ONLY A MEMORY

CHAPTER THREE

Clark opened his eyes abruptly and saw he was lying in his bed. Lying snuggled next to him was Lois. He glanced at the digital clock on the bedside table. It said 05.45 am. He glanced out the window and could see the light had already changed in the early morning sky. It would be fifteen minutes again before he and Lois had to rise to work. He looked at her sleeping form and pushed his hair back and for some strange reason felt out of sorts. He had been dreaming. He was sure of it. But he could barely recall anything now. He saw shadows and light in his mind's eye and he sat up feeling he could smell a strange, floral scent. He looked at Lois again. It was not her. Not like any of her perfumes.

It dissipated, making him wonder if he had smelled it in the first place. He stopped and frowned, then shook his head wryly. He must be imagining things. He was about to swing his legs over the bed when a hand snaked out to catch his arm.

"Where are you off to, Smallville? We have fifteen minutes before it's time to get up."

He turned and smiled as she yanked him back down. She crawled atop him and kissed him. "It felt like a lifetime since you flew off with Wonder Woman yesterday morning."

She nibbled his neck, nipped his ear and his brows rose as her hands worked at the knot to his pajama bottoms. He said, "Um, you know we have to get to work on time today? We can't afford to be late. Perry has that meeting...

Lois mashed her lips on his. "Oh, shut up, farmboy, and give it up."

She was about to straddle him and throw off the tee-shirt she wore.

Clark broke the kiss off. "Wait..."

His hand searched in the top drawer of the bedside table for protection. Lois tended to be reckless at times and he fully well knew they couldn't afford to be blase about having sex without the protection that would ensure that she would not be subject to his Kryptonian DNA. At times he would swear she wanted him to be as rash as she was, and throw caution to the wind and let them take a chance. Lois had always been the independent career woman who would never have settled down were it not for falling for a Superman, or later as she said, Clark Kent. She would have never really cared about domestic matters. But now she was married and especially since her sister, Lucy, and Lana Lang have children, she found herself wanting to have a child. She was thirty three and her biological clock was ticking. It felt at times as if God had played the ultimate joke on her to make her fall in love with a man who was the perfect man in every way but genetically they were not even compatible. Clark had been forewarned by his father Jor-el that he could not procreate with humans. The risk of a human woman carrying a Kryptonian child was too great. A pregnancy could result in her death. Even if they could conceive, which was highly unlikely, the effect of sunlight being absorbed via the skin would most likely cause a child to kill her just by it kicking her in the womb.

Clark could never allow himself to make love to her unprotected, just as he always had to let her be on top when they made love to keep himself disciplined and controlled, and not use his full strength with her. Sex was comforting, he supposed and his love for Lois made it possible to accept that whilst he may never attain the sheer heights of physical pleasure, he and Lois were together and that was all that mattered.

But now just by her aggressiveness, he sensed she wanted him to forget the sheath this morning. It was as if she wanted to prove something. Lois always got a little insecure whenever Wonder Woman came around. Yesterday morning Diana had dropped by and when they left together he knew Lois had been upset. He had heard her mutter and mock Diana as he flew off. He and Diana were just good friends, and he had told this to Lois many times, but still she seemed to be slightly cynical of Wonder Woman's good intentions.

She grimaced as he lifted the sheath. "We need this. Lois..."

She purred and kissed his mouth. "Oh, come on, Smallville, take a chance..."

He drew back, breaking off the kiss. "Lois, I said we need this..."

She glowered and said abruptly, "You know what? I'm suddenly not in the mood. Lusty, spontaneous sex with my husband seems to be non-existent."

She climbed off him. Clark began grimly, "You know we can't take the chance without..."

"I know. I know. It's for my safety. Kryptonian and human DNA don't mix. If I get pregnant I could die. Yes, I heard it all before." She looked down at his grave look and said darkly, "It doesn't make it any easier. And you know what, Clark? I'm only human so forgive me if I act like one sometimes..."

