LARA

CHAPTER SEVEN

He really did not know what he would have said or done when he saw her. He only knew that he had to and when she opened the door it was if he had been hit in the gut. Seeing her standing before him, after so long, blue eyes widening in disbelief, her face as white as the tunic she wore, drove every coherent thought out of his head.

His blue eyes drank in the sight of her. He could see her again. Standing in the Great Hall in Valhalla in her white gown, looking somewhat lost amidst the sea of admirers begging for a dance, eyes searching in vain for him, not knowing he had walked out, to mull over what Magni had said to him.

It seemed an eternity since they last saw each other. The way she was staring back at him was as if she was seeing a ghost.

It was Donna rising to her feet and clearing her throat that dragged them back to reality.

"Hello, Diana," he said, finding his voice.

Diana croaked. "Superman…What are you doing here?"

His voice sounded raspy, even to his own ears, as he said, "Donna, leave us, please."

Donna looked at Diana as if to gauge what she wanted to do. She looked meaningfully at the bedroom door. "Diana?"

Diana shook her head in resignation. "It's okay. You can go."

Donna nodded silently and flushed self-consciously as she walked past Clark. She gave him a rueful look. He simply stepped aside for her to leave, his face rigid. He was not in any mood to indulge anyone. Donna closed the door quietly behind them.

They faced each other now in silence. His super senses may not be working all that well but could hear her heart thumping furiously and that exotic fragrance of hers assaulted his senses once more. He pushed it aside, along with every other thought and memory of them together…resisting anything that would make him weaken and forget why he was so god damn angry with her.

He demanded, "Why?"

Diana gulped, "Clark…I…"

He approached now.

Diana backed away; if he touched her she would fall to pieces. Seeing his handsome face pinched with emotion and his body bearing bruising and scars made her heart suffer pangs of dismay. She recognized the effects of magical weapons on him. She had known him for far too long and had dressed too many wounds like that in Asgard to not to know he had most likely faced off with the guards and their magical weapons to get to her.

She, Diana, Princess of Themyscira, beloved of the Gods, never felt so vulnerable in all her life. Not even when she had lain bleeding on the ground in Asgard with over a dozen monsters ready to tear her to pieces.

She took in a deep breath. "How did you…?"

"Just take my word for it…I remember everything about Asgard and I want to know why I was mind-wiped and if it was you who somehow had them interfere with my memories."

She began shakily, "Thor said we could go back…Right back to the time we were taken. That it was his gift to us…To go back to those we loved…"

"And you decided to take it upon yourself and not tell me?" he demanded, coming to stop in the middle of the room. "What in God's name were you thinking?"

She went behind a low table to keep the distance between them. She said pleadingly, "Clark, I knew Lois would be alive and how much it would tear you apart… I know how much you loved her and how much you cherish loyalty and your vows…I didn't want to be the reason that your life and marriage fell apart…I couldn't live with that. So I asked Thor to make you forget all of it. I thought it would make things easier…"

"So you did this for my and Lois' benefit?" he mused in disbelief. "Diana, are you insane?"

She sank down upon the edge of the divan, her legs felt weak and she buried her face in her hands. "I know…I should never have done it…I truly thought at the time you could go back to your normal life and be happy."

"Is that what you did? Go back to your normal life? Were you happy?" he snapped.

She flinched at his tone. He was not yelling. Clark never yelled much if she recalled but when he did get angry it felt like the worst thing in the world. The clipped, acerbic tone was as if a whip had been cracked. She looked at him forlornly, "It's your right to be angry with me...But I paid for my mistake, Clark, believe me… There has not been a day since we came back that I have not been tormented with doubts and regrets."

"Diana, I spent the last year and a half going out of my mind. Pushing Lois away and not understanding why I was feeling so empty….so numb. I felt like a failure. Thinking I was a monster for doing that to Lois, who rightfully just got fed up of me and gave me an ultimatum. You wanted to save my marriage? How can you save something, anything, when you cushion it in lies?"

Tears stung her eyes and she bent her head so he could not see the look of mortification on her face. "I'm sorry…" was all she could manage.

He looked at her bent head and said woodenly, "Lois left…She thinks we need a break apart…I will have to tell her about this, I owe her the truth."

"I know. I expect nothing less from you."

"You know what angers me most in all of this? It's not that you had Gods mind wipe me…Maybe you were trying to be selfless and spare me and Lois…It's that, even after one thousand years, you could not trust me with the truth. That you think so little of my ability to confront change…"

Her head shot up. "That's not true! I don't…"

He cut her off with a lift of his hand. "No…Let me say this. I need to speak. This last year was as if I had been in the dark, grasping around blindly, muted, and racked by guilt. You think me so needy that I could not cope with coming back and dealing with the situation? That I couldn't face something difficult? Stop trying to fix everything, Diana! Your bearing of all these burdens alone is not a kindness to anyone. It's a form of taking, not giving. You need to let me and, everyone else by extension, face up to pain." His voice lowered. "You really thought I would forsake and forget what we went through? What we had?"

