Disclaimer: If I owned Bleach, there would be an episode devoted to the time when Gin took photos of Grimmjow in his release form and posted them on lolcats.
Actually, if someone can make me an icon like that… I'm thinking along the lines of "I'm in ur Karakura town, nomming ur soles" or "I is in ur Sereitay, hunting for Strawberrie." Hehehe… Awesome-zoars.
Listening to: The Bravery – 'Split Me Wide Open.'
Chapter 11
There were few forces on this earth that could strike fear into almost any creature, be they soul reaper, vizard or arrancar. The Hougyoku came close. Ichigo Kurosaki in his hollow form was a contender. But nothing quite compared to the sheer mind-numbing terror inspired by the knowledge that the SWA were looking for a new project, Yachiru at the helm. Unfortunately, it appeared that everyone's worst fear had come to pass…
"Damn it, we need something to put in the newsletter! There's only so many of Glasses Lady's tips on how to subdue your captain that we can print", Yachiru burst out.
"Why? What's wrong with them?" Nanao looked decidedly confused.
"Well, they work for you, and most of them would work for anyone, but there were a couple that would get anyone who wasn't in a relationship with their captain court-martialled", Isane put delicately as her sister nodded beside her.
"Or at least fighting off sexual harassment charges", Kiyone added for good measure.
Nanao blushed. "Some of those may have been written after the paperwork bonfire incident."
"That explains a lot", Soi Fon drawled.
"Ladies, not the point!" Yachiru may have grown up physically but she was every bit as impatient as she had been in her more immature form. "We're supposed to go to print on the weekend and we're still a feature short."
"I still think we should print my article on where to shop in the living world", grumbled Rangiku.
"We can't", replied Nanao, "it could potentially be seen as encouraging truancy."
"I wasn't AWOL, I was researching! My leave form got lost, I swear!"
"Wasn't that the time you ran off with Captain Hitsugaya's Visa?" Nemu queried.
"I returned it", Ran pouted, and turned to the woman who was dozing off next to her. "C'mon Nel, help me out here."
Nel opened one eye and rolled it. "Please, you deserve this. Aren't you still paying him back?"
"Some friend you are. Lies! All lies!" Ran groaned to her bemused audience, a hand over her heart, before turning back to Nel. "Totally worth it", she whispered, as Nel tried not to laugh.
"Still not the point!" Yachiru banged the hilt of her zanpakto down on the table, causing everyone to jump. Captain Unohana sighed. "I had a feeling that taking away your gavel would be a pointless exercise."
"No shit. Look, this is our first post-war issue and I want us to come back with a bang. A Ken-chan sized bang. Now - ideas. Hit me."
There was complete silence and stillness around the table, apart from Nemu as she raised her right hand in a fist, looking at Yachiru confusedly, until Rukia next to her grabbed her arm and shook her head.
"Well", Momo began thoughtfully, "what were our most popular issues about? What did they feature?"
"Men", was the unanimous response.
"Uh, I was hoping for an answer that was a little more specific", Momo clarified.
"Wait", Yachiru said, "you have a point. Glasses Lady, what were the most popular issues that you can remember?"
Adjusting her glasses, Nanao considered this. "That would probably be the series we did interviewing the male captains and lieutenants of the Gotei 13. We had to reprint a few times for those."
"Awesome! We can re-visit that. A 'Where are they now?' kind of thing." Yachiru sounded relieved.
"One problem", Nanao pointed out, "the answer to that question for a lot of them is 'dead'."
"Or rotting away in their Hueco Mundo sand graves, rat-bastard traitors that they are", Momo added, as everyone turned to stare at her. There was an awkward pause.
"Uh, my therapist says I still have a lot of rage." Momo continued, blushing.
"Oh, I hear ya." Ran muttered.
"Ok, so that probably isn't something we want to delve into, I get it", Yachiru sighed.
"It was a good idea", Rukia commiserated.