She stood up, stormed towards the bathroom, and slammed the door. Clark flung the sheath aside. He leaned back against the pillows and looked out the window. The sky was clearing. This was possibly, apart from fear of her dying, the only other thing that caused some difficulties in their relationship. It made him feel guilty at times that he was subjecting such a vibrant woman like Lois to a kind of life that reminded her daily that they were so different. How long could they sustain this? Could the love they share weather this? He hoped it could. He loved Lois and this sense of belonging, of being part of the humanity he felt as her husband, Clark Kent. Yet later tonight when he would leave her to do Monitor Duty he would be reminded that Clark Kent was not only who he was, no matter how much he saw himself as no different to normal people. He was Superman. A man with the powers of a demi-god, a man who inspired a generation of heroes, who stood as a leader and protector of all beings, not only of Metropolis. He was a man descendant from an alien race now defunct. He wasn't only a farmboy turned reporter. He was the last of his kind. He owed a lost race to never forget them too.

Clark held the space between his eyes. He felt something nagging him. It was not all guilt. Not like what he used to feel. It felt like an emptiness and he took in a deep breath. He looked up to see Lois with his super vision in the bathroom slamming down the toothpaste and scowling at her reflection as she vigorously brushed her teeth. He winced. Great, she was peeved and that was never a good start to any day.

She sat across him in the newsroom of the Daily Planet for most of the morning, calm and seemingly fixated on her computer screen. She claimed she had a story to finish and it was the reason she really was so quiet. Clark Kent knew better. She was irate. She even brushed away his suggestion to go out for lunch.

"Come on, Smallville. I have a dead-line. You know that. I have nothing else to make demands upon my time but my work...right? "she asked tartly.

Clark left her alone. He was wise enough to know not to push Lois.

He found himself speeding over Metropolis heading towards Smallville. He found his father in the barn fiddling with the lawn mower. His mother was not around from what he could see. Jonathan Kent smiled as he saw his son enter. Superman would often drop in to see his parents, so this was no surprise.

"Hey, son. How are you?"

"I'm okay. Where's Ma?"

"She's gone to see a sick neighbour. Will you hand me that spanner, Clark?"

Clark picked up the tool and passed it over. "Why don't you just let me cut the lawn, Pa? Or let me buy you a riding one and you can throw away that old thing."

"I enjoy cutting the lawn, son. And this thing isn't old. Just needs a bit of tinkering, that's all." Jonathan added, "Hungry? There's lamb casserole and apple-pie..."

Clark shook his head. "No. I'm okay. I'm not hungry." He paused, then said seriously, "I need to talk."

Jonathan looked up at once. Normally if something bugged Clark he would shut down and wallow first, or maybe beat around the bush because he never liked to burden others. That he got straight to the point was a first. "What's wrong, son?"

Clark folded his arms across his chest. "When you and Ma were trying for a child and you couldn't have one...how did you feel?"

Jonathan sighed. "It was a very hard time for us both. We wanted a child badly. Your Ma had lost one when she was very young and could never conceive after that. It was painful for her. So you could imagine the joy when you came into our life..."

"Do you think Lois feels this same sort of pain?"

Jonathan Kent looked at him gravely. "So this is what this is about...?"

Clark nodded. "Yes. I can see this really bothers her but you know having children for us is impossible and I swore never to put her life at risk. I have accepted I am the last of my kind and that I cannot have children. Today we had...not an argument exactly...but I could really feel her frustration and disappointment..."

Jonathan sighed." Martha may be the better one to talk to how a woman feels about not having a child when she wants one...But I expect Lois may feel the same sort of longing your mother use to tell me about."

"She knew though before we got married. I told her I could not father children with her. She said it didn't matter."

"Well, we say a lot of things when we are young and freshly in love and I have no doubt we mean it at the time. Living it is another matter. "

"Yes, I know." He sighed. "I don't know if this will ever get better."

"It may and may not. But you changed our lives for the better."

"Adopt you mean? I'm not sure my life as it is could accommodate an innocent child. Superman has so many enemies. I have to live worrying about Lois day and night. God forbid what could happen to an innocent child. It's not as if Lois and I are you and Ma who live here in rural Kansas in safety and obscurity. We have our lives in Metropolis and Lois loves her job. She wouldn't be happy anywhere else."

Jonathan touched his shoulder. "Clark, only you and Lois can work this out and come to some common ground. But to do that you have to start to talk. These last few months have been crazy for you two if I am not right..."

Clark nodded. "It has been a tough year and we have had a lot on our plate. And I'm feeling sort of disconnected to all of this. A weariness I can't explain. That has worried me even more."

