ATMOS PART FIVE

Ianto stood there with his mouth half open about to speak, but really not sure what to say. He could feel the intensity of Jack's feelings through the tight grip on his arm and the fierce tumult in his eyes, but he was at a loss. Jack suddenly released him and the expression on his face dropped to one of disappointment as he clearly misunderstood Ianto's rather goldfish like reaction. He about faced, but Ianto grabbed his hand and pulled him back. Their eyes met once again.

"I didn't know Jack. I really didn't know. You've never said. I never let myself believe that you ever would, or that you could."

Jack really wasn't certain whether or not he should be hurt by that. "Am I honestly that hard to read?"

Ianto nodded. "About some things, yes you are. Blatantly obvious about others of course but..... I just know how hard it must be for you. I wouldn't expect.... I just wanted to know where I stood."

"And now that you do?"

"I love you Jack and I'd do anything for you, but you have to understand that I cannot stop living my life.... letting my friends face all the adversity while I'm kept sitting in the background. I've been with Torchwood all of my working life. It's all I know, I accept what that means in terms of my life expectancy, willingly accept it. If you and I are going to be in a relationship you have to accept it as well. I'd rather die knowing I did something right with my life, even if it meant dying tomorrow, not that I want to die, I'm just not afraid to. I need you to trust in me, that I really want to live. I am no longer the broken man you left behind when you went with the Doctor. You fixed me Jack, gave me the strength to carry on, even when you weren't here."

Jack smiled at him and Ianto thought he was going to pass out with the relief obvious in his face.

"Are we ok Ianto?"

"Yes, Jack. We're ok. We have a long way to go, but we're ok. Now I really should get this coffee ready before Owen comes looking for it." Ianto let go of his hand, but not before smiling back and gently placing a brief chaste kiss to his cheek. "Now shoo, out of my kitchen."

Feeling infinitely happier Jack practically skipped in the direction of the boardroom.

The team collected around the table eating their lunches and sipping on divine beverages whilst discussing the merits of Ianto's plan and Tosh's attempts to test the ATMOS device on Owen's car. It disintegrated into a lively debate about the last person, namely a pretty girl, that Owen had had on the back seat after Gwen found some rather dubious marks on the upholstery. Ianto covered his ears at that point and tried to avoid listening to Gwen and Owen giggling and yelling at the same time whilst chasing each other around the room. Sanity finally prevailed when everyone realised it was almost 4pm and Jack called the room to order.

"Ok guys..... so the plan is. Tosh and Ianto will be going to pay Mr Luke Rattigan a visit with camera in tow... Ianto I'll need you to finalise the details with Matt at the BBC and the rest of us, business as usual. Tosh how did your experimentations go?"

Tosh was licking icing off her fingertips from her sticky bun. "The damn thing really is cleaning the fumes out, it's out putting a nice healthy mix of oxygen and nitrogen. It really is quite harmless. If there is another purpose behind it then I do not know what it is. The only thing I haven't done yet is analyse what happens to the waste material that remains trapped in the device after the filtration process. It appears that the device is breaking at all down and compressing it, but I am not sure."

"Ok, keep at it and come up with some really cool questions for Mr Rattigan."

"Right Jack." She turned and smiled at Ianto. "I guess we'll be going off to Surrey then?"

Ianto nodded. "Probably the day after tomorrow; maybe Tuesday."

"Gwen, Owen anything to add?" Jack wanted to know.

Owen smirked. "Can't wait to see the movie!"

Ianto rolled his eyes and Tosh beamed. "We'll give you all the edited highlights I'm sure."

Gwen looked from Jack to Ianto for a moment, sensing something had changed between them. "Jack can I have a word in your office?"

He nodded. "Ok, move like you got a purpose then I might let you all go home."

Ianto dutifully got up and began collecting up the mess from lunch as Jack, Gwen and Owen walked out. Tosh hung about then began to help him.

"I'm looking forward to getting into that place. Thanks for setting it up."

Ianto straightened up for a moment. "Don't thank me until we come out again, intact with all our bits still attached in the right places." He replied with a faint smile.