Diana dropped her eyes to the floor. Gods, she could not look into those blue eyes and see the hurt and disappointment. Nor could she allow herself to dare hope. "We had two nights…You and Lois had promises. You vowed till death do you part. Lois deserves the man she loved too."

"It was one thousand years, Diana….The man Lois loved and knew was gone by then…" He suddenly looked weary and sank into a chair opposite her. He ran his hands through his dark locks and muttered, "Now I know why I'm feeling so worn down."

She looked at him and fought the urge to rise and put her arms around him. He seemed more frustrated than angry now and she quivered inside when she thought about what she was about to reveal to him and how he would react. If he never forgave her she would not blame him.

"Clark, I need to…tell you something…"

He looked up. Something…the catch in her voice…made him uneasy.

"Please…come with me…" She rose.

He stared at her for a moment as if trying to read her expression. But she was already heading towards the door separating the antechamber from her bedchamber. Normally he could pierce any wall and see beyond but due to the heavy magic on this isle, he could not see anything but thick marble.

He stared around the bedchamber as he entered. It was airy and full of light and like most of the rooms in Themyscira had high ceilings supported by columns. Diana was walking past the bed and seemed to be going to something that looked like a cot with gilding and leaves cut into the oak frame. She stood next to it and her face softened as she looked down.

"You're awake…And you lying here so quietly? Did we wake you? I'm sorry…" Diana's entire tone changed to one of utmost tenderness.

Clark came to stand behind her to see who she was talking to. His eyes widened to see a black haired infant lying on a white sheep's blanket. She was chewing on a rattle and staring at a mobile suspended from the cot.

He did not need Diana to tell him anything. He knew at once. The child had Diana's lips and nose and brows…but the shape and color of her eyes were unmistakable as were the two dimples in her cheeks. She kicked her legs and gurgled at the sound of her Diana's voice.

His voice was hoarse. "This is why you left?"

She steeled herself, as if waiting for an explosion. "Yes."

"Is she…?"He dared not even say it. It was not possible!

"Yes, she is." She held her breath. Still no explosion from him.

"How…?" He stared in astonishment, with the look of a man who seemed to expect to wake up from a dream at any given moment. "You said you couldn't …Jor-el said I can't…"

Diana said huskily, "I don't know how it happened. I was shocked and terrified and I didn't know what to do. It made sense to leave at the time. I didn't even tell my sisters. Only my mother and Donna and, well, J'onn knew. I couldn't risk exile or anyone finding out. I went to Kefalonia. Julia Kapatelis and Nessie helped me through it all…and it has only been recently I had made the decision to return home and tell them the truth. I couldn't keep running and hiding no matter how much I tried. They have forgiven me and have accepted Lara."

"Lara….?"

"Yes…Lara."

He was regarding Lara with a kind of awe and reverence and as if he spoke too loud she would dissipate as a figment of his imagination. After what seemed an eternity of staring, Clark stunned her by murmuring, "She's beautiful, Diana."

Diana took in a deep breath and asked, "Would you like to hold your daughter, Clark?"

"I…." He seemed to take a step back.

Diana bent and picked up Lara and handed her over. He put his hand behind his neck, in that awkward, boyish manner he often used to do when he was not feeling confident. She had not seen that in a long time.

"I…She's seems so small…"

Diana said with a reluctant smile, "She's seven months old and she is half Amazon, half Kryptonian…She won't break …of that you can be sure."

Large hands that could punch a mountain apart reached out and held Lara, who was now curiously studying him. Having been so used to female faces, seeing this masculine one fascinated her. She reached out to grab at his cheek and nose and grasp at the material of his shirt and finally began to chew at the place where his cape was attached to his shirt.

Diana said apologetically, "She's teething…she tends to bite on anything…"

His face was a mixture of wonder, tenderness, and bewilderment. He leaned his cheek to her soft hair and the sweet baby smell caused a lump to form in his throat. He asked almost tentatively, "Can I…?"

Diana nodded. "Yes…She likes being walked in the garden…Go ahead."

He looked at her gravely. "We aren't finished here…Not by a long shot."

Diana sighed. "I know."

Donna came up behind Diana as she stood on the balcony overlooking the gardens. She followed Diana's eyes. She was watching the figure in red and blue walking amongst the trees and flowers with Lara in his arms.

Donna touched Diana's shoulder. "Are you okay, Sis?"

Diana turned to face her. She said sadly, "I don't know."

"How long has he been out there?"

"About an hour."

"Was he very angry?"

"He was…He is…But when he saw her…he seemed to calm down. I think …he's in shock."

Donna sighed. "I guess he would be. It's not everyday the last person of his race, who thinks he could never have children, discovers he is a father. At all events he seems to like holding her. An hour you say?"

Diana sighed. "It's such a relief to see that he's not angry to the point that he would reject Lara…but then I should have never doubted that. Clark is a good man. And I'm thankful now that Lara will know her father."

Donna mused, "And you two?"

Diana's face shadowed. "Donna…so much has happened…He may have accepted he has a child…I don't know if he has forgiven me. He's as human as anyone with a heart and is hurt by what I have done."

