Hey yall! No hard feelings right? -hides- lol

Anyway, so yeah, took me longer than I planned to get this out for two reasons. Reason one: there's this huuuugeee party-like-holiday-festival-thing going on here in Brazil which is the "Carnaval" not sure if all you guys know what that is. Well, to sum it up, there are loads of people, loads of drinking, loads of sun and loads of dancing in the middle of the street. So yeah, I almost didn't sleep, eat or did anything else other than partying for the last week. The other reason you can read after the chap, anyway, on with it! Kisses!

JK owns them.

--

Ever since he had gotten up, he was not the same, perhaps he didn't realize it, but everyone around him could see it. Maybe the shock had been too great or maybe he was so lost that even the definition of who he was faded away.

At first Harry had been numb, he didn't say much of anything, he didn't voice any desires, nor did he eat with much enthusiasm. It was like he had gotten a kiss from one of the dementors… he was a walking, empty shell.

It only lasted the first couple of days though… all it took to snap him out of it was the presence of Albus Dumbledore, whom he met back at Grimmauld Place.

Harry had been so completely enraged by the man's presence that he nearly tore half the house down by screaming at him. It was as if the headmaster's abandon and unwillingness to answer any of the boy's doubts had made the incident at the Department of Mysteries happen.

"If you had just told me WHY I had to learn Occlumency and that I could see something that wasn't true, none of this would have happened!!" he had yelled at the professor.

But in the end… it changed nothing, Harry told himself later, he could hate Dumbledore for trying to protect him all he wanted. It wouldn't erase his actions, and it most definitely wouldn't bring Remus and Sirius back.

He learned about the prophecy in the same conversation - when it stopped being a monologue, of course - and he couldn't believe that after all he had been through, someone dared expect anything more from him.

That was that, Harry became completely unstable and enraged, acting like a rebellious teenager, which wasn't that far from what he actually was. Even when he was excused from school for a week - after Dumbledore had regained his status as headmaster - and went to stay over at the Weasleys', his mood still didn't change.

He could be found countless times staring into nothing, his eyes full of unshed tears, but lacking any sad expression. Instead he was always gritting his teeth, hands clenched into fists and glaring into a fixed point as though concentrating on burning it to ashes.

Anger, anger, anger! That was mostly everything he seemed to feel these days, and it was only to be expected when even while he slept he'd see the faces of his parents, accusing him of getting them killed. If he hadn't inconsequently gone to ministry, both his fathers would still be here and he knew it.

It was like he was full of that feeling he had back when he tortured Bellatrix, he felt powerful, he felt heavy and aggressive, he felt like knocking things down, ripping things apart and destroying all of those around him.

But what angered Harry the most was how people just seemed to be going on with their lives like nothing had happened… like he hadn't just lost the two people that mattered the most to him in the entire world. How could they keep living like that? How could a person feel happiness around someone who could barely feel anything other than pain?

"I'm turning into Voldemort" he concluded sometimes.

He remembered how the Dark Lord had whispered in his ear, how Harry had wanted to do just like the voice was saying. For a moment there, it was as if he understood the mad man. In the end he hadn't done as his enemy had told him, but still… he had wanted to.

Voldemort had had nothing ever since the beginning and he hated himself deep down for knowing he was half-blood. Could Harry really blame him for being how he was now… when everything seemed to make so much sense? When he seemed to understand the man's rage against the world?

He kept bottling up all these feelings, fears and pain every day and he didn't know what would happen when he finally exploded.

But one thing was still there, in the back of his mind, glowing like a bit of hope. He knew he was a mess, a complete utter mess, but he had felt like this before. It hadn't been nearly as bad, especially given the situation, but it had been the same feelings. And he remembered well how everything had worked out, how the illicit addiction had soothed his doubts and pain and made him feel… alive again.

So, right now there was only one thing that made sense for Harry Potter. That no matter what it took; he needed to see him again.

