So there's been issues with the whole 'using italics for a character's thoughts' thing, as it only seems to come out properly half the time and I don't know how to fix it.

Sigh.

Anyway, I'm going to try using bold instead, since it seems to work a little better. Oh well, on with the show! And remember, reviews = love. Y'all wouldn't want me to feel unloved now, would you?

Listening to: Laura Imbruglia – 'Looking for a Rabbit'. I blame that for the insanity that is this chapter.

Disclaimer: Do I look like Tite Kubo to you? On second thoughts, don't answer that, it'll just depress me.

Chapter 4

As they raced across rooftops toward the sizable disturbance that was Grimmjow, Ichigo and Kenpachi 'saying hello', Ulquiorra was all too aware that he'd been mad to think the feeling would go away if he were confronted with its source again. She'd been attractive enough covered in the grime of the battlefield, and now, as she leapt from place to place in time with his own steps, she was radiantly beautiful.

Her masses of wavy green hair streamed behind her like a banner as she moved swiftly on legs that didn't seem to end. Her captain's haori, which she had modified to look like an arrancar uniform, emphasised her generous curves and the tiny waist, that gave her an almost delicate appearance. The pink streaks tattooed across her face should have looked ridiculous, but only served to throw her high cheekbones and pale skin into relief and as for her eyes… That was the worst part, he decided. Those deep grey eyes were almost luminous as her emotions passed through them. They seemed to hypnotise him.

I need help. She should not do this to me, for so many reasons. She is my captain, I barely know her, and more to the point, this is not me. I do not get like this. I never get like this. What makes her so damn special?

A fairly large explosion in the direction they were headed in snapped him out of his reverie, as they finally descended from the rooftops into the fray.

They were not alone.

It appeared that the majority of the Gotei 13 were now watching the show or, rather, the parts of the show that could be made out through the plaster dust of fallen buildings. Nel gazed around at her surroundings in shock before asking, "Isn't anyone going to do anything?"

She was answered by what had been someone's desk flying out of the destructive cloud and burying itself in the wall next to her. Next to where she had landed, Captain Jyuushiro Ukitake looked from her to the firmly embedded desk, and back again, saying what the crowd were thinking.

"Be my guest. We'll call the Fourth for you."

"No one's even called them yet? It's Ichigo against Grimmjow and Kenpachi!"

"Well, it's sort of hard to miss this much spiritual power", the white haired captain replied, "especially with Kenpachi involved, so they're bound to be on their way already. Besides, Grimmjow and Kenpachi are attacking each other just as much as they're attacking Ichigo. It seems to be less two against one and more of a violent free for all."

"I'm sorry, that's supposed to comfort me?"

She was concerned for Kurosaki, Ulquiorra realised. He felt a sudden urge to help Grimmjow beat up the human-hollow hybrid. He wasn't sure which was worse, the impulse to give in to an annoyance, or the impulse to actually assist Grimmjow in any way, shape or form. Ignoring this, he spoke up.

"If you wish, Neliel, I will go and ensure the Fourth are on their way."

The smile she aimed his way was far too… everything.

"I told you, it's Nel." She admonished him playfully.

He raised an eyebrow. "Is that so, Captain Tu Oderschvank?"

She laughed. "Ok, you win. And yes, please go and make sure Captain Unohana is coming. She's the only one who can vaguely control Kenpachi. Or, at the very least, temporarily subdue him."

"But of course…" he paused, "…Neliel."

He turned, and swiftly disappeared.

I swear, that was a smile on his face. A smug one, but still…

She smiled, staring after him, before shaking her head and turning back to the disturbance. As she watched intently for signs that all the participants were still moving, a pair of hands slid over her eyes as a familiar voice whispered in her ear and asked her, "Guess who?"

Nel giggled. "Quit it, Ran. I'm trying to see if they're all still alive in there."

Rangiku released her and grinned. "They'll be fine. Your new lieutenant will get Unohana and she'll sort them out. Speaking of your lieutenant, I could have sworn I saw you flirting just there."

Nel rolled her eyes and smacked her on the shoulder. "You see flirting everywhere. You need help."

"Ok, so maybe that's a little true. Doesn't mean I'm not usually right though, does it? C'mon, you think he's cute, admit it."

"Ran?"

"Yes Nel?"

"Shut up."

She laughed. "Oh dear Nel, denial is a terrible thing."

Nel sighed. "Look, it's our first day as captain and lieutenant. I barely know him."

"Uh huh, but you like him, don't you? And glaring at me doesn't count as an answer."

"I don't like him, I only just met him!"

"But…"

"Fine. I find him attractive. A little. Now will you shut up about it?"

"Ha! I knew it! Awww, you two would be so cute together!"

"Remind me why we're friends again?"

"My sparkling personality? My wit? My charm? My ability to understand the pain of having breasts the size of the average person's head?"

They both descended into giggles, Nel gasping out, "The last one. Definitely the last one."

"I knew it. You feel my pain too."

"Hey, did it just get a lot colder, or is that just me?"

Rangiku looked a little guilty and very panicked. "I may have promised to stay in the office and actually do paperwork today."

"Really?"

"My captain held my sake supply hostage, and I don't get paid until next week. I can't afford more."

"That explains it. Well, get over there before he decides to destroy your sake bottles."