"It still is", Rangiku added, her eyes lighting up, "we just need different interview subjects. I mean, c'mon girls, we have three brand new ex-Espada lieutenants running around, still largely a mystery to anyone who isn't in their squads. The public wants to know."
Soi Fon raised an eyebrow. "That's actually a decent idea. Doesn't Lieutenant Schiffer already have a fan club of sorts? They would all purchase this issue for that reason alone."
"Ugh, don't remind me." Nel muttered, "They follow him around everywhere. It's ridiculous."
Almost as ridiculous as the part where I want to follow him around everywhere. Damn it, I've let this crush or infatuation or whatever the hell it is get out of hand. Stupid Ulquiorra and his stupid shirt that should have stayed on and his stupid kitchen and his stupid sexy half-smile and his stupid –
"Uh Nel, you still with us?" Ran nudged her. "We're working out who would interview who."
"I'm good. Really."
The beautiful lieutenant looked Nel up and down, a smirk on her face. "Back to thinking about him without a shirt?"
"Shut up. I should never have told you."
"I'll say."
"Oi, attention here!" Yachiru motioned to herself. "Ok, so we need to interview Emo Kid, Big Blue and Mopey-chan."
"Lieutenants Schiffer, Jeagerjacques and uh, Stark." Nanao translated.
"That's what I said", Yachiru grumbled. "Anyway, I'll talk to Mopey-chan. I see him when I go to Byakushi's all the time and he says he can actually be bothered talking to me."
"Sounds like a charmer", Rukia uttered dryly.
"Nah, he just appreciates his naptime."
"He wouldn't be the first", Nanao scowled.
"Anyway, Ninja Girl, you wanna talk to Big Blue?" Yachiru queried.
With a withering glare Soi Fon shook her head. "I have to spend enough time with the insolent, arrogant man-child as it is. I refuse to be forced into speaking with him unless it is absolutely necessary."
"Ouch", muttered Ran, as Nel regarded her curiously, "he's not going to like that."
"Why would he even care what his captain thinks? He's not exactly the slavishly loyal type." Nel considered this further. "Or the loyal type in general."
"Uh, it's a long story." Ran whispered back evasively.
Nel raised an eyebrow. "I've got time."
"Nuh-uh, I've been sworn to secrecy. Drunken secrecy, the most sacred kind of all." Ran grinned.
"Of course", Nel rolled her eyes, " and how could I possibly expect you to violate something as sanctified as drunken secrecy? I take it you have now added Grimmjow to the ranks of your male drinking buddies. Have you ever considered being sober for the day as part of a thank you for your liver?"
Ran smiled the hazy smile of a woman reminiscing. "I did. I took a day off, but the poor girl had withdrawal symptoms, so that didn't last. Nah, Myrtle does her best work under pressure."
"You named your liver Myrtle?"
"I wanted her to feel appreciated. I was also drunk at the time."
"I'd like to say that that additional piece of information helps make sense of the whole thing, but I just can't."
It was then that it occurred to the two friends that the rest of the room had gone very quiet. They turned to find a room full of amused-looking Shinigami (with the exception of a livid Yachiru) staring at them. Yachiru let out a deep breath (she'd been trying the 'count to ten, then launch' method of keeping calm this week) and smiled suddenly, sending shivers down Nel and Ran's respective spines.
"Looks like we've got ourselves volunteers for the other two interviews. I'll let you choose who talks to who."
Ran opened her mouth to protest, before Nel clamped her own hand over it. "Of course Madam President." Sometimes it was better to go with the flow.
Especially considering that arguing with the flow will lead to untold amounts of violence and calls for assistance from Ken-chan. Great. Now I have to conduct an interview with Ulquiorra. I mean, I could let Ran do it, but Kami only knows what she'd say to him. Oh well, at least he'll be wearing a shirt for this, that'll be a hell of a lot less distracting…
I refuse to be disappointed by the fact he'll be appropriately clothed. Damn it.
