So I was thinking of renaming this Shikamaru Looks Like an Idiot, or Torturing Shikamaru, as it seems I am doing a pretty good job of accomplishing both. But anyway, thanks for all the reviews. I have a few (read: one and a half) more to type up, but I really hope to use your suggestions in the future.

I am not caught up with the manga, so this is in no way based on what I may or may not have happened recently. I also have no understanding of chakra, so I might have gotten that wrong, too.

Warning: Since I like to write comedy, I have, naturally, killed of several characters in order to form some kind of a vauge plot. My apologies to those characters. There is comedy (I hope) but just a fair notice.

Empty Chairs At Empty Tables

Temari made her way through the last legs of the forest at a steady pace. She expected to be in view of the gate of the Leaf Village soon. She should have been excited, Temari thought, to be the first person from the Sand to know whom their ally's next leader would be, but all she could see in her head was the Leaf in ruins after (what was hopefully) the final battle with the Akatski. So many had died, despite the aid she and her brothers had brought from the Sand. Tsunade, Shizune, Kakashi, Naruto….

Gaara had been more then devastated by Naruto's death. The Leaf Council had post-humorously named Naruto the Sixth Hokage ("Can you even do that?" Kiba had wondered) which had been some comfort to those who had known of his lifelong dream. He had certainly acted like a true Hokage to the end. Temari smirked as the Leaf mountainside, now with six faces, came into view. So that had been finished.

"Priorities", Temari mumbled to herself, rolling her eyes.

Temari, Kankuro, and Gaara had stayed for quite a while to help rebuild, but eventually being the Kazekage called Gaara away. When they had left, the Leaf had still been debating Hokage candidates. Kankuro's bet was on Neji. Gaara had smirked and refused to give an opinion, only telling Temari to send him a message as soon as she knew. Temari herself did not care to venture a guess. She would wait and see who she would be working with in the future. She hoped the Seventh would continue to let Shikamaru be her guide, unnecessary as it was.

It was growing late, and the setting sun was causing a glare. Temari squinted, making out a figure waiting at the gate. Strangely, the figure seemed to be dressed in all white… in kage robes.

"The Hokage is waiting for me?" Temari thought, trying to discern who it was. As she approached further, she began to sense flickers of chakra. It felt like an ambush. Temari scanned her surroundings again, but was sure they were coming from the village. It could not be ANBU protecting the Hokage. They would be better than that.

Temari shook off a feeling of uneasiness. They were her allies. In a world where nobody was on nobody's side, she trusted them.

Still, it bothered her. She was close enough to the gate now to see black hair sticking out of the front of the Hoakage's hat; the hat itself was quite crocked, she realized, laughing to herself. The council had certainly made an interesting choice.

Temari was very near now. The Hokage seemed to have his hands in his pockets- Temari had not realized those robes had pockets. He had poor posture, slouching over painfully. He was not looking at her, but up at the clouds, and- holy crap it was Shikamaru!

Temari stopped dead in her tracks and gaped at the newly discovered identity of the Seventh Hokage. Slowly, Shikamaru turned to look at her. Slower still, his lips turned to a smirk.

"Well," Temari shook her head, starting forward, "it looks like you'll either have to find a new hairstyle or ditch the hat, Lord Hokage." She emphasized the last two words, now smirking too.

Shikamaru removed the offending hat, running his hand over his high ponytail, "I was thinking of doing away with the whole ensemble," he shrugged, "Tsunade never wore it, why should I? It's so-"

"Troublesome?"

"Yeah."

"Congratulations."

"Yeah."

Temari knew it was not a position he wanted, so she veered away from the subject, "I guess this means I'll be getting a new guide," she teased. Shikamaru rubbed the back of his neck.

"I was hoping you wouldn't need one," he murmured quietly.

You're right," it was Temari's turn to shrug, "I know the village quite well."

"That's not exactly what I meant," he sounded nervous.

"Eh?" Temari raised her eyebrows.

"I was hoping you wouldn't be the ambassador to the Leaf anymore."

"Trying to get rid of me?" she asked flatly. What was he getting at?

"Temari," Shikamaru ran his fingers through his hair again, "I didn't want this job," she nodded (well, duh), "but everyone else wanted me to have it."