Donna looked at her perplexed. "But you loved each other! You still…"

Diana interrupted her. "Lois…"

Donna covered her mouth. "Yikes, I forgot about her…This is a fine old mess…"

Diana could not reply as she could see Superman floating towards them. He landed on the balcony and they could see Lara was fast asleep in his arms.

He announced, "She likes the peacocks and the fountains…"

Diana gave a hesitant smile and agreed, "She does…"

He said reluctantly, "I suppose you should put her down…"

Donna intervened, "Let me do that…You two must have stuff to talk about…"

She took Lara off him and disappeared into the bedroom.

Diana looked at Clark. He looked pale but much more composed. He said heavily, "Let's take a walk."

They stepped down the balcony and began to walk down the garden path, taking care not to walk too closely together. Her arms were folded across her chest, his hands behind his back.

"What now?" he asked.

"Lara is your daughter, Clark, and it's your right to be a part of her life. Maybe we can work out some sort of shared custody. She shouldn't remain with me in seclusion. She has grandparents who I'm sure would want to meet her."

Clark's eyes seemed to soften at the thought of Jonathan and Martha Kent. "They would be over the moon. Will your sisters and mother even permit Lara going off the island so soon and with me?"

"Clark, they were the ones who thought I should tell you in the first place."

"Oh." He paused and turned to look at her grimly. "How could you do this? And all alone?"

Diana protested, "I wasn't alone I had Ju…"

"You had Julia and Nessie…So you said…So when were you going to tell me, Diana? How long were you going to keep Lara from me? Were you ever going to tell me?"

She gasped. "Yes…Hera, yes…when the time was right…"

"And when would that have been?" he asked dryly.

She turned to pluck at some leaves from a shrub so he could not see her face. "Once you had sorted everything with Lois."

"I see."

"You will tell her about Lara?"

"I have no choice. It may be the straw that breaks the camel's back. Lois has put up with a lot being Superman's wife …I don't know how she will react to knowing I spent one thousand years with you in Asgard… let alone finding out you and I have a child together..."

Diana swallowed. "Lara is innocent in all this…I hope Lois will understand that…"

He added, "Perhaps things may not have been any easier if you had told me the truth in the beginning but it would have never gotten to this point where it definitely hurts more."

"I hope you can forgive me, and for what it's worth I hope you can…salvage your marriage…Julia said if two people love each other…nothing can keep them apart…"

He was silent.

She added, "Tell Lois I'm sorry…and if I could spare her any pain, I would."

There seemed nothing more to say. There were too many unresolved issues.

He said abruptly, "I should go. Tell your mother I send my apologies to her and your sisters for the…misunderstanding that took place today. Good-bye, Diana."

"Good-bye."

He lifted off and vanished amongst the clouds in seconds. Diana walked blindly to a nearby bench and sank down upon it. It was when she was sure he was far away…a sound that sounded suspiciously close to a sob broke from her.

Diana did not even see the queenly figure appear. It was only when she felt a hand on her shoulder and looked up, she saw Hippolyta looking down at her with such sympathy that she suddenly began to cry uncontrollably. All the pent up emotion and pain she had harboured since making that fateful decision in Asgard came rushing like a torrent and no matter how hard she tried to control herself, she found that she was only sobbing harder.

Hippolyta silently sat down next to her and pulled her into a motherly embrace and whispered, "It's about time…Let it all out."

Superman broke though the clouds above Metropolis. His mind was a whirlwind of thoughts and the emotions running through him would have made a lesser man feel as if he was drowning and being pulled under. But amid all the fears and doubts and worries there was that one bright spark, that was like sunlight peeping through an angry squall.

He had a daughter. He wanted to shout it out: he had a daughter! She was called Lara, after his biological mother, and she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. He remembered how it felt to hold her. Her smell; if Diana smelled of orchids, Lara smelled of lilies.

He suddenly sighed. Diana. What she had done…What he felt for her …Right now it was all too overwhelming, even for a Superman.

"A good General or soldier confronts, Kal-el, and pulls the most critical arrows first. One by one. Never all together."

Clark felt his lips tug wryly at those words of Thor that now echoed in his head. He floated down to the apartment in 1938 Sullivan Place and alighted on the fire-escape and entered via a window that was always kept unlatched.

No sooner had he entered, he saw a figure coming out the bedroom with a traveling bag.

"Lois…"

"Hello, Clark…" She looked self-conscious. "I was just collecting some of my stuff."

"I see…How are you?"

"How do you think? It's been weeks since I last saw you…when you came in to see Perry about an extension to your sabbatical. Our colleagues at the Planet are now beginning to speculate. They know something is up."

"I'm sorry, Lois…I was trying to give you the space you asked for…"

"Well, seven months is a lot of space, Clark…" she returned impatiently. She plunked her bag on a table and turned to look at him. "I'm glad I ran into you…We need to talk…We need to decide ...and the sooner the better. It can't go on like this. I need to know…"

"Lois, I…"

She cut him off and began to pace. "Clark, I have been doing a lot of thinking while we have been apart. Part of me feels so fed up and exasperated with you. But I still care, Smallville, and I can't forget the good times we have had…before all this and I miss them and I'm wondering if we can save this …?"

Clark said gravely, "Sit down, Lois, there are some…things you need to know…"