Clearing her throat, Nel kept her hand over Ran's mouth as she replied, "I'd be happy to interview my lieutenant and Ran gets along great with Grimmjow, so she'll be fine with interviewing him." Nel turned to fix a glare on Ran as she released her mouth. "Won't you, Ran?"
When one of your closest friends looked at you like that, you disagreed at your own peril, Ran decided. Besides, while it would be fun to talk to Ulquiorra, it's even more fun to force them into each other's company and let the awkwardness and sparks commence.
"Yep, sounds good to me. So, what are we asking?"
xXx
It was now four days since the incident in his kitchen, as Ulquiorra was now referring to it mentally, which made it three days since he'd woken up in excruciating pain and with an urge to kill Grimmjow that was stronger than usual. He'd spent the remainder of the weekend sleeping it off, with occasional trips to the aforementioned kitchen to make and drink copious quantities of the hangover cure that his captain had prescribed. Which brought him to his other problem – Neliel.
Ulquiorra had come away from that night with several things – a blinding hangover, a firmly entrenched dislike of drinking games and also the knowledge that his feelings for Neliel were getting far too strong for his liking. Not that he'd ever liked having those feelings in the first place, but right now that was beside the point. It was one thing to be attracted to your captain – it was a fairly common problem judging from what he'd found out about Grimmjow and Captain Abarai. It was entirely another to crave their company, to dream of them every night, to be unable to think clearly around them or worse – to be unable to think clearly about anything but them.
Sorting through his paperwork with a faint frown on his face as he sensed a reiatsu he knew almost as well as his own now, heralding the approach of the woman who was the cause of all this.
And yet, it never occurs to me to blame her. How could I? After all, it is hardly her fault that I feel this way and she would be the first to let me down gently if she did find out.
Ignoring the part of his brain that wanted to remember the way she had looked at him during the incident, he turned back to the forms in front of him.
I was drunk and I'm hardly an unbiased observer. There is no reason to believe that there was anything worth noting in her expression. Yes, she has been very kind and welcoming toward me, but that is typical Neliel – she's that way with everyone. I am hardly the sort of person who would attract her attention in that respect anyway. No, she would be interested in someone more… outgoing, I suppose. The sort of people she gets along with. Someone more like that idiot Kurosaki. Or Grimmjow. People I find myself struggling not to do physical harm to. Certainly no one like me.
Scowling, he grabbed another form from the stack.
This is absurd. I refuse to continue pursuing this train of thought. I want to stop having these feelings, not encourage their reciprocation.
I refuse to be jealous of Grimmjow.
xXx
Nel entered her office, flashed a brief smile at Ulquiorra only to return to the task at hand – sorting out the genuine questions submitted for the interview and removing the 'questions' Rangiku had added to the bunch to embarrass her. After fishing out the tenth incredibly suggestive offering her eyes widened and she emitted a small squeak before pointing her finger at the offending card and emitting a small blast of cero to incinerate it.
Ran, I will kill you. 'Is it hot in here, or is that just you?' is NOT a legitimate interview question. Neither is 'Your place or mine?' or any queries about the size of ANYTHING that is a part of his anatomy.
Her agitation had drawn Ulquiorra's attention. Actually, if he were honest with himself, her very presence had drawn his attention, but it was comforting to have an excuse as back up. She realised he was watching her and looked up, giving him a tentative smile. "I've got good news and bad news. Which do you want first?"
He looked slightly curious. "How bad, and how good?"
"The SWA is involved."
"Ah. You just had the meeting, didn't you? Very well, get the bad news over with."
"They want to interview you today."
"I see." He considered this. "Refusal really is not an option, is it?" Her look said it all. "I thought not. In that case, who is my interviewer?"
"That would be the good news. I mean, comparatively good news anyway. I'm interviewing you."
"Indeed." He didn't look anywhere near as grateful as he should.
"Let's put it this way, if I hadn't agreed it would be Ran, and trust me, you don't want to answer her questions."
"Too personal?"
"Too personal, too suggestive and too disturbing."
