfheartedly and pointed to Mark Chang who was contently dining off the floor.
"Grr..." Remy was practically boiling over with rage. How could everything have gone so wrong? "And just where am I supposed to sit?"
"Don't worry Remy ol' buddy," Timmy grinned, "I'm sure there's still plenty of room over at my regular table."
Remy cringed when he saw that the only available seat left was next to the creepy boil kid. This day just went from bad to worse.
Anti-Cosmo and Anti-Wanda returned to the lunchroom a few seconds after Remy and his anti-fairy godparent.
"That makes what? Five times in the last week that you've lost that ridiculous earring?" Anti-Cosmo exclaimed. "I'm tired of having to constantly retrace our steps! Just wear another pair with backs that fit!"
"I likes these pair!" Anti-Wanda shouted back while putting the earring back on. "They was a gift from Lil Mama!"
"You know you'd probably lose your crown if it wasn't stuck floating above your head!"
"So what if I keeps forgettin' it's there! It ain't like it's in plain sight!"
"Just once would it kill you to have a moment of WITTY banter?" Anti-Cosmo threw his arms in the air in exasperation.
His wife was about to snap back when she spotted someone familiar hovering behind the rich blond kid. "Hey look, ain't that Anti-Wandissimo?"
"Don't try to change the sub-" Anti-Cosmo paused and glanced over his shoulder. "Why I do believe you're right, for once. It IS our old chum."
"He ain't noticed us yet." Anti-Wanda observed, "Ya reckon he's in the reform program too?"
"I'd wager he is," her husband nodded, "and I'd also wager that he's the one behind the bouts of misery our godchild's been having today."
"Why that sneaky varmint!" Anti-Wanda seethed, "He's gonna get us thrown back in jail!"
"I think not," Anti-Cosmo took aim at his old foe (who had his back towards them) and sent a blast of black magic his way.
To be continued...