Thanks so much for the reviews :) This story's nearly done, only like 1 or 2 chapters left after this one, and maybe an epilogue if people want one :)
Oh and BluEyes, thanks for the grammar tips, I'll try and work on it!
Monica pushed the doors open and breathed in deeply when she felt the light wind that was outside. She slumped down into one of the benches and put her head in her hands. She knew it would be difficult seeing him again, but she didn't know it would be this difficult. All the feelings that she'd spent the past year trying to bury deep down inside all just came rushing back. So quickly. Except this time they came back stronger than ever, if that was possible. And she couldn't fight them, she was trying to but she couldn't. She knew she shouldn't forgive him, she knew she shouldn't trust him again so soon, but right now, seeing him here, all the reasons for not forgiving him seemed so insignificant. She loved him, so much. She knew they couldn't go back to how they were before he left, but wasn't it at least worth a try? Her thoughts were interrupted when Rachel came and sat next to her.
"Hey you." She put an arm round Monica's shoulder, "So ... I just spoke to Chandler."
"Oh no. Please tell me you're kidding. Did you yell at him?" She turned to face Rachel, her eyes showing how scared she was that Rach might have said something to scare him off.
"No, don't worry." Monica gave her a look, "Well I was gonna, but then i noticed how ... how broken he looked. And I couldn't bring myself to do it. He's been through hell Mon."
"I know. And I want to forgive him, I really do. It kills me to see him like that." She sighed and looked at the ground before continuing, "But I've been through hell too Rach. And I know, that if he ever hurt me like that again, if I ever lost him again, I don't think I would be able to cope. Not a second time. And this time it's so much more complicated. I have Hannah to think about. I can't just make my decisions based on what I want, I've got to think about her as well." A tear trickled down her face as she trailed off, her voice barely above a whisper now.
"Honey, I completely understand, but can I just say one thing?" Monica nodded before wiping away more tears and looking up at Rachel, "I honestly don't think Chandler would put himself through that again either. I believe him when he said he was doing it for you." Monica looked up at her angrily. "I didn't say I agreed that it was the right thing to do, but I'm saying that at the time, he honestly thought he was doing the right thing. I have no clue what the hell was going through his mind that made him think that, but I really do trust him when he says that he did it for you." She turned to Monica again, wondering what her reaction to this would be. At first anger flashed through her eyes again, but it soon vanished and was replaced with sadness and hurt once again.
"Thats what's making this so much harder for me. I believe him too, totally and completely one hundred percent. But i can't admit to myself that I do, if that makes any sense. I don't want to be the person who forgives their fiancee this quickly after he took off without saying goodbye and only came back a year later. I really don't. But it's like my heart versus my head right now. And I'm tired of it all. I'm tired of trying to stop myself from loving him, and I'm tired of all the decisions I have to make." She buried her face in her hands once again, not even bothered that she was crying over him for about the millionth time.
"Then stop fighting it hon, that's all I can say. Follow you're heart. If you keep resisting then it's just gonna be harder on both of you guys, and God knows you've both gone through so much heartache this past year. And as for Hannah, he loves her. He really does. And he'll make an excellent father, I'm sure of it."
"Ughh, this is all so complicated." She threw her hands up in frustration, leaning her head back against the wall and shutting her eyes.
"It doesn't have to be though. And we're all gonna be here for you, whatever you choose." She pulled Monica into a hug, rubbing circles on her back.
"I just really still need time to think about it all. It's just so overwhelming." She sighed again before wrapping her arms round Rachel. She honestly didn't know what she would do without her.
--
Monica walked into the appartment with Hannah in her arms. Finally she was home. She had only been at the hospital for three days, but it had felt like a lifetime. Everyone now knew that Chandler was here. Thankfully Rachel had managed to get to Ross before he found out for himself, and he was surprisingly understanding. The moment they all saw Chandler they realised he too had been to hell and back, and none of them could bring themselves to shout at him. Sure, they were mad, but they knew that Chandler realised that too. They didn't want to cause him any more pain.
Monica was taking it the hardest though. She knew in heart what she wanted, but her head was telling her otherwise. She wasn't willing to give her heart away again, she was afraid. There was only so much heartache one person could go through. She lay Hannah down on her blanket on the floor and sat down next to her.
"I'm so glad you're finally home baby girl. You scared me, really scared me. Don't ever do that again." She bent down and kissed her on the nose, causing her to giggle. Monica grinned, she loved that Hannah could always put a smile on her face. "What am I gonna do about your Daddy, huh? I honestly don't know. Please help mummy." She laughed softly, if only she could help.
"Da." Monica's head snapped round. She stared wide eyed at Hannah as she gurgled away. She knew for a fact that she wasn't old enough to talk yet, but she also felt that it wasn't just coincidence that she had said 'Da'. Hannah giggled once again.
"Sweetie, you don't even know what you just said, do you?" Monica's answer was a gurgle, and she smiled once again as she looked into Hannah's big blue eyes. "Don't you go complicating things more." When Hannah giggled again, Monica laughed with her, "You're going to be such a Daddy's girl, aren't you?" She looked down at her beautiful baby girl, and it hit her. It really could be that simple. She was the one complicating things, and if she truly wanted things to work out, they would manage to fix things.
--
Chandler flicked through the channels on the tv, not really paying attention. Too many things were on his mind right now. He was at Joey and Rachel's place, just staying there for the day while he tried to find a hotel to stay in for a few nights. He didn't intend on going back to Boston just yet, he wanted to spend some time with Hannah and get to know his daughter.
He hadn't talked to Monica in two days, since they'd had the conversation that had seemed to break his heart even more. He still couldn't get her face out of his head when she told him she thought he didn't love her anymore. That was his ultimate low point. He had wanted to take her in his arms right there and kiss her with everything that he had in him, to show her just how much he loved her. But he couldn't, he'd blown it the second he walked out of her life. And he hated himself for it. He leant forward and buried his face in his hands, rubbing his temples in an attempt to clear all the millions of thoughts that were rattling around his brain.
He sat for a few moments like that, looking up when there was a soft knock at the door. He waited a few moments, hoping that whoever was there would go away, he really wasn't in the mood to see anyone right now. They knocked again though and he signed before getting up and opening the door.
"Mon .. Monica?" He stared into her eyes, frozen, unable to say or do anything. She looked into his eyes for a few minutes, and the intensity of her gaze not allowing him to look away.
She took a step towards him and before he could utter another word, her lips came crashing against his. He did what came naturally to him, wrapping his arms around her waist and pulling her close. She edged through the door and reached out behind her to close it, never once removing her lips from his. She snaked her arms round his neck, grabbing onto his sweater, pulling herself even closer to him as the kiss intensified.
Chandler pulled away and looked into her eyes again, a small smile playing on his lips. "Why? What made you change your mind."
She kissed him softly on the lips once again and placed a hand on the side of his face, the other resting on his chest. "Because I still love you. I don't know why, but I do. My heart won't let go. And that's all that really matters." She smiled once more before leaning in and kissing him again, revelling in this moment of perfection.
So did you like this chapter? Its not the last one yet, I'm thinking the next one will probs be the last :) Please review, I love to hear what you all think of it!