"Ah. Would that be why there is a tape measure in the pile of questions?"
Blushing furiously, Nel removed the offending object and disposed of it. That does it - she is so very, very dead.
"I don't want to know about the question that accompanied that prop, do I?" He had a fairly good idea, especially given the extraordinarily rosy colour of her cheeks that had deepened as he spoke, but it was still rather fun to tease her so. Yes, Ulquiorra thought firmly, he was doing this because he enjoyed it. It had absolutely to do with how much more endearing he found her when she blushed. Not that he found her endearing in the first place. "In any case, should you not begin the questioning?"
She shot him a glare. "Fine. Ok, first one – what is your favourite alcoholic beverage?"
That one was easy. "None."
"Really? You could've fooled me last weekend." It was probably cruel to tease him, but infinitely worth it for the very attractive glare he threw her.
"Let's just say the next morning was lesson enough. I had no idea that bright sunshine could cause me such pain."
Stifling a giggle, Nel picked up the next question card. "Favourite food."
Ulquiorra considered this. "Pop corn."
Nel looked at him with an expression of disbelief. "Are you just fucking with me?"
"Somehow I doubt that that is actually the next question in the stack, but just in case it is – maybe." Teasing her really didn't get old.
She laughed. "Damn it, how do you do that with a straight face?"
"Grimmjow would tell you that it's because I don't have any other type of face. No, I'm paraphrasing. Grimmjow would tell you that I'm a fucking expressionless little bastard. Next question."
"You do a remarkable good Grimmjow impersonation. I guess you must have more in common than you thought." If anything was going to get a reaction, she knew that would.
"Now that's a low blow, Neliel. I thought better of you." His lips were almost curling into a smile.
"You'll live", she replied dryly. "Alright, next on the list – why did you change sides during the war?"
Silence greeted this, and what traces of a smile had been appearing on his face vanished. Ulquiorra cleared his throat. "That's an abrupt change of topic."
Nel was cursing herself for not having the time to read all the questions through and instead focusing on throwing out all the ones with Rangiku's handwriting. "I'm sorry, they just sort of brainstormed and then handed me all these. I didn't get to really go through them. You don't have to answer that, I'll find another - "
He cut her off. "I don't mind answering. I'm just not sure what to say." He sighed and looked out of the window, his green eyes troubled.
As much as she wanted to take the question back, Nel's curiosity was getting the better of her. It also bothered her that she'd never thought to ask for herself. He was, after all, a member of his division, and she'd always considered it a part of her job to get an idea of the backgrounds of all her squad members. It occurred to her just how much of a mystery he was to her, which seemed at odds with how comfortable she felt around him. Oh, I might as well face it, not a lot makes sense to me when it comes to him.
He turned back to her abruptly, his eyes troubled. "I suppose it was Orihime's capture and imprisonment that precipitated things. I was her jailor and spent the most time with her. I started seeing things through her eyes, as they say. Or rather, seeing us. The Espada, Aizen and his war. It was cruel, her imprisonment. Not physically, but she was singled out because of her weakness and that is her greatest insecurity. Aizen deliberately played on that, and it hurt her. In the end I saw that the one who had created me was no God, but an essentially selfish, manipulative being with a God complex and I wanted to pay him back for the years of service he'd extracted from me when he really had no right to."
He took a deep breath and looked up to find her eyes fixed on him, drinking in every word. He let it out and continued. "Grimmjow, of all people, actually was the one to put a name to what I was feeling. He was in Orihime's care at the time, so he became involved and things just… spiralled from there. Orihime and I did most of the planning. Grimmjow preferred to provide brute force. If we'd left it up to him he would have tried to blast his way out while yelling 'So long, fuckers' at the top of his lungs. So we left by stealth."
Nel smiled slightly. "And then I found you."
"You did." Their eyes met and Nel felt her as though her heart was actually beating faster. This isn't just a crush anymore. I don't know when it happened, but whatever this is turning into has become more than physical.
