What am I doing? I'm running away. I'm just running away.
They have offered me a home, a lovely little house. Food on the table everyday, clothes on my back, love and warmth from dawn to dusk.
He's given me his smile and his happiness. I'm just a coward, I know. Running away from him. It's not like it's the first time. I'm sorry, Aldo. I'm sorry, Lazlo.
But I know, I know when things are getting dangerous. When touches linger longer than they should, when eyes meet with want and desire. When you hesitate to call what you have "friendship" because you cannot even tell when it has become so much more.
But I'm not made for this, I cannot live here anymore. She will find me eventually.
I need to be alone. They will get hurt and they won't even know why.
I do not need any friends. I do not need lovers. I do not need family.
My life is my curse, and I will live with it through and through. Because if I don't... I wouldn't want anyone else bearing the same fate as I do.
Soul Eater, my eternal companion, at least you're here, and I'm not that lonely anymore.
"Ted!" A distant voice in my head. Or maybe not...
I was just walking, I know, but what's Tir doing outside of Gregminster in the middle of the night? For once, where's Gremio?
I know it's certainly not the first time that Tir snuck out, I've been helping him out more that once. But this one time, I would have been grateful if Gremio would have just locked him up in his room.
I have no choice but to face him. The snowy Gregminster fields must feel so cold to him, he is freezing, as he's dressed up with a mix of his pajamas and his regular clothes.
He looks disoriented, so I try to reassure him and smile. The most faked smile since I've known him.
"Hey, just go home. Gremio's gonna worry. I won't be gone for long."
"I'm going home if you're coming with me!" He shouted.
He knows. He knows that if I leave now, I will not come back. But now is really not the time for sentimentality. I just have to leave this place. And above all, leave him.
"Don't be childish, Tir. Go home, please."
"No way!" He refuses, wavering his hands like a windmill. "Not without you!"
I frown. It is Tir, after all, he is not going to just leave me be. Why today, of all nights.
"I know you're not used to live around people... I'm not, too!" Lies. You have Gremio, Pahn, Cleo. You just need to smile at people and you make friends instantly. I've been jealous of you. And maybe, just maybe, maybe I've been wanting to have your smile all to myself. But you don't know, do you, Tir?
I just smile sadly, while Tir keeps on talking. "Please, listen to me, Ted. Come back. Let's eat Gremio's stew tomorrow, even if it will be cold because we'll be late for dinner. Please. I know I'm bothering you but I just can't let you go. It doesn't feel right!"
You are right, Tir, it does not. I would give a lot to hug you and just grow old with you. But... my right hand twitches.
I know, Soul Eater, just give me a few minutes. Do not take his life.
"Tir," I frowned. "You think you understand, but you don't. Please let me go. I promise I'll come back, and tomorrow morning, all will be forgotten."
My voice is cold. Tir shivers, maybe from my words, or maybe from the weather. His eyes widen. He knows I am obviously lying. For the first time in a long time.
I need to go on if I want to reach the next town by tomorrow. I cannot waste time here. Please, Tir, forgive my harsh words, but you will be better off without me. "I don't need you anymore. It was fun while it lasted. But I just... got bored, okay? Don't make me repeat this. I don't wanna hurt you anymore. I realized that you were misunderstanding my behavior." He steps back. He looks hurt. "Go back home now, Tir. Be serious; you're not a child anymore."
It is not like I look much older than him, but what he does not know cannot hurt him.
As I'm turning away from him, hoping that those harsh words will be effective, he doesn't seem to move an inch. It is getting really cold and snow begins to fall.
"What do you mean?" He asks, voice shivering.
"I meant what I said."
"Then what does that mean?"
I'm not going back.
"It's not like you to talk like that." He is not going to let me off that easily, I'm afraid.
"Seems you don't know me like you thought you did."
"Of course. I have to learn a lot more about you."
It seems so obvious for him. Like we still have all the time in the world.
Well, that's probably my case. But not his. Especially if he stays by my side.
"You don't need to know more about me", I whisper.
Suddenly, he jumps in front of me, preventing me from walking any further. Then he stares at me, his eyes watery and pleading.
By the Runes, those eyes.
"I know you're lying. Do you think I'm an idiot or something? I know if you leave now, you won't come back. I know that you're being mean to get me off your back."
Well, I'm surprised he's figured that out.
"Maybe yes, maybe no. Well, you can let me go, now."
"I can, yeah. But I don't want to."
"Well, instead of letting me walk, just let me breathe."
He is getting closer and closer, and now our faces are separated by just a few inches.
I can feel his soft breathing on my lips. It is driving me mad. The want, the desire, everything is coming back. My will crumbles; my right hands twitches, it's hurting so much.
What is the right choice? Which is harder? Giving in... or giving him up?
Soul Eater, will you forgive me? Will you lend me time to be happy once more? Will you spare my friend?
And the Rune calms down. My heart is at peace once more.
Tir whispers, takes my right hand, squeeze it tight. It doesn't hurt. "Ted, I won't ever let you go, I promise. I'm sorry. I love you."
Then he closes the gap between our lips, and as I melt into the kiss, I just let go. I close my eyes, and make a prayer.
Thank you, Soul Eater, for granting me a promise. Those few days, few months, few years, by his side.
Please do not take his life just yet.
Please give me back my childhood.
Please forgive my greed.
Please let me love him, for what it's worth, we do not have all the time in the world.