--

"Are you sure about this Harry?" Molly asked him, for what seemed like the hundredth time that day. "Dumbledore said you could stay home for another week" she reminded him.

Maybe he could have snapped something back, but the boy was being very cautious about how he acted around the Weasley family… because he knew it wasn't their fault, no matter how much they seemed to annoy him by talking to him as though he was a ticking bomb.

"… I rather go back to school already… fill my mind with other things" he said in a neutral tone, as he looked down at his breakfast.

"Oh alright" she said with a concerned voice, then looking at him with pity in her eyes. Oh, how he hated that look!

He clenched his hand under the table and ate his food much faster then was healthy.

Ron chose that moment to come down stairs, having just got out of bed. He stumbled his way towards the table and sat down beside his friend.

"Morning mate" he slurred as he grabbed a plate blindly.

It had been Harry's idea to go to go back to Hogwarts earlier than planned and to show support Ron had agreed to go with him. Although… the Boy-Who-Lived wasn't quite sure how he felt about it. Maybe what he really did need was just to be left alone.

They left right after eating and flooed directly to Dumbledore's office, the headmaster had opened the connection especially for them. As he stepped out, Harry realized he wasn't as angry with the man as he had thought, and it was somewhat comforting since he was the last guardian-like figure the boy had left.

As they walked towards the gryffindor's common room, Harry took in everything around them. It was as though seeing it through someone else's eyes. It felt much more like 'home' to him than The Burrow had been. It got him thinking about Christmas break and summer, which immediately gave him a mental image of his empty house. He closed his eyes and tried to push it away, he didn't want to think about it. It was really, literally killing him.

They were greeted by the few people that were still in the common room and not already down at breakfast, and that included Hermione that had been already expecting them. She had stayed in Hogwarts instead of going with them, not that surprising, really.

Going to his room, everything felt surreal, it was like… everything was the same, the bed, the mess, his broom, his trunk, Dean's posters on the wall… nothing had changed. Except for him.

The anger that he had been feeling rouse inside him again. He just couldn't see himself capable of going back to his own life as if nothing had happened. There was no routine he could make that'd make him forget.

He just couldn't forget that he was getting no more owls, no more smart conversations with Remus, no more quidditch games with Sirius, no more dinners together, no more Christmas, no more watching his fathers bicker about silly things. Nothing.

He was alone. And it was real.

--

He was walking down the corridor with the distinct feeling that he wasn't alone, and he should be since it was way after hours and he was nearing the end of his patrolling duties. He looked back, and saw nothing.

"I'm going bloody daft" he murmured. Ever since the attack on the Department of Mysteries had happened – including the arrest of his father afterwards – he just wasn't the same. He felt an inexplicable guilt over what happened as though he had been the one to cause it. Well, he did have a hand in it…

But it had been nearly a week since the incident and exactly eight days since he had any actual contact with his arch enemy, he probably knew how many hours too, but chose to pretend he didn't care. He knew that the closer they were to each other, the more they would hurt as the war unfurled.

He checked the time and sighed, it was finally time for him to go back. This whole thing was boring, although going to his dorm wouldn't be much better. He wasn't really sleeping well these days.

He was all the way up on the seventh floor, so he started to head for the stair that were just down the corridor, but a cold hand grabbed his arm and he turned around sharply, wand in hand.

Only… there was no one there.

"Just come... we can't talk here" a voice he knew very well half asked, half ordered.

"Potter, are you mad? What are you doing here at this time? " he demanded with the slytherin tone he had always used.

"…you…you own me this much" it replied in a low, angry voice as he pulled at the blonde's hand again, gesturing towards the room of requirements.

Draco drew in a long breath before letting himself be dragged away, it was as if he couldn't bring himself to say no. He was just too weak.

He entered the room accompanied by the invisible Potter and as soon as the door had closed behind them, he watched as the Gryffindor became visible again. He had an invisibility cloak.

