Finally, their shift was over. As Owen got ready to leave the Pit, he spotted Cristina ducking inside the curtain to check on their rape victim before departing. He heard a low murmur of voices and decided to take the opportunity to go change out of his scrubs. Boot camp had taught him the art of the 60 second clothing change, and that was not a skill one ever forgot when the consequences for failure had been incredibly onerous not just for him, but for his entire squad. He was certain he would finish before her and wouldn't miss her on the way out. When he was done, he leaned against the wall across from the entrance to the Residents' locker room and waited. Cristina emerged a few minutes later, and did a double take when she saw him.

He moved away from the wall and approached her. "Can we talk?"

"Uh, sure." She just stood there.

"Not here."

"Uh...ok. Want to go to Joe's? Or sit in the lobby?"

She's not suggesting anywhere private, he noticed, and felt a pang of sadness. They had slowly and steadily built a bond of comfortable safety and intimacy between them in the past few months, and with the realization that that was truly gone, Owen began grieving that loss among the many others he was already dealing with. He understood her wish to keep things public, but neither of her suggestions appealed to him, and he nodded in the general direction of her building. "How about the bench in front of your place? Would that be ok?"

"Fine." She started walking and he fell in step beside her. His hand itched to reach for hers, but he knew better than to try. It was so hard to know how to be with her now. They had not established any ground rules for this breakup, and all he had to go by was his suspicion that whatever he wanted to do to get closer to her, it was probably wrong.

The evening was chilly, but they both had coats, and with daylight savings time, it wasn't dark yet. The crossed the street in silence and sat down.

"How... how are you?" he began.

"Not so good," she turned and met his gaze. Her eyes were dull with pain. She had hidden it well during their shift, but now it was written all over her.

"Yeah, me either." He felt the emotions begin to surface again, but did his best to keep things neutral. Stay focused. You have a goal to accomplish.

They were silent for a minute or two. They could have sat there quietly for much longer, but Owen finally spoke up.

"Look, I just wanted you to know that I'm...I'm getting help. I went to Derek last night..."

Cristina looked at him in surprise. "Derek? Why Derek?"

"He approached me after... after what happened. I guess Meredith must have told him something. He offered to help."

"And you took him up on it..."

Owen's gave a self-deprecating chuckle. "No, actually. I wasn't ready to hear it yet. I insulted the hell out of him."

Amusement lit Cristina's eyes. "I hope you got in a good one?"

Owen smiled back. It was so refreshing to see her like this after what they'd been through that he found himself drinking in the moment, wanting to prolong it for as long as possible. "A little too good, actually. I was worried he'd throw me out of his office when I finally went back to see him."

"But he didn't..."

"No, he didn't. He's a decent guy... better than decent, actually. He acted like it never happened. So... I had an MRI last night."

Cristina's eyebrows shot up. "And?"

"Nothing definitive… Well, that's not entirely true. I don't have a brain tumor, so that's good news. He said he had to rule that out first... but PTSD can show up sometimes on an MRI, and he didn't see any evidence on mine. He said it might be because the incident that caused it was relatively recent. It can take time for the changes to develop, if they do at all."

Cristina nodded. He wasn't telling her anything about the syndrome she hadn't already uncovered in her research, but it was good to hear that Owen was finally getting educated as well. "So where does that leave you?"

"With an appointment for a sleep study two nights from now, and an appointment with a shrink early next week."

"Wow. You didn't waste any time." He could hear the approval in her voice, but didn't feel comfortable taking any credit.

"Yeah, I did. I wasted months." Owen turned to her, his eyes darting to her hand in her lap. As if reading his mind, she reached over and took his hand in both of hers, giving it a little squeeze, and he took a breath before continuing. "You tried to get me to do this a while ago and I was too much of an idiot to listen to you. And now... now I've really done some damage."

"I'm fine, Owen."

"You're not fine, Cristina. Callie told me what happened last night. You're not fine."

Agitated, Cristina pulled her hands away abruptly and rubbed them back and forth on her jeans. '"Oh, geez, why can't that girl keep her mouth shut? It's probably all over the hospital by now."

"I don't think so. I asked her to keep things quiet, if that's even possible for her. I think she's aware this is delicate... anyway, that's beside the point, Cristina. You woke up screaming. I know a little too much about that kind of thing. You're not fine."

"I had a nightmare. It happens. It's not a big deal."

"About me. Your nightmare was about me, wasn't it? You were reliving the event."

Cristina said nothing.

Owen stared at her until she looked at him. He held her gaze for a long moment. "You and I... we're more alike than even I realized. And I've thrown this same bullshit around for long enough to know it when I see it."

"Look, it's happened once..."