"He wouldn't do that to my babies, would he?"

The two women looked at each other.

"Well, shit." With a burst of flash, Rangiku disappeared.

Still giggling a little, Nel turned back to the fight, until another explosion echoed through the Seireitei.

Where the hell are the Fourth? Aside from the building damage, those idiots are going to kill each other if someone doesn't stop them.

Not a moment too soon, a familiar giant manta ray swooped down and sucked in the contents of the battlefield, plaster dust and all, before settling down beside Captain Unohana and Ulquiorra, who stepped forward to return to Nel's side. From the sounds of things, the battle was continuing inside the belly of Unohana's shikai. Minazuki looked uncomfortable, Nel decided. Well, uncomfortable for a largely expressionless giant sea creature, anyway. In the meantime –

"Move Strawberry, your foot's in my freaken face."

"Fuck off Grimmjow, as if I want my foot anywhere near that piece of shit you call a face. There's no room, Kenpachi's too big."

"That's what she said."

"And fuck you Kenpachi, that's the last time I teach you a joke from the human world. What the fuck were you thinking, anyway, muscling in on my fight?"

"It's a free Seireitei. 'Sides, you said the cat was a good fight."

"Oh, now that was smart, wasn't it Strawberry? Set Kenpachi on me. There's no way that could possibly backfire, now, is there? Morons. I'm trapped in a fucking whale with the two biggest fuckwits in three worlds."

"It's a ray, Grimmjow, not a whale. Whose the fuckwit now?"

"Still you Ichigo. Grimmjow has a point and who gives a shit what fucking sea creature it is?"

Unohana had clearly decided she'd heard enough.

"GENTLEMEN!"

For the first time since they'd been swallowed, there was complete silence and stillness in the ray.

"Good. Now, if you damage my shikai, I will be exceptionally displeased. It is clear that this is all a misunderstanding born of high spirits, so I will suggest that you all agree to cease and desist. Is that clear?"

It was not a request.

Almost in unison, Ichigo and Grimmjow replied with a hurried yes, but there was still silence from the third.

"Kenpachi?"

"Damn it, woman, that was a good fight. Why'd you have to go fuck it up for us?"

Unohana smiled. "Tell you what, if you leave off this one today, I'll fight you tomorrow."

That had his attention. "What, you? What the fuck would you know about fighting?"

"I became captain somehow. Besides, other than you and your lieutenant, who else are your men afraid of?"

There was a pause. "You, I guess."

"Don't you want to find out why?"

You could almost here the savage grin when he replied, "You're on."

Unohana smiled, and motioned for Minazuki to follow her. "Excellent. We'll discuss details back at my division after the three of you are healed. Now, where is your lieutenant, Kenpachi? I didn't see her fighting."

The girl in question suddenly popped up behind Nel, Yumichika in tow. She had grown considerably during the war, and now appeared more like a teenager than a child, but was still very much the same in every other respect. "Here, backwards braid lady. Dontcha think it's great that Ken-chan and Grimmjow are compatible? I think they'd be a good couple."

The silence that followed this pronouncement was only broken occasionally by fiercely suppressed giggles that Ulquiorra suspected came from his captain. He decided that this was worth looking into further.

"Excuse me lieutenant, but what makes you say they're compatible in the first place?"

"Emo kid, it's obvious. They both like the same things – blood, fighting and beating up Ichigo. They're perfect for each other."

There was a distinct growling coming from Minazuki's belly now. Ulquiorra chose to ignore this, and his new nick-name, and attempted to continue his quest for information.

"I…see. Where did you learn about compatibility? And what makes you say they'd be a good couple?"

"I read it in one of big boobs human's books. Yumichika explained it to me after. He said that all good couples are compatible!"

All eyes turned toward the fifth seat, who turned to Minazuki. "I know, I know. You are preparing a most un-beautiful death for me as soon as you return from the Fourth division. I get it."

"And after Kenpachi's done, it's my turn", muttered Grimmjow, "but in the meantime, let's move. I want out of this fucking whale."

"Ray."

"Ichigo, do I look like I give a shit?"

"Hell if I know. It's a little dark in here, in case you hadn't noticed."

"Fine. Do I sound like I give a shit?"

Staring after the motley band as they headed off to the Fourth Division, Ulquiorra waited until his captain had gotten herself under control before asking the question that had been bothering him for the last fifteen minutes.

"Neliel?"

"Yes?"

"Is it always like this?"

She thought about this for a while. "Well, usually Grimmjow's not involved. Or did you mean in general? Because things are usually pretty interesting around here. It's part of what makes this place fun!"

"… I see."

She smiled at the stoic arrancar as he tried to take this information in. "Ulquiorra? It's a little odd here at first, but you come to love it. I never thought when I got here that this would be home, but now I can't imagine being anywhere else."

"Well Neliel, I'm sure that anything my captain approves of is good enough for me."

"Damn straight", she grinned, "and now to return to the office. I want to get enough done so that we can have a break tomorrow. Then we'll be able to take the whole division to see the big Kenpachi-Unohana showdown tomorrow."

"Of course", Ulquiorra deadpanned, "I wouldn't miss that for the world."

"Ah, but which world?"

His lips twitched. "Very funny, Neliel."

He'd been wrong last night, he decided as they walked back to their division. Today was going to be so much more than merely interesting.