Jonathan's face looked concerned. "Maybe you two should take some time out. You know, just together. No Metropolis. No villains. No reporting. No League. Just Lois and Clark and try to take a breath. No matter how much you think you are trying to be normal and living a normal life, just being who you are makes that impossible. Sometimes even heroes get burnt out. "

Clark nodded. He said seriously, "I'll try to see if I can wrangle some time for us away from the Planet."

Superman went to J'onn to discuss taking his name off the roster after Perry had reluctantly agreed to let him and Lois take time away. Mr. White, who knew the pair well, suspected they were going through something and, having weathered years of ups and downs in a marriage himself, recognized they needed a break. Lois had been surprised at first but consented after Clark sat her down and tried to explain why they needed to do this. She would have probably let him stew a while but Clark never played games and was always earnest. She was at least grateful for that. And Lois knew she had struck gold when she got such an easy -going man like him. She would be a fool to give up on what they had.

The Martian Manhunter picked up the roster and said, "I will try to get it covered."

"Thanks, J'onn. We're hoping to go to Mexico first. Lois wants to go lie around and tan a bit, then go spend time with her family. I'll give you the details."

J'onn nodded. "Very well. When do you want to go?'

"Tomorrow if possible. I got a flight for the Kents at short notice and can't book it until I know what I have to do..."

J'onn stroked his chin." Ah, I see. But you were due to do monitor duty tomorrow."

"I know it's short notice..."

"I will see who I can find to cover." He went to the intercommunications system. He made a few calls. Batman was not interested in covering Superman as he had Gotham to worry about. Green Lantern was actually on a deep space mission. Aquaman had a kingdom to run. Steel had a function to attend. The Atom was knee deep in research. Flash and his wife had a school play of the twins to attend.

J'onn looked at the Man of Steel regretfully. "I am not having much success. I would do it but I am on night duty this week."

"No, J'onn I don't expect you to skip work for me. If you can't cover it then I guess we'll just hang around in Metropolis until you can find a replacement..."

J'onn saw Wonder Woman's signal beeping on the in-coming panel of the teleporter. J'onn said, "Here comes Diana. I'd ask her if I were you as it seems you are running out of candidates."

Wonder Woman stepped off the teleporter and saw Superman standing with J'onn at the main monitor console. She smiled gently at them both. "Hello, Clark, J'onn."

Superman's expression softened instantly upon beholding this woman. "Hi, Diana. I have a huge favor to ask of you."

"Ask away."

"Will you cover my Monitor Duty tomorrow? That is, if you can. I will work back for you."

"I...guess I could...What's wrong?"

"Lois and I are going on a leave of absence. You know, things have been so chaotic and we really need to take a breath. If you do this for me, I'll owe you big time."

J'onn showed her the roster. "Can you do any of his shifts?"

Diana looked at his name where it was crossed out and lifted her eyes to his. "So you will be gone with Lois for a month?"

Superman nodded. "Yes. We…er…need to do this. We need the time away..." His eyes held hers as if searching for...was it her reaction, her approval?

Wonder Woman looked down at the roster quickly, avoiding the deep blue gaze and replied, "Okay, I'll do it and, J'onn, you can slip my name in here and there."

J'onn penned her in. Superman said softly, keeping that crooked smile he kept for her alone, "Diana, you're a life-saver. Thank you."

She smiled. "Just enjoy yourself, Superman."

He nodded. "I will."

She said, "Will you two excuse me? I have to go check something in the armoury." As she moved past, Superman turned, with a slight knitting of the brow. "New perfume, Diana?"

"No, Superman, I'm not wearing perfume."

"Oh. It's just that scent coming off you seems familiar somehow."

Diana shrugged. "It's probably some incense. I was in a temple just before I ported in."

"Oh. Well, that might be it." But the bemused look remained in his eyes.

She hurriedly wished him well and left them. She walked briskly out onto the corridor where she passed other colleagues and smiled and waved. She reached the elevator to take her down to the lower levels and walked in. The minute the doors shut behind her, Diana slumped against the wall and buried her face in her hands.

She gulped, "Hera, give me strength."