Owen held up a hand to stop her from continuing. "Just listen for a minute. It's bad enough for me to know I injured you physically. I… I can hardly bear to think of it. Can you even imagine what it's doing to me to know that you're having nightmares because of me? That I'm in them?" He broke off with a bitter laugh, emotion momentarily hampering his ability to articulate what was coming next. "Good god, Cristina, I'm having enough trouble dealing with my own issues without having to deal with yours. And I will have to deal with yours if you won't. Even if you don't want me to, I will. I can't cause something like this and then not try to fix it. So just cut it out, ok? Something really traumatic happened to you. You probably need to go talk to someone about it."

"I..."

He didn't give her time to formulate her denial, and forged ahead. "I realize I have no right to ask anything of you... even if it's because I care. I feel selfish even trying. But I'm asking anyway. If this happens again, promise me you'll go see someone. Would you do that for me?"

Their eyes met, and her expression softened ever so slightly. "I'll think about it."

"Fair enough." It was clear he would get no further with her this evening. And that fit. No one could have convinced him to go seek help after one nightmare, either. He got up to go, and Cristina rose too. He kept his hands in the pockets of his coat, though he really wanted to give her a hug. They stood there and looked at each other for a moment, and then Cristina surprised him by moving in and putting her arms around his waist, and he returned the embrace, letting out the breath he had not even been aware he was holding. She buried her face in his shoulder. "I'm proud of you. I'm really glad you're getting help. Thanks for telling me."

He squeezed her tightly and pressed his lips to the top of her head, relief warring with a surge of incredible heartache. "I'm so sorry... I'm sorry I ruined everything."

"I know."

They stood for a moment, just holding each other, before Cristina disengaged herself. She turned and let herself into her building without looking back, and Owen walked slowly back to his truck. Telling her about his efforts, expressing his concern for her, asking her to get help for herself - he had done all he could for now. In the context of their relationship, just making love to her would have been enough of a paradigm shift for one day; losing her and leaving his denial behind in that same 24 hour span had magnified it until he felt like he'd gone to sleep in one country and woken up in another. The difference between the way he saw things yesterday and the way he saw them today couldn't be more pronounced, and although he was certain her reality had shifted in the past day or so too, it was a lot to ask for her to be on the same page with him at this early stage.

With this shift came the increasingly galling realization of just how much responsibility he actually had for this chain of events. He could try and shrug it off by saying he'd been asleep, but he couldn't deny that he had resisted getting help when doing so would have been a hell of a lot easier than it was now. She had asked him to. She had practically fucking begged him to. And the fact that he hadn't listened, hadn't respected her opinion enough to give it any credence - that was his fault, even if he hadn't been awake for the actual offense.

And it was too late now - too late to do this the easier way. If he had only listened to her, he could have had her by his side through all of it. He knew without a doubt that she would have been there for him in every possible way. Now, the descent into the darkness was his to bear alone, and while he was relatively sure she would walk it with him in spirit, that was a far cry from having her to hold at the end of the day, to share a drink with at Joe's, or to take the edge off by making her squirm with pleasure in all the many ways he had conjured up since their lovemaking yesterday. He knew he had no one to blame but himself, and realized that this was probably the first of many lessons he was likely to learn as he walked this lonely path. He could only hope that she would still be there when he came out the other side.

If he came out.

-----------------

"Look at that!" Meredith hissed as they made their way down the block to Joe's. She pulled Callie aside suddenly, so they could hide around the corner of the building but still see the front of Cristina's place. Callie glanced over toward where Meredith was pointing, only to see Owen and Cristina embracing. "I really will kill that guy. Can't he leave her alone?"

"Meredith," Callie tried to calm her down, "he said he was gonna talk to her. And it's not like they're kissing or anything. It's just a hug. And look, she's going up without him. He's just doing what he told me he would do. You need to chill out."

"I can't. It's like watching your friend walk in front of a truck. He's already hurt her once."

"And how many times did Derek hurt you before you got this little gem on your finger?" Callie challenged her.

"That's different. He never tried to strangle me!" She gave Callie an incredulous look, "You're on his side! I can't believe it. How could you be on his side?"

"I am not. I talked to him, that's all, and if you do you might feel differently too."

"I don't want to talk to him. I have nothing to say to him."

Callie had had enough, and she gave Meredith a hard look. "Did it occur to you that maybe he has something to say to you?" She shook her head at the defiance on Meredith's face. "Look, do it anyway... Just do it, ok? Then, if you still feel this way, I'll listen to more of what you have to say. Now let's go. I want to get a buzz on and hear about Derek's proposal." She peeked around the corner to make sure that Owen had already crossed their path and was unlikely to spot them, then took Meredith's arm and began marching her in the direction of Joe's.