The messy haired one dropped cloak and map to the side without much care and turned to the pale boy who stood in the middle.

"What do you want?" Draco demanded at once, trying to put up the indifferent act while he still could.

"I have so many bloody things in my mind right now, that I can barely stand looking at you without trying to murder you." Harry said with anger, not answering the question "All I want is to know is why you are doing this." he asked with a very serious expression on his face. The thing that had hurt him the most back then was not knowing…

"Doing what?" the slytherin asked, purposely feigning ignorance.

Harry gave him a pissed off skeptical look "You know what." He said matter-of-factly "But I guess that's just it, isn't it? You just… pretend it didn't happen and that's ok with you" he accused, not even bothering to hide how much it hurt him.

Draco's mask seemed to drop like magic, as he ran a hand through his hair impatiently and looked elsewhere, not wanting to see the gryffindor's face. "…it can't happen, it's as simple as that" he answered, still looking at the suddenly-oh-so-interesting blank wall. "Why are you bringing this up again? What do you expect?"

"Because it won't leave me alone, you bloody selfish git" he yelled back "And it was happening! That's all it matters! You weren't like this before, you didn't think about it, that's why it happened in the first place. Because we didn't have to think, we just did what we wanted, no expectations, no world around us. So why, why did you take it away?"

Finally, the blond looked back at him, rolling his eyes in annoyance. "That's just it! There is a bloody fucking world around us, Potter! And while we're too busy snogging each other, my side is planning on how to kill yours. As you may have noticed" he said the last part with particularly more venom. He wanted to hurt Harry for bringing this up after what he did to bury it inside his mind. He didn't want to think about something that he wanted more than anything, but knew he could not have.

He could swear the gryffindor's eyes were getting watery, but he looked so angry that one thing didn't fit the other. "Yeah, they're bloody murdering everyone I love, thank you for the reminder! … But this… this has nothing to do with them! You know it as well as I do that we forget about everything when we're together, we can pretend there's no war, nothing! We can just be… us. And I know how much you wish for that too, I know it, I can feel it, Draco"

The blonde cursed out loud and made a frustrated noise. "Don't you get it you stupid idiot?!! We're just bloody fooling ourselves! There's no 'just us' there's 'us and the rest of the bloody world' and as much as we want to, there's no splitting them apart." He said, raising his voice. "Get it through your thick head, I am a Death Eater, you are the The Boy-Who-Bloody-Lived, we're suppose to kill each other and when it comes down to it we will! Would you spare me in the war if you had to choose me and Granger? Or the Weasel? Out there I'm Malfoy, your enemy, and when you kill me you will have to live without this Draco you know, so just get the bloody hell used to it already!"

He was putting so much energy in his words that even his face looked flushed, and his eyes looked like they had a fire in them.

Harry, on the other hand, was building up the only feeling that he seemed to know these days, anger. He hated it that the slytherin just couldn't understand it! Or rather, he could but chose to ignore it. Didn't he understand that Harry had nothing left? That he just wanted a little bit of peace, another dose of his drug to soothe him?

Before he even thought much, he charged. Holding the front of Draco's robe he slammed the boy, with much more force than what was safe, against the wall. Not caring if he actually hurt him. He didn't let go of the other seeker's clothes as he did it and promptly yelled "I LOST EVERYTHING!" with a fury he couldn't believe he felt.

His lips were trembling, so strong was the emotion consuming him, and a couple of angry tears fell from his eyes as he tried to calm down even if just a bit. He shook Draco softly as though he had lost all his strength, but didn't break the eye contact. "I… need you… to keep me sane" the words left him as whispers, "I… can't… do this anymore" he said even more softly.

Silent sobs wrecked his body and he let the grip on Draco's clothes lessen, as he lowered his head, leaning it on the other boy's shoulder. His arms stayed by his side as though they were too heavy for him attempt to move them.

For a moment he just stood like that, the only part of him touching Draco was his forehead, pressed against the boy's shoulder. But after the slytherin had an internal battle of his own, Harry felt arms coming up to wrap him in a hesitant embrace.