Facing Superman had been the most difficult thing she had ever done. It was only the night before she had lain in his arms in Valhalla, and when he told her about him and Lois, it was as if a knife had been twisted in her gut. She had been that close to tears but the disciplined warrior part of her couldn't, wouldn't, allow them to fall. She was assailed by guilt at what she had done. She never told lies and this thing was going to prove tougher than she thought. But she had made the best decision she could. He was back with the woman he chose to bind himself to. The one he loved in the real world. Her and Kal could only be a memory.

The Martian Manhunter stared at the main monitor with his trademark staid calm. It had been a quiet day. There had not been much to call the JLA out other than the odd accident and disaster. They had not even had to bother Superman during his vacation and he was due back in a few days. All in all things were fine. He heard a beeping sound. Wonder Woman was coming in to cover Monitor Duty. He had seen Diana briefly at a League meeting two weeks ago. She herself was very busy with her post as Ambassador.

Diana appeared carrying some glass vials. No sooner had she stepped off the podium, the sound of an alarm made her jump and the holder slip out of her grasp to the floor. The crash coupled with the alarm made J'onn turn.

She uttered, after the alarm stopped, "What in Hera's name was that?"

J'onn turned to alert one of the cleaningbots and said, "That's just Michael testing the new fire alarm, Wonder Woman. He does it every Wednesday."

She frowned. "Oh, I didn't know."

J'onn said, "It's a new thing we implemented last week when you were in Germany giving that talk on the Berlin Wall. I hope it did not startle you or damage anything too important."

She sighed as the robot suctioned the broken glass and fluid. "Just some samples Steel wanted from the last mutant monster that insane Sivana created."

The Manhunter said, "Ah, have you any more samples?"

"No."

"Well, you might be able to extract something from the robot."

"I guess so. I will..."

Before she could continue the sound of the Flash porting in made them turn.

Wally alighted. "Hey gang! Look what I got! Pizza! Hungry?"

J'onn shook his head. "No. I ate already. Diana?"

Wally grinned. "Anchovies and olives, Diana. Very Med, if you ask me. Take a whiff of that!"

He opened the box and showed her the large pizza but Diana smiled at him and shook her head. "No thanks, Flash. I ate already as well. But thank you."

Flash said, "Suit yourself."

He zipped out and no sooner had he gone, Diana's face contorted and she covered her mouth and ran blindly to the nearest water closet. She retched and threw up the contents of her lunch. She gasped and opened the tap and splashed her burning cheeks with cold water. She reached for a towel and wiped her face.

"Hera, what's wrong with me?" she muttered.

Her eyes met J'onn's face in the wall mirror as her came to stand behind her. His expression was even more solemn than usual.

She cracked a weak smile. "I think I might be picking up a bug."

"Do you even get ill?" he asked.

She paled and turned to face him. "J'onn, I don't know..."

The telepath said bluntly, "Diana, I can sense life growing within you."

Diana's shoulders slumped and she shook her head and whispered, "No, J'onn...please tell me it is not so."

He reached and took her hand. He led her out the water closet and into a quiet room normally used for interviews. He could not risk anyone coming upon them. Diana wrapped her arms around herself and stared out the window as he locked the door.

"Diana, how long have you known?"

She said low, "I began to feel out of sorts two weeks ago. I put it down to over work, but then I began to feel nauseous in the morning. I thought it might be something I ingested but it continued into this week. In desperation I even tried checking my symptoms on-line and of course pregnancy was one of the possibilities that came up. I panicked and took a pregnancy test and it was negative so I can't be pregnant, can I?"

He touched her shoulder. "Diana, those tests are designed for humans. Not an immortal Amazon prodigy and...Kryptonian."

Her eyes widened. She swallowed. "You know?"

"I am sorry but your thoughts are jarring my own. I would not have violated them otherwise. What happened? How did this come to pass?"

Diana sank upon a chair and very quietly told him everything, about Asgard and her decision to return. She ended up saying sadly, "I never thought this would happen. I'm not supposed to be able to procreate with humans...The gods fashioned me that way..."

"Diana, Superman is not human. He is an alien..."

"I didn't think... He's so down to earth, you forget he is not one of them."

"Taking away Kal's memories may not have been the best course of action."