"Yeah," Temari commented more over Shikamaru's shoulder than at him, and louder than was really necessary, "peer pressure is a funny thing." She had not forgotten about the strange chakra from earlier, but rather had started to think it was more familiar. She was forming an idea of who it belonged to.

Shikamaru looked at her strangely before continuing, "but upon assuming the post, I learned there were a few er… perks."

Temari grinned, thinking of Gaara, "Like what?"

"Well," Shikamaru shuffled his feet, "I can finally do this." Without further warning, he put a hand around her waist, pulled her close, and kissed her full on the lips. She melted into his arms. She felt weak, and it was strange, but not unpleasant. It ended too soon for Temari's liking.

Shikamaru held her at arm's length, "Marry me," he said simply.

"What?" Temari asked in disbelief.

"Marry me."

"Oh," she stuttered. That was what he had been getting at before. She looked into his eyes. She could tell he knew the severity of what he was asking. For her to leave her friends (well, the few she had), her brothers, her home…. She remembered he had said he hoped she would no longer be the ambassador to the Leaf, perhaps she could take up that position for the Leaf. At any rate, Temari smiled because he understood.

"Yes," she breathed, "I'll marry you." She went to embrace him, but he moved to reach into one of his robe's secret pockets. Temari was only confused for a moment before she realized what he was retrieving,

Shikamaru pulled out a small black box and snapped it open. Inside was a beautiful silver ring, which Shikamaru wasted no time in putting on her finger. Temari gazed at it for a second before burying her face in Shikamaru's chest. She was far too happy to be embarrassed.

They stayed like that for a few minutes before Shikamaru breathed a sigh of relief, "Well, all that's left now is the really scary part- telling everyone… mostly my mother." Temari looked up.

"I don't think that'll be necessary," she yawned. Shikamaru gave her a perplexing look and she stared back. Did he really not know?

"Second rooftop on the left," she told him in an amused tone. When he looked at her in disbelief she continued, "Ino and Choji are on the next one with their parents. Kiba, Shino, and Hinata are across from them, above Lee, Neji, and Ten Ten. Kotetsu and Izumo are hiding in their guard kiosk; Iruka, Anko, and Kurenai are with them, those three-"

"Okay, okay, I get the picture," Shikamaru interrupted, closing his eyes in concentration, "How did I not catch that?!?"

"Nervous much?" Temari teased.

"No," he replied a little too quickly before grumbling under his breath, "I can't believe she told."

"You asked Ino to help you with the ring, didn't you," Temari presumed and Shikamaru nodded uncomfortably, "and she told Sakura, who drafted Hinata, who brought Ten Ten along. See where I'm going with this?"

"Well I didn't think they were going to stalk me!"

"You should have known the girls- mostly the ones whose names begin with vowels- couldn't resist spreading the news."

"I'm insulted Temari!" Ino shouted from atop her building before jumping gracefully to the ground, "Sakura helped a lot!"

Sakura appeared from her hiding place behind an empty street cart, "So did Ten Ten!" she accused, pointing at said girl.

"So did Hinata," Ten Ten defended, joining her friends on the ground, "Okay, not really, but you can't really blame us, can you."

"I'll remember that," Temari smiled back.

Before anyone could get another word in, Lee descended on them and began a loud, though heartwarming, speech, only to be drowned out by Kiba and Akamaru. All three of them, however, stood no chance against Yoshino.

"My son is getting married!" she wailed, completely in tears, attaching herself to Temari, "I can't believe you said yes!"

Choji bowled through the crowd to offer his congratulations, and most of Shikamaru's friends followed. Even Shikaku eventually wandered up to them. Shikamaru looked bored through the whole ordeal, with occasional flashes of annoyance.

"Look at it this way," Temari whispered in his ear, "they saved you the trouble of having to make a formal announcement." Shikamaru rolled his eyes.

Temari sighed contentedly, Shikamaru falling asleep on his feet on one side of her and Yoshino insisting she call her mother on the other side, with everyone else talking excitedly around them. She had wonderful (if nosey) friends. She had a mother. She had a fiancé. She had- damnit she still had to tell her brothers.

Uneccessary Showtunes Refrences: 2 (3)