She looked away and let out a sigh. Not that it matters. It just makes the whole one-sided thing even worse.
He was looking at her still, a curious expression on his face. "How about a story for a story?"
This jolted her out of her reverie. "What? Ah… Ok, what do you want to know?"
"How did you get here?"
Her eyes had clouded over, the way they did when something bothered her, only more so. "I guess the story starts when Nnoitra and Szayel attacked me. Nnoitra and I had always had our differences – he resented me. He believed I didn't deserve my rank and… well, you met him. You would have had to sit through at least one diatribe about 'useless fucking women'. They attacked me from behind, removed the masks of my Fraccion and then damaged mine." She smiled sadly. "The fourth helped heal me up, but I still have the scar." She pushed her fringe away from her forehead, revealing a pale line that extended from the edge of her mask to the bridge of her nose.
"I never noticed." Ulquiorra was seething. Jiruga is lucky that Kenpachi already killed him. If he were in my power… This train of thought was not constructive and he felt the need to add something to the conversation. "It suits you."
Her smile turned wry at that. "No need to be polite."
"I'm not being polite, I'm being honest." It did suit her, drawing attention to her delicate-looking nose and those large grey eyes of hers.
Something flashed across his face that she couldn't define. Shrugging it off, she continued her story. "Ichigo found me and the others. We followed him around, probably annoying the shit out of him, until we ran into Nnoitra again. Poor Ichigo had a heart attack when I transformed and fought. I couldn't hold onto one form though, I kept changing. After we all pulled back to the Soul Society, Ichigo took me in to the Fourth and they worked their magic. That was that, we fought for them all through the remainder of the war. The rest you know."
Ulquiorra considered this. "What about your Fraccion?"
The stricken look on her face answered this. "The final battle… they - " she broke off.
"I'm sorry, Neliel." Sorry it happened, sorry I asked, sorry I reopened the wound, just please stop looking so miserable. I hate seeing her like this, it's not right.
She smiled sadly back at him. "It's just that they took care of me when I needed it. I should have been able to do the same for them."
"Orihime once told me that some things were inevitable and could not be prevented, no matter what actions you took in order to alter the course of events." He paused. "Of course, she also told me that if life were a romantic comedy, Grimmjow and I would get together in the end, so not every theory she has holds up, but the essential point remains. You cannot save everyone. Sometimes it has to be that way."
"Thank you", she said softly, staring down at the papers in her hands before exhaling and lifting her head once more, her customary gentle smile back in place. "You and Grimmjow?"
"Never going to happen."
"You know, the next question in here concerns your sexual orientation…"
"Very well. My sexual orientation is 'Not Grimmjow'."
She giggled. "That leaves it a little too open to interpretation, don't you think? Our tenth seat will think he has a chance."
Ulquiorra narrowed his eyes. "You are not funny. Fine. I like women."
She grinned. "Narrow it down."
"What?" This could not be good. "How exactly do you want me to do that? Is that even a legitimate question, or is it one of Lieutenant Matsumoto's?"
"Nope, it's for real." Nel held up the card, a vision of pure mischief. "So spill. What kind of women?"
He fixed her with an almost sly look. "Not telling."
Her heart seemed to speed up again. "Does that mean there is someone?"
She was getting to close for comfort with these questions. He couldn't think straight. "No, it means I didn't think you'd allow 'Not Grimmjow' as an answer a second time."
He was definitely getting uncomfortable, and something told Nel not to press the matter further. "All right, I'll try and find questions that don't appear to have been written by the fan club."
The corner of his mouth twitched into that almost-smile she loved. "Much appreciated."
"So, how do you brush your hair?"
xXx
Tehehe, that last line is from LavenderSkies story 'Searching'. Do check it out. I'm not even an Ulquihime fan and I liked it, and the semi-sequel 'Glimpses' has a Grimmjow that is the very definition of awesome. Will try to put the next one up soon. R and R kiddies!
Pip pip!