"What was I to do? Let us return the way things were? That would have ended up in heart break and sorrow, and guilt for him and Lois. He moved on because he thought she was dead. I would never have even let myself be intimate with Kal if I thought we had a chance of returning. Neither would he, I think. And Lois is innocent in all of this. She deserves to have the man she loves return to her."

"Is he the man she loves?"

Diana paled. "J'onn, this isn't easy for me. I know I may live to regret this but I don't know that I had any other choice. I have prayed to my Gods since I came back, everyday, for answers and none replies. Please, if I erred I will pay the price. Lois and Clark should not."

"So, what do you plan to do? You cannot ignore it now."

"I don't know. I...Gods, he is due back in a few days. I can't face him. If you know he will know. Even if I lie and say it was someone else's, he would know I am lying. He knows me too well, J'onn." She held her head, some of that rigid self-control seemed to be in danger of slipping away.

The Martian Manhunter replied, "I do not know what to suggest, Diana. I would say the truth but you feel you cannot do that, which in itself is the ultimate irony."

Diana closed her eyes. "I know."

After a long pause, she took in a deep breath and said, "I will resign from the League."

J'onn was silent. She eyed him. "You do not have to say it. I can see you disapprove. This situation will only worsen if I stay and you know it. "

"So what do you expect me to do?"

Diana stood up. "Nothing. I don't expect you to do anything. This is my problem and I will deal with it."

"What excuse do I give them?"

She replied, "I have gone back to my people. That at least is the truth, not an excuse."

Hippolyta, Queen of the Amazons, could not believe what she had just heard.

She stared at her only beloved daughter and heir in disbelief, dismay and astonishment.

She opened her lips to shout, to rail, to ask her if she was insane, and then only when she saw Diana go down on one knee before her and say huskily, "It would be your right to banish me from Themyscira, but I have decided to keep this child. It will be an innocent life born out of a twist of fate, and it is too late for me to regret what I cannot change. I will be resigning from the League and leaving my post as Ambassador. I await your judgment."

Hippolyta stared at the bowed head and she felt her heart contract with motherly compassion. She suddenly bent and lifted Diana's chin. Diana eyes were full of pain and she looked so alone that her heart went out to her.

She said shakily, "Diana, the Senate will not swallow this with equanimity. They have already accepted male visitors to our island in the form of your League colleagues. Now to have their Princess with child...and without warning."

"I know that. I do not seek anyone's indulgence for myself. I just felt that you should know. I owe you that."

"Oh Gods, I never believed you could even have a child! Your body was fashioned by the gods for nothing as weak and base as human man to even violate it."

"He is Kryptonian, mother. I doubt the Gods expected the universe would harbour a male with the powers that could rival some of their own."

Hippolyta heaved a sigh. "Hera alone knows how they will take this. This cannot bode well."

"They have not answered any of my prayers. Even Athena seems to have abandoned me," she murmured.

Hippolyta raised her to her feet." Even with all this wisdom,now you finally see what heartache can come out of this thing we called "love". It is what I have been saying all this time to you. Nothing between man and woman is ever destined to be simple and in many cases tragedy comes out of it. I warned you but you did not listen. But you are my daughter, and I will not abandon you. Even if the Senate accept this, how are we to keep it from the outside world? Are you sure you want to keep it from Superman? He is the father. Does he not have a right to know?"

Diana shook her head vigorously. "NO! Kal cannot know! This would ruin his marriage. I will never permit that."

Hippolyta said gravely, "Diana, you are not to be held responsible for what transpired. It was the will of Gods. By not telling him does not change that you are going to have his child, possibly one of the most special children to even be born. This is unprecedented."

"All the more reason to keep this secret. If any of our enemies should find out about this then that would put many lives at great risk. I will do anything to keep my sisters and this child safe."

"My child, that is all well and good but how long will you carry out this deception?"

"You make it sound ugly, Mother. "

"You will find daughter that lies can only build and grow until you are so far mired that it ends in ruin."

Diana said quietly, "I know that but I have made my decision, Mother. Please try to understand why I am doing this. "

The Queen sighed. "I will have to take counsel with the senior heads. They will not be happy about this..."

"Please do not tell them yet, Mother. I need some time with this first. Please. Just a few days."

Hippolyta conceded reluctantly, "Very well. But we have to decide what course of action to take. This will change everything."