Draco felt like he was giving in to an addiction after being clean for, what he judged, a really long time. But… he just couldn't do anything else… they just fit together like two pieces of a puzzle.

It was strange how, out of everyone that was trying to cheer him up, trying to get him to act normally again… it was his life-long rival's arms wrapped around him that made him feel like everything was going to be ok. It felt like he was home again.

Fingers combed his messy hair slowly, in a very soothing pace, and the warmth flowing between them seemed to overshadow how cold he had been feeling those last days.

He didn't even realize that something like this had never happened before between the two of them. They used to talk, they kissed and touched and played suicidal games… but neither had had the courage of being so… caring as Draco was daring to be right now. And Harry would decide he liked it, no, that he needed it.

A chin rested on top of his head and he heard a sigh coming from the blonde "I… did miss this" he dared to say however softly it came out.

And Harry knew what he was saying, what the slytherin had really meant was 'I did miss you'. He could feel it through Draco's emotions, through his voice and his skin. They just couldn't hide something so strong from the other.

It was most obvious when the blonde was the one to seek Harry's lips first, lifting the boy's face with his own.

Oh, that was it! This feeling! This addictive piece of heaven that coursed through both of them when their lips met, that was what Harry had needed!

The gryffindor answered immediately, with all his strength, with all of himself, as though depositing all his frustrations in that single act. He felt the magic running through them, pulsing inside and pulling them close together.

And the kiss that had first started chaste and caring turned into one much more demanding and full of lust. He couldn't pull away for anything, he just wanted more and more and more. And so his hand came up to hold Draco's tie, undoing it at a speed he didn't even know he could muster. He didn't really know what he was doing, and didn't really care what that was going to lead to, he just needed to feel the other's skin under his hands.

Suddenly Draco pulled away from him, holding his hand still and looking straight into his eyes. He seemed to be debating over something, and there were so many things running through his mind that Harry couldn't make out what he was thinking at all. A second later, he pulled the messy haired boy by the hand, not saying a thing and brought him close as they walked just a few steps.

As simple as that and the next thing Harry knew he was being covered by the pale body as they fell onto a bed. He wrapped his arms instinctively around Draco's neck pulling him closer and acknowledging briefly how well their bodies seemed to fit against the other.

There were no inhibitions again, and the blonde promptly attacked the buttons of Harry's shirt, desperate to take it off. Being returned the favor moments later by an equally frantic gryffindor.

That's what the Boy-Who-Lived needed the most right now, to feel like he was desired, to feel like there was someone out there who still needed him, Harry, no more no less. He could, at the same time, destroy all the anger, pain and frustration and still get the one thing he needed.

"I need this so bad…" he told the slytherin between their kisses "I'm addicted, Draco, I'm addicted" he said, ending with a slight moan as the slytherin touched him through his trousers.

"You think I'm not?" the blonde's hoarse reply came, oh so close to his ear. "I can't bloody stop wanting you" he admitted, biting his ear lobe deliciously slow.

Harry started to lose control, he started letting the moans leave his throat without much care as his nails dug into the slytherin's back every time the blonde provoked him. Thoughts and needs kept running through his mind and soon he reached in between them, unbuttoning Draco's pants. He really, really needed him. Bad.

The blonde wasn't quite sure how he had gone so fast from being set on avoiding the gryffindor and being with said boy in the most intimate way two people could be. But he was slowly deciding he didn't care, or at least that he didn't want to think about it now. And he knew it was because, no matter what he said, he loved their little private world.

Harry's eyes looked up at him pleadingly and their magical exchange told Draco everything. All the messy haired boy wanted was to feel something. He needed an emotion, a feeling, be it pleasure, pain or a combination of the two. It just had to be strong enough to erase everything else from his mind, so he could feel peace, so he could stop thinking.

