A/N: Thank you for all of your reviews and subscriptions, I will try to update as much as I can, but exams are the burden of my existence, meaning I do have to revise. I am going to try to write as much as I can this week though. Please, please, please review, I really want to know what you think and what you would like to happen, I will incorporate as many of your ideas as possible including any ideas anyone has for a title lol. Anyway, keep reading, I hope you enjoy it and I hope to hear your comments soon.
Disclaimer: for future reference, I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. The characters, setting, general idea of the vampires etc and the section in "speech marks" all belong to Stephanie Meyer unfortunately (or I would be a very rich girl). All that I own is my plot.
Bella's POV
Edward? I whispered. I swore that had been him. I couldn't have imagined it; I wouldn't let myself imagine things like that. But I knew that I had to have imagined it because there was no way that he could have been in my bedroom, he had left me and he was never coming back. He had made that point quite clear, it will be as if I'd never existed. What a ridiculous promise that was, he knew how much I loved him and he knew that I would never be able to forget him, whether it be in ten years or a hundred years, not that I'd ever see a hundred years now. I remembered the last time that he'd been in my room, now that felt like a hundred years ago:
"The kiss began much the same as usual – Edward was as careful as ever, and my heart began to overreact like it always did. And then something seemed to change. Suddenly his lips became much more urgent, his free hand twisted into my hair and held my face securely to his. And, though my hands tangled into his hair, too, and though I was clearly beginning to cross his cautious lines, for once he didn't stop me. His body was cold through the thin quilt, but I crushed myself against him eagerly."
The memory that had been suppressed in my subconscious for so many months had taken me by surprise. I hadn't been concentrating and I had still been half asleep. The memory of the kiss was so painful! I knew that it was the most wonderful thing that I had ever felt, but it was the most painful thing to think about. It felt like he had balled his ice cold hand into a fist and plunged it right through my chest. I wanted to scream out in pain, but I knew that I couldn't wake Charlie; I must have woken him every night with the screaming from my nightmares, an extra scream would only make him check on me. I couldn't take that, I needed to be alone, I needed to get used to it. Alone. I was all alone. He was never coming back for me. I would never see him again, except in my delusional mind. I curled myself up into a tight ball in the middle of my bed, I was afraid that if I made any sudden movements I would fall apart, that my body wouldn't be able to take it. I was damaged goods, I could fall apart at any moment, no wonder nobody bothered with me anymore, and I couldn't blame them. Even Mike Newton had given up on me, and that was not something that happened quickly. He might not talk to me anymore, of which I was grateful to him, but I don't think he had quite got over his crush on me, which might still come back to haunt me.
I felt my eyes begin to droop, I had forgotten how tired I was, and that it was the middle of the night. I glanced over at my clock to check how long I had before I could get up. It was three am. At least another 2 hours. Maybe I should try to go to sleep; at least I couldn't be in quite as much pain as when I was awake. I wished I had my lullaby to fall asleep to. Again, my tiredness had made my concentration slip and the tears slid silently from my eyes. I had never cried so much in my life before these last few months. I was never much of a whiney child; I was too busy looking after Renée to have time to cry. She always said that I'd been born 30 years old and I knew that I would always be more mature than her. But now, I really was the one who needed looking after, not that I would tell my parents that, they had enough to worry about in their own lives. I was old enough to nurse myself back to health from the illness that I had inflicted upon myself. When did I ever think that being in love with a vampire would work out? From then on I just went numb while I cried myself to sleep, I could only hope that I wouldn't dream, I didn't hold my breath.