Superman walked into the conference room with a ready smile. He had not seen his friends for over a month. His and Lois' vacation had gone fairly very well. They were back to work now, feeling less stressed, and their differences, if not entirely resolved, at least put on the back burner for now. The League had been very considerate and not contacted him, and had let it drop for the world's benefit that Superman had gone on a deep space mission.

He was rather surprised to see how much he had missed his allies and the easy camaraderie of the League. Even Bruce, who pretended he was moody and unfriendly, but in fact just would not let himself be vulnerable. Superman understood it was the only way Batman could function optimally. He was not meta like most of them, and needed to keep himself distanced. It was the only way he could be as clinical as he was. Superman's eyes were instantly drawn to Wonder Woman's chair though. It was what he always did when he entered a room. Look for her. Just as she would look for him. The League often speculated, even teased them. Many seemed to think they acted like an old married couple. Clark wasn't sure what it was people saw, but he knew he could always be himself with Diana, and her friendship was as much a part of his life as his parents and Lois.

"Hey, guys."

Flash looked up. "Hey, Blue, how are you?"

"Great. How's it been?" he asked, taking his place.

"Not bad. We missed you for a rumble with Grundy last Thursday," said Green Lantern.

"Yeah, I heard. How did it go?"

"Oh, we had Reddy and Steel take them down. It was poetry in motion," and Flash proceeded to describe the battle. Superman nodded and smiled. "Seems I wasn't even missed." He looked across at Batman, who looked morose as usual. "You okay, Bruce?"

"Just fine."

J'onn walked in. He smiled at Superman. "Hello, Kal. Good to have you back. Before we start let me say Arthur sends his apologies. He has some royal duties to attend. Now let's go over the minutes of..."

Superman coughed. "Er, J'onn shouldn't we wait for Diana?"

Wally turned to him. "Oh, you don't know, do you?"

"Know what?"

John Stewart said, "Wonder Woman resigned from the League, Superman."

Superman's brows creased. "What do you mean resigned?" He looked at Batman who said grimly, "I know as much as you. J'onn was the one she told and then left."

Superman's eyes searched J'onn's for an explanation. "What? Why would she resign?"

"She left us a few days ago, Kal. It seems she has duties to attend at home that will require her attention for sometime."

"What kind of duties?" He looked perplexed, unable to digest this piece of information.

"I assume it must be related to her status, and we all here know Diana is a woman who would never abandon her people should they need her. Donna, I believe is the new acting ambassador."

"But this makes no sense," Superman frowned.

Green Lantern said, "I know, man, we felt the same way when J'onn dropped that bombshell. But get used to it. She's off the team for now at least. And she did say goodbye to J'onn and Wally and a few of the others who were on duty. I wasn't here. Neither was Bruce, so don't feel too badly."

Superman turned to Flash who said, "She was sad to go, Blue. I could tell. I know Amazons don't get too emotional and mushy but she said to give you all her regards and that she hopes to see you in the future."

Superman leaned back in his chair and he felt something inexplicable. It was a sinking feeling in his gut.

"Kal?"

He looked up. J'onn asked, "Can we proceed?"

He looked up and flushed to see his colleagues giving him that look. It was the old mixture of curiosity, amusement and even pity. He clenched his jaw. Christ, he was more professional than this! He had just come back from spending a month with his wife and here he was sitting, with his expression no doubt like a child moping for a lost toy, upon hearing Diana had left.

He leaned back and folded his arms across his chest. His voice was calm. "Yes. Of course."

Author's Note: Now, don't ask me what that "sheath" is made of, okay? :D

Let's just assume it is some alien technology that Superman may have been fortunate enough in his many off world travels to have procured. Heck, in that vast universe there would have to be some substance out there to create a barrier method that Clark could use so he does not blow Lois's head off during sex nor risk getting her pregnant! And it isn't from Kryptonite! LOL. (poor, poor Superman)

Also with some brain-storming from some friends, we have come to a sort of viable theory that Diana was purposely created by the Gods so no one as common and weak as man would even be able to procreate with her. Many of the Olympian Gods are a hedonistic lot so I would assume maybe the males may have been coveting her for themselves. Zeus and Heracles, even Hermes, have been known to desire her in the comics. They may not have expected there would be one male out there from another world, almost as powerful as a demi-god, to be physically compatible with an immortal, god-gifte