Jack was a mess, to put it simply. He sat holding Ianto's hand securely, but his head was down. He was crying, and shaking, and thinking too many things too put into words. Ianto wasn't really sure what to do, his tears had dried up an hour ago, he was sure Jack must be running out. Mind you he heals so fast, maybe he would always continually make more and more. Ianto soothed gently, feeling strange, because of the role reversal it made him anxious seeing Jack lose all control. Tosh and Owen had popped in ten minutes earlier tears still apparent on their faces. They'd said little; just that they were glad he was awake, before going back to Tosh's room for sleep. Jack had been silent, his sobs stopped from the minute the door opened until it closed behind them. It hadn't fooled them they knew he was a wreck. Ianto wasn't sure whether to be flattered that Jack felt safe enough to be real with him, rather than pretend, or worry that they were just going to hurt each other more by combining their pain. He didn't dwell on it much. In fact despite his best efforts, his thoughts kept wandering to John and the destruction he had caused. Ianto had no time to ask any questions about the ordeal, and he wasn't sure he wanted too. What he knew was too hard to bear as it was.
Torturous images continually replayed in his mind. Owen's screams of terror, as electricity pulsed through him, and then the far worse image of Owen suffering in silence but the agony only too real behind his eyes. Tosh lying cold and broken on the floor, his Tosh, the Tosh that understood him and cared for him, the greatest friend he had ever known. Then Gwen, Gwen who had died because of John. Rage pulsed through Ianto, but to an outsider his face would have remained expressionless. All she had ever done is want to protect people, and everybody had failed in protecting her. Then Ianto lowered his eyes, because for him Gwen's death was out shadowed by the nightmare John had made him see, even though it wasn't real, it would be forever burned in his mind. Every time he closed his eyes he saw all of them lying there cold and dead. For him he would never be able to rid himself of the image of Jack dead. He knew from now on he'd always question whether Jack would wake up this time or if his nightmare was really coming true. The worst thing was the possibilities his own mind had created for him. John knew that, knew that the imagination is the most evil weapon and he had wreaked irreparable damage with it. He had caused Ianto's own mind to scar itself eternally.
Tosh wasn't smiling, but she was as content as she could be under the circumstances. Her head was on Owen's chest, she kept her eyes closed and her breathing even feigning sleep, she didn't feel like talking right now, didn't know what to say. She hated having her eyes closed though, because then she saw him, looming over her, his face a malevolent leer. However, much she tried she could not distract herself, couldn't stop seeing the monster. He'd kneel down beside her, and touch her gently, purposefully slowly to cause maximum effect. A whimper left her lips, she felt so alone in the darkness with only this creature for company. Then it switched to a misshapen reality, all she could see was a replay of what had actually happened to her. Hear him pause to say the words 'You. Are. Alone.' She knew what was going to happen, and she tried to stop it to say different things, pull a gun from thin air, but her mind refused to co-operate and continued showing her the images it remembered in detail. Then she was alone shivering. Nobody would find her; she would die in a black box. This room would be her coffin
Owen felt Tosh quiver and tightened his arms around her. Comforting her in what he thought were her dreams. His eyes were open, he had resigned he would never close them again, if you couldn't see what was coming you were weak to it, you had to be aware. He wouldn't have been able to sleep anyway, he had was too full of resentment. No that was the wrong word it was stronger that, for he yearned to act, he wanted to hurt the person who had caused all this. He wanted to hurt Jack. As far as he was concerned, it was Jack's fault. He was the leader and he had let them get tortured. He should of stopped it, should of found them sooner. For pity sake, they were right under his bloody nose, in a secret crevice of the hub basement all along. How dare he not find them? How dare he expect them to just take that he didn't know what to do? What a load of bollocks! Gwen was dead, because of him, the arrogant twat! Owen didn't care how many tears Jack cried, how many years Jack had to live before he could move on, to Owen that was irrelevant, all his mind could think about was revenge. You see Gwen was dead, Tosh was destroyed he could see that in her eyes, god knows how Yan was coping, but the thing that really infuriated Owen, was that he was broken. He was just a shell of his former self, and all that carcass contained was hatred and fury. He knew for certain that no one would ever be able to heal him, be able to replace what had been lost from him. Pity surged through him, because he ached to love Toshiko, to return the feelings that because of John had become so apparent to him, but he wasn't sure he ever could. And for that, he would make Jack pay. When exactly he would take action he wasn't sure, but he knew he was a walking time bomb.
Jack felt strange, distant it wasn't a pleasant feeling, and one he had only had a few times before. Nothing felt real, even Ianto's hand in his couldn't bring him back to reality, although he held it tightly scared to lose his grip on the world in case he floated away further and never returned. His thoughts were rambled and even he couldn't decipher them. The images were clearer, but he wished they weren't, he'd do anything to not be able to see them. That room, below his feet all the time. Gwen in a crimson pool, she looked beautiful before you realised it was her blood she was lying in. Then Owen, blue his body still shaking violently despite the fact that no new pain was being inflicted. Brave Tosh lying cold and broken on the floor, Ianto blood pouring from what looked like every part of his bruised body. The worst thing was the fear, Jack could feel it now rising in his throat, the panic that he would lose them all the whole of his beloved team. Then the next image in the seemingly never ending circuit, Tosh looking scared and vulnerable, as far over on the bed as possible, her doe eyes conveying her anxiety. Then Owen refusing to look at him, the hatred he felt for Jack apparent in the set of his jaw. Gwen lying there so peaceful free from all this at last, he would never be free, Tosh and Owen breaking down by the side of her bed. Ianto's face when he woke up only to be greeted by tears. For a second he returned to the present knowing the images would start repeating themselves soon. He was amazed to find his face moist and the tears still falling unashamedly. Jack looked at Ianto, sorrow in his once handsome eyes
"I'm sorry." He whispered, knowing it would never be enough.
A/N And that's it finito!! What did you think? May do a sequel at some point in the future, or more stories like this, so watch out for them!!! Reviews appreciated!! I'd love to hit 30!!!