And so Draco stopped dueling with himself and started doing as his emotions told him. And when he made up his mind, he didn't ask for permission, he didn't think much about what he was doing, he just followed unknown instincts and tried to make them both feel good.

Harry didn't say a thing, he just let the blonde guide him, and moaned when he finally felt their bodies being joined together. Then there was only heat, and ache and bliss all at the same time.

It was unbelievably surreal.

It wasn't just physical. He could feel as a strong concentration of magic seemed to explode around them. It came from inside them and it changed their bodies and mind and everything around. His thoughts were wiped blank completely. Thoughts about war, loss and grief just weren't a part of his being anymore. For there was only one thing in that room, two pieces of the same soul coming together to complete the other in every single way.

He heard Draco's voice only vaguely, and yet he knew everything the other was saying, there was almost no need for words. And as they moved together, he was sure. There was just nothing in the whole world that could make him feel like this. He wasn't just feeling happiness, he was… making it. He felt it so strong that he himself seemed to be the source of it all.

"You feeling it?" Draco's voice sounded, even rougher than it had been in the beginning. "It's… unbelievable." He said, not finding the exact words. He wasn't really at the top of his coherency at the moment.

"Yeah…" the messy haired boy agreed in a whisper as he tightened his legs around the other even more. It was never enough. "We're the same" he said, not even knowing at the moment how many meanings that statement had.

It wasn't a minute later and both were feeling so powerful, so magical, so hot, so intense that it seemed they were going to explode or melt right into the other. And they reached that peak at the exact same time, feeling the exact same pulse and moving in the very same way.

The gryffindor was sure neither managed to say something coherent as they came together, as sure as he was that both had called out the other's name, however vocally it hadn't been.

But as Draco collapsed on top of him, completely drained much like himself, he did manage to say something. And it was tying the already surreal moment with an even more surreal ending.

The gray eyes met the green ones, and a pale hand reached out to touch the messy haired boy's face. It was an awfully intimate and caring gesture and then the blonde's voice echoed around the room.

"I love you"

--

A.N:

OMGGGG this took like FOREVER seriouslllyyyyyyy. I already told you guys, I think I suck at doing lemon scenes and stuff so it always takes me forever to write it. But this was unbelievable. Normally, my chapters are 5 pages long and seriously I wrote all the five pages all at once the day after I released the last chapter. But just this stupid last page here took like a week or something to get written! (Ok, I was partying 24/7 but that's just a detail lol)

Anyway… I hope you guys liked it -hides and avoids the subject of Remmie and Siri-

No but seriously, I was really glad I got so much feedback last chap. So is that what I have to do to get you people to review? XD Do away with your favorite characters? Lololol I'll keep this in mind XD

Answer to Reviews:

Airlady:It's ok XD I'm glad you reviewed though :) Yeah I'm meaaaannn :D
latinanewschic: Oh don't cry! XD It'll be ok! There there!
Moony73: Ownn you're back XD Omg!! I say that all the time! Don't worry but thanks for reviewing XD
.Planned: He's well, he's...insane, there you go lol I did update fast :D now smile!
Nenifer121: Ohhhnnn don't be like that -pats pats- thing's are going to be ok!

ga-4-ever: It was sad, even I felt bad for writing it ;XX can't say anything though kkk kisses!

Ice Fata: oh yey! I get to stay alive! thank you lolol XD ahhnn don't say that lol

GrlWithoutAName: Sorrry XDD Ohh so that's how it works? -takes out pen- "Killing characters makes people review" there XD I'm going to use this information in the future XDD

Astrea Severin Orion Black: o-o sorrrryyyyy don't cry, there there! (hmmm hufflepuff, interesting XD)

Miss-Janine: Calm down XDD omg lol Err all I can say it...I'll update soon kkkk XD

So guys! Review!! I wrote this chapter (well…the first five pages of it anyway) in one day just cause I got excited cause of the reviews. So review and I'll update faster, I swear!! Kisses!