"We'll be fine Ianto. We can both handle ourselves and I am glad to have you with me."

Ianto couldn't tell her how much that meant to him. "Thank you Tosh."

Gwen closed the door at her back and perched her back side on the edge of Jack's desk as he sat in his chair.

"So, Gwen. What's up?"

She picked up a pen, fiddled with it, then put it down. "It's Ianto. I'm worried about him." She was always good at doing the whole caring thing, but Ianto was someone she found it impossible to talk to about personal stuff.

"Go on."

Gwen swung up and paced the office for a moment wondering how to say what she wanted to say without pissing Jack off. "I'm just concerned that he's going back into his shell. He really found his feet when you were away and quite frankly he helped me so much Jack..... It's just that since you came back, he's kind of slipped back into walls a bit, almost as if he sees it as his place now that you're here. It would just be nice if he felt more....."

"Confident? At ease?"

Gwen slumped into the other chair and crossed her legs. "Exactly. I don't know how things are between you two.... but......"

"That is not your concern.... well it is, but not in the way you think."

"I just don't want him to go quiet on us, he's so reserved and it's a shame because he does so much and we never notice."

Jack smiled at her. "He wouldn't want you to, well not to make a fuss anyway."

"And what about the two of you? Are you?"

"We're a work in progress, there's a lot of ground to cover for both of us and the rest you do not need to know."

Gwen was slightly irked by the fact that he wasn't talking. "You mean the world to me Jack. I was devastated when you left and almost fell apart and I know Ianto felt the same. Don't shut me out, you know I am here for you. We always used to talk about things, you made me feel.... like I meant something." She fingered her engagement ring for a moment. "I made a choice the day you left. When you woke up after Abbadon and didn't fall straight into my arms as I'd hoped you would.... I stood there and watched you kiss Ianto like you really meant it and I realised that I could never have you. You broke both our hearts that day. I have Rhys Jack and maybe I have settled for him in a way, but Ianto has no one. I just don't want to see him broken down again."

Jack leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes for a moment not wanting to see the hurt in Gwen's eyes. He finally looked straight at her.

"You won't, not on my account anyway. I love you both Gwen, but I am in love with Ianto. I missed him so much whilst I was away and all I wanted to do was get back here to be with you all and be with him. He's the only person I have ever met who really understands me and accepts what I am without question. He just does Gwen and you have no idea how hard that is for him some times... actually, maybe you do. I don't know."

Gwen went on to examining her fingernails feeling uncomfortable. "Have you told him how you feel?"

Jack was up on his feet pouring two glasses of scotch. He sauntered over and handed one to her.

"Today; as a matter of fact. I don't think he was expecting it, but he knows and like I said, we have a lot to work out in between dealing with this place."

Gwen sipped on her whiskey. "Promise me it won't affect us?"

Jack shook his head. "I can't do that. You're not jealous are you?"

Gwen's head snapped up and she met him with narrowed eyes. "No..... Yes. No Jack, not like that I don't begrudge either of you being happy. You are like some exciting fantasy for me and I suspect Ianto gets to see the real you when we've all toddled off home for the night. There's just a part of me that wishes.... and most of me is glad that you didn't because I really do love Rhys. It's just since I joined Torchwood it's been hard to hold on to some days."

"I know, and I am sorry for that, but I wouldn't ask it of you if I didn't think it worthwhile. Would it help being able to talk to him?"

"Yes, you know it would, but I know it can't be done."

Jack sighed wondering if he needed to change that.

They were interrupted by a knock on the door and Ianto entered the office with a slightly jaded look on his face.

"Sorry Jack. It's the PM on the phone.... and she is not happy."

Gwen got to her feet and put her glass on his desk. "Have fun.... I hate that cow."

Jack couldn't argue with that as he picked up his phone and watched his two favourite colleagues leave the office arm in arm with smiles on their faces.

They walked down the stairs. "So, are you coming round to watch the rugby tonight?" Gwen asked her countryman with a nudge to the ribs. Ianto grinned at her.

"I'd love to Gwen. Thank you." Suddenly the day